Ben chuckled. “Amy and I both want what’s best for Ella. Of course we’d think about it. I know because I discuss things with my significant other now. I learned the hard way. See? I have things I’ve needed to forgive myself for, too.”
Those words made her look out the window. Had she forgiven herself? A movement underneath the lamppost caught her eye. She watched as Dan put a carry-on into the trunk of a cab.
Ben followed her gaze. “It looks as if he’s leaving for a trip.”
She nodded. The hopelessness she’d been repressing crept into every crevice of her heart.
“You can tell me if there’s something going on between you and your
temporary neighbor
, Holly. I’m not blind, and if he’s going to be a part of Ella’s life, he’ll be a part of mine, too. I’d like to get to know him.”
Holly looked up at him. It was as if she and Ben had grown up together, even when they’d been apart. They owed each other honesty. She owed
herself
honesty this time around. She swallowed past the watery lump in her throat. “I’m in love with him.”
He studied her. “How do you know? I mean, from what you’ve said, you haven’t known him very long.”
“It’s not about how long I’ve known him. It’s about how well I know him. I know him better than I know you, if you can believe it. I don’t understand how it happened, but it did. But you don’t have to get to know him. Dan and I would never work out.”
Ben walked around the table to crouch beside her. “Why not?”
Holly ran her finger over the rim of her coffee cup. She didn’t want to watch Dan leave, didn’t want to wonder where he was heading. Dan’s past colored the way he saw her past. It was understandable, but unacceptable. “It was never in the cards, I guess. I messed us up way before we even met, if that makes sense.”
“You’re starting to sound like Ruby, except no one really knows what’s in the cards.” Ben squeezed her shoulder. “And no, it doesn’t make sense. You need to forgive yourself, Holly, so you can move on.”
Dan stepped off the concourse and looked down at the list he’d compiled three months before.
Seattle historic districts: Pike Place Market, Ballard Avenue, Pioneer Square . . .
The faded words on the wrinkled piece of paper no longer held promise. The thrill he’d felt when he’d made the list three months before was born of boredom, not adventure.
Probably he’d feel different when he got off the plane and began to explore. He did a quick scan of the arrivals and departures board to check on his flight. It was on time.
His gaze flickered to the name of the city just below, a city only a half-hour flight away. His spine prickled and his hand involuntarily fisted, crumpling the piece of paper in it into a tight ball. A new idea took hold.
He didn’t know what drove him forward, but he knew he couldn’t stop.
And less than two hours later, he was there. Idling on the street in his rented car, looking up at a pale yellow house with blue shutters.
His mom answered on the third knock and nearly swayed when she saw him standing there. “Daniel,” she breathed out, her hand on her heart.
“I’m here for the window.”
“The window. Of—of course.”
Dan allowed himself to really look at her. At first glance, she was still a striking woman. But her eyes were dull and faded, the edges of her mouth wore more wrinkles than the corners of her eyes, and her shoulders sagged.
She opened the door wider and stepped aside. “You’ll have to come in. I can’t carry it myself. Douglas is at the doctor’s office and won’t be back till noon.” Her speech was stilted and her gait unsteady as she led the way across a living room and a dining room to a sunroom out back. A quick look around revealed a picture of the couple, cheap art, and both pictures and paintings of his mother.
Douglas Dodson.
His stepfather
. Dan shook his head. “Why aren’t you with your husband? At the doctor’s, I mean.”
Her hand froze on the knob and her back stiffened. “I’m tired. I needed a break. His brother offered to take him.”
“How long have you been together?”
“Twenty-something years. On and off. He always wants me back.” Her head was held high, but something in her voice suggested she herself didn’t understand why. She opened the door and motioned to a corner of the room.
Holly’s window was propped up against the screen. Dan stopped before it. The trim was rain-damaged, but the stained-glass hummingbird was in good, if not perfect, shape.
He could feel his mother’s eyes on him. The idea had been to pick up the window and to learn more. Now that he was here, he didn’t know what “more” was. He lifted the heavy frame and carried it to where she was standing.
Her eyes flitted around the room, never meeting his. “Is that all you came for?”
He placed the window at his feet, buying time, wondering if asking anything was a mistake.
Why didn’t you give me a warning? You could’ve left me with something. You could’ve sent something later. All Dad knew was that you weren’t dead.
“Why didn’t you say good-bye?”
She looked at the floor. Her throat worked. “Disappointment. Seeing it in people’s faces when they look at me. I can’t stand it.”
Dan remembered his dream, questions surfaced, but the hollow feeling in his chest told him the answers wouldn’t bring peace.
“Do you hate me?” she asked.
He looked up at her then, surprised at the truth. “I don’t hate you.”
