Follow the Stars Home (59 page)

He knew someone could decide to come after him someday, wanting more than a conversation, but he didn't own a gun. On principle, but also out of healthy respect: As a criminal defense lawyer, he saw every day the damage that guns could do. Right now, remembering
Maggie's terror, he hoped he wasn't wrong. Shaking from the attack in his kitchen eight minutes ago, he put his hand on the front-door knob, paused to gulp air, then yanked it open.

A woman stood on the top step. Dressed in a charcoal-gray coat appropriate for the chilly fall day, she had shoulder-length brown hair and eyes the color of river stones. Freckles dotted her nose. Her smile was fluid, but set-as if, waiting for him to open the door, she had determined to look friendly and pleasant. But upon seeing his face-his expression wild, he imagined, with blood streaming down the side of his head-her jaw dropped.

“Oh,” she said, lurching back, then stepping forward. She reached up, as if she wanted to touch his cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Did you see anyone drive away?” he asked, looking up and down the quiet seaside street. Her car was parked in the road-a dark blue sedan.

“No,” she said, those deep obsidian eyes peering up at him with marked concern. “I didn't. Shouldn't you sit down?”

John didn't reply. He leaned against the doorjamb. Strangers rarely rang his bell. More often, they called at night, while his family slept. Sometimes they wrote long, passionate, well-reasoned but hateful letters. They hardly ever showed up, smiling, acting as if they cared.

“What is it?” he asked. “Can I help you?”

She laughed, a liquid trill that sounded so gentle and tender, it made him weak in the knees. He hardened his gaze. After Theresa, the sensation repulsed him, and he refused to let it get him.

“I think it is I who should be helping you …” she said, smiling, touching his elbow. Her voice was gentle, vaguely Southern, reminiscent of Virginia or the Carolinas.

“Oh,” he said as she attempted to push him down to sit on the step. She was a professional caregiver-it was written across her face, in her tone of voice, in her plain coat and sensible black leather shoes. She was a nanny sent by the agency to take over after the latest Baby-sitter X's defection. “Are you here for the position?”

“Let me help,” she said softly as his knees buckled again and stars flashed before his eyes and the siren wailed up the street-brilliant, wonderful children; one of them had called the police-and John O'Rourke sat heavily on his stone steps and took her response as a yes.

Thaddeus George O'Rourke had called the police, but he ignored their arrival. Maggie was a mess. He had to finish getting her ready for school, then get his own stuff together and make the bus-otherwise his father would have to drive him, and the middle school was out of his way.

“Maggie, you'd better take the shirt off and start over,” he said, realizing the blood wouldn't come out.

“No way,” she said. “You said I could wear it.”

“I know, but those blood splotches make you look like State Exhibit Twenty-four. We'll wash it, and you can wear it tomorrow.”

“That means next week-no one ever washes clothes around here,” Maggie said. Then, catching Teddy's scowl, she tugged his sleeve. “Sorry,” she said quickly. “It's not your fault. Or Dad's. I could learn how….”

“You're eleven,” Teddy said, frustrated, resuming his efforts to clean the spots. “You're supposed to be playing, not doing laundry.”

“Everyone has to pitch in,” she said, casting a worried look toward the front hall, where deep voices were
beginning to interrogate their father. “Do you think they'll do anything this time?”

“Sure,” Teddy said.

“But they won't catch who did it, will they?”

“They might.”

Brainer had run out to greet the police officers, and now he came bounding back to see Teddy and his sister. A huge golden retriever, he'd been part of the family since Teddy was nine. He was the best, smartest, coolest dog on the planet, and Teddy had named him himself. His fur used to be as smooth as silk, but that was before; now his coat was tangled, matted with burrs, twigs, and bits of dry seaweed. He nose-bumped Maggie, then leaned against Teddy for some reassuring pets.

“It's okay, boy,” Teddy said, crouching down. “Good dog, Brainer.”

The dog licked Teddy's face. Closing his eyes, Teddy rubbed the dog's soft fur. Brainer had always been insecure. He was super friendly to strangers, but he always ran back to the family to get affirmation that he was good and brave enough. Kind of like Teddy himself, he thought. That's how he used to be when his mother was still alive. He'd go act all rough and tough on the soccer field, worrying the whole time that he was blowing the game. But then he'd climb into the car, where she'd make him believe he was the best player on the field.

“Brainer could have gotten hurt,” Maggie said sadly, scratching the retriever behind the ears. “Don't the brick-throwing people think of that?”

“No, they don't.”

“But why? I don't get it. They hate Greg Merrill for hurting those girls, but they throw bricks through our window and don't care about hurting Brainer.”

Or us, Teddy thought. He shivered, and he was glad he had his hands buried in the dog's thick fur so Maggie
couldn't see them still shaking. Two policemen passed the door on their way to see the broken window, and he heard them say, “What does he expect?” Teddy's stomach tightened the way it did when he was out with his father and someone stared them down.

