Fix You (45 page)

             
“Only if you promise not to tell my boyfriend,” she said, biting back a laugh. “He’s been known to punch people.”

             
All pretense of humor left them at the foot of her bed. He kissed her in a sweet, slow, clinging way and pressed a hand against her belly, asked her if he would hurt the baby. She pulled him down to the sheets with her welcomed him home.

**

              “We’re not fighting when there are guests in the house!”

             
“We shouldn’t be fighting about this anyway,” Chris shot back as he followed her down the gallery. “This is a no-brainer, Jess.”

             
She paused at the threshold of the game room and poked her head inside where Jeanette and her husband Tom were playing checkers in front of the hearth. “You guys doing okay?” she asked, forcing a smile. “After dinner drinks holding up?” She gestured to the drink cart by the window and the wine and whiskey she’d set out for them.

             
“We’re fine, dear,” Jeanette assured. She craned her neck and Jess knew she was trying to snatch another look at Chris. The two couples rooming at Rosewood had come down to breakfast that morning to find a shirtless Chris drinking OJ from the carton at the fridge. Now they – the women at least – were curious about the man lurking around behind her.

             
“Good. I’ll come check back in a bit.”

             
The moment they were past the doorway, Chris launched another attack. “You can’t actually be arguing about this,” he said as he followed her back into the kitchen. “You can’t!”

             
“Why can’t I?” she asked, whirling on him as she reached the table. She folded her arms across her chest and challenged him with an arched-brow look that made him scowl.

             
His hands settled on his hips. “Because…because of last night.”

             
Because of
I love you
and her tears and his total acceptance in her dark kitchen. Because of his hand on her stomach and the bright shine in his eyes when they’d talked about being parents together.

             
“Last night meant a lot of things,” she conceded. “But it doesn’t mean we should rush out and get married.”

             
“Do you…” He scrubbed both hands back through his hair with a face like he couldn’t believe how stupid she was. “Do you hear yourself?” he asked. “We’re having a
kid
, Jess, and you don’t want to get married. Is it the ring? I’ll buy you a damn ring. You can pick it out if you want! I don’t care, I

just –  ”

              She ached – deep inside, in all the hollows of her heart – to hear him say such things. It was more tempting than anything she’d ever been offered. “We need to be careful,” she said in a patient voice. “We’re not eighteen and lovestruck. We need to make sure that this is a mature decision that we –  ”

             
“Okay, no offense, but fuck your mature decision.” He took an aggressive step toward her. “If we put this off, you’ll just keep coming up with excuses down the line. And ten years from now, you’ll try to send me packing. That’s
not happening
. I won’t let you do it.”

             
“You won’t
let me
?” she bristled. “Are you going to tie me up and
drag
me to the altar?”

             
“You married
him
,” he said, and like it always did, the mention of Dylan set her stomach rolling. His eyes looked black in the low lamplight, serious and stern. “But you can’t marry me?”

             
She sucked in a deep breath, but could already feel her conviction wavering. “It’s just so sudden.”

             
“Jess, I turn forty-three next month.
None
of this is sudden. I wanna settle down; I want a
wife
. I won’t play come-and-go Dad like my brother. I
won’t
.”

             
He made a reach for her that she dodged, putting her back to the pantry door. “Why do you do this?” she asked in a tight voice. “Why do you try to order me around? Is it fun being a pain in the ass?”

             
“I can’t order you; you’re goddman impossible.”

             
“Then why do you want to marry me?”

             
“I already told you! How many times do you have to hear ‘I love you’ before you believe it?”

             
He was breathing like a racehorse and his hands hovered at her elbows; for a second, she thought he meant to shake her. She deserved it, she knew. She
was
impossible – an impossible bitch…but one he wanted to marry. As soon as the thought slipped through her mind, anger surged. “You can’t change me,” she snapped. “If you marry me, you’re not going to turn me into your submissive little missus.”

             
His hands clapped onto her waist and he pressed her back against the door, stepping between her legs and drawing a startled gasp from her. “Believe me, I don’t want that.”

             
He kissed her hard; his head ducked and his lips fell over hers and Jess gasped again as his tongue went plunging through her teeth. Then she shivered; her hands found the strong base of his neck and her nails dug deep as she stretched up to meet him.

             
It was nothing like the night before. This was a desperate release of all the doubt and hurt they’d passed back and forth since the beginning. His hands trailed down her hips and around behind her thighs; he picked her up against the door and she wrapped her legs around his waist, ankles hooked together, holding tight. He kissed her like he was lovestruck, but with a fierce skill that was all grown man and nothing of a dumb kid. It was possible – she opened her mouth under his and their tongues danced – for this second start to eclipse all she’d thought passion was supposed to be. Second chances, it turned out, happened. It was happening to her now, and it was far past time she got out of her own way and let it wash through her in all its blue collar, unapologetic glory.

             
Interruption was inevitable. With the house alive around them, there wasn’t a chance that his hand beneath her shirt could lead to anything further.

             
Tyler found them with a startled, “Oh!”

