Flames in the Midst (The Jade Hale Series) (24 page)

Chase tried to talk to me, to console me for my loss, but I wouldn’t speak to him.  He was right.  I had been through a lot, but not just tonight.  I needed to step off the rollercoaster my life had become for a little while, so I just shut him out.  I shut out the pain I was feeling.  I shut out the sound of the fireworks display that had started on our ride to the lighthouse.  I shut out the intense sense of loss that threatened to swallow me whole, like the whale swallowed Jonah.  I closed my eyes and did nothing but wait.

Amy and Madilyn arrived while I was waiting.  I wouldn’t talk to them either.  Madilyn hugged me.  Amy patted me on the shoulder and instructed me to go back home with Chase.  I couldn’t muster up the energy to explain I didn’t really have a home.  Since it would look suspicious if Chase and I showed up at the Holmes’ place again tonight, I had no choice but to leave with Chase.  I didn’t have anywhere else to go.  Amy and Madilyn would go to the half-burnt house later in the night and reinforce Chase’s spell.  I knew they had to do it, but I hated them for it.  They would cast a few more spells to get my stuff and keep the family safe.  They said goodbye to us, and I shrugged back at them.  Madilyn looked worried, but Amy looked strong and confident.

Chase helped me onto his bike.  I cooperated and held onto his waist the whole way back.  It was nice to ride on the back of a motorcycle.  I didn’t have to focus on anything but staying on the bike.  I didn’t have to talk to anyone, and no one could try to talk to me.  I just watched the moon cast shadows on the landscape as we flew down country roads on our way to my new home.

I woke up in the extra bed in Stefanie’s room.  I didn’t even dream that first night.  Stefanie was not in the room when I woke, so I just rolled over and went back to sleep.  If I didn’t get out of bed, maybe I could forget about the turn my life had taken in one short night.  Zach and his family were the ones who made me feel like I could hold on to normalcy.  With them, I felt like I could successfully be someone other than a witch and a firestarter.  Now they were gone.  Well, not literally, but they might as well be.  I had been erased from their lives.  The only place I had left to turn was a coven of witches.  I hated my circumstances more than ever.

Around noon, I snuck into the bathroom.  I didn’t bother changing my clothes, taking a shower or even brushing my teeth.  I snuck back to the bedroom, but Stefanie was sitting in the window seat watching me slink back into the room.

“How are you doing?” she asked.

I didn’t answer her.  I rolled my eyes and climbed back into the bed.  I pulled the quilt over my head and prayed for her to leave.  She didn’t.

“I can’t imagine,” she started, and then decided to take another route.  “Listen, we’re making lunch downstairs in the kitchen.  If you want a sandwich or something, you should come down.  You’re not going to be able to stay in bed forever.”

I could stay there until I wasted away to nothing.  Then they would have to move me.  I could be like the rotting corpse Faulkner’s Miss Emily kept hidden away, locked away in an upstairs room until nothing was left but a skeleton on the bed.  I had no intention of going downstairs.

“Well, I’m going to go downstairs now, unless you want to talk,” Stefanie offered.  I ignored her.  When I heard the door close, I started to cry.  I couldn’t take this stupid
rollercoaster of loss.  Every time I turned around, I was losing someone, sometimes the same person more than once.  I didn’t want to keep my promise to the Guardians anymore.  I didn’t want to get close to anyone else.  If I took them back in time, I was sure one or more of them would die going up against Evan. 

I lay in bed for the rest of the day bouncing between despair and a resurgence of my need for revenge.  Stefanie came back in around dinnertime.  I pretended to sleep, and she didn’t try to wake me.  At some point, I fell asleep for the night.  When I woke the next day, I fully intended to spend another day in bed.  I rolled over to see if Stefanie was still in the room.  Amy sat on Stefanie’s made-up bed, watching me.  I rolled back over and pulled the quilt over my head again.  Amy, however, was not as easily deterred as Stefanie.

“Oh no you don’t,” she said matter-of-factly as she stood up and walked across the room.  She pulled the covers down and then sat on them so I couldn’t pull them back up.  I lay facing the wall.

