Flirting With Chaos (7 page)

“Is he at least interested in going in the musical direction you want to?” I asked.

“No. He’s still in the past, and I’m trying to do something that’s never been heard before. He doesn’t get it.”

I kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand. “Sorry.”

“No big deal. I’ll deal with it eventually.” He grabbed me before I could move away from him and then landed kisses on my cheek and closer to my lips than his usual pecking. “Let’s talk about your apple.”

“You better be joking. I said no.”

“Hmm. We’ll talk about it later then.” He sat up. “You like your two surprises so far?”

“Two?” I gestured to the whole party. “This is way more than two. I figured this was all twenty-two. Seriously, if you have any more surprises, I don’t need them.”

“Too bad. You’re getting them all. One surprise was the party. The other was that Depraved Minds would sing for you. We have twenty more to go.” He formed his lips into a frown. “So, why did my dad hit your butt again? Is that why you’re saying no, because of the butt tickle?”

“Are you really still thinking about the butt thing? It was a quick hit. That’s it, and it has nothing to do with why I don’t want you to take my virginity.” I shook my head. “I can’t even remember why he did it. I made some smart remark. He hit me on my butt. The whole thing was playful and fun.”

“Okay.” He bobbed his head but didn’t seem relieved. “Either way, tell me if he gets out of line.”

“He won’t. I have been around him before, you know.”

“That was years ago. You’re a woman now.” His gaze strayed to my breasts.

“New topic.”

“Cool.” He rubbed his hands together. “Are you ready for surprises three, four, and five?”

“Yes.”

“Ted, get your ass over here!” Jude glanced my way and rolled his eyes. “I mean,
please
get your ass over here.”

“Thanks. I hate being around you when you’re a pretentious asshole.”

“Luckily, there are only rare moments when I’m like that.”

“Bullshit,” I muttered under my breath.

A tall blond guy carried over a big box with no top on it. Paint brushes stuck out of it. Excitement exploded in my chest. I jumped up to see what else was in there as he set it down. Jude pointed into the box. “These are just some of the supplies I’m putting in your creative cottage.”

“Creative cottage?” I asked.

“That big-ass mansion is ridiculously chaotic when Dad is there. I need you in there with me this summer, painting, keeping me from killing him, and inspiring my music. You’re my muse.”

“I’m your muse.” I twisted my lips to the side. “How many times have you said that to a woman this week?”

“Zero. And I’ll pretend like you didn’t accuse me of being deceitful where you and my music are concerned.” He pushed the box away from me. “These supplies are just a symbol of your creative cottage. I had Isabelle clean out the office next to my music studio. I’m making it your place to paint and do your art.”

I lifted the different tubes of paint, dragged my fingers along the white, threaded surface of canvas, and studied the different sizes of brushes. “Oh my God, this is your best present yet. You’re spoiling me.”

“So, are you going to come paint, sculpt, and do artsy shit every week?”

“You know I will, and I’ll probably paint and draw you most of the time.” I stared longingly into his eyes and tried not to laugh. “You know, Jude, you are
my
muse.”

“Ha ha. You’re so funny. I was actually being serious when I said it to you.” He tapped his chest. “Anyway, I just want you to promise me that all the things you paint, I get to keep.”

“Sure. I’d like to get one of you and your father.”

“Maybe.”

“Please?”

“Fine. You can paint us together.” He grimaced.

“You rock.” I groped a few of the different paint brushes with lust then forced myself to back away from the box and direct my attention back to Jude. “You’re pretty much my only fan.”

“Because you hide your art from everybody. Your mom would love it if you showed her.” He winked at me.

Would Mom like my art? I doubt it.

Not the stuff I painted. Especially my darker ones. I loved to paint with blood—animal blood mainly. The ones I did of my mom and dad always tended to be drenched in it. Many of those pieces were abstract in some ways, but there were enough things in there to recognize what I was painting—broken pieces of guns scattered across a field of evil spirits, dripping in crimson liquid; real acid strips plastered on canvas with eyes surrounding them; bloodied guitars; and Jude’s favorite: a shattered rainbow done in dyed cocaine powder. I imagined Mom stepping into my studio and journeying to the far back where my collection hung in a darkened room. She would probably be enraged or worse, crumble down into a depression like she did now every time I talked to her about Dad.

“Anything you create this summer is all mine. No one else can have it.” Jude raked his fingers through my curls.

“I promise. All of my paintings are yours.”

“Good. Now for your next surprise. You’re going to have to be open-minded.”

“I’m not doing any hard drugs.”

An exasperated breath escaped his lips as he pulled out a tiny plastic bag with two white pills. Rainbows decorated both of them. He never over-consumed hard drugs and tended to only do an ecstasy pill or line of cocaine every now and then, but it worried me that one day his casual use could turn into a hardcore habit. I couldn’t deal with it if he ended up like our fathers.

“Come on, Rain.” He dangled the bag in front of me. “You said you would do ecstasy with me again.”

I directed my attention to the balcony where the music boomed to an erratic beat. “Friends don’t get friends to do drugs.”

“You smoke weed.”

“It’s natural.”

“Fucking Jamaicans.”

I punched him. “You’re such a racist. Not every Jamaican smokes.”

“I challenge you to find me one Jamaican over twenty on this planet that hasn’t ever smoked in their life, and I’ll give you one of my cars.”

It would be difficult. All of my mother’s side had either tried it or still did it as part of their Rastafarian religion. Nevertheless, I’d find one, and he’d eat his words one day. “Deal.”

He leaned over and grabbed a glass of water. “Nothing is going to happen to you. I’ve taken this type of pill before. It’s a happy high. I know the dealer. He’s trustworthy.”

