FLAME ACROSS THE HIGHLANDS (17 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Rain pelted through the window as Brianna reached out to close the shutters. One of the borrowing days, she thought, a spell of unseasonably cold weather. How bleak and lonely it appeared.
The heavy mists eclipsed the hillocks and enshrouded the castle as if it were separate from the rest of the world.  If it were, would she care?  At the moment she had to admit she would not, for then she would not have to marry Robbie Campbell.

The patter
ing raindrops increased their frantic rhythm.  Such a storm!  It seemed to rend the very heavens.  Brushing several strands of her damp dark-red hair from her eyes, she stepped back as a pulsating ribbon of lightning shivered through the sky.  A crack of thunder followed, echoing in the room like a shout. Just as it had when she'd been thrown from her horse, she thought, closing her eyes.  The memory of yesterday flashed back in a maelstrom of visual and sensual remembrances that stirred her blood.  Wicked thoughts bandied about in her mind, and she put a hand to her temple as she conjured up what might have happened had she not pulled away from Ian's embrace.

"Brie!  Brie!" 
Glenna's voice sounded worried. "Is yer head aching again, hinny. Perhaps then ye had better go back to bed."

"I'm fine.
Fine!"  Oh how she wished there was somewhere she could go to be alone with her thoughts, her imaginings. Shivering,  she turned back to the leaping fire.

The storm was doubly unnerving because of the cro
wded conditions of the castle. With so many guests Aros's few chambers were full to bursting, many of the clansmen sharing beds, others sleeping wrapped in their plaids on the floor in the very same spot where the trestle tables were set up for the meals.  On a clear spring day these same kinsmen would have slept outside, but the law of hospitality could not deny them shelter from the rain.  Even Lachlan's favored hunting hounds which usually shared a warm spot before the hearth fire had been relegated to the storage rooms on the first floor of the castle.  Their whining protests could even now be heard. 

Glenna and Brianna  too had been forced to
share their room. Orianna, who had given up her own room,  shared Brianna's narrow bed, and a cousin sprawled her long length in Glenna's.   Jeanne and Anne slept on a pallet on the floor. Thus there was little chance for privacy.  In such crowded conditions it was hardly surprising that she could little avoid Ian Campbell. In truth, perhaps she didn't really want to.  Everywhere she looked he was there, his eyes showing a strange look of tenderness when they came into contact with hers.  In those moments she wanted to reach out to him, and only the fierce sense of honor she'd been taught gave her the strength to turn her back instead.  Quickly, she pushed such tantalizing dreams to the back of her mind for she was a realist, a practical lassie.

"Look, Brie!  Ian's friend.  What is he doing?"

In apparent understanding of the boredom staying cooped up inside initiated, Aulay did his best to keep those gathered entertained. With a smile he showed them tricks he had learned at court, standing on his head, leaping and rolling about.  Brianna held her breath, certain he would fall and harm himself, but he managed with grace. Turning somersaults and handsprings with arms and legs extended, like the turning of a wheel he soon had a cluster of children settled around him, as well as those of more mature years.  Brianna laughed to see her father caught up in the spell, watching intently from his wooden chair on the dias.

"Surely he
is
brownie or fairy folk," Jeanne giggled.  Always one to have eyes for any man, she asked behind her hand if the little man would be as agile and skilled in bed.

"Fie!  Ye are brazen to even ponder!"  Glenna said, blushing a deep red.

Brianna took another approach.  "Why don't ye find out?" Her challenge silenced the bold-talking lass.

"O
ch, ye should hush, Brie," Glenna chided.  "I wouldna wish her on that little mon.  He's a dearie and deserves a fine lass to love. Like Seana perhaps." Both Glenna and Brianna delighted in the fact that the petite young woman did show interest in  the dwarf.               

Aulay
tossed a few eggs up into the air, one, two three and four, keeping them all suspended, juggling them with such deftness that even the most sullen clansman applauded.  Brianna waited for the little man to drop them, but he managed quite skillfully to collect them all, turning them over to Seana to cook for the evening's meal.

"Ev
eryone needs someone to love," Glenna whispered, watching the two small people casting longing gazes at each other.  It was a statement said quite innocently yet it caused an ache in Brianna's heart.  Somehow she had to find a way to be alone, to give vent to the thoughts whirling inside her head.  Seeking some manner of privacy, she left the hall, with thought in mind of taking refuge in the storage area.  In her mood perhaps the hounds were the best companions after all.

It was dimly lit and she shuddered in the chill as she  made her way down the stairs. Her fingers fumbled at the walls to give her aid.  A low, warning growl sounded from the unlighted room as she stepped inside.  "Hush!  Farquhar. Iomhar."  Suddenly an arm slipped around her shoulders and she gasped.  "Who.....?"

"By Saint Michael!?  You!"  Ian's voice enveloped her like a welcome cloak.