“I am not going to sit here and let you mope away your life in misery.  I owe your aunt and your mother more than that.”  She didn’t say anything else.  She just sat on the bed while I stared at the wall, tears welling up again.  I pushed them back and tried to compose myself.

“I just, I just don’t think I can do this.  I think I need to be on my own,” I tried to explain.

“Sure, that sounds like a safe solution,” Amy said gently.  She wasn’t mocking me, but rather trying to reason with me without engaging in an argument.

“I can’t put any of you in danger.  This is my fight.”

“We’ve been in the fight a lot longer than you have,” Amy reasoned calmly.

“I just can’t lose anyone else,” I finally admitted.

“Unfortunately, that is not something I can assure you of.  It is a part of life, and it is a very real part of this fight.”  We sat in silence for several minutes.  I had not looked at Amy since we started talking.  I lay in bed, staring at the wall.  I turned to talk to her, to protest my staying with them, and she was gone.  I had not heard her leave the room nor even felt her get up off the bed, but she wasn’t there. 

A wooden chair from Stefanie’s desk stood next to the bed.  A towel and washcloth were folded on the seat of the chair, and a clean change of clothes hung from the back of the chair.  I knew Amy would be back if I didn’t take the hint.  I stretched and rolled out of the bed.  I wasn’t feeling much better, but I had to admit I was hungry.  My clothes still reeked of smoke since I hadn’t bothered changing when we first arrived.  The ride on the bike had dissipated the concentration of the smoke, but the odor from the burning house still lingered.  I wasn’t sure how that hadn’t bothered me until now.

I grabbed the towel and change of clothes and headed to the hall bathroom.  The hot water felt invigorating.  I let more than the smoke and soot wash off.  I stood under the steady stream of water and steam until I felt I had shed as much of the pain from my loss as I could.  I cried, letting the water from the shower mix with my tears and wash them away.  Then I reasoned with myself until it didn’t hurt quite as intensely.  I had put Zach and his family in danger.  The letter from my aunt, still tucked safely in the book, had warned me not to, but I did it anyway.  I wanted to hold on to them longer than I should have, and Maggie could have died because of it.  As it was, they lost a large portion of their house.

It hurt me to lose them, but not as much as it would have if they had been physically hurt or killed because of me.  I could not afford to be selfish here.  I had to focus on something other than losing my family, again.  I didn’t want to replace them with this coven of Guardians, with Amy and Madilyn and Stefanie and Chase.  How many times could a person survive losing their family?  First my father, then my mother, then my aunt, and now David, Patti, Zach and Maggie.  I thought all of their names, like my aunt had said them when she brought up my living with them, but this time I knew my name did not fit in with theirs.  They were a temporary family, and if I loved them at all, I would have to move on.

I thought about all of the people I had lost, and I fanned my resolve to go after Evan and Cameron.  I could not risk endangering the Guardians who wanted to help me, but I also couldn’t walk away from them.  It was only with luck and the help of an immortal friend I was able to defeat the Shadow Ruler who had been after me in St. Augustine.  I needed the Guardians to train me, so I would have to pretend I intended to take them with me back to Salem. 

After my shower, Stefanie met me in the kitchen.  She made me pancakes and eggs even though it was already early Monday afternoon.  I ate more than I thought I could, but I hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast on Saturday morning before I went to work at Kilwin’s a whole world away.

“Where is everyone?” I asked her while I applied butter and syrup to my fifth pancake.

“They’re having a meeting,” she answered me from the sink, where she was rinsing dishes.

“Why aren’t you with them?”  The pancakes melted in my mouth with each bite, and I washed them down with fresh squeezed orange juice.  They actually had citrus trees on the property, and Stefanie had been eager to use some of the ripe oranges for my meal.

“It’s a meeting just for the Guardians.  We’ll all meet later tonight,” she explained.  I thought about this for a moment.  After inhaling another half a dozen bites of pancake, I asked the question that was foremost in my mind.

“Is the meeting about me?”  Stefanie looked up and shrugged.

“I don’t know.  I kinda figure it is, but since I’m not a Guardian yet, no one told me.”