“Do you think we can have form some sort of relationship?” There was no inflection in her voice, no tone, no emotion.
She wouldn’t look at him, and Dan fought for adequate words. So many times he’d wished he could somehow make her hurt the way she’d made him hurt. But the will to do it just wasn’t there. A need to protect, not hurt, filled him. It pained him to know he felt anything at all. “Not now,” he answered truthfully, before picking the window up and letting himself out.
He didn’t look back. Right now, all he saw was someone who hadn’t loved him enough. His whole life he’d fought hard against that feeling, and there were times it had threatened to pull him under.
He put the key in the ignition, and froze, as Holly’s final words suddenly rushed back to him
. I deserve to be more than someone’s halfhearted trial run.
His heartbeat slowed. His stomach churned. Keeping his life focused on the people who did love him had kept his head above those murky waters, until he’d eventually pulled himself out. No way did he want to dive back in.
I deserve to be with someone who’ll accept me for who I am now, someone who won’t judge me or beat me down.
No one wanted to dive back into murky waters, yet Dan had offered her a cloudy future no better than the past she’d worked hard to overcome. Only a part of him, and the worst part of him at that.
She had his heart. She had it whole. But he’d been too worried about what came next to let her know.
They’d each brought their past into the house last night and used it to push the other away, as if that would make an uncertain future easier to face.
It hadn’t. Leaving had proven harder than staying and facing problems head-on. Ruby was right; his brothers didn’t want him to stay away. Only Marianne wanted that.
And Holly had expected him to.
Dan nodded at the stained-glass window sitting on the backseat. The two of them were going on a road trip to Atlanta to pick up his stuff.
Then, they were going home, so he could finish what he’d started.
CHAPTER 16
T
he business district was just waking up. The lights were on at the Gypsy Fortune Café. Rosa was sweeping the floor, and Sherry was wiping down countertops.
Dan opened the door to Amador Construction and Preservation. Sam was sitting at his desk, studying papers, looking careworn. “Is everything all right?” Dan asked, setting his travel bag down.
Sam looked up. “About time you got back.”
Johnny thundered down the steps. “Hey.” He lifted his head in greeting, as if he hadn’t chewed him out over the phone only two days before. “This is our last chance to rehearse. Let’s get going.”
“You nervous?” Dan raised an eyebrow.
“Hell, no. But we either play hard or go home. I’d rather play hard.”
“How hard can we play? We’re covering Christmas songs.” Sam smirked.
Dan took the plunge. It was now or never. “I was actually hoping we could exchange one song for something a little more . . . unexpected.”
“Too late. Can’t change things up now.” Johnny headed for the basement.
Dan rubbed the back of his neck. “Help me out here. It’s for Holly.”
Sam and Johnny stared at him. Neither said a word.
He blew out a breath. “Here’s the thing . . .” He let them in on his idea, but both of them shook their heads with emphatic nos.
“Are you nuts? My band’ll be there. I’ll never live it down,” Johnny said.
“The entire town will be there. TV crews will be there.
None of us
will ever live it down,” Sam added.
“So, you’ll do it?” Dan asked.
“No,” they declared in unison.
“I’m all for you expressing yourself, but I don’t think I can do this.” Johnny threw his hands up in the air. “You’re asking too much, bro.”
“This isn’t about you. It’s about Holly. She needs to hear this. And I thought you were her friends.”
Sam looked at him for a moment, and something in his expression shifted. “I’m sure you could find another way of reaching her, but if this is the way you want to go about it, I’ll do it. Not for Holly. For you.” He offered up a lopsided smile. “I knew this was coming, by the way.”
“I saw it coming that very first night. I’ll do it, too. For you.” Johnny took a deep breath. “I, uh, know I don’t say it, but I miss you. It was always the three of us. Nothing ever really came between us, you know.”
Sam cleared his throat. “Nothing and nobody.”
Dan couldn’t look at them. He told himself the funny feeling working its way through him was amusement over how ludicrous his brothers were acting.
The little jingle above the door rang, and Heather, Jake, and Marianne walked in. “Let’s go, let’s go.” Jake was hopping up and down.
Sam’s eyes widened when he looked at the clock. “It’s seven a.m., Jake. Where do you want to go?”
“The new stage went up yesterday, but they didn’t have time to paint. They need all the help they can get,” Marianne explained. “I called Heather last night and told her to leave Jake with me so you, she, and Johnny could help out, but you didn’t answer the phone. I didn’t know Dan was back, but I’m sure he can help, too.”
“Sorry, but we can’t help just yet. We have to rehearse a new song,” Sam picked Jake up and hugged him. “Do you want to stick around and watch us rehearse?”
“Yes!” Jake yelled.
“A new song?” Marianne looked exasperated. “Is a new song more important than helping out?”
