Five Portraits (6 page)

“Is this certain?” Astrid asked with a sinking sensation.

“No. There is an even chance it will survive, if the citizens pursue the appropriate course.”

“That's a relief! But then what's the bet about?”

“Whether they will pursue that rather devious course and save Xanth, or allow it to end.”

Astrid got a sick feeling. “And you are betting that Xanth will end. That's why Kandy is upset.”

“Of course. What is Xanth to me, other than a chance to win a Demon Point?”

“Well, it will complicate our friendship if I die.”

“Then I shall have to save you before Xanth ends. And Kandy.”

“You don't care if everyone else dies?”

“Should I?”

Astrid signed. “I was forgetting you are a Demon. You lack human emotions.”

“True.”

“But isn't loneliness an emotion?”

“It must be, but it is not limited to humanity. It existed before humans came on the scene, and will exist after they depart the scene.”

That was a good point. Astrid was beginning to see difficulties in this friendship. “At least that is separate from the question of our friendship. Let's focus on the latter. I think we need advice from someone else, but I can't think whom.” Then she reconsidered. “You mentioned Jumper Spider. An animal in human form, as I am. Married to a Demon. A mortal/Demon relationship. Maybe they could advise us.”

“We'll ask them. Take my hand.”

Astrid took her hand, and they sailed up off the moon and into the sky. In half a moment they were cruising past pretty planets, one with icy rings.

“Um, is this the way to Jumper and Eris?” Astrid asked.

“It is the scenic route.”

And to Demons there were no limits of ordinary physics. Maybe she would get used it it after a while.

“Um, while we travel, there's something else I would like to know.”

“I will clarify it for you. What is it?”

Astrid noted that the Demoness did not question her own ability to answer any question a mortal might have. That confidence was probably justified. “You are a capital
D
Demon. What is the distinction between that and small
d
demons, like demoness Metria?”

“Capital Demons are virtually timeless spirits associated with natural forces who have existed almost since the universe began. Thus I associate with Antimatter, Xanth associates with Magic, Earth with Gravity, and so on. We also tend to have residences, but these are secondary. The fact that Xanth has a tiny bit of odd-shaped land and I have a galaxy means nothing; what counts is the unique associations. The universe would be incomplete without magic, gravity, antimatter, and the others, so we are eternal. Small demons, in contrast, are infinitesimal fragments associated with a particular Demon. Thus Metria is a figment of Demon Xanth's imagination, crafted somewhat in his image but of no actual consequence.”

“But Metria is a character, just as I am, and she does things to make an impression on others. That's not inconsequential to me.”

“You are a mortal,” Fornax reminded her gently. “Your perspective is severely limited. However, if you left the Land of Xanth you would exist as a harmless lizard. If Metria left, she would become a mere gust of wind and dissipate. That is part of the difference mortality makes. Metria has no real substance apart from the magic of the ambiance of Xanth, while you do. Magic affects you and makes you to a considerable extent what you are, but you would exist without it. She would not.”

“Metria can be annoying and frustrating, but she is helping our virus cleanup, and I rather like her. I would not want to see her dissipate in wind.”

“You have the capacity to like other folk,” Fornax agreed. “This is one of your qualifications to be my friend.”

“I suppose I do,” Astrid agreed. “Thank you for the clarification about demons. I never had it quite straight before.” Actually she knew she would have to mull it over for a while to fully assimilate it, but that would work itself out.

“If my information pleases you, I am glad to have provided it.” Fornax grimaced. “I have not before had any interest in pleasing another Demon, let alone a mortal. It is an intriguing exercise.”

They came down in a pleasant garden where a handsome nude man and lovely nude women were sunning themselves beside a spider-shaped pool.

“Oh for bleep's sake,” the woman swore. “What are you doing here, Fornax? You know you're not supposed to demolish private property.”

“Tell them,” Fornax murmured to Astrid, letting her hand go.

She should have known it would be up to her. They would not trust Fornax.