There was no point in trying to get more information out of Stefanie.  She was not the type to keep things to herself, so if she knew anything else, I would know about it already.

“Where’s Chase?” I asked, in an attempt to change the subject.  We had been spending a lot of time together before the fire, so I was surprised he had not checked up on me now that we were back on his home turf.  I wanted to think we had been working on a friendship or that maybe he actually cared about me, but I wondered if that hadn’t all been in my head.  Maybe it was all business for Chase.

“He’s at the meeting,” Stefanie answered without looking up at me.

“But I thought you said the meeting was only for Guardians?”  Stefanie didn’t need to answer me.  Everything clicked together with that little bit of information.  Aunt Lynn’s letter had said they would send a Guardian to look out for me if I chose not to go with Amy and Madilyn.  Chase was that Guardian.  His concern for me rested in the fact he was doing his job, probably his first, as a Guardian.  He was the hired help, my bodyguard.  No wonder he hadn’t checked up on me since we got here.  His job was done, and I was no longer his concern.  He could go right back to despising me.

Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry anymore.  I pushed my plate away with most of my last pancake still intact.  I couldn’t believe my own stupidity.  This only reinforced my desire to distance myself from everyone around me.  I had been gullible enough to believe that Chase cared for me, that he and I were somehow able to set aside our differences to form a friendship. 

Stefanie finished the dishes and sat down at the table with me, but now I didn’t feel like talking.  I thought longingly for the bed upstairs.  I could curl up under the covers and hide from the world.  Of course, ultimately Amy would come and get me, dragging me back to reality.  I might as well cut out the unnecessary steps and remain in the land of the living. 

“I think I’m going to take a walk,” I told Stefanie.

“Do you want me to come with you?” she asked eagerly with only a hint of concern in her voice.

“No.  I really just want to be alone.”  I had a lot to think about, and Stefanie’s constant chatter was not going to help me through any of it.

“Alright,” Stefanie agreed, “but you need to know a few things.  In order to keep you safe, there are several protective spells on this property.  We are in the middle of about twenty-five acres of property.  There is an actual fence along the front end of the property, where the driveway is.  You’ll be able to feel when you are approaching the other edges of the property though.  I can’t explain the feeling, but you’ll just know.  Don’t go outside of the property.  We’re keeping you hidden, but if someone sees you outside of the property.”  Stefanie didn’t finish.  She didn’t need to finish.  If I was found, they were all found.

I considered taking Stefanie with me just to make sure I didn’t accidentally step off the property, but she was certain I would know before I got there.  She didn’t wait for me to change my mind.  She stood up from the table and left the room.  I sat alone in the kitchen trying to decide what I wanted to do.  I went in the fridge, figuring if I did decide to live here, I would need to make myself at home eventually.  I grabbed a bottle of water and headed out the back door.

Outside the house, the humidity felt like a brick wall without the breeze off the water I had been used to all summer.   The house sat in the middle of about an acre of cleared land, recently mowed.  I took a deep breath in, letting my body absorb the warmth of the summer day.  I could smell the citrus trees that lined the back end of the cleared part of the yard.  I headed for the back corner of the property.  Pines and oaks intermingled with each other at the edge of the cleared space.  I walked along the tree line until I found a break in the woods that resembled a path.  I plunged into the woods and entered a different world—away from civilization and covens of witches.

Finally, I could be alone and just think.  I walked for an hour.  I could no longer make out the clearing where the house waited for my return.  Pine needles covered the path, and as I looked around, I realized finding the same path back might not be as easy as I thought.  At the moment, I just didn’t care.  I was busy musing over things in my head.  I didn’t want to endanger anyone, and I didn’t want to experience any more loss.  However, Amy had made two very good points.  One, I wasn’t the one bringing any of them into this fight.  I might be a key player in the fight, if only because of my gifts, but I was the one who was new to it, not them.  Two, losing people was an uncontrollable and inevitable part of war, and that essentially was what we were in—a war.  I only wanted to take part in one battle, not the whole conflict, but people would be lost on one side or the other or both.  It was just the nature of the fight.