             
But Jess didn’t shove Chris away. He pulled back, their lips parting with a wet smack, and caught his breath a moment, his chin tucked on top of her head. She felt his racing pulse beneath her hand and smiled. It was time for Tyler to understand; it was time to have the talk. She unwound her legs and set her toes on the ground, kissed Chris’s cheek and said, “Come on,” before she caught his hand and turned to her son. “Come sit down, Ty. We need to talk about some things.”

**

              One of the reasons he loved her – a reason he’d never expected to matter – was the way she mothered her boy. She did it right: she didn’t smother him, or baby him, but treated him like a little adult, preparing him for grown up life. But she played with his hair and kissed his skinned knees too. She was a good mom, and Chris had learned that was important. She was going to mother his child the same way. She was…Wow. This was happening for him. It had taken over forty years, but it was happening.

             
“Ty,” she said in a voice that wavered between gentle and matter of fact. “You know how your dad and I are –  ”

             
“Divorced,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I know what divorced is. Tanner Cole’s mom and dad are divorced.”

             
Jess sat back and blinked, clearly shocked. “Well…yeah. Yeah we are. Do you understand what that means?”

             
“Daddy doesn’t live with us anymore.”

             
“Right.” Chris saw a little nervous shiver go through her and put his hand on her thigh beneath the table. “It also means,” she went on, “that he and I aren’t married anymore. But,” she said in a rush, “we’re still your parents. He’s still your daddy, even if we aren’t married anymore.” Her pretty blonde brows were knitted together. “Do you understand?”

             
“Tanner has a stepdad.” Tyler’s dark eyes came to Chris and went wide. “Are you gonna be my stepdad?”

             
Chris didn’t wait for Jess to answer. “Yeah, I am. Is that okay with you?”

             
Tyler thought about it a moment, tongue stuck against the side of his cheek, then nodded. “Yeah. I like you.”

             
It was maybe the best compliment he’d ever received.

             
Jess shook her head, her smile disbelieving. “How’d you get so smart?”

             
“I’m almost seven.”

             
“I know that.” She breathed a fast laugh. One hurdle down, one to go. “So…when Chris and I get married…we’re going to have a baby.”

             
The kid’s feet – swinging beneath the table and thumping against the bottom rung of his chair – went still.

             
“It’ll be your half-brother or half-sister,” Jess explained. “I’ll be its mom – just like I’m your mom – and Chris will be its dad.”

             
“Is it because of sex?” Tyler asked, and both of them started. “Tanner says babies come from sex.”

             
Jess buried her face in her palms.

             
“Tyler,” Chris asked. “Do you know what sex is?”

             
He wanted to know – every kid in the world wanted to know everything – but he made a face and shook his head. “Is it like kissing?”

             
He choked on a laugh. “Yeah, it’s kinda like kissing.”

             
Jess picked up her head, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “So what do you think?” she asked. “Are you okay with keeping Chris around?”

             
It was possible that if Tyler said “no,” Jess would toss him out on his ass. Chris made eye contact with the kid and earned a wide gap-toothed grin.

             
“Yeah.”

             
And that was that.

**

              Through the lace-edged sheers in her mother’s dining room windows, Jess watched the boys playing football in the front yard. In the crisp breeze of a November afternoon, Chris fit right in with her brothers and the kids. His sweatshirt was threadbare in the elbows and his hair was full of broken leaves from the last tackle; Mike had sent him rolling with a slam that she’d fretted over. Tyler was his shadow, and though too small to play, Chris had included him, taking him on as a charge in a way that proved Randy right: Ty needed a dad, and Chris would be a good one.

             
Her stomach churned, the tea in her hand wasn’t helping, and she had bags under her eyes that were the stuff of zombie movies…but she was content. She was so content.

             
Movement at the threshold caught her eye and she spared a glance to confirm that the white oxford and khakis belonged to Walt, and that he had his something-to-say face on. She sipped her tea and watched the boys; she let her brother come to her.

             
He sidled up beside her and mirrored her stance at the window. “Hey.”

             
“Hey.” Walt didn’t speak unless he had advice to give, so she waited, steeling herself against its stupidity.

             
He surprised her. “You brought him to Sunday dinner,” he observed.

             
“I did.”

             
Out in the yard, Chris said something that made Tam laugh.

             
“You must be pretty serious about him then.”

             
Jess hid a smile behind the rim of her mug. “I’m going to marry him.” She turned to regard her brother, not surprised to see blank shock smooth across his face.

             
His brows gave a twitch. “As in he popped the question? Or in the eventual cosmic sense?”

             
“He popped. Insisted, actually.” She let him see her smile. “Trust me, he knows what he’s getting into.”

             
“He doesn’t keep a dog collar in his sock drawer, does he? No sick fetishes?”

             
“Would you want to know if he did?”

             
“Unfortunately,” he grimaced, “yes.”

             
Her smile widened; he was always going to be everyone’s big brother. “He’s shockingly normal. I’m pretty sure he attended the Randall Walker School for All-American Boys.”

             
Walt’s gaze went to the window; he snorted. “I didn’t ever picture that for you.”