Fool That I Am (10 page)

“Oh, please excuse me…” Billie’s apology died on her tongue
as she recognized the person she almost ran into. “Renata! I’m sorry I almost
ran into you.”

A Cheshire cat smile spread across the diminutive woman’s
face as she recognized Billie. “That’s quite alright, Billie. I hope there’s no
bad news that brings you here?” she asked innocently, clearly fishing for
information.

Billie’s manners refused to allow her to be rude, so she
replied vaguely, “No, just reviewing an employment contract with my lawyer. How
are things with you?”

Renata searched Billie’s face for some sign of knowledge,
but she didn’t find what she was looking for and she found that very curious.
“Hasn’t Sam told you the big news?”

Billie felt her face freeze into a polite mask. “No, I’m
afraid I haven’t heard from Sam in some time,” she was forced to admit.

The smaller woman felt a surge of fierce glee as she
announced, “Shame on him for keeping such good news to himself! We’re going to
have a baby next year! It totally wasn’t planned, but we couldn’t be happier.
As a matter of fact, we’ll likely be getting married right after the New Year
begins.”

Billie could feel the color draining out of her face and it
left her feeling dizzy and off balance. “Oh, um, congratulations to both of
you, Renata. I’m sure you will both be very happy together,” Billie forced
herself to choke out the words.

Renata narrowed her eyes at the competition and replied with
barely veiled venom, “Yes, we will be a happy little family, so I’m sure you
will understand that Sam won’t have much time for yours anymore. He will be
very busy taking care of me and our baby. As a matter of fact, I would
appreciate it if you would discourage his frequent calls and visits so that he
isn’t distracted from his real priorities.”

Billie felt the words like a physical blow. On any other day
and any other time, she would have put this little bitch in her place, but she
was still reeling from the bomb Renata had dropped about her baby and
subsequent marriage to Sam. No wonder he hadn’t called her back or been by to
see her. It had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Renata.

Inhaling a shaky breath, she replied, “I can assure you that
won’t be a problem. Congratulations again on your pregnancy…and forthcoming
wedding. I have to go now and pick up the kids. It was good to see you again,”
she lied through her teeth as she beat a hasty retreat.

Renata smiled and chuckled darkly to herself. This may just
work out in her favor after all.

As Saturday rolled around again, Sam was feeling decidedly
restless. There wasn’t much to do that afternoon since he had already hit the
gym, took his sister and nephew to lunch, and visited with his mom and dad for
an hour or two. The afternoon was brisk, but bright and cloudless, and he was
desperate to get out and do anything that would take his mind of the fact that
he hadn’t seen or talked to Billie in two weeks now. Even though he was trying
his best to keep his distance, his mind refused to dwell anywhere but on her.
He had loved her for years and it was possible that it would take twice that
long to stop, but he had to try.

But first, he had promised her that he would clean out her
gutters and rake the leaves with Derrick. He tried to squash that flare of
excitement that welled up within him at the thought of seeing her again, but he
was hopeless. He also tried to ignore the snide, knowing voice in his head that
said he was just looking for an excuse to go over her house.

Pulling into her driveway, he sat in the cab of his truck
for long moments while wrestling with himself. Should he follow through on his
promise to Derrick or should he leave now and avoid the pain of seeing her
again now that he knew what her lips tasted like?

The decision was taken out of his hands when the door opened
up and Derrick stood there beaming at him while pushing his glasses up his
nose. He waved Sam in impatiently, so he had no choice now but to go inside.
Derrick held the door open and yelled over his shoulder, “Hey, Mom! Sam is
here!”

From the recesses of the house, he could hear the vacuum
cleaner still running, so he knew that she couldn’t hear him. Pulling the kid’s
skinny frame into his side, they walked further into the house to find Lola
singing into an unplugged microphone in front of a Disney movie. All of that
was forgotten when she spotted him. “Uncle Sam! You came to see me! Where have
you been? We were supposed to have tea!”

He swung the curly-haired angel up in his arms and made her
shriek while tossing her in the air and then catching her on the way back down.
“Sorry, squirt. I’ve had a lot going on. Why don’t you go get dressed in some
warm clothes and you can help me and Derrick with the leaves outside?”

Loud squeals of excitement trailed her down the hall until
she must have run into her mom. Billie turned the vacuum cleaner off and Sam
heard her say, “What’s the big rush, doodlebug? You almost mowed me down.”

“Uncle Sam is here, Mommy! We’re going to rake some leaves.
Well, he will rake some leaves, but I will be jumping in them!” Lola explained
happily to her mother.

