Fixing Delilah (21 page)
I lean into him, closing my eyes to envision the story of Little Ricky and his shiny silver fish. The more he talks, the sharper the picture becomes, until finally…
“Patrick, wait! I totally remember that day! I was there!”
Patrick smiles. “You know, I tried to write a song about it once—about that moment—but the words kept slipping away, just like the fish. I guess it was only meant for us.”
“Look at the fire fish,” I whisper. “That’s what she called them. That’s what she said to me.” It’s all there for me now, the old lake stories sailing clear and bright into my mind like they were there all along, waiting for the sun to shine sideways and reveal them swirling and bobbing below the surface like the little silver fish. My grandmother waved me over to peek inside the red pail with Ricky, holding our hands on the shore as she smiled in wonder at the way the fish sparkled like diamonds in the water.
“See,” Patrick whispers. “You didn’t forget anything.” He pulls me into a kiss, and as his arms close around me, I know that of all my Red Falls memories, this will be my favorite. After we leave tomorrow, no matter what awaits me in Key as Mom and I put the pieces of our lives back together, no matter what I decide to do about my real father, no matter what happens at school, no matter how long it takes to open Three Sisters, I will always come back here. I will close my eyes and smell the summer honeysuckle and feel the setting sun on my face and Patrick’s lips against mine and I will come right back exactly here, back to the turtles and the fish and my grandmother holding our hands, back to this kiss on the best and last night of my
second
first summer in Red Falls, Vermont.
“Delilah, I know we haven’t worked out visitation rights for Holden Caulfield yet, but I’ve decided that
you
should be the official keeper of the family portrait.” Patrick passes me a square of paper from his pocket and I unfold the caricature of us he commissioned at the Sugarbush Festival, studying it until I’ve learned the curve of our smiles and my tears blur the exaggerated lines of Holden Caulfield’s big, beige antlers.
“I miss you already,” I say, resting my head against his chest. “Thank you for this. And for Holden. And the fish story. And the song. And about a million other—”
“Delilah,” he says, lifting my chin, “you’re missing it.” He stretches his hand toward the blazing orange and purple sky before us. As we watch the last sliver of sun dip behind the water, he whispers against my lips those words from the lake that night and I memorize them and the smell of his skin and the honey light in his eyes and the fish sparkling in the water and I know that
this
time, whatever the universe is saying, I’m listening.
And this time, I’m not going to forget
any
of it.
A Q&A with Sarah Ockler, author of
Fixing Delilah
When did you come up with the idea for
Fixing Delilah
?
I always knew that I wanted to write about the crazy, ever-changing relationships between mothers and daughters and the way that even the most caring, genuine relationships can get so far off track. I also wanted to explore family secretswhy we keep them, and how deeply they can hurt the ones we seek to protect from the truth. Two of my aunts had recently passed away, and I kept wondering about all of the things we didn’t get the chance to know about them and how, even in death, the bonds between women in a family are so strong. But I didn’t really know how to tie it all together until one night in 2007 when I was driving home from work. I was thinking about the threads of the book when Brandi Carlile’s “The Story” came on the radio. As soon as I heard that song, Delilah and her family came to life in my mind, and I got to work!
Which character is your favorite in
Fixing Delilah
?
I adore Delilah. She’s complex and frustrated and just screaming for her mother’s attention. I can relate to that so muchthat extreme love/hate roller coaster relationship teen girls so often experience with their mothers. But I also have a soft spot for Aunt Rachel. She’s like the coolest cool auntsmart, zany, passionate, loving, persistent, woundedthe best parts of all of my own aunts, mixed in with a good dose of my dear friend Rachel, for whom the character is named. Then there’s Patrick and all that singing and making Delilah laugh. . . . Sigh. This is a hard question!
Where do you get your ideas?
EVERYWHERE! Every single person I meet inspires something in my characters, whether it’s a physical quality or a quirk or something she’s said. Every place I visit, job I’ve worked, movie I watch, book I readall of these things inform my fiction. I also read the newspaper for ideaseven the shortest news story can spark an idea for a character or plot point. I’ll start with one or several of these little gems and make the rest up as I go! That’s one of the great things about fiction writing. The seeds of ideas are everywhere, just waiting to be planted and watered and grown into something cool.
How long have you been writing? Did you always want to be an author?
I started writing stories and poems back when I was still losing teeth and wearing tank tops without a bra. As for wanting to be an author, sure, that was always the dreambut it was just that. A dream like becoming a princess without royal ties or an astronaut without NASA training. I didn’t think it was possible to become a real author until I was in the midst of completing
Twenty Boy Summer
, and my husband helped me see the truth: that I
am
a writer, and that becoming an author
is
my dream, and the only one who can stop me from achieving it is
me
.
In other words, since I was a toddler, and yes.
Did you go to college to be a writer? Do you think students who want to become writers should major in English or literature?
