Fixed on You (11 page)

“Have you?”

“Not yet.” 

Lauren looked at me sternly. “But
you’re planning on it, right? Now, girl, sex with no intention of a relationship
opens up a whole other host of problems that have nothing to do with addiction
but certainly can add to it.”

“Is it impossible to have
meaningless sex?”

“I’m sure it’s possible, I just
don’t know very many people who get away with it. And I don’t mean to imply
that you’re not strong enough to deal with it, but, honey, are you?”

“It might get rid of the
fantasies.”

“Maybe. It also might make you
latch on.”

“Not to sound like a slut,
Lauren, but I’ve had quite a few one-night flings in the last few years with no
attachment issues.”

“Then maybe you’ll be fine. But
your one-night things work because you don’t see the guy every day after.
You’ll still see this guy after, right?”

My one-night flings worked
because those guys were fuck and forget guys. Hudson, not-so-much. And I would
be seeing him after. ”Occasionally.” Probably more than that. Truthfully, I
didn’t have any idea how much our little scam would require me to see Hudson.
The charade was set to start Sunday, though, and he’d been intent on keeping
the sex separate so I imagined that we’d be having a one day affair and then
would move on.

Lauren studied me carefully.
After a few minutes she shrugged. “I can’t tell you what to do, Laynie. And I
can’t tell you that sleeping with this guy or not sleeping with this guy will
make any difference in whether you do or don’t fall into obsessive patterns.
What I can do is be there for you and suggest that you come back to group for a
while for some extra support.”

Extra support was a good idea.
Before we parted, I agreed to come to a weekly meeting. Then I hurried home to
prepare for my evening because I had not agreed to cancel my sex date with
Hudson.

***

                Again
I agonized about my wardrobe choice for my night with Hudson, finally settling
on a black sequined cowl neck shirt and sequined striped shorts. Jordan dropped
me off in front of the Pierce Industries building a few minutes before five. By
the time I’d entered the elevator code and ridden up to the penthouse, I was
shaking in my strappy three-inch heeled sandals.

It took at least one full minute
before I could bring myself to knock on the loft door. Hudson opened it
immediately, as if he waited just on the other side, but he had his cell phone
to his ear. “Roger, I don’t want to hear that we lost this company because my
staff wasn’t able to foresee the possibility of separation.” He held the
receiver away from his mouth. “Come in,” he whispered to me. Then he returned
to his call as he shut the door behind me.

I couldn’t decide if his
preoccupation with work made me more or less nervous, but I took the
opportunity to check him out. He wore tailored black suit pants and a light
gray dress shirt with several buttons open at the top, his tie hanging undone
around his neck. I fixed on his exposed chest, picturing myself licking the
patch of bare skin that I was seeing for the first time. God, if I was this
enthralled by a few square inches, what would I do when he was naked?

He returned my stare, his eyes
intense and dilated with want. The heat I always felt in his presence turned on
full force and the moments he stood there on the phone felt like agonizing
hours.

“Take care of it, Roger. I expect
this to be resolved before I arrive on Monday.” He ended the phone call without
saying goodbye, tossing his Blackberry onto the table beside the front door,
his gaze never leaving mine.

“Hi,” I whispered, unable to
handle the acute silence.

His lip curled slowly into a sexy
grin.

That was all it took. One smile
and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I’d imagined the first move would be his,
but it was me who moved to him, my mouth crashing against his.

His surprise lasted only a
millisecond before he responded in kind. His previous kisses had been deep and
passionate, but this one held no restraint as he plunged his tongue into the
recesses of my mouth with desperate hunger. I met his eagerness with equal
fervor, licking into his mouth, swooping my tongue across his teeth.

Without breaking our kiss,
Hudson’s hands moved under my shirt to palm my breasts through my bra. I gasped
at the wonderful tingles that shot through my body under his gentle squeezing.
My own hands fumbled with his shirt buttons, images of me ripping the damn
thing off filling my mind.

Just as I’d completely opened his
shirt, he pulled away, panting. “Jesus, Alayna. I want you so bad, I’m not
behaving.”

