Fix You (6 page)

Six

September 3
^rd
2001

S
he could tell it was early from the quality
of the light streaming through the thin curtains, covering the windows. She
squeezed her eyes shut, her mind chasing sleep until Josh’s insistent fingers
began to brush firmly against her breasts, causing her body to awaken, even if
her brain was left behind.

“Mmm.” Hanna refused to open her eyes fully. His lips
wrapped around her nipple, his tongue bathing and teeth grazing as it hardened
in response to his touch.

“Did I wake you?”

“Still asleep.” She smiled as she answered him, knowing she
had given herself away.

“Pretend this is just a dream then, a really nice dream.”
His lips were moving downward, and she found herself fisting the bed sheets,
her body responding to his touch.

Nice as it was, this was definitely no dream.

They had spent the whole summer together, travelling around
England to attend different gigs and music festivals. In late August they
returned to London where Josh had got a job working at The Guardian as a
trainee journalist.

 “I have to get up, baby. I need to be in the office by
eight.” Josh leaned down and kissed her neck. “I’m shadowing a guy who is
travelling around some farms, trying to write an article on Foot and Mouth
disease.”

“Are you wearing Wellington boots? Can I call you Farmer
Brown?” Hanna smiled at the thought of Josh having to wallow through mud and
interview farmers about their Foot and Mouth experiences. The disease had
ravaged farms all across the country, culminating in a mass cull of animals.
Even Hanna had cried when she saw the images of carcasses stacked in huge piles
and being burned. She’d found it hard to get out of her mind for a long time.

“No and no. But you can get down and dirty with me when I
get home tonight. What have you got planned today?”

“It’s Ruby’s first day of school. I promised I’d walk her
there with Richard.”

As soon as she said the name, the corner of Josh’s lips
turned down with a scowl. When she introduced the two of them last Saturday,
they’d seemed to take an instant dislike to each other. It made everything feel
very awkward.

“What are you going to do for the rest of the day?”

Hanna read his subtext. He was asking if she was going to
spend the rest of the day with Richard. She swallowed hard, knowing just how
much she wanted to spend time with her friend. Ever since he’d arrived in
England he’d been so much fun. Smiling and laughing, and constantly winding her
up purposely, hoping to provoke her snarky responses. 

“I’m not sure yet. I’ve been sent a reading list for next
year, so I should go and pick up some books. And I said I’d pop to Mum’s for
tea.”

“What time will you be home?” His words were staccato, and
his frown even more pronounced.

Hanna loved that he was jealous, and she loved even more
that he was describing his pokey little one-bedroomed flat as her home. Feeling
amorous, she flung the sheet away from her and ran over to him, throwing her
arms around him as she felt her naked body crush against his, the droplets from
his skin moistening her flesh.

“Whenever you want me.”

He grabbed hold of her and crushed her against him. She
could feel the telltale movement of his towel as he reacted to her touch. “I
want you all the time, that’s the problem. But some of us have to work for a
living, so I’ll be home by eight.”

“Okay, darling, I’ll have your ironing done, your dinner in
the oven, and the children will be in bed. Would you like your pipe and
slippers, too?”

“Fuck the pipe and slippers.”

“I’d rather you fucked me.”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

WHEN HANNA ENTERED the Larsen house,
she could hear Ruby squealing all the way up in her bedroom.

“Hanna, you made it. Ruby will be so pleased.” Claire Larsen
walked into the hall from the kitchen, her hands at her ear as she fastened a
small pearl earring to her lobe. “As you can hear, there’s been no shortage of
screaming going on this morning.”

“Is she excited?” Hanna asked.

“So very excited, especially since both her brothers are
here to accompany her to school. And her favorite friend, of course.” Claire
winked at Hanna.

“Nathan is here?” Hanna had never met Nathan Larsen, Claire’s
son, although she had heard tales of his giant stature, his laid back nature,
and his ability to throw Ruby high up to the ceiling.

“Yes, he arrived back last night. I’m afraid he hasn’t had a
chance to shave yet, so he looks like the Wildman of the Andes.”

“Hanna!” Ruby spotted her, and was running down the marble staircase.

“Hey, Ruby.” Hanna caught her at the bottom and squeezed her
tightly, evincing yet another squeal from the tiny girl. “Let me look at you.”
Pushing Ruby back, Hanna took in the plaid skirt and white blouse, the tie
perfectly knotted at her neck. “You look fabulous. You’re going to wow them all
with that outfit.”

Ruby laughed. “Everyone will be wearing the same uniform. I
don’t think I’ll impress them much.”

“So this is the famous Hanna.”

She heard a loud voice behind her. She hadn’t noticed anybody
walking down the stairs. Hanna turned around.

Nathan was even bigger than she had expected. It wasn’t
really his height—although he did tower over her—as much as the sheer size of
him. He was bulky all over, and his hair and beard made him look older than his
twenty-four years.

“Hi.” She gave a closed-mouthed smile, feeling shy under his
scrutiny.

“Hey, you’re as cute as Richard said you were.” Nathan
leaned forward and hugged her, his bristly beard chafing her skin. He quickly
kissed the side of her mouth. “In fact, you’re cuter.”

“I’ll tell your girlfriend,” Ruby sang. Hanna’s cheeks
flushed in response to both his words, and Ruby’s threats to tell his
girlfriend. She didn’t know where to look.

Glancing up, she caught Richard standing on the stairs
staring at her bare legs.

“Hi.”

Richard smiled, then grabbed at Ruby and swung her around.
Ruby started to scream again, the noise bouncing off the walls. “Let me go!”

“Shall I give you to Nathan?”

“No, no, Hanna, save me.”

Hanna ran over and tried to pull Ruby from his grasp. “Let
her go, you bully.”

