Fledgling (11 page)

“Okay, you caught me in my shining glory.” She held her arms wide open
to display her ratty clothing, oddly comfortable in front of him even at her worst.

He walked up to her, scrutinizing her hair and said, “May not be your favorite color, but hey, you’d look good in anything.” He reached up and rubbed a smear of paint off her neck and laughed.

Ana closed her eyes at his sudden touch, electricity coursing under her skin. Her cheeks burned and the heat drifted down her throat.

Chance seemed to notice how tired she seemed, and then his eyes stopped at the edge of her old droopy t-shirt she wore. Ana tugged at the back of her shirt, pulling the v-neck upward, quickly covering the light line on her chest that rose to the top of her sternum.

He eyes drifted to the door and said, “You deserve your shower now.”

After Ana showered, washed her hair and cleaned the paint from beneath her fingernails she felt human again, albeit a tired human. She passed her sister’s room, hairbrush in hand and discovered Eva pushing her bed back into place, collapsing onto the floor in the process. Eva chuckled mischievously, and looked guiltily to her sister’s disapproving face.

“Don’t hurt yourself, Eva. You coming downstairs? Have you said hi to Chance yet?”

“Chance is here?! Oh, okay, I’ll be right down.” Eva went to her closet to evaluate a pink shirt.

Descending the stairs into the kitchen, Ana found Chance cutting vegetables with Melissa. He was talking to her as they prepared a dish for dinner.

“Putting him to work, already?”

“Hey now, he volunteered. Tera and Jace are on their way-think you can go warm up the barbecue for me?”

Ana withdrew a long lighter and went out to the back deck. The sun was creating a soft sepia light, illuminating everything around her in an apricot veil. Birds were settling into their nests and the excitement from the spring day was discharging into a tranquil evening. She sucked in the crisp air, tasting the fir trees on her tongue. Just past the evergreens, her favorite interchange was beginning: the sun saluting its compliment, the rising moon, in a slow embrace.

Ana thought she heard the sound of tires on the driveway and lit the barbecue then went back inside to tell her mother.

Melissa was busy doing something with carrots that didn’t resemble anything Ana was familiar with. She looked up at Ana, a knife held midair, “Baby-can you get the door for me? My hands are a mess. Welcome them in, please?”

Chance stopped chopping his pile of vegetables and joined Ana, who beckoned him to the living room to greet her family. With Chance behind her, she opened the door just as Aunt Tera’s hand was mid-air in motion to knock.

“Hi, Sweetheart! Oh, the house looks
so
cute! I can see your mother’s touch-and it smells like it’s been airing out nicely. Where’s Mel?” Aunt Tera stepped inside with a flowery bowl filled with potato salad, getting sidetracked as soon as she saw Chance. “Oh! Now, who are you?!” Aunt Tera’s eyes moved appraisingly over Chance giving her hair a tease, pressing the bowl into her breast.

Uncle Jace wiped his shoes off on the mat and popped inside after hearing the exclamation from Tera. He wore the same hat as last time. It seemed fastened to his head by sweat, his damp hair curling beneath the darkened band.

“Aunt Tera, Uncle Jace-this is Chance.” Ana watched their faces as she made the introduction.

Uncle Jace wore such enthusiasm that Ana imagined he must have looked the same way when he caught his first fish.

He hooted, “Finally! One more for the team! Please tell me you fish?!” His brightened eyes were ready for an audience and in his outstretched hand he held a large zipper bag with four dead trout packed in ice.

Chance broke into a cautious smile, shifting his weight to his back foot. “Yeah?” He answered more like a question. “I go out with my dad sometimes.” Chance’s eyes darted to Ana, who gave a thumb’s up sign and a guilty smile.

Uncle Jace tasted victory. For once in a long time, he wasn’t alone in a sea of estrogen. His eyes sparkling, Ana thought he could hear angel’s singing-or maybe fish splashing.

“Now, calm down Hon. It doesn’t mean you can unbutton your pants after dinner or go leaving the toilet seat up. Us girls still out number you!” Aunt Tera patted his shoulder, winking at Ana and added before advancing to the kitchen, “It’s a
pleasure
to meet you, Chance.”

