Flare (41 page)

As they rode the elevator up, Maggie talked and Hugo could see the disappointment on Kevin’s face right away. No yard. That was one of the main reasons Kevin was so leery about moving to somewhere more urban. But the space in the loft apartment was enormous. The exposed brick walls were beautiful. The view out the windows was far from amazing, but the bedrooms, all three of them, were spacious, even with the current owner’s furniture still there.

Kevin drove away from Maggie’s office with a look of disappointment on his face.

“Were they that bad? What was so bad?” Hugo could name a few things, but he really wanted to know what Kevin’s contention was.

“No. It’s just so different. I’ve lived in my house for… fourteen years. I have one year left on the mortgage.”

“You were able to take out a fifteen-year loan when you were fucking twenty-three years old on a house in Edina?” Hugo said with shockwaves reverberating around the car.

Kevin shrugged. “I had a good-paying job, the interest rate was lower, and the housing market hadn’t started going crazy yet. That’s not really the point. What I’m trying to say is that it’s strange. I’ve watched the trees behind my property grow. I planted the apple tree in the backyard when Brooke was born and the plum when Finn came into the world squawking. I built the deck that Erin loved to sit on.”

“You built the deck yourself?” Hugo asked with surprise.

“Well, not really built. I helped lay down the decking and screw the boards into the supports.” He chuckled and raised a hand—
You caught me in a fib.
“It’s my home. And my kids’ home.”

Hugo nodded, feeling selfish all of a sudden.

“Besides, did you see the chipped paint and all the work most of those kitchens would need? I should really get my place formally appraised to see how much I could get for it before we look again. We might be able to afford a place that doesn’t have cracked tiles.”

“I liked the cracked tiles,” Hugo just barely managed to say.

“What?” When Hugo remained silent Kevin pushed harder. “Don’t do this to me, Hugo. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“All you see is cracked tiles and a kitchen in need of a new dishwasher. You totally missed the character in those houses. The history. The
life
….”

“I saw a lot of work.”

“So you’d rather avoid work and stay in
your
house with
your
kids, huh?”

Kevin’s brow dipped and he had to swerve to avoid rubber from a shredded tire in his lane. When the way was safe and clear again, he looked at Hugo and asked, “Did I really say that? My house and my kids?”

Hugo nodded and pursed his lips to keep from talking. Then he realized that was the wrong thing to do.

“It is your house. And the kids’. It’s also Erin’s house and it always will be.”

The rest of the ride home was in silence.

After dinner was put away and the kids were done with their homework and putting themselves to bed, Hugo knew he had to fix this somehow. They were getting married in two days. Leaving hard feelings lying open and so exposed to the elements when they were supposed to be committing to each other so soon wasn’t right.

“I don’t want our home to look like everyone else’s,” Hugo started, but that ended up not being the right thing.

“We don’t live in Levittown,” Kevin defended. “There’s a lot of variation in houses around here.”

“There’s some, but you all start one-upping each other and the next thing you know, you’re living in the same house on the inside with the same dishwasher as Bob down the street but in a different color or with the fancy wooden false front to make it look like a cabinet rather than what it is: a fucking dishwasher that washes
fucking
dishes! Do you really need to disguise that? Or the fact that you like to eat bacon three times a week or that your kid has problems in school or that maybe, just maybe you have a tattoo on your ass that you
aren’t
so proud of?
Every
one hides here. They lock themselves in with security codes. They hide behind stucco walls and mechanical blinds and lights on timers; designer clothes and cars that cost twenty times more than the houses we grew up in.

“And what’s being hidden?” Hugo threw out to Kevin and he waited a few beats, hoping Kevin would answer, but he didn’t say a word. “Alcoholism, spousal abuse, prescription drug abuse, loveless marriages, miserable kids whose ideal day is a day at home doing nothing. When we were kids, all we wanted to do was something, but that’s all our generation gives to their kids is something. Things. Shit.

“I’d rather have broken tiles, a shitty dishwasher, and no garage at all if it meant my kids…
my
kids got to—”

Hugo suddenly stopped. He put his hands in the air, palms out. He felt crushed and robbed of breath as he recognized what his reality was. Brooke and Finn weren’t really his kids. Hugo would never be a real dad even to the baby he helped conceive, just like Andrew had pointed out to him. “Forget it. Just… forget it.”