Or called his father “Counselor” in a sarcastic way. Or, the worst, the time he and his father had been waiting in line at Paradise Ice Cream and the sweet-looking little old lady had walked over, smiling, to ask, “Do you think Anne-Marie Hicks would like to have a nice ice cream right now?” Anne-Marie Hicks was one of Greg Merrill's victims. The police officers paused, glancing in at Teddy and Maggie. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of looking up.

“Teddy?” Maggie asked, her voice dropping so the officers wouldn't hear her.

“Yeah.”

“How come Dad represents him?
Really?”
she asked, frowning. The age-old question. Teddy had asked it when he was her age, only back then the defendant had been someone else.

“Like you said yourself before, it's his job.”

“Why doesn't he represent innocent people instead?”

Teddy laughed, throwing the wadded-up washcloth into the sink. He was giving up on the bloodstains; let Maggie wear the dirty shirt if she wanted. Their father's voice rose, talking to the cops in the front hall. The crisis was over-no one was hurt, and the police were on the case.

“Why are you laughing?” she asked.

“I was just thinking,” he said. “Of telling you to ask Dad that question.”

“Why? Because you think he should, right? Only represent good people who didn't do it?”

Teddy's spine tingled again, thinking of that old lady
at Paradise Ice Cream. After she'd said that, he had gone online and looked up the murdered girls. Anne-Marie Hicks had been nineteen. Her high school yearbook picture had been posted, showing blond hair that slanted across her eyes, seven earrings in her left ear, four in her right, and a huge smile revealing a little gap between her front teeth.

“Right, Teddy? That's why you think I should ask Dad?”

Teddy felt another pull deep inside, remembering how their mother had sat with their father for hours, rubbing his shoulders while he wrote briefs and studied legal documents, getting ready for the murderers' trials, supporting him no matter what she felt about the cases.

“Tell me, Teddy!”

Smiling into his sister's anxious blue eyes, so innocent and worried he felt like crying but laughed again. “Mags, I think you should ask Dad why he represents guilty clients because I'd love to hear the lecture he'd give you.”

“Lecture?”

“Yeah. All about ‘the miracle at Philadelphia that resulted in the Constitution, the Sixth Amendment, and a defendant's right to counsel…’ Yay, team. And then he'll tell you about Oliver Wendell Holmes and how law is ′a magic mirror …where we get to see our own lives reflected. Just ask-you'll get Dad going, and he won't stop till dinner.”

“I wish he would,” she whispered, burying her face in Brainer's matted fur. “Not stop till dinner. Never leave …”

Teddy stopped laughing. He figured it was the same for Maggie as it was for him: Ever since their mother's death, he hadn't wanted to let their father out of his sight. He listened to the voices in the hall. His father was trying to be friendly to the officers-people he
grilled mercilessly when he got them on the witness stand-and the police were treating him coolly back. Maggie had heard too. When she lifted her head, her eyes swam with tears.

“It's okay Maggie,” Teddy said, pulling her into a hug. Her thin body trembled in his arms. Her hair looked terrible, as if their father had taken nail scissors to it. It was dirty-just a few hours away from being greasy-and she smelled funny. She smelled like under-the-bed, a mixture of dust and sneakers. She smelled like Brainer, tangled and stuck with dried leaves and seaweed without their mother to lovingly brush him every day.

Teddy wanted Maggie to smell like lemons and lavender, just like their mother had. He wanted her to have clean hair and straight bangs. She cried, missing their mother as much as Teddy did, and he held her closer as the policemen passed by again, whispering into her ear, “Don't cry, okay? You're my girl, Mags. My best girl in the world.”

Maggie didn't like the noise. The siren, first of all, but then the police radios squawking like trapped birds. Poor little birds caught inside a speaker box, wanting to get out and fly home to their mamas.

She didn't mind the actual policemen. Most of them were nice-to her. They smiled, crouched down to say hi, asked her how was school or was she hoping to be the next Mia Hamm. The soccer jersey, of course. She just acted polite, not bothering to explain that the jersey was her brother Teddy's, that she wore it because it was like taking a little bit of him to school with her.

The reason she was so polite, and the reason all the policemen made her heart hurt, was that they didn't like her father. She thought that maybe if she was very
kind, quiet, and well-mannered, the officers would see that her father was a very good man. Didn't they know what it was like for him, raising his children all alone? But the policemen didn't care about that. They were like most of the people around: All they knew about her father was that he was the lawyer for Greg Merrill.

Maggie understood all this. Teddy thought he was shielding her from knowing, but she knew anyway. She'd grown up fast since their mother died. She was eleven, but she felt old. She figured she probably felt twenty. Old and tired inside, wound up like a kid outside. She had come flying out to the porch just to give Teddy a chance to get ready for school: to let him off the hook from having to take care of her.

Her father sat in a chair, being examined by an EMT Maggie sidled closer. She wanted to make sure the cut wasn't deep and deadly. Their mother had died in a car accident, and at first the EMTs had thought she would be okay. Her car had hit a deer, then crashed into a tree. She had been on the Shore Road, just past the police station, and help had arrived immediately. The EMT said she had stood up, walked over to the animal to see if it was still alive, and then sat down because she was feeling dizzy.