Flesh: Part Seven (The Flesh Series Book 7) (3 page)

"Something
about me." I try to resist rolling my eyes, but it happens
anyway. There's nothing special about me. I'm chubby and a bit
uptight and prone to giving in to social pressure. About a million
other girls in the world share the same qualities.

"You're sweet,
and you're funny, and you're easy to talk to. You're unsure of
yourself a lot, but you try to hide it. I see it though. I can see
when your confidence falters." He lazily points to me, keeping
his hand on his lap. "You want to make everyone happy, and
you're willing to sacrifice your own happiness to see it done. I
think that's really why you've been fighting not to piss Reddick
off."

He had me until the
last part. Sure, that was why I wanted to please Lucian in the
beginning, but that's not the case now. I'm putting my own heart
before money and the needs of the company.

I cock my head to
the side to look at Derrick. "I can't really think about this
right now. I need to sober up before I can process my feelings."

"That's
understandable." He nods. "And I don't want you to feel
like you have to like me just because I like you. Even if you're not
interested in me romantically, I don't want our friendship to
change." His expression is hopeful.

It's too late
though. Our friendship has already changed. That one kiss shifted him
from being a trusted friend to a potential love interest. Even if
things don't pan out between us, it will be a while before our
relationship returns to normal if it ever does.

"I still think
it's just the wine talking." I take another sip from my glass,
even though it's empty.

"Well, I
suppose we won't know until the effects of the wine have passed, now
will we?" He reaches to grab my glass, and then stands to go to
the kitchen for another refill. Even though I tried to drink from the
glass, I don't think I want more alcohol. I was just thirsty.

When he returns, I
ask the question that's now nagging at me. "What would you have
done if I hadn't woken up?"

"Hm?" He
seems startled for a moment. "Oh. I don't know."

"Did you even
plan for it, me waking up, that is?"

"To be honest,
it was all in the moment. I just saw you sleeping there, looking so
beautiful. I had to kiss you."

It's the most
romantic thing anyone has said to me in a while, but somehow it
doesn't cause the feelings that I thought it would. There's no warmth
or desire for him.

"Would you
rather pretend it didn't happen?" He arches a perfect brow.

"For now,"
I admit. "Can we just finish our wine and enjoy the rest of the
night?"

It's a lot to hope
for and kind of a rude request. I wait for the pained look in
Derrick's eyes, but instead of acting rejected, his expression
softens. He extends his arm for me to curl under it, and I do, though
with a little more apprehension than before. Derrick holds me against
him, rubbing my shoulder absentmindedly as we continue to watch
Futurama in silence. No matter how hard I try though, I can't relax.

The minutes and
hours drag by at a snail's pace. It's not long before my eyes are
growing heavy, but I dare not sleep, even though I trust Derrick not
to try to kiss me again. After all, I made it clear to him that
anything romantic between us is going to be put on hold until we're
both sober. He's not like Lucian. He's not going to force me into
being with him. It's one part of Derrick that I thought I loved. Now
though, with alcohol flowing through me, my body is needy for a rough
touch. Derrick definitely doesn't have a rough touch. He wouldn't
hold me down and press his body on top of mine, kiss me hard and
force his way between my legs. He's not Lucian Reddick.

CHAPTER TWO

By the time Derrick
finally leaves, I can barely keep my eyes open. Our goodbye is
awkward—the way he looks wantonly at me and hugs me a bit too
long. I feel great affection from him, but I can't convince myself
that it's anything other than the alcohol talking. He's probably just
horny and lonely, and that's what spurred his advance. Maybe the next
time I see him, he'll be embarrassed about what he did and try to
explain it away. And I'll forgive him. We all have our strange
drunken moments where we say things we don't mean and do things we
shouldn't. Alcohol is one hell of a drug.

Once the door is
shut behind him, I take our glasses and the leftover snacks to the
kitchen. The glasses go in the sink, and I spend the next several
minutes bagging up what's left of the goodie tray. Even though we
gorged ourselves, there's still a lot. I'll pig out on it again
tomorrow and then bring the rest to work as snacks throughout the
week.

When I finish
cleaning up the kitchen, I go take a shower and slip into bed. My
mind is wired awake though, and I don't sleep. After two hours of
just lying there staring up at the ceiling, I decide to get up, drink
a bunch of water, and wait for Janice to come home from work.

She walks through
the door at nearly four o'clock in the morning. At that point, I'm
struggling to stay awake, but I'm stubborn, and I really want to tell
her what happened with Derrick.

"What are you
doing still up?" she asks as she notices the glow from the
television.

I put my hand on the
back of the sofa and turn around to look at her. "You're never
going to believe what happened."

"Blue Eyes came
over and pounded you in every room in the apartment." She sets
her purse on the bar. The disinterest in her voice is almost
palpable. I can tell she's not in the mood to launch into a lengthy
conversation. That makes sense though, considering the long day she
has had.

"No. It has
nothing to do with Lucian." I shake my head.

Her shoulders slump
as she turns to me. "Please don't make me guess, Amy. I have a
splitting headache." She draws her hand up to her temple.

"You're totally
not going to believe it." I watch her walk around the side of
the sofa to sit next to me.

She drops down
heavily, looking exhausted. "Out with it."