“This one is. It’s for Dan and Holly.” Johnny crossed his arms. Marianne pursed her lips.
“Yes!” Heather pumped a fist in the air. “I had an inkling about you two.”
Marianne glowered at her.
“They’re doing it as a favor to me,” Dan was quick to say. He didn’t want to hear one word about Holly from her mouth. Things would never be easy between him and Marianne, but he’d accepted it. It wasn’t his or his brothers’ problem. It was only hers. But he wasn’t about to let Marianne drag Holly into any of it. “It shouldn’t take us long to learn the song. And the three of us can have that stage painted in no time.”
It was silly, she knew, but Holly was ecstatic that Ben and her father were enjoying the Christmas Eve Festival. The festival took place at night, and the whole downtown area and park were lit up with thousands upon thousands of candy-colored lights. Red, green, and white bulbs inside the antique lampposts cast colorful shadows on the stage, sidewalks, and grass.
A stage had been set up on the far side of the park, and they enjoyed back-to-back acts featuring local magicians, musicians, dancers, actors, and playwrights. A giant screen had been set up at one corner of the park so those standing far away could see the acts onstage up close.
Four beautifully decorated Christmas trees—a Texas blue spruce, an eastern white pine, a noble fir, and a red cedar—flanked every corner of Star Springs Park, adorned with miniature airplanes, cash registers, tools, brightly colored gypsy wagons, replica Hopewell Indian artifacts, and more. Anything having to do with the Dayton region was welcome on a tree.
The place was still packed, though it was getting late, and reporters and their cameramen made their way through the crowds, stopping at tables and kiosks and interviewing random festival-goers. Ben, Ella, Holly, and her father had been walking about, tasting treats, looking at arts and crafts, and getting close to the heat lamps next to each setup.
“There you are! I’ve been looking for you all night. How’s my favorite granddaughter?”
Ella threw her arms around Grandma Ruby.
“I’m your only granddaughter.” Holly hugged her, too. “And what was in the tea you gave me last week? I slept for twelve hours! I was so mad at myself, I never sleep that long.”
“A good night’s sleep brings clarity.”
“I told her not to drink it. You never know what those herbs will do. Back when I was in the marines, we were ordered to stay away from that stuff whenever we were overseas.” Her father eyed his mother-in-law warily.
“Doug.” Ruby greeted him with thin lips and a slight nod. “I see you haven’t changed since the last time we met.”
“That was two days ago.” Holly laughed.
“Hi, Ruby.” Ben gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
“I was just talking to your office manager, and he said you’ve sold over fifty bottles of your newest private collection scent!” Grandma Ruby grabbed her hands.
“Fifty already? We were only at sixteen when I was manning our kiosk at seven. But Emily was there after me and you know what a good salesperson she is.”
“We’ve had a record turnout this year, too. Our kiosk has—”
“I can’t hear the Christmas caroling,” Doug interrupted.
“Hearing is one of the first things to go with age, Doug. Maybe you should stand closer to the stage,” Grandma Ruby said to him.
Holly watched as Doug drew up to his full height to stare down his mother-in-law. She smiled the sweetest smile she possessed as the last chords of “Joy to the World” died away.
“Well, now it’s too late,” he said.
“A dance company will perform a flamenco next.” Grandma Ruby signaled toward the stage. “After that, the Amador Brothers are on.”
“A flamenco? At a Christmas Eve Festival?” Doug seemed more intrigued than put off.
“It’s a flamenco version of the duet between the Sugar Plum Fairy and the Prince. Very passionate.”
Holly’s breath caught at the sight of Dan helping Johnny haul his drums onto the side of the stage. Feeling her father’s eyes on her, she looked away. So, he was making good on his promise to play with his brothers, she told herself, but her heart was pounding so wildly at the sight of him, her ears roared.
“Do you guys want to try some candy cane pie?” she asked. “Rosa makes the best.” She began walking toward the Gypsy Café kiosk, Ella’s hand in hers, but Ella wouldn’t budge.
“I want to watch the fairy dance, and then I want to see Uncle Dan, Uncle Johnny, and Uncle Sam play. They said their ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ and ‘Santa Claus Lane’ were going to make my heart spin.”
“We have a few minutes, and I want Dad and Ben to have some pie. The kiosk is near the stage, just off to the side. Dad, you haven’t seen Sherry and Rosa in years.”
“All right, let’s do that,” her father agreed.
Ben scooped Ella up in his arms and followed them.
They turned their backs to the stage and made their way to Sherry and Rosa, who greeted them each with a slice of candy cane pie. Holly knew it was delicious, but for the first time in her life, her senses had left her. “So, you’re the cooking witch,” her father said to Rosa, and Holly was surprised to see him smile.