I studied communications in college, which has some writing components but not a creative writing focus. I don’t think you need to major in English or a writing-related discipline to become a writer. I definitely recommend taking writing classes, joining a critique group, and reading tons of classic and current literature, but you can do all of those things while majoring in astrophysics or psychology or architecture if you want to. And if there’s something you might love writing about, like history or anthropology or earth science, then yes, you should definitely follow that course of study. But only if you’re really into the subject, because you’re making a pretty big financial, emotional, and time commitment to study something for two to four years, so whatever it is, make sure you really want it!
What is your favorite part of the writing process?
I really love coming up with new ideas, because it’s always fun and exciting to work on a fresh and limitless blank page. But I think the part I get most excited about is the revision process, because it’s in revising that the truest core of the story comes through, stripping away the excess to reveal the jewel of a book beneath. At least, that’s the
goal
of revision, anyway. But whether I’m revising for an early agent draft or alongside an editorial letter, I find that revision is when I finally figure out what the book is
really
about, and it’s a great moment.
What’s the most difficult part of the writing process for you?
Finishing. Seriously. I’m so obsessive, constantly questioning whether I used the right words, said the right things, described everything in a way that perfectly translates what’s in my head to what goes into the readers’ heads. Finishing is scary and painful, and whenever I send a manuscript to my editor, it’s like I have to really talk myself into hitting that send button, even if I know I’ll have another chance to make changes. It’s a long road. The last mile is always the hardest, right? And my second favorite part, on a less philosophical notewriting the synopsis. I might rather have a cavity filled! Argh!
For more Q&A, Sarah invites you to visit her online at
www.sarahockler.com
.
The inspiration for Fixing Delilah belongs in part to the women of my family: my late great-grandmother, Florence, and my late grandmothers, Marjorie and Elizabeth, who filled my childhood with memories of the big yellow house on the hill, “Betty’s Boutique,” and a thousand hidden treasures among the old things; my mother, Sharon, who stayed home with us for as long as she could; my aunts, Linda (my sage, tarot-reading OMLFG), Shelly, Connie, Amie, and our beloved angels, Marcy and Sharon, who brought food and laughter; and my beautiful cousins, Joycene, Katie, Kellie, Allie, Haley, and babies Julianna and Kenna, who carry on the stories. I am also indebted to Brandi Carlile, whose music was the muse that brought the Hannaford women to life. “The Story” says it best.
Though writing is often a lonely endeavor, a great community of people supported Delilah on her journey from these early inspirations to her final place on the bookshelf.
My editor knew Delilah’s heart from the first draft, and while her quest to make me cry was unsuccessful, her vision for the Hannafords was not. Thank you, Jennifer Hunt, for your wisdom, your trust, and your sense of humor. Because of you and the Little, Brown Books for Young Readers family, including Saho Fujii, Pamela Garfinkel, Amanda Hong, Alvina Ling, Zoe Luderitz, Ames O’Neill, Andrew Smith, Victoria Stapleton, Kate Sullivan, and many others, Delilah is out in the world of books at her absolute best.
“Sarah, if anyone can do this, it’s you,” Ted Malawer said (as many times as I needed to hear it [and maybe a few more]). Ted, your encouragement, guidance, friendship, and mutual appreciation for dessert have set the gold standard to which all literary agents should aspire.
Librarians, booksellers, teachers, bloggers, and readers, without your passion for young adult literature, my stories would be trees falling in a desolate forest. Thank you for hearing me, and for telling the world about the books you love.
To borrow Patrick’s words on true friends, “I wouldn’t trade one of them for a hundred of the other kind.” Amy Hains, my WBF, Delilah’s strength is yours, and Emily is infused with the goodness of your friendship. Rachel Miller, Delilah’s admiration for your namesake character is matched only by my admiration for you, and that’s not an uncompliment. Thank you both for reading my work, crying at all the right parts, and always believing in me.
My family, my family-in-law, and my lifelong Dunkirk crew are the ones who keep showing up, buying books, and squealing in my general direction at public venues. You crazy people really know how to make a girl feel like a star.
From Delilah’s first words in Fairplay, Colorado, to her last in Buffalo, NY (and that whole teeth-gnashing part in the middle), lots of readers and writers donated their time, expertise, and literary companionship to the noble purpose of keeping me sane. Thank you, Danielle Benedetti, Megan Frazer, Cheryl Renee Herbsman, Jennifer Jabaley, Sarah MacLean, Jenny Moss, Jackson Pearce, Carrie Ryan, Meredith Sale, Kurtis Scaletta, Sharon Somers, Michelle Zink, Lighthouse Writers Workshop, The 2009 Debutantes, and The Tenners.
Above all, my deepest gratitude is for Alex, my pet monster, my best friend, my husband, my heart. You are the reason it’s easy for me to write about falling in love. There are pieces of this story that once belonged to you, and I love you for making them ours. Thanks for “hacer-te-ing the café” and wandering this world with me in the middle of the night. I’m totally keeping you.
Table of Contents