Flux (30 page)

The man at the desk continued to sit with his hand stretched toward the phone, a woozy expression on his face. Whirling, Nellie grabbed Deller and his mother and began dragging them toward the metal brackets. “Wake up,” she hissed, panicking at the stunned looks on their faces. “Wake
up
.” When Deller continued to stare blankly at her, she slapped him. Abruptly his eyes cleared, and he glanced swiftly around himself.

“I’ll go first,” Nellie hissed at him. “You bring your mom.” Then she turned and stepped between the brackets. Immediately she sensed what seemed to be a large pattern of vibrations with many smaller patterns pulsing within it, as if she was being offered a selection of destinations. Scanning them, she found one that felt familiar and focused on it. As she did, a long vertical seam appeared before her. Quickly she sent her mind into it and began to push. Easily, without pain, the gate opened, and she stepped through it.

She was back in the Temple of the Blessed Heart all right, but in the interim Ayne had been moved from the interrogation room to the laboratory. The first thing Nellie saw as she stepped free of the gate were the three birdlike machines, which had been moved from their original position in a corner to the middle of the room. Beyond them stood a priest in his emerald green robe of daily office, leaning against the door that led to the hall. Several lab-coated men were also standing about, facing him. A discussion was in progress and no one had noticed her arrival.

“We’ve got the kids doped and ready in the van,” said one of the lab-coated men. “There’s a strong alignment between the Susurra and the Moons tonight, and we’re going to check out any new levels
that might bring into range. But Hadden said one of the machines wasn’t functioning properly, so I want to give them a quick test before we head out.”

Leaning forward, he flicked a switch on the stem of one of the machines, and all three began to emit a loud hum. At the same moment, Deller and his mother stepped through the divided halves of Ayne’s body. When she saw the scene before her, Deller’s mother let out a cry, and the men whirled toward them.

“Get them!” shouted the priest.

Gibbering softly, Nellie rode out a wave of panic. There was no possible way she could freeze a molecular field with this many people. Behind her stood an open gate, but there was no point in heading back into the Interior. As the men lunged forward, her eyes fell on the birdlike machines. Swiftly, without thinking, she grabbed Deller and his mother and stepped into the space between the machines. A howl of dismay went up from the men and she heard one of them call out, “They’re not stabilized. We won’t know how to bring you ba—”

Nellie’s brain tilted to the right and her head filled with the shrill voices of whirling stars. Heat permeated her body and her vibratory rate shot up. Dimly she felt Deller’s mother’s hand tighten around her own, and then the birdlike machines, the shouting men and the laboratory disappeared.

Chapter 19

F
OR WHAT SEEMED LIKE
uncontained infinity, stars whirled and called out inside Nellie’s head, heat built inside her body and her vibratory rate continued to increase. Then the stars vanished and she saw what appeared to be level after level rapidly materializing and dematerializing around her. The first few resembled the laboratory scene she’d just left, with lab-coated men shouting at her from beyond birdlike machines. But before she could tell what was happening to her doubles, she’d passed through the nine fixed levels and entered what appeared to be a world of ancient broken-down buildings occupied by gargoyles. Next, a realm of darkness and fire materialized, inhabited by the looming figures of demons. This passed, and she was surrounded by humanoid reptilians that watched her through cold predatory eyes. Then they were gone, and she’d entered a landscape filled with vivid, strange-singing birds.

On and on Nellie traveled, her vibratory rate continuing to increase as she passed through levels as exotic as they were different. One moment she faced figures of blue spiraling smoke, the next she was surrounded by entities that leapt and danced with the jagged radiance of lightning. Finally she jerked to a halt, teetering in the
rush and whirl of her own mind, and tumbled forward. Sobbing, she pressed against the ground beneath her, holding onto it with her body, begging it to remain in place. When nothing changed and her vibratory rate remained constant for several minutes, she opened her eyes and sat up.

She was immediately conscious of heat and a mild thrumming sensation. Squinting against a brightness that seemed to come from everywhere, Nellie gaped at the surrounding landscape. In the distance a row of high white cliffs hemmed a gleaming lake, and an abundance of glittering transparent vegetation grew everywhere, giving off flashes of prismatic light. Trees stretched into impossibly delicate shapes and flowers were patterned like snowflakes. Under her feet was something that looked and felt like sand, but glowed like tiny crystals.