"Ian Campbell."  She would never have wanted to let him know how glad she was that it was him
, yet her voice betrayed her.  "What are ye doing here?  I didna even hear ye." 

"I
must have taken the another route."

"Oh....?"  There was only one stairway that led below but she had not heard him following her.  Had he
preceded her here? Or had he purposefully stalked her? The thought sent a quiver up her spine.

"I must have had the same idea as you.  I'm a man fond of company
, but the buzzing of the bees can soon get on the nerves.  I sought solitude as you obviously did."  Reaching up he grasped a flickering torch from a sconce outside the door and held it aloft as they explored the small room filled with casks, barrels and boxes.  "No, that is an untruth!  I followed you down here." He came to stand beside her, the flaring torch cast strange flickering shadows over his face and burnished his blue eyes with fire.

"I supposed as much, unless ye can walk through solid walls like a ghostie, Ian Campbell."  In spite of herself she laughed, joyful that he had sought out her company after the way she'd scolded him the previous day.

"I wanted to talk with you....!" His arm slipped around her shoulders as he steered her around a sharp corner and down a short flight of steps.  There was a crazy leap in her pulse as she felt the firm pressure of his hand.  "Be careful. Watch the stairs. They're steep and slippery."

"Talk with me?"  He was standing so close to her that the toe of his cuaran rested against her foot.  Even such a casual gesture moved her deeply.  Her b
ody  always responded to him. "About yesterday?"

"Aye!"

"There is nothing  for ye to say.  Let's just forget about it."  She was uncomfortable even thinking about the embraces they had shared.

"I wish I could."  Cupping her face in his hand
, he tipped her chin up and looked deep into her eyes. "I'm sorry for what happened." Ian stared at her for a long, aching moment, wishing she weren't quite so bonnie or that he weren't quite so conscious of her.  He had meant to stay away from her and yet here he was.

"Sorry?"
Now that she had had time to think it over she wasn't really certain that
she
was.  Not if she was really honest with herself."

"I know there are no words that can undo what I've done, that can make you feel more kindly toward me so I won't even try........"

"Oh, but there is.  I hae forgiven ye..."  But not quite forgotten. At that moment she realized that perhaps she had far less control over her emotions than he did.  She was mesmerized by him, very aware of his nearness.

"You have bewitched me, lassie.  I vowed I'd stay away from you, but God help me......."

"And God help me, I dunna wish ye to....." A sudden crash of thunder sent her tumbling into his embrace.  Brianna felt his arms around her as he crushed her tight against him and her blood screamed with delight.  Somehow it seemed that it was with him that she belonged. 

"I promised myself I would not touch you, only talk.  How quickly I break my word."  With a sigh of regret he pushed her way.  "You see I am not the rogue that you have supposed.  Not really."

"What are ye then, Ian?"  What was this man really like?

"A man loyal to his clan and his kin.  Since I was just a lad I've known one thing and that has been warfare.  I thought that's all there was in the wor
ld that really mattered to me, but now I see I've been wrong.  There is a different kind of belonging that has nothing to do with kin."

She knew what he meant for despite all the times she'd scoffed at love when talking to Glenna, she felt it now, the sudden longing to belong to him. Why did he draw her so?  "And do ye then want to belong to someone....?"

"Aye."  He turned away before she could read his eyes, taking refuge by staring at the torch's flame. "My father felt a deep bond with my mother. She was his whole world." There was a sudden easy relationship between them as he told her about his boyhood, his memories of a gentle, smiling woman. It was the first time he'd ever told her anything at all about himself and the glimpse into his heart and mind made her feel close to him. Despite his manly courage and pride, she sensed a loneliness about him that gripped her heart.  Stepping closer to him, she put a hand on his shoulder, listening as he revealed more about his life, coming at last to his meeting with Aulay.

For just a few endearing moments Ian seemed to have banished the bold, taunting, mocking manner in which she had cast him in her mind of late. As they continued to talk for some moments longer
, she was struck by the thought that sometimes people were not at all what one thought.  Oh, he had an infuriatingly arrogant way at times, but now she understood why.  Right from the first he had had to prove himself.  Hadn't it been much the same with her?  Trying to make up to her father for his lack of a son? It was as if she sensed in him a kindred spirit.

"Ian
."  He turned around as she spoke his name, and as their eyes met she read a glitter of raw desire in the blue depths gazing back at her.  She reached out to him, closing her fingers against his as he took her hand.

"Ah....lassie, what ye do to me."  His breath was warm against her face, his voice husky.   With a soft groan he bent his head, captured her shoulders and brought her closer as he crushed his mouth
demandingly against hers. So much for good intentions, he thought. Compulsively his hand closed over her breast, his thumb moving back and forth over the peak as he slid his mouth down her throat.  Oh, why was it this particular lassie that stirred him so?  Desire alone or much, much more?

