Fizzlebert Stump and the Bearded Boy (16 page)

BOOK: Fizzlebert Stump and the Bearded Boy

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‘Yes you are,’ Wystan said. ‘He is.’

‘I believe you,’ said Fizz. ‘Just look at him, of course he’s the Inspector. He’s got a clipboard.’

Lord Barboozul turned on Wystan unpleasantly and said, ‘Well, what are you going to do now, you little freak? You’ll never get to be an Inspector. Once I let them know what you’ve done, you’ll be shunned for the secrets you’ve spilt. I expect. I mean, if I knew who to tell. Which I don’t, because I’m not one. Anyway, I certainly don’t want you hanging round on my coat-tails anymore. I always said you were more trouble than you were worth. The money we had to spend on shampoo. She’s the one who knew your mother and – ’

‘I don’t know what I’ll do,’ Wystan said loudly. ‘I guess I’ll . . .’

‘He’s staying with us,’ Mrs Stump said.

‘What?’ said Fizz.

‘What?’ said Wystan.

‘I mean what I say. He can stay here with us in the circus.’

Fizz looked at his mum. She didn’t have her clown face on, so he knew she was being serious.

‘Bah,’ said Lord Barboozul. ‘Who’d want a little freak like that hanging round?’

‘He’s not a freak,’ said Fizz. ‘He’s just a kid.’

‘With a
beard
, Stump,’ mocked the ex-bearded Lord.

‘Don’t be silly, I saw the fake beards. We all did,’ answered Fizz. ‘You locked me in a trunk with them, remember?’

‘Actually,’ said Wystan quietly, ‘this one’s real.’

Fizz turned and said, ‘It’s just stuck on with gum, I saw them,’ and gave Wystan’s beard a tug.

‘Ow! Fizz, stop it.’

‘Yes, Fizz, leave the poor chap alone,’ said his mum.

‘It’s real?’ said Fizz.

‘Yeah. I think that’s why Lady Barboozul took me in. I’ve always been hairy, and it gave her the idea of the act. She said it reminded her of the real circuses in the old days. But
he
never liked it.’ Wystan gestured over at Lord Barboozul who’d been standing behind him, but when everyone looked they saw an empty space, more or less the same size as the Lord-cum-Inspector, but which didn’t have him in it.

He’d vanished.

‘Looks like you’ll have to stay with us then,’ the Ringmaster said, and Fizz put his arm round Wystan’s shoulder saying, ‘Yeah, I think so too.’

Wystan smiled, and then laughed, and his beard ruffled happily in the air.

No one left knew how the magic beards worked, or where their magic pockets went. (Wystan’s own beard was just a normal beard, a little wriggly sometimes, but made of normal hair.) Where Lady Barboozul had gone when she fell in, no one, not even Dr Surprise, could work out.

The following morning Flopples was much better. She and the Doctor performed together Sunday evening. She was brilliant.

Mr Stump was up and around by the middle of the following week, though only tearing telephone directories in quarters.

Mrs Stump’s new nose arrived on the Friday and from then on she had two red noses and was called by some of the other clowns ‘Two Nose Stump’, which was a bit annoying, but then clowns are quite annoying already, so it wasn’t a problem.

Wystan had rather enjoyed being picked up, balanced and flipped about by Fish, he said, and if he could wear his crash helmet then it would probably be safe enough to do every night. And Fish, it seemed, had discovered a newfound sense of show business. He didn’t object to balancing things in the ring, so long as there were fish involved at some point. And so, a whole new act was born.

Fizz carried on being the boy with a lion, which carried on wowing the crowds.

At first he’d been jealous of Wystan, but once, when Fizz had a cold and was unable to go on, the new boy star put his head in Charles’s mouth. The old lion got upset by the sight of the beard, and then it tickled his nose and then he sneezed, and when he sneezed his teeth fell out. It had been quite funny, but a lion act isn’t meant to be funny.

Both Captain Fox-Dingle and Charles were much happier when Fizz was back the next evening.

‘Boy. No beard. Better job,’ the Captain declared.

On the other hand, when Charles felt under the weather, Fizz would put on one of the Barboozuls’ spare fake beards and then there would be two bearded boys in the circus, juggling, tumbling, balancing and doing daring deeds of derring-do with the sea lion. That was a good show.

And one Monday morning the Ringmaster received a large brown envelope in the post. It was stamped with the seal of the British Board of Circuses. He opened it with trembling fingers and pulled out the piece of paper from inside.

It read: ‘
Circus report mark: C+.
’

Well, it was a pass. It wasn’t brilliant, but they’d passed.

Whatever else you could say about Lord Barboozul (unpleasant, cheating, child-hating liar, for example) at least he did his job professionally, the Ringmaster said, and didn’t let his personal feelings get in the way.

There was an additional note at the bottom: ‘
Sea lion act:
Promising.’

Bloomsbury Publishing, London, New Delhi, New York and Sydney

First published in Great Britain in 2013 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

50 Bedford Square, London, WC1B 3DP

This electronic edition published in March 2013 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

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