Hugo pulled his keys from the hook near the back door and left. His tires squealed as he peeled away from the driveway, and he recklessly swerved around cars, driving as fast as he could to Summer’s place. When he parked and got out, he noticed Kevin’s vehicle pulling in behind him.

“Don’t you
dare
, Hugo. Don’t you
fucking
dare leave me like that. You don’t have the fucking
right
to shit all over my shoes and then leave me stranded to figure out what the fuck just happened.”

Hugo was suddenly ashamed and he looked down at his own feet. They were bare. They were always bare in the house, and he hadn’t taken the time to put on shoes before he left in such a hurry.

“I fucking love you,” Kevin said, his voice so shaky Hugo barely recognized it. Kevin took slow steps, getting closer and closer until his index finger was pressed into the center of Hugo’s chest. “I love you more than
anything
, and your little speech back there made it sound like I loved my house and Edina more than I could ever possibly love you. You’re wrong. You’re
dead fucking
wrong.”

Hugo looked at Kevin’s vicious eyes. They were cold, steely-gray, and his nostrils flared with his anger. His cheeks were pink.

“I don’t mind you telling me your thoughts. I like that, even. But not when you spill and run. Summer can’t always help you fix all your problems, you know? Eventually you’re going to have to stand on your own, be honest, and just fucking face me. No more running! No more hiding. I’m
serious
. Now tell me why the fuck you nearly killed yourself in traffic getting over here,” Kevin demanded.

Hugo took a long, steady look at Kevin, but the sound of the front door opening behind him drew his attention.

Kevin’s hand went up, halting Summer’s advance when she asked, “Is everything okay out here?”

“Everything’s fine, Summer. Hugo just finds it easier to run to you with our problems than telling me his feelings. I think I’d like to solve this one on our own, if you don’t mind.” His voice was so strong, so forceful.

Summer nodded, palming her belly as if to protect her baby. “I’ll just… I’ll just be inside if you need me. Okay, Hugo?” she checked in.

He nodded, letting her know he was okay. He was safe. She slipped back inside, and Hugo turned to face Kevin again.

“Please,” Kevin pleaded. “Please talk to me. I know you don’t like the suburbs. I wouldn’t either if I had to live like you’ve had to for the last months. If I could fix that, I would, but I can’t. We could move, but I’m not going to subject my kids….” He shook his head. “
Our
kids to leaving the home they’ve had since the day they were born just on a whim. Because you feel like it. Because you want to. So convince me. Tell me why we should move and move to someplace smaller with barely any yard for them to play in.” Kevin was so earnest, so committed to understanding Hugo’s viewpoint that Hugo’s anger dropped away and he started speaking in as honest a way as he could manage.

“That will never be my home, no matter how many years I live there or how many things of my own I set around. But it’s not just the house. I’ll never fit in Edina. Brooke and Finn will forever be Kevin and Erin’s kids there. They’ll never be known as Kevin and Hugo’s kids. I
want
them to be known as my kids,” Hugo said as he palmed the center of his chest. “I want people to see Brooke and say, ‘Wow, that one sure takes after you.’ Or have them hear Finn and say, ‘He’s got your sense of humor, Hugo. That’s obvious.’ But that won’t ever happen there. They could call me Papa a hundred times a day in every school and business we went to, but it wouldn’t matter.

“And the baby I helped create”—Hugo helplessly gestured toward Summer and Russell’s house—“isn’t even going to be mine. I have all this love to give to all these people, but because I don’t fit into that cookie-cutter life and it takes a little longer for me to explain my relationships to people, the love I feel is negated and thrown away. I want to be in a place where it doesn’t matter. I want to live where families are so diverse that no one cares. All they care about is that you’re happy and enjoying life. And every once in a while, you have an amazing pastry in the morning with a free cup of coffee. That.” Hugo’s voice shook with emotion. “That’s what I want. I want to create
our own home
in Uptown
where we’d be accepted just the way we are,” he said as he pressed a fist to his heart.