Ian kissed her over and over
, but kisses alone did not quell the blazing hunger that raged through him.  His hand trembled as he pushed her away as suddenly as he had sought the embrace.  She was too tempting, too soft and yielding in his arms.  A moment longer and he would do something he could never forgive himself for.

"Nae!  Nae!"  He'd followed her to tell her he was sorry for yesterday and had ended up committing the same folly.

Brianna stared at him in muted disappointment, her eyes wide with confusion.  He was as unfathomable as the tide, pursuing her one moment, pushing her away the next. She watched the expressions that took control of his face, the wanting, the passion the regret, and felt the same, though there was no help for it.  Robbie!  Like a ghost he stood between them and any happiness they might have had.

"I will prove to y
ou that I am a man of honor!" Without saying another word he gripped her shoulders and in a seemingly angry mood, propelled her through the door.  "Back to your father, lass."  He pushed her ahead of him, up the narrow steps. They went the next two turns of the spiral staircase in silence, each one exceedingly conscious of the other, but neither willing to voice what they knew must be said. 
Goodbye
. It was the only word that could be said, yet the very thought left Brianna with an unquenchable yearning and deep sadness.

Chapter Eighteen

The storm had passed but it's moisture had left the castle damp. A slow drizzle still fell. An early morning mist hovered over the land, shrouding the hills in a thick, white cloud.  Gazing out the window, Ian thought how the weather matched his mood.  But it didn't matter how foggy it was beyond the castle walls.  Last night he'd made his decision to leave and he would carry it out no matter what!  After what happened in the cottage, the passion that had flamed within him for Brianna MacQuarie, and then what might have happened  in the store room, he knew he had to get away from here.  Leave or take the chance of betraying young Robbie Campbell and besmirching his honor forever.

No, I can not risk the temptation of being near the lassie, he mused.  With that thought uppermost in his mind
, he dressed in shirt and trews, wrapping his plaid to drape over his shoulder, and busied himself gathering the few belongings he had brought with him.  He put the smaller items in the sporran hanging from the belt at his waist, then striding across the small chamber,  bent down and nudged Aulay's snoring form.

"Wake up! 
Aulay, get out of bed, we've got a long ways to go."

"Mmm
m.  Go away!"  In protestation of awakening, Aulay nestled deeper in the bed, pulling the quilt up over his head.

Grasping the dwarf by the shoulders, I
an shook him gently but firmly. "I hate to intrude on your dreams but I want to get an early start."

"Grhph!  Let me sleep.  It's not morning yet." 
Aulay tried to brush the insistent hands away.

"It
is
morning and I can't let you snore the whole day away. Get up!" The authorative tone in Ian's voice could not be ignored. Opening one eye Aulay groaned.  "Too much ale?  I'm sorry, my friend, but that's the way of things.  Come one.  Get your
bahookie
out of bed.  Now!"  Taking the end of his wool plaid he snapped the dwarf on the backside.

"O
ch!  You are a cruel mon, Ian!"  Dangling one bare leg over the edge of the mattress, he swore beneath his breath.

"Get up."

"I am getting out of bed.  See. I hae my foot upon the floor."  Stifling a yawn with the back of his hand, he slowly maneuvered the other foot to touch the floor. "Now, by all the blessed saints, what's sparked yer fire this mornin'?"

"The marriage negotiations have been completed
. There is no reason to stay here an hour longer.  We're leaving this morning to go back to our own hall."

"Go back!" 
Aulay was clearly disappointed.  "When I've just decided I like it here?  I've got a lassie  nearly as small as I fighting  wi' the others o'er the privilege of my company.  And ye tell me we're going back!  Why?" Ian's face held the answer.  "Och, the MacQuarie's daughter.  Dunna tell me that what ye feel for her is more serious than even I supposed."

"I think I love her!  If so, then I'm a damned fool."  Sitting on the edge of the bed while
Aulay dressed, Ian related the incident of the cottage to him. "I would have made love to her.  I wanted to.  Without even one thought of Robbie. What kind of a man am I?  He's my own kin.  He's been like a little brother to me.  How could I have been so tempted as to nearly betray him that way?  With his betrothed bride!  And then again, I followed her with the innocent intent of but talking to her, making amends and I could not keep my hands off her."

"A man can lose his head when he wants  woman.  Ye'd not be the first.  Adam lost his boon in paradise because of Eve.  Dinna be too harsh on yerself, laddie."

"How can I not be?  For whatever reason that motivated him, Duncan sent me here in good faith.  He trusted me.  Right from the first I proved what an ass I can be.  You said so yourself.  Oh, I thought I was so braw approaching the lass by the pool, but she bested me."  Ian grimaced. "You laughed to think I'd finally met my match.  But it isn't funny, Aulay.  It hurts.  More than I could ever have known." 