The four of them took the tube train to Ruby’s school. They
were a motley crew, with Nathan resembling some sort of vagrant, Ruby all
brightly scrubbed and in her new uniform and Richard looking preppy and
delicious in his jeans and t-shirt. Glancing down at herself, Hanna realized
that her short-shorts and tight vest top did nothing but make their group look
even odder. She noticed a few commuters glaring over at them as they stood
talking and laughing.

“When are you flying to San Francisco?” Hanna asked Richard.
The train stopped suddenly in a tunnel. The flickering lights and the
intermittent darkness made Ruby gasp.

“Next Tuesday. I fly out of London this Friday. That gives
me three days to pack.”

“Are you excited?” The train juddered before pulling away
and picking up speed. The force of the movement caused Hanna to lose her
footing, and she went barreling into Richard’s chest. Almost immediately his
arms went around her. Hanna found herself locked in an embrace with Richard.

“Are you okay? You hit me pretty hard.”

She took a deep breath, trying to gain control of her racing
heart. “I’m fine.” She nodded, to emphasize the point.

The train came to a stop at the platform. As always, it was
an effort to get off, the four of them pushing their way through a large crowd
of commuters who were trying to get on the train at the same time. There was no
such thing as politeness during rush hour. It was every man for himself.

Nathan was standing directly behind Ruby, shielding her with
his body as they shuffled forward and stepped on to the platform. Richard was
just in front of Hanna, and he kept glancing back at her to make sure she was
okay. After a moment or two he reached back and took her hand, pulling her
along with him in an attempt to keep them together.

Even his hands were perfect. His palm was warm and soft, and
his long, sculpted fingers curled around hers perfectly. His nails were cut
short, with a small crescent of white at the tips. Her own nails were still
ragged and bitten. She’d long since given up trying to keep any lacquer on
them.

When they reached the top of the escalator, they fed their
tickets into the machine, walking through the metal barriers and out into the
waiting world. Ruby had been silent ever since they left the platform, and
Hanna started to worry. She was radiating nervousness; her face had turned
pale, her lips pulled together into a thin line.

“Are you okay?” Hanna leaned down to whisper in Ruby’s ear,
trying not to let Richard or Nathan hear. “It’s fine to feel nervous, you know.
We’ve all been there, and I can promise your brothers were every bit as worried
as you are when they started high school.”

“Not Nathan,” Ruby whispered back. “He beat a teacher up on
his second day there. By the end of the week he was on suspension.”

Hanna bit back a laugh. The Nathan she had seen so far today
was like a gentle giant. She couldn’t imagine him beating anybody up, let alone
a teacher.

“Why did he do it?”

“The teacher was shouting at a girl he liked. He told me he
just saw red.”

“I hope she was worth it.”

“Nathan seems to think so. It was his girlfriend.”

Hanna had never met Lucy, although Ruby had shown her some
photos, and Hanna had found herself feeling dull and dowdy in comparison to the
tall, blonde beauty.

“We’re here, Squirt.”

Ruby stopped suddenly, looking up at the large brick and
white stucco school building bordered on all sides by walls and a thick green
hedge. Her knees were shaking, and Hanna found herself reaching out to grab
Ruby’s hand.

Dropping down to a crouching position, Hanna’s face reached
the same level as Ruby’s. Still holding her hand, she reached the other out to
stroke Ruby’s cheek.

“Ruby, it’s going to be okay. You can do this. When you come
out tonight, I bet there’ll be a smile on your lips.”

Ruby’s face crumpled, and tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t
think I can.” Her voice was very small. Hanna wished for all she was worth that
she could go in to the school in place of the tiny girl.

“You’re stronger than you think. Remember how scared Harry
Potter was on his first day at Hogwarts?”

“And then he met Malfoy and Snape,” Ruby replied.

“But he met Ron and Hermione, too. And Neville Longbottom,
don’t forget him.”

“How could I forget somebody with such a silly name?”

Hanna watched as Ruby slowly walked through the main gate,
never once turning back to look at them. When she looked over, Richard’s face
was pulled down into a frown. Even Nathan looked glassy-eyed.

“Do you fancy a coffee?” Hanna suggested, trying to find a
way to cheer them all up.

“I’m meeting a couple of friends this morning, but you go
ahead.” Nathan leaned forward and gave Hanna a gentle squeeze. “It was a real
pleasure to meet you, Hanna. The way you look after Ruby is awesome.”

“She’s an easy kid to love.”

“Somebody should tell her that.” Nathan agreed, and then
gave Richard a slap on the back before walking up the street, back toward the
tube station.

Hanna turned her gaze back to Richard. “Coffee?” she asked
again with a gentle voice.

Richard turned to look at her. “That sounds good.” As he
stared down at her, she could see the good humor returning to his face, his
lips curling into a crooked smile.

She reminded herself that it was
just a coffee. They would sit opposite each other and discuss inanities while
sipping lukewarm—rather mediocre—coffee, from a chipped, over-used mug. It
meant nothing; it was just two friends sharing some time together. She wouldn’t
be looking at him and wondering if he liked her. She wouldn’t be thinking about
that snowy night in New York City, when for one electrifying moment she thought
he might be about to kiss her.  

She wouldn’t be doing a lot of things.

Telling Josh about this coffee date was one of them.

THEY WERE RESTING near the statue of
Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens, blanketed by the warm summer air. Richard lay
back, his head propped on his rolled-up jacket. Hanna lay curled up beside him,
her cheek resting on his chest. An empty bottle of expensive wine lay on its side
next to them. They were both feeling a little drunk.

“Ruby will be home soon,” he murmured, his hand tangling in
her hair, playing with her loose tendrils.