Kevin pulled Hugo close to his chest, and the tears that slipped down Hugo’s cheeks didn’t come as a surprise. He’d held back so much of what he’d thought for so long it was freeing to finally let it all out.

“I love you, you fucking fool,” Kevin spoke into Hugo’s hair before pressing a kiss in the warmed spot. “Do you know that?” he asked, finally making eye contact.

Hugo looked up at Kevin and saw it. He nodded. “Yeah. I know. You always ask me that. I’ve never doubted that.”

“You convinced me.”

Hugo felt his eyebrows shoot up. He was surprised.

“Don’t look so pleased.” Kevin smirked. “Let’s start fresh. Let’s go somewhere that understands
alternative
families or whatever other bullshit name is used to describe us. You’re right. We’re just people who love each other, and that’s all that should matter. We’ll get seeds from the apple and plum trees and plant baby trees from
our
babies’ trees. A smaller yard is okay.”

“What about no yard?” Hugo tried.

“Oh God. I don’t know.” Kevin grimaced.

“No mowing. We can play at parks. No piles of dog shit to pick up because we’d walk Lulu and pick up after her every single day.” Hugo’s voice turned musical toward the end.

“Maybe. The place we find better be fucking spectacular, though, if I’m giving up a yard. We’ll have to plant the kids’ seeds in pots. Really huge pots.”

“We’ll find a place. Especially if you can sell your house for more than you bought it for. Imagine the profits.” Hugo laughed, knowing he’d gotten Kevin’s attention when dollar signs appeared in his eyes. Despite how different Kevin was from his father, money still did talk.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Flares of Love

W
ARM
SUN
streamed through the new leaf growth, dappling the two grooms with spots of light on their cheeks, the top of their hair, and across the black jackets they wore. It was a beautiful scene that had Summer sighing when she first met up with Hugo before the rest of the wedding guests arrived and the photographer was setting up her camera.

Kevin and Hugo stood by the waterfront in their cream shirts and black suits, light-green ties matching the dresses Summer and Brooke wore. Finn and Russell stood with them too as a lithe brunette woman helped Kevin and Hugo remember the vows they’d chosen to share. Finn took his job as ring bearer very seriously, solemnly handing over the rings with a face so straight that Hugo had to laugh. He winked just to see that adorable smile light up Finn’s face and blue eyes once again.

When they exchanged rings, Hugo held Kevin’s hands and gazed into his eyes. This was really happening. They were getting married. He couldn’t help his goofy grin and was thrilled to see Kevin return one.

They kissed as their closest family and friends cheered and clapped. Hugo felt lit from the inside and couldn’t stop smiling, even hours later after they’d eaten dinner under the tent that protected them from the hot sun rather than rain or snow. The tables were festooned with red-orange poppies set off by delicate green and white flowers. It was packed with more people than Hugo realized they even knew, but most were his own friends.

Kevin and Hugo left the reception to take a few photos at the foot of the Stone Arch Bridge that evening, smiling patiently at the photographer. They were glad when she finally left them, walking back the few blocks to the reception. This was the same bridge Summer had taken Hugo to when he feared for his relationship with Kevin after finding out about Erin’s cancer. She had asked Hugo where he saw himself in three years. He’d said he saw himself with Kevin and Brooke and Finn. It wasn’t even two years after that day, and they were in the same spot celebrating their marriage.
Marriage.

Hugo stood and looked up at those lit-up arches with the water running through them. Right then his reality seemed so much better than his dream future had been.

He leaned his head on Kevin’s shoulder and drank up the moment.

S
EX
WITH
Kevin was good. It was always good, even back in high school when they fumbled and didn’t entirely know what they were doing.

Hugo didn’t expect sex to be different when he was married to Kevin. Yet it was. It was
very
different.

Hugo said idiotic things like, “Do you want to come to bed and fuck your husband?” or “You married me for my tight, sweet ass, didn’t you?” Kevin would laugh and agree, showing Hugo just how much he loved Hugo’s sweet ass by feasting on it, making Hugo nearly black out because of the glorious decadence.