“Hudson,” I said, closing the
distance he’d created. “If this is misbehaving, please don’t stop.” I slid his
shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, then put my tongue on
his chest and licked under his collarbone toward his nipple.

He groaned. “At least let me take
you to a bed. If you keep this up, I’m going to fuck you against the door.”

“That doesn’t sound like the
worst thing in the world,” I murmured, but I let him lead me toward the
partitioned bedroom.

“No, it doesn’t.” He stopped a
few feet from the bed and pulled me into his arms. He nuzzled my neck as he
said, “But I won’t be able to savor you properly and I’ll forever regret it.”

He tugged the bottom of my shirt
up and over my head then reached behind to undo the clasp of my lacey black
demi-cup bra. When it fell off, releasing my tits from their C cup prison, I
wanted nothing but to press my skin against his naked chest.

But Hudson wanted to gaze,
mesmerized. “I imagined you’d have beautiful breasts, Alayna. But I had no
idea…” He broke off, his voice choked. He pushed me back until my legs met his
bed and I had to sit. Kneeling in front of me, Hudson flicked one breast with
his tongue, cupping it toward his mouth with his hand, his other hand wrapped
around my back.

With a growl, his mouth covered
my nipple and sucked and tugged with pleasing pressure. I cried out at the jolt
that accompanied his ardor, my cunt tightening. I clutched his hair as he
feasted thoroughly, leaving me gasping and near orgasm before he turned the
same attention to my other breast. 

When he’d finished, he kissed his
way down my stomach. “You’re so responsive. I could spend all day sucking your
gorgeous tits.” He pushed me back on to the bed. “But there’s so much of you to
adore.”

He gripped his fingers in the
waistbands of my shorts and panties and pulled down. I arched my hips to help
him. “My shoes,” I said when my bottoms reached my ankles.

“I love them.” He maneuvered my
clothing over my high-heels. “I want them digging into my back when you wrap
your legs around me.”

I quivered at his sensual
instruction. Not a particular lover, I enjoyed the way he told me how things
would be, trusting that his way would bring us both pleasure. 

“Lean on your elbows.” I did and
he bent one leg up then the other, anchoring my heels on the edge of the bed,
my thighs open. He sighed as he slid his hands up the inside of my legs.
“You’re so fucking sexy like this. All spread out for me.” My sex clenched and
he smiled, running his fingers down my slit. “You want me. Look how your pretty
pussy throbs.”

No one had ever talked to me like
that—so raw and crude. It was incredibly hot and savage and combined with the
repeated tease of his fingers brushing across my pulsing bud, it wouldn’t take
much to bring me to convulsions. As soon as his tongue replaced his fingers,
grazing me with velvet licks, I unraveled, throwing my head back to let out a
ragged cry.

“Again,” he demanded gruffly,
plunging three fingers deep inside me. My hands curled into the bedspread, not
sure I could take another, wanting even more than his fingers. He stroked me,
rubbing the inside of my walls as he returned his mouth to suck on my clit.
When I’d reached the brink of climax again, shuddering under the building
tension, he stretched his other hand up to my breast and tugged at my nipple
with his fingers. I came violently, thrashing against the bed, my sex rippling
around his digits.

As I lay shaking, I was vaguely
aware of Hudson removing his clothing. I heard the drawer of the nightstand
open and close and the rip of a condom foil. He shifted me backward on the bed,
giving himself space to crawl over me. Then he settled between my legs, his hot
staff pressing at my quivering entrance.

“You’re ready for me,” he said,
leaning his weight on his forearms. He aligned his erection with my opening and
entered me partway. “Jesus, Alayna,” he hissed. “You feel so goddamn good.”

I gasped as he invaded me. He was
so big. Not sure if he would fit, I tensed, knowing that I had to relax if I
had any hope of accommodating him. He adjusted my leg and that’s what I needed.
I opened to him and he sunk deeper, nestling in my tight channel.

I couldn’t remember ever having
felt so completely filled, not only because of his girth, but because of the
way his eyes pierced mine as he stretched and moved within me. He circled his
hips nudging his tip forward. “So good.”

He pulled out slowly, almost the
entire length of his cock, and I bemoaned the emptiness left behind. Then he
flexed his hips and rammed inside me with a fierce stroke.