Reaching down to scoop some of it into her palm, Nellie gasped and lifted both hands to her face. Glittery and transparent, they glowed like the surrounding landscape, as did the rest of her body. Sticking out her foot, she watched it give off a flash of brilliant multi-colored light. Upon entering this level, her entire body appeared to have been transformed into a crystalline substance that matched the landscape.
Just like
, Nellie thought, excitement catching in her throat,
when I’m shapeshifting and I turn into a crystal girl
.

As she turned her hands, watching them sparkle, she became aware of a mild thrumming sensation that seemed to be coming from her body. Kneeling, she pressed her hands to the sand and felt it emitting the same quick pulse. This was obviously a level vibrating at a very high rate—even the air seemed to shimmer and hum. Touching her throat, Nellie felt her pulse racing at three times the normal rate and yet she didn’t feel tired or overwhelmed.

Turning, she saw Deller and his mother lying nearby, their eyes closed. Though their bodies had also been transformed into a crystalline state, their limbs were dull, without the gleaming luminescence of her own. Gently Nellie patted their faces. When
neither stirred, she pressed the inside of their wrists and felt their pulses also racing at three times the normal rate, but harsh-edged and erratic.

“Deller,” she shouted. Taking him by the shoulders, she gave him a good shake, but his eyes remained closed, his mouth slack and open.

“They’ll be dead in a couple of hours,” said a voice behind her, and Nellie whirled to see her crystalline double standing several feet away. As with everything in this place, the girl’s transparent body glimmered and thrummed. Dressed in a short white tunic and sandals, she cocked her head to one side and observed Nellie curiously.

“No, they won’t,” Nellie snapped back, surging to her feet. “I won’t let them.”

Her double shrugged and tossed her long glowing hair, then turned and pointed a short ways off to several humps in the ground. “That’s where we buried the others,” she said nonchalantly. “They show up every now and then; we don’t know from where. Never even wake up, just lie there and die.”

Nellie’s eyes f licked desperately over the row of humps, counting. Nine. Had they all been children sent here by the birdlike machines? “Deller can’t die,” she stammered. “Or his mom. They’re my friends.”

“We’re all friends here,” her double shrugged. “You’ll see.”

“What if I give them some water?” Frantically Nellie pointed to the far-off gleam at the base of the cliffs.

“They can’t drink it,” her double said carelessly. “We’ve tried, but it won’t go into them. They’re not made for it. I think you’re okay though,” she added. “If you weren’t, you’d be out of it like them. Besides, you look like me, so you’re probably someone who was supposed to be with us but got lost. I bet it won’t take long for you to learn oneness.”

“Oneness?” Nellie asked warily, but instead of answering, her double reached out and touched her arm.

“Come,” she said, and instantly Deller, his mother and the glittering landscape vanished. Before Nellie could even blink, she found herself standing inside a large room. Clear crystalline walls arced upward into a single point and thrummed quietly. Through them she could see the white cliffs, shrunk to pinpoint size and decidedly further off. With a flash of panic she pivoted, seeking her double, and found herself facing a crowd of crystalline children and adults, all dressed in white tunics. And, Nellie realized, all giving off the same quick thrum she felt coming from everything else.

“Yes,” said her double, stepping out of the luminescent crowd and nodding to her. “What you’re feeling is the oneness of this place. We’re all one here—the air, the sea, the land, the animals and the people. When one of us has a thought, we all have it. When I wish for something, we all receive it. There’s no discord here, we understand each other completely and we share everything.”

Startled, Nellie stepped back. “You read my mind,” she whispered.

“When you have a thought, we all have it,” her double repeated. “You’ll learn to receive our thoughts too, you’ll see.”

Behind her the glimmering crowd shifted and thrummed excitedly. A scowl crossed Nellie’s face and she slitted her eyes at them, wondering if they were in the process of sharing one of their thoughts. If so, it was probably about her. Uneasily she took another step back. “That’s very interesting,” she said, scavenging her mind for something polite to say. “But I have to get back to my friends and help them. If you don’t mind—”

“They’ll die,” her double said dismissively, “and we’ll bury them. Forget them. We’re your friends now. You’re one with—”

“Yes,” Nellie snapped, her panic getting the better of her. “Fine, you’re my friends, that’s just fine. Now will you please tell me how we got here, so I can get back—”

“I thought us here,” said her double with a look of surprise. “How else do you travel?”