“Jumper and Eris, I presume?” Astrid said. “I am Astrid Basilisk-Cockatrice, an animal in human form.” She shifted briefly to her natural form, then back. “I have a soul.”

“A basilisk with a soul?” Eris asked.

“It came upon me as I slept, but now I am guided by it. I mean no mischief to you. I merely want to talk.”

“I feel your soul,” Eris said. “But you keep ill company. What brings you here?”

“I am trying to have a friendship with Demoness Fornax, but am in doubt how to proceed. I thought that the two of you might have good advice.”

The man became animated. “You're a basilisk? With the deadly stare?”

“Yes. But I wear these dark glasses so that I won't hurt anyone. I don't want trouble, just advice.”

“This is interesting,” Jumper said, shifting briefly to spider form, and back. “We have not encountered another animal-Demon couple.”

“We're not a couple,” Astrid said quickly. “Just friends. But we're not sure how to do it. We thought you would know.”

Jumper shook his head. “We're not friends. We're lovers.”

“And married,” Eris said. “Prince Jumper rescued me from confinement by marrying me, six years ago. He is also good company.” She bounced a suggestive glance off him, which made him glance back with enhanced appreciation. Obviously she took good care of his one interest.

“Prince Jumper?” Astrid asked, surprised.

“An honorary title,” Jumper said. “Princess Dawn arranged it. It's a long story. So we can't really tell you about friendship. The one to ask is my forest friend Wenda. She's very friendly.”

“She is also my friend,” Eris said. “She married Prince Charming the same year we married. They have half a slew of children. That's another long story.”

Half a slew in six years? Surely an exaggeration.

“We will talk to them,” Fornax said. She took Astrid's hand and they rose up, up, and away.

“They seem like nice people,” Astrid remarked as they sailed past asteroids, comets, and novae.

“She's really changed since she connected with Jumper,” Fornax said. “Her power is Discord, but I don't think she has used it once since she met him.”

“He really is a spider. He seems happy.”

“A Demoness can do a lot for a male, if she chooses.”

“Because he is interested in only one thing?”

“Of course. Even small
d
demonesses are very good at that one thing. Men are putty.”

Astrid had of course observed that repeatedly in the course of her association with the other folk on the pun virus mission. She had a shapely human body, and when her dress became translucent it tended to freak out any men within range. Metria had also demonstrated her ability to freak out men.

They came down by a palace. There in an ornate playground was a somewhat harried princess keeping tabs on half a slew of children, by actual count. They were all wildly different, but all seemed happy.

“Hey look!” a little boy cried. “A lizard in man form!”

“And a Demoness in girl form,” a little girl called.

“Children!” the harried princess cried. “Dew knot approach strangers! They might bee dangerous.” Cowed, the children fell back.

Dew knot? That was an unusual accent. Then Astrid remembered: she was a woodland creature who spoke with the forest dialect.

Now Astrid got a better look at her. From the front she was a pretty woman, but from behind she was hollow. She had no innards. A woodwife indeed. How had she borne so many children so quickly?

The princess came to stand before them. “What can I dew for yew, visitors? I did knot see you coming, or I wood have organized better.”

“Our fault,” Astrid said quickly. “I am Astrid Basilisk, and this is the Demoness Fornax. We—”

“Oh!” Wenda exclaimed, shielding her eyes with a hand.

“…mean you no harm,” Astrid continued even more rapidly. “Jumper Spider said—”

“Jumper! Is he all right? I wood bee mortified if anything happened to him.”

“Yes, he's fine. He said you might tell us about friendship.”

Wenda took visible stock. “Yew want to know about friendship?”

“We two want to be friends,” Astrid said. “But we have no experience, because I'm a basilisk and she's a Demoness. So we thought you might be able to give us some advice on how to go about it.”

“Maybee I can help. But the children—”

Astrid got a bright idea. “Maybe we can help divert them while we talk. What would do that?”