"Derrick kissed
me." My energy renews as I tell her the spicy tidbit.

She knits her brow
in confusion. "Queer Eye Derrick?"

"Don't call him
that." I smack her side.

"Oh God, have
you been drinking?" She stands up and moves several feet away as
if the smell of my breath might make her wretch.

"Mhm." I
nod with a grin.

We're like polar
opposites from last night. Now she's sober, and I'm the drunk one. At
least, she's not going to have to hold back my hair while I throw up
into the toilet in my underwear.

"You do realize
that Derrick is gay, right?" She puts a hand on her hip.

"I thought he
was, but he says I'm an exception to the rule." I sink back
against the sofa, thinking about all the sweet things Derrick said to
me.

"Was he
drinking?"

"Yeah. We both
were."

"Then I
wouldn't think anything of it." She gestures at me
absentmindedly.

I sulk a bit though
I don't know why. I really shouldn't want Derrick to have romantic
feelings for me. "Maybe you're right. I mean, I thought it was
just the alcohol at first too, but then he started saying all of
these things to me."

"How much did
you guys drink?" She shifts her weight.

"Two bottles of
wine."

"And he's a
lightweight." Janice cocks her head to the side. "Definitely,
don't think anything of it. He always gets super affectionate when
he's drunk."

"It wasn't like
that though," I say weakly. I've been around Derrick when he was
drunk enough times to know that this is something entirely different.

"I'm going to
bed." She yawns dramatically. "You should too."

"What should I
say to Derrick when I see him next?" I ask as she starts walking
away.

She pauses, looking
back at me over her shoulder. "I'd just pretend it never
happened. He probably won't remember. And if he does, it will be less
embarrassing and awkward for the both of you if you don't say
anything."

***

The fact that
Derrick doesn't even text me the next day is a pretty good sign that
his love confession was a drunken fluke. Still, I can't help but
dwell on it. This is the first time in my entire life that two guys
have liked me at the same time, even if it was only temporary. It's
exciting, even if one of them is gay...and the other is a hoebag.
Putting it that way, maybe it isn't so exciting after all.

I decide to spend
the day shopping since I don't have a hangover, and I know that the
stores are all going to be having sales today. They always do on
Labor Day. By the time I'm done, I walk away with two new outfits and
a cute pair of pink pumps. All the shopping in the world can't make
me feel better though.

It seems like life
this past week has been nothing but a stressfest. Part of me is still
pining over Lucian, but I know I'm chasing a phantom. He's not
interested in me in the way I want him, and he never will be. The
other part of me is worried about what happens if Derrick remembers
the things that he said. Even worse, if he meant them.

It feels odd that
I've spent all this time thinking about how perfect Derrick would be
if he was straight, but now that I'm presented with a potential
opportunity to be with him, I'm so uncertain. Flaws I've never seen
in him before began creeping up almost the second that he confessed
his feelings. He's more like a brother to me than boyfriend
material—friend zoned, and I didn't even realize it. The
thought that I have to face both of them tomorrow makes me sick to my
stomach.

Time won't stop just
for me though. I spend my afternoon in contemplation and my night in
restless sleep. Night turns to day, and I have to get up and face my
demons head on—both of them.

When I walk into the
office in the morning, I try to act casual. I barely glance over at
Derrick before I sit down at my desk and turn my computer on. As soon
as I log in to my email, I see a message from Lucian asking me to
come over tonight. Inwardly, I sigh. It's always so hard to face him,
even when I have good resolve to stay away. There's little doubt in
my mind that he'll advance on me again. I should probably spend the
day mentally preparing myself for it.

Derrick must be
super embarrassed about what happened over the weekend because he
doesn't even speak to me until lunch. I get the feeling that if we
didn't regularly eat together, he might have avoided me for the
entire day. The thought kind of hurts, but at the same time, I
understand. His confession was pretty brazen. And that kiss...

"Hey, sugar
lips." His eyes fall to my lips as he greets me, but there's a
strange emptiness behind them.

"Hey, studly,"
I tease, then realize that probably wasn't the best thing to say. I
don't want to make him feel any more awkward than I'm sure he already
does. "Are we going out to eat today or staying in?"

"I brought my
lunch." He holds up a brown paper bag. "Want to eat in my
car?"

It's a strange
request. We usually either eat in the small lunch room provided at
Environ Design or at one of our desks.

"Why don't we
just eat here?" I move some papers off of my desk so that we'll
have room.

"I'd kind of
like to talk to you." His eyes shift towards Tyra's office.

"Alright,"
I hesitate, figuring that he remembers what he did and wants to
apologize for it. There's no need for that though. Carefully, I reach
out to take his hand, smiling at him softly. "We don't need to
talk about things, Derrick. It's alright. I understand."

"No, you
don't." He shakes his head and pulls his hand away from me to
rake it through his hair. Stress is apparent on his face, and it's
starting to make my worry.

"We can go out
to your car then." I nod before gathering my lunch and bottled
water and following him out the door.

The inside of his
car is cozy, and it smells like his cologne. I sink into the seat and
immediately begin unwrapping the sandwich I brought for lunch. In the
small space, there doesn't seem to be much air, but I know that's
only the tension between us starting to get to me.

"I think we
should talk." Derrick stares straight forward. His voice is all
seriousness.