I cried out and he echoed with a
low grumble of desire. He pressed his chest against me and captured my mouth,
kissing me roughly with my taste on his lips as he pounded into me.

Even though he’d already taken
care of me—twice—I was desperate for him to bring me to another orgasm. I
rocked against him, meeting each grinding pulse of his hips, moaning and
panting as I took each one of his blunt drives.

“Wrap your legs around me,”
Hudson grunted as he continued his assault.

I obeyed, having forgotten his
earlier wish for me to do so. My heels hit against the back of his thighs,
digging into him as he moved in and out of me, adding an additional level of
eroticism. Lifting my legs also opened me further, and his cock bore deeper
into me, hitting a spot within that ignited at each stroke.

My orgasm built from there, my
body tightening and clenching and contracting around Hudson’s pummeling
thrusts. “I’m going to come,” I groaned, already trembling.

“Yes,” Hudson cried. “Yes, come,
Alayna.” My climax crashed through me, brought to a head by his coaxing.
Seconds later, his own body tensed and jerked, releasing into me long and hard,
my name spilling from his lips.

He fell onto my quaking body, our
chests rising and falling in tandem. His head buried into the crook of my neck
as I pulled my fingers through his sweat-dampened hair.

“I knew sex with you would be
like that,” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “Powerful and intense and
fucking incredible. I knew it.”

I swallowed, forcing down any
emotion that threatened to show itself except for satiation. “Me, too.”

I must have dozed. When I woke,
Hudson stood over me, pulling a comforter over my naked body.

“Sleep, precious,” he said as I struggled
to sit up. He’d put on a pair of sweats, but he still smelled like sex. My
belly tightened in response to his scent. Would my lust for Hudson never be
satisfied? 

He brushed a kiss on my forehead.
“I need to order dinner. Chinese okay?”

I stretched. “Sounds delicious.”

“I’ll call it in.”

I watched his gorgeous backside
as he left the bedroom, luxuriating in what was left of my post-sex high. God,
I felt good. I hadn’t been fucked like that in…well, ever. The care and
attention Hudson delivered as a lover left little to be desired. Of course,
that made me want him. Again.

I tugged the comforter tighter
around me, an uneasy feeling creeping over me. I tried to dissect its source.
The fact was I felt comfortable—too comfortable. My number one rule in avoiding
unhealthy attachments was to avoid attachments in general. Getting comfortable
was too close to attached. And there was no way I could get attached to Hudson.

A tenuous ball of anxiety began
forming in my belly. I could stay through dinner, I decided, but I needed to be
dressed and sitting at a table. And then, after the night was over, Hudson and
I had to keep our relationship to business only.

Throwing off the blanket, I began
to gather my clothes. I found my panties and slipped them on then reached for
my bra.

“You’re getting dressed?”

I jumped. Hudson was standing in
the doorway, watching me, carrying his shirt and tie that he’d—um,
we’d
—discarded
earlier in the main room. Suddenly feeling awkward at my near nakedness, I
crossed my arms over my chest.

He tossed his clothes on top of
the laundry basket then crossed his own arms. Hudson didn’t appear to be hiding
as I was, but looked like he meant to scold me. He raised a brow. “Are you in a
hurry to leave?”

I shivered. His gaze and my lack of
clothing made it hard to remember why I’d wanted to go. I looked away. He
probably wanted me gone soon anyway, having already gotten what he wanted. We
didn’t have to pretend otherwise. “Guys don’t usually want me to hang around
after sex.”

“That statement brings up so many
issues for discussion that I don’t know where to begin.” He stepped toward me.
“What is wrong with men to not…?” He shook his head. “Alayna, please don’t
group me with other guys you know. I’d like to think I’m not like most of them.
And I don’t want to know or think about you having sex with other men. I don’t
share.”

Not meeting his eye, I picked up
my shorts from the floor, ignoring the thrill that ran up my spine from his
suggestion of possessiveness. “That sounds awfully relationshippy to me. I
thought you didn’t do relationships.”

“I don’t do
romantic
relationships. Sexual relationships are another thing entirely. Why are you
getting ready to leave?”