“It would take a merry-go-round made of eye scream and candy. Since that is impossible—” Wenda broke off, because there it was. The platform was made of flavored ice, the horses of chocolate eye scream, and the poles they were on were edible Popsicle sticks.

The children flocked to it with screams of joy. In half a moment they were all over the horses, riding them while biting off their chocolate ears and tails and plucking out their gumball eyes. Some were even gnawing on their rock candy hooves.

“You really are a Demoness!” Wenda said, amazed.

“Yes,” Fornax said. “I'm not supposed to do much magic here, because Xanth is not my base. Don't tell.”

“I wood knot ever tell,” Wenda agreed gratefully.

They settled down to their dialogue. “Friendship just happens, like love,” Wenda said. “When people dew things together and get to know each other. Jumper and I met and helped each other and it grew into friendship. Dew you have anything to dew together?”

“I am looking for remnants of the anti-pun virus that recently ravaged Xanth,” Astrid said. “We need to be sure all of it is gone, so that it is safe to reseed puns. But Fornax is not part of that effort. So we really don't have anything to dew, I mean do together.”

“Then yew need something that will take yewr attention, so yew can work together. The longer yew share experiences, the more yewr friendship will develop. For example, children. They require constant attention, and can bee very trying, but are marvelously worth it in the end.”

“We're not a couple,” Astrid said, as she had before. “But that reminds me: how did you manage to get so many children so quickly?”

Wenda laughed. “They are knot mine! I can knot have children.” She slapped her empty backside. “They are adopted foundlings who need a home.”

“Adopted!” That explained it.

“Foundlings need homes too,” Wenda said earnestly. “Otherwise they are lost. I collect any I find.” She grimaced. “But we are full up now, and can't take any more until we manage to place some of the ones we have. It's a problem.”

“So if we found some foundling children, we wouldn't have to keep them, just find families for them,” Astrid said.

“Yes. Yew wood find that remarkably rewarding.”

Astrid exchanged a glance with Fornax, who of course was immune to her stare. The Demoness nodded.

“We'll do that,” Astrid said. “Thank you, Wenda.”

“Yew're welcome. But remember, knot all children are easy to place. It may bee a challenge.”

“We'll remember,” Astrid said. She took Fornax's hand, and they rose up and away.

Just in time, because the children had demolished the merry-go-round. Only a few sticks remained. The children were thoroughly gory with melted chocolate; Wenda would have an awful cleanup. But she was the type who could handle it.

“Children,” Fornax said thoughtfully as they zoomed past comets, novas, and small black holes. “Human children.”

“If we can find some,” Astrid agreed.

“It occurs to me that there may be some when Xanth ends. Their families will be killed and they will be orphans if they survive. But then they will inevitably die.”

“We must save those children,” Astrid said with sudden soul-inspired compassion. “Except that we can't, because they don't yet exist. They're in the future.”

“Yes. But perhaps we can nevertheless do something. So as to have our project.”

“But time travel is impossible!” Astrid protested. “Even if we could go to the future to rescue them, we couldn't bring them back to our own time.”

“Why not?”

“Paradox, for one thing. Those children would be in a world where their grandparents lived. They might do something to change their own lineage, and make them never come to exist. So it's impossible.”

“Nothing is impossible, with enough magic.”

“What, can you travel back and forth in time?”

“Not by myself. But it might be possible to arrange.”

Astrid was curious despite her disbelief. “Arrange to violate fundamental laws of the universe?”

“It is not encouraged, but sometimes it happens.”

“I don't see how.”

“Remember Demoness Eris? She has been around for some time. I know her of old. She had a fling with an anonymous Demon and got a daughter, Dysnomia, whose power is Lawlessness. Other Demons don't associate with her much. She might appreciate becoming useful.”

“Lawlessness? How could that help us rescue any children?”

“She would not necessarily honor the laws against time travel or paradox.”

“Oh, my,” Astrid said. “You don't think small, do you!”