“You thought ...” Nellie stared around herself in bewilderment. “You mean you had a thought and it happened, just like that?”

“Of course.” Her double stared back with equal bewilderment as a confused-sounding thrum rose from the glimmering crowd behind her.

“So if I thought—,” began Nellie eagerly, but her double cut her off with a wave of the hand.

“You can’t think someone alive when he’s dead,” she said. “It has to be something that can happen. Your friends can’t carry the vibrations of this place. It’s too fast for them.”

“But they can’t die,” Nellie shouted, her fear splitting wide open. “They took care of me, they loved me, they’re the only ones who even looked at me after my mom died. What about the rest of you?” she demanded, turning to the crowd that pressed close, listening anxiously. “Why don’t you say something? Will you help?”

“They don’t talk,” her double said quickly. “We don’t need to. We communicate through thoughts, like I told you. I’m only talking to you now because you haven’t learned oneness with us yet. When you do—”

“I don’t want to learn oneness!” Eyes slitted, Nellie backed away from her double. “I’m not one with you, I’m one with myself.”

Hey, don’t get uptight
. The voice spoke inside Nellie’s head, shimmering like light. Startled, she glanced around, seeking its source, and saw the crowd part to let a second girl through. Coming to a halt beside Nellie’s double, the new girl watched in amusement as Nellie’s eyes darted between the two figures standing before her. With their long blond hair and sarpa eyes they were almost identical, but a closer inspection showed the second girl’s face to be narrower, her lips fuller and as well a tiny mole that sat on the right side of her neck—all in all, she was a mirror image of the photograph of Nellie Joanne that had been in the Breeding Program file folder.

“Are you another double?” Nellie asked hoarsely.

I’m Nellie Joanne
, said the voice inside her head.
What’s a double?

“But aren’t you in the Black—?” Nellie faltered, then stopped. No, that question didn’t make sense. This wasn’t a fixed level, so there wasn’t any Black Core Program here, and neither of these girls had scars on their scalps. Hungrily she watched them. They stood so naturally together, as if nothing would ever change it. Almost angry, she blurted, “Where’s your mother?”

“Dead,” said her double easily. “But we have many mothers here. What does one matter?”

A giant ache blew through Nellie and she swallowed hard. “How did she die?” she asked finally.

“She was standing beside me about a year and a half ago, and she just fell down,” said her double casually. “Then her body disinte-grated into the sand crystals from which we all come.”

Nellie closed her eyes and stood for a moment, just letting her pain be. So, it looked as if Lydia Stella Kinnan had died simultaneously in every level. Dead was dead was dead, there was no getting around it.
Deller
, she thought in renewed panic, coming back to herself.
I’ve got to get back to him
.

“Will you help me?” she asked, ignoring her double and appealing to Nellie Joanne’s. “Deller’s heartbeat is way too fast, and his mother was hurt before we got here. I’m scared they’re going to die. If you could just think me back—”

They’re not one of us
, her twin’s double shrugged.
Let them die and become one with
—”

Shock swept through Nellie and she staggered backward. “How can you say that?” she screamed. “They love me, they’re the best people in my whole level—”

“Level?” interrupted her double with a frown. “What’s a level?”

“It’s another place,” faltered Nellie. “Different from this one. It’s where I come from. You all live there too, except your lives are very different there. In that level ...” She looked directly at her double. “... you’re like me. I’m you.”

Her double scowled in open confusion, and then her face cleared and she shrugged. “Of course,” she said. “We’re one.”

“No,” said Nellie. “Not like that. We’re the same person, but—”

She stopped and stared at the two girls. They looked happy and had no scars. Their world seemed peaceful and safe and was filled with such beauty. Turning, Nellie gazed through the crystalline walls toward the white cliffs that shimmered in the distance. She could feel the thrum deepening in her body, pulsing through her blood. What her double said was true—she was adapting, she could stay here if she wanted. Deller and his mother would die, but it would be like going to sleep. They probably wouldn’t even wake up and she would finally be safe, free of the Interior, with somewhere to sleep and food to eat. Sure, it was kind of a dumb place. The whole level was like a mindjoy, with that trancelike thrum going on all the time. But maybe she could handle it. She might even learn to like being a bunch of thrumming crystals and becoming one, whatever that meant.