“I just bake pies. Any magic they hold is in the precise combination of ingredients and in Ruby’s imagination. I’m no witch.” Rosa smiled back.
“Hey, the dance is about to start. Ella, Holly, do you want to sit near the stage with me? I have two seats reserved up front.” Ella held her arms out, and Grandma Ruby took her from Ben, who looked like he didn’t mind. Holly followed them, and her father and Ben stayed behind. She sat beside her daughter, who immediately put her tiny hand in Holly’s and smiled up at her.
Everyone watched in a quiet, trance-like state as the Nutcracker Prince and the Sugar Plum Fairy danced, their pulsating footwork beating across the stage, their intricate hand and body movements mesmerizing the audience, stealing their breath with its passion.
When the piece was finished, the audience burst into applause at once, as if it were one exuberant being. Conversations buzzed around her, and Ella hopped up and down as the Cursed Amadors set up. Holly couldn’t look at the stage without feeling heartache and loss, so she looked over at the giant screen instead.
A reporter interviewed Sherry about the meaning of pie, and Holly managed a smile.
The reporter looked into the camera and said, “There you have it, folks. Storybook houses, haunted streets, pies with meaning, signature scents, and gypsy fortunes are only part of what makes this town and its Christmas Eve Festival so special to the residents of Spinning Hills, Ohio.”
Holly clapped her hands along with everyone. Emily, Leo, and Gracie came to sit near them, bringing Ben and Doug along with them. “That was an amazing plug for the town,” Emily exclaimed.
Holly agreed and looked back up at the screen. The camera panned to the stage, focused on Dan, and the beginning beats of a song began to play.
The percussion track was unmistakable. A shiver ran down her spine, and she turned to the stage itself.
“I’ve never heard this Christmas song before,” Doug remarked.
“That’s because it’s not a Christmas song,” Ben explained, before looking over at Holly.
Holly was powerless to keep her eyes away from Dan.
No, “Africa” was not a Christmas song. Dan’s eyes bore down at her, and she’d never seen him look so . . . determined.
Holly sat there, transfixed, watching Dan play a song he claimed to dislike . . . for her. There was no doubt about it. The chorus came on and Dan took the lead vocals. His eyes never left hers. That the words were heartfelt was clear. She listened to the chorus and felt it in the core of her very being. Dan would never let anything take her away from him. She was that wanted. That loved.
The song ended, a few kids began chanting “Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock,” over and over again, and one of Johnny’s bandmates called out, “Cool drums. Not bad, Toto Bros!” A few friends then began chanting “Toto Bros, Toto Bros,” and Dan shrugged at Johnny and Sam’s murderous looks. The brothers began to play their version of “Jingle Bell Rock” straightaway, to quiet the chants.
“What was that about?” Emily asked, laughing.
“That is one of Holly’s favorite songs.” Ben wiggled his eyebrows at her.
Holly didn’t hear another word. She sat there, transfixed, seeing but not seeing, waiting . . .
Dan, Sam, and Johnny were wrapping up their set. The crowd was wild. They really had made hearts spin. When the crowd calmed down, a local reporter went up to them, her cameraman in tow. Holly looked up at the big screen.
“It’s clear you guys are popular in this town! Those last two songs had everyone on their feet. Can you tell us why you veered off course for that first song? Nobody seems to be able to make sense of it.” She placed the microphone in front of Johnny, but he pushed it toward Dan.
“Well?” the reporter asked.
“That song was a message, one I have to finish delivering.”
He gave the microphone to Sam, who gave it to Johnny, who flirted with the reporter outrageously enough to take the attention off of Dan.
Dan waded through the crowd, captured Holly’s hand, and led her to the alley behind the café.
Holly leaned against the wall and looked up, trying hard to calm the tornado of emotions whirling through her.
He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to hers. “You asked me once what home was. Home is here, Holly, with you. Home is your lap, your sofa, and your touch. Home is Ella. Home is everything that’s you.”
A tear rolled down her cheek and she swiped at it. “I’m home to you, even though you know I’ve made decisions that hurt others?”
“I love you, Holly. And that means I love everything that’s made you who you are. Every decision, every regret, and every thought you’ve had up until now. Everyone comes from somewhere. All that matters is who and where we are now. I get that now. I swear I’ll never bring up your past and I’ll never use it against you. I want to build us up, Holly, not tear us down.”
Everyone comes from somewhere
. Grandma Ruby was right; it did feel momentous. “What about my custody issues with Ben? You hate drama.”
“We’ll deal. I’ll support you. All I really hate is not being home.”
Holly grabbed a fistful of his coat, and their lips met for a hard, breathless kiss that eased some of the longing and pent-up frustrations of the past few days.