After Jace’s zealous greeting, Chance took everything in stride. He did, however, adopt an amused expression like he was watching a really bad “B” movie he couldn’t help but enjoy. Uncle Jace’s unabridged fishing stories streamed one after another and Chance remained in rapt attention. Ana wondered if he was truly interested or if he was counting ceiling beams or if he was bored beyond belief and a convincing actor. The only danger he appeared to be in was falling into a coma induced by boredom so Ana gave him a sympathetic glance and disappeared into the kitchen.

Aunt Tera was deep in conversation with her sister when Ana entered. “…It’s so great she’s finally reached out to someone, but why hasn’t she told him…”

Seeing Ana, their discussion grew quiet and Aunt Tera began talking about the kitchen decor. “I think a creamy buttercup yellow would lighten it up considerably. If you put a nice white valance above the window-it would look
so
cute.” She chatted on, pointing at the bare casement.

“Don’t let me interrupt your conversion,” Ana growled in agitation, walking up to a cupboard just to shut it with a bang.

Melissa and Tera exchanged a glance. Then Melissa commented to her sister, “I guess we can’t fool her anymore.” Then gave a nervous laugh.

Aunt Tera nodded in agreement, muttering, “Caught.” Then after a moment of silence she smiled. “So… Chance seems like a nice boy?”

“Yes, we seem to have a lot in common.”

“He’s quite good looking,” Aunt Tera grinned and gave her a wink.

Ana blushed and mumbled something indistinguishable. In an immediate need to exit from the embarrassment, she turned to leave and loving arms wrapped around her. “You deserve all the best, Sweetie. I’m so happy to see you with a new friend,” Tera’s voice whispered in her ear. Ana reluctantly turned, hugging her back, conceding to her aunt’s loving embrace.

“Thanks, Aunt Tera,” she sighed.

“So, now, tell me a little about him?”

“Well, I met him in photography class. He likes being outdoors, like me. I guess he works at an auto body shop. And, his family’s really nice. His mom’s a nurse and his dad has a jewelry shop near some marina.”

“That’s great, Ana-it sounds like you have some things in common.”

Ana grinned, thinking she had escaped without too much humiliation, then her aunt continued, “I was wondering though-why you haven’t told him yet?” Aunt Tera asked gently, not wanting to upset her niece.

“Nice, Mom. Thanks for talking about me behind my back,” Ana glared at her mother, upset. Ana told Melissa in confidence that she hadn’t said anything about her health yet. Her mother was concerned about her choice and counseled her to be honest. “It will only be harder the longer you take,” she warned.

Melissa’s eyes flinched and she guiltily looked back at Ana, as though she was watching a balloon blown up to bursting point. “I’m just concerned, Baby. I know you like him-and understand why you don’t want to. I just worry that holding onto your secret will hurt you more in the end.”

“It always ruins
everything
!” Ana mumbled in anger. “I’m enjoying being normal. Everything will fall apart anyways. So, I might as well enjoy a piece of cake before it goes
bad
.” Ana stewed quietly not wanting to alert anyone in the other room about what was being discussed.

“Ana,” Aunt Tera said with a bewildered look.

Not wanting pity, or to see it reflected in her aunt’s eyes, Ana walked out the back door to get a breath of fresh air. Overwhelmed and with eyes stinging, she ran through the path to her sanctuary.

Perched cross-legged on the rock, her vision blurred as she let the tears flow, only held back by hardened practice. The warm drops found a pathway down her cheeks and a soft groan broke from her lips. She picked up a piece of shale from the rock below her and threw it as far as she could, watching it arc and fall into the darkening wilderness.

A snapping branch behind her made her turn and see Melissa emerge from the trail. Ana turned back and folded her arms across her chest.

“I’m sorry to intrude. I need to apologize though. I’m sorry I talked to Aunt Tera about everything. You know I’ll support you in all of your decisions and try not to question you. You’re old enough to make your own choices. After all…you
are
an adult now.”