I snorted. “A trustworthy dealer? I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“T-Bone is here, watching our every more. Take one. You get a bad trip, and I’ll take you wherever you need to go and calm you down.” He lowered onto the ground and got on his knees as he poked his lip out. “Please, Rainy. It’ll be so much fun. Come on! You’re fucking perfect all school year. Loosen up.”

“Nothing I do is perfect.” I hid my face with my hands.

“For me, baby?” He dragged my hands away.

“Give me the damn pill.”

“Yes!” He jumped up and handed it to me. “Just put it in your mouth and swallow.”

I did and he followed.

“Now, back to your virginity.”

I hit his chest. “Please stop. I really need you to forget about that.”

“And if I choose not to?”

The music stopped. I decided not to discuss it any further. Our friendship signified the strongest and most pure thing in my life. Jude had stood by me during my worst times, just as I’d done for him. It was why I’d spent months considering the decision for him to take my virginity. I couldn’t have our relationship shattered over a night of sex. And that was truly all it would be for Jude. Deep inside, I pretended like I understood that, but I really hadn’t until he’d seen the apple gift bag and joked around about it as if it were no big deal, when for me it had symbolized a big moment in my life.

My first time meant everything to me. Bad memories and thoughts saturated my mind and scraped me raw on the inside. I needed my first time to be more than the usual and to bring light to my darkness. Earlier, I figured Jude was that guy for me because he’d always been my soother in a storm. But I’d been wrong.

“I don’t understand why you’re taking it back.” Jude interrupted my thoughts.

“This is the night where history is made!” A tall chick in a mini skirt walked onto the stage with a microphone in her hand. The crowd roared. Everyone up in VIP jumped to their feet.

“Depraved Minds is here!” she yelled. “Y’all ready to party?”

Everyone screamed. I even clapped my hands and stood up. Blue light shined on Kaden’s bare chest as he strummed the strings on his guitar. The audience hooted.

Kaden leaned toward his microphone. “Where’s Rainbow at?”

“I told him not to do that.” Jude got up with me.

“Do what?”

“Rainbow, where you at, baby?” Kaden put his hands over his eyes and searched the area. “Don’t hide from me. Everyone yell with me. Rainbow! Rainbow!”

I cringed and hurried over to the balcony, waving my hands at the stage.

“Rainbow!” People jumped around. “Rainbow!”

The spotlight scanned the whole club and finally landed on me. Jude arrived at my side. I said a prayer of thanks for not feeling the effects of that pill yet. It would take time to hit me most likely, and by then, I hoped to not be on a balcony with light shining on my face and blinding me with hundreds of people watching.

“There she is. Isn’t she beautiful?” Kaden stared right at me. It felt like his eyes were searing into my skin, or maybe I was imagining things.

Whistles rang out from a few guys below.

“Rainbow, you mean the world to me. Even though I haven’t been in your life like I should’ve been, I’ve thought about you.” He played several notes, ones that froze me like a statue of ice. I recognized them. It had been years, but I knew the song. Kaden played the intro. “So, I had to sing the song that you inspired. Any time I hear it, I think of Jack and his love for you.”

Damn it. Of course he would play that song. Of course he’d have no idea how much it would hurt and stir up things that I didn’t wish to be in my head at any moment.

My fingers shook as I stepped back from the balcony, searching for a place to run away.

“Ribbons of rainbows don’t compare to you,”
Kaden sang.
“Swollen rain clouds envy the shades that shine from you.”

Drumming came in with a boom.

“At the end of a storm, it’s not the clearing of clouds or the sun that brightens the sky. It’s your love, your existence, the hope and happiness in your eyes.”

Suddenly, my father’s image rushed to my head. He strummed his guitar as he kneeled in a pool of his own blood and urine. He’d sung it to me, trying to get me to remember why I should listen to him, why I should help.

“Please, Rainbow,” Dad cried. “Do it for Daddy. I can’t live with the guilt.”

“You’re my escape when I am falling. You’re my salvation.”
Kaden moved to the edge of the stage with his head raised up to me as he continued to sing.
“You lift me up and wipe the tears away. You’re my salvation.”

“I can’t do this.” I rushed off, bumping into Jude and slipping away through shocked faces.

Chapter 5

Rooftop Promises

I R
AN
O
UT
O
F
VIP, not down the stairway that Jude and I had come up from, but via an emergency fire exit. The door slammed behind me. The song “Ribbons of Rainbow” faded out into the silence of the stairwell.

“Just listen to the song, baby.” Dad’s shaking fingers had played it again and again.
How many times had he played it that night?
It had driven me crazier than I already was. He had barely been able to keep ahold of his guitar, but somehow he’d managed until the last bullet hit him in the center of his mouth.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “No! Stop thinking about it. Stop it.”

“Rain?” Jude opened the door and almost crashed into me. “Are you okay? I told him not to play that damn song.”

I rubbed my eyes and blew out air. “I just need a moment.”

T-Bone stepped out behind Jude. He yanked his shades off and directed his attention to me. “What can I do for you, Rain? Just let me know, sweetheart.”

“Nothing,” Jude said. “I’ve got her. I’m just taking her up to the roof.” He climbed the first step, and I got behind him, breathing in and out. He looked back at T-Bone as the guard began walking up the stairs with us. “Stay here. I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Okay.” T-Bone nodded.

After a few seconds of going up the stairs, Jude peered at me.

“Did the song trigger…you know…thoughts?” He must’ve noticed my bottom lip quiver. “In fact, never mind. You don’t have to tell me anything. Let’s just get you some fresh air.”