Aulay
clucked his tongue.  "Then it's sorry that I am for ye Ian.  I never would hae laughed if I had known. Matters of the heart can cause a wound as deep as any sword."  He spoke as if he knew by experience.

"Aye, and now that I have felt it's prick myself
, I'm sorry for any pain I might have caused in the past.  From this moment on I am a changed man."  Standing up, Ian shrugged his shoulders as if hoping to cast off his unhappiness.  "But what is done is done.  All I can do is hurry away from here and wish Robbie happiness with his new bride."

"Ye'll no try to claim her for yerself?" 
Aulay seemed surprised.  "Will ya no' try to sway the MacQuarie?"

"Nae!  I made a promise that I will keep, to give her into Robbie's hands.  There is little else but toI put her from my mind ." 
If I can
, he thought sadly.  He planned out exactly what he would say to Lachlan MacQuarie when he told him good bye.  He'd thank him for his hospitality,  assure him that the wedding plans would  go smoothly, then make up a reason why he was returning to his own castle so soon.  Lachlan was a fighting man, a chieftain, who understood responsibility.  He would tell him there were duties pressing on his mind.  It sounded reasonable.

"Just like that ye'll go away.  And will ye no' tell the lassie goodbye?"

"Nae!  No doubt she'll be glad to see me go.  Enough lightening and thunder has passed between us to wake the dead on the Isle of Iona!  Nae."  He remembered the  way she had looked at him when he had kissed her.  If he pursued the matter any more he would end up hurting her and he didn't want that. There would be little joy for him in stealing her heart and breaking it.  She was too fine a lassie for that.  He repeated again. "Nae!" 

"Yer so afraid of the lassie then?"

"Afraid?  I'm not afraid.  I just don't think it is very wise for me to put temptation in my path...and in hers.   I've been rogue enough already."  Even now her words still stung him.  Moreso, because they were partly true.  He was a rogue to have ever let his feelings get so out of hand for any reason.  "She'll be glad to see me go."

Stamping his foot,
Aulay shook his head, sending his long  tawny hair flying.  "If ye think that, then ye'r a fool, Ian Campbell.  A fool.  I've seen the way she looks at ye, particularly last night.  She is drawn to ye, mon.  Like a bee to honey I might say."  Throwing his breacan over his left shoulder, he stood as tall as he could, about four feet in height.  "She'll be disappointed if ye don't say goodbye."

"It's better if I don't."
Ian's voice was a choked whisper.

"For her or for you?" 
Aulay clucked his tongue again.  "Shame, shame, shame, Ian Campbell.  I never thought I'd see the day ye'd show yerself a coward, and yet ye'r afraid of one wee lassie.  Aye, ye are."

"I'm no coward!"  Ian bristled, stiffening his body from ankle to neck, tensing his jaw. 

"Then seek her out, mon.  Dunna sneak off wi' yer tail between yer legs like a wounded badger.  Tell the lassie goodbye.  It may well be all that ye'll hae to remember each other by."

Ian argued furiously against
Aulay's suggestion, but in the end reneged. He did want to see her again. Just one more time.  One last look at her, that's all he would take.  And then he would say a final goodbye.  One last farewell before he gave her into Robbie's arms forever.

Intent upon talking with her, he sought her out in her chamber, only to feel the sting of disappointment when her sister said she was not there.  That might have been the end of the matter had not fate taken a hand.  After seeking Lachlan MacQuarie out, Ian'
s next stop was the kitchen to stock up on food supplies for his return journey.  He needed oats for the small cakes he would bake in the small iron griddle that he carried with  him, fresh water, and dried fruit.  It was here he found Brianna, sharpening the knives that hung from hooks on the kitchen wall.  She was beautiful in the early morning sunlight, her hair hanging down her back like thick dark red threads. Ian feasted his eyes, finding himself suddenly tongue tied. 

Brianna sensed his presence, turning around
to meet his stare.  "Ian?"  Her eyes questioned him silently, hopefully.             

Though the very sight of her sent his heart to pumping
, he maintained a cool aloofness. "I only came to say goodbye and to wish you every happiness, Brianna."

"Goodbye?"  He was going away so soon?  She had been expecting it
, but even so it was strange how that made her feel  so devastated. 

"Aye." 

"But there are three more days of feasting and..."

"I must go, Brianna.  Especia
lly after yesterday. I...I... know there are no words that can say what is in my heart.  All I will do is to wish you every happiness.  I want that, Brianna.  With all my heart." He pulled the whole soft, supple length of her against him, breathing in the fragrance of her hair, whispering her name as he kissed her with sweet wild desire.  His hands caught in her hair, stroking it with a tenderness that belied the passion that raged within him.  Then he pulled away and strode through the door, taking Brianna's heart with him.