Ana grimaced at the horizon and released her tension, opening her palms upward. “I know you just worry about me, Mom…I know you mean the best. It’s just that…it’s been bothering me too.”

Ana felt the tears start again.

“I don’t want to lie to Chance. Maybe it isn’t really lying, but it feels like it. I
don’t
want him to know. I’m afraid he’s just going to leave when he finds out.” Ana threw her head into her hands in defeat, her shoulders slumping toward the earth. As her mind spiraled into a tornado, her mother’s hand anchored lightly on her shoulder.

“Baby, it was never your fault. Your dad didn’t leave because of you. I don’t want you carrying around this pain inside. Dad and I just weren’t meant to be. He would have left even if you weren’t born…different. He was never mature enough to have a wife and kids. Don’t let your dad ruin what you have with Chance. I can see how you feel about him and I want you to be happy. You’re a caring, unique person who
deserves
to be loved-broken heart and all.”

Ana saw her mother’s worried eyes and the love within. Her mother was right. But she couldn’t help feeling like a bug repellant for people-extra strength formula.

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

Inspecting her hands, she noted the slight purple tinge near the tips and sighed. “I know you’re right, I just want a little more
time
.”

In so many ways,
she thought to herself.

“If he hangs around for another two weeks, I’ll tell him after my doctor appointment-no later. I
will
tell him.”

Melissa faced the dying light and grinned. “I can’t remember where I heard it, but it clicked for me- ‘The truth will set you free, but first, it’ll piss you off.’”

An involuntary laugh ripped from Ana’s painful lungs as she wiped the tears from her face, knowing it was splotchy. It felt like she was wearing a neon sign that said,
I’ve been crying
. She hated drawing attention to herself, which is why she never got so upset.

“By the way, Baby… this is really nice. No wonder you spend so much time out here. I’ll see you inside-take your time. I won’t let anyone know. I love you.” Melissa started walking back down the trail to continue her dinner preparations.

Ana sat for a few more minutes hoping her inflamed eyes would fade so she wouldn’t need to explain anything.

As she walked back she smelled the fish on the grill. The house was stirring with activity. Eva was setting the table and Aunt Tera was uncovering her potato salad. Melissa was finishing up the odd orange dish she was trying out.

Chance appeared trapped. He looked like he wanted to jump ship, attached by an invisible rope to Uncle Jace. When Chance spotted Ana he tried to move toward her, but Jace started in with another anecdote.

“That’s enough, Jace, let the boy go. Come and check the fish would you?” Aunt Tera interjected, clearly to Chance’s relief.

He was happy to see Ana again and noticed how bright her eyes were, sensing she had been crying. He wanted to comfort her, but had seen how sensitive and proud she was. He moved near and allowed the warmth from her closeness to satisfy his need to soothe her. It would be enough.

Ana swayed on her feet, and leaned against him for support. Chance squeezed her hand. When she met his eyes he looked at her with concern.

Jace appeared with a platter of fish and boisterously exclaimed, “Prepare yourselves for the best thing on earth.” The platter was set at the center of the table with an extra flourish.

Tera rolled her eyes. “I don’t see what the fuss is about. I myself like a good steak… why don’t you take up hunting, Hon?”

Uncle Jace’s face lit up at the idea, Ana smiled weakly at his boyish expression. Tera seemed to sense she had just created a new hobby to complain about and jarred her husband out of his reverie by asking him to serve the fish.

Ana seemed to be struggling to keep her eyes open while she ate. Chance kept his eye on her throughout dinner. An unsettled feeling grew in him as he watched her, noticing her lavender fingers and lips. Unsure what was wrong, he sensed he should protect her, but from what, he didn’t know. All he wanted to do was keep her safe and happy. He wondered how easy that would be.

After dinner Tera and Jace gathered their things to go. Melissa attempted to send the fish leftovers home with her sister, who laughed at her when she tried, “Are you kidding, Mel? I have enough fish in my freezer to repopulate the Great Lakes.”