Ominous silence greeted that pronouncement for several
moments until she replied, “Come on, Lola Jean. Let’s get you dressed so you’re
warm enough to go outside.”

Sam knew it would be several more minutes before they made
an appearance, so he took the opportunity to speak with Derrick. “So, how’s
everything going, buddy?”

Derrick, feeling like quite the young man, tried his best to
project a grown-up attitude. “Pretty good. I’m on the honor roll again and I
made a bunch of new friends this year.”

Sam raised an interested eyebrow. Derrick had been quiet and
introverted by nature, but he had made more of an effort to open up this year
and it appeared to be paying off. “That’s awesome, dude. What about girls? Got
your eye on anyone in particular?”

Derrick rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide the blush that
was creeping up his cheeks. “There might be one or two,” he finally admitted,
but refused to allow Sam to drag more out of him.

Finally, Sam asked the question that he’s been dying to know
the answer to. “How’s your mom doing? Does she need anything?”

“No, actually she’s doing really well,” he surprised Sam by replying.
“She got a second job that pays really good money. She’s seemed a lot less
stressed out for the last week.”

At this point, Billie and the human jumping bean arrived in
the room. Sam stood to his feet and awkwardly announced, “Sorry to just show up
on your doorstep, B.J. But I did promise Derrick we would work in the yard
today. If it’s not a good time, I can come back.”

Billie looked everywhere but at him as she replied, “No,
it’s perfectly fine. Actually, if you don’t mind, I may run out and do some
errands if you could keep an eye on them for a few hours.”

“Of course,” Sam responded immediately, sensing she needed
to escape for a while. “Take your time.”

As she gathered up her purse and car keys, he couldn’t help
but notice several small changes in her appearance. Her fingernails were
manicured and tipped in white which caused her hands to look even more slim and
feminine. Her hair, always his Achilles ’ heel, was loose and fell in gentle
waves down to her shoulder blades and her makeup was carefully applied to
highlight her features without being overwhelming. Her jeans were form-fitting
and disappeared into the cuff of knee-high brown boots and her green sweater
was snug in all the right places. She was gorgeous and Sam had to curl his hand
into a fist so he didn’t reach out to touch her.

When she was ready to walk out the door, she called back
over her shoulder, “Derrick, make sure you take your inhaler outside and take
breaks if you feel short of breath. Please make Lola keep her hat on, too. Love
you guys! Be home soon!” And she was gone.

Sam stood there staring after her silently, but in his mind,
he thought,
We love you, too.

*************************************************************************

“Oh, my God,
mija
! You mean you left him there at
your house while you ran away?” Connie asked her incredulously while pouring
Billie a cup of coffee.

Billie moaned pitifully as she buried her face in her arms
where she leaned over Connie’s kitchen table. “I can’t help it, Con. I panicked
big time. I just couldn’t face him so soon after… well, you know.”

Connie placed a brightly painted mug of creamy, sweet coffee
in front of her and patted her back comfortingly before taking her seat. “You
mean since that
puta
told you she was pregnant and Sam was the daddy?”

Billie sipped the hot coffee and hummed in appreciation
before answering, “Yes, that and the fact that they will be getting married
soon. I’m trying really hard to let him go, but it feels like I’m shoveling
snow during a blizzard.”

Connie sipped her own coffee and nodded sympathetically.
“Why didn’t you talk to him about it? You could have just confronted him with
what you know, but instead, you run over here like
un conejo
with his
tail on fire! Give the man a chance to tell you the truth. For all you know,
that bitch could be lying to you.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Billie replied, shaking her head.
“It would be too easy to bust her out with Sam. She knows that I would ask him
right away, so there’s no reason for her to lie. I just can’t face him right
now, Con. I’ll wait it out here with you for a few hours and hopefully he will
leave as soon as I get home.”

Connie looked at her disbelievingly. “Come on, Billie, let’s
be honest. What hot, single man is going to spend a Saturday afternoon with
someone else’s kids if there’s nothing more in it for him? Not even your
sainted Sam, as much as he loves them, would do that. He came over there to see
you whether he will admit it or not. But what do I know? I am still single, as
Mamá
keeps reminding me. Speaking of which, did you meet any more handsome men at
that fancy club last weekend?”

Immediately, Daniel’s face floated into her mind and she
smiled softly at the thought of him. “I didn’t really get a chance to mingle
with the audience this time, but I did meet a very charming and flirtatious man
named Hank. He’s their chief of security and very handsome with big muscles,”
she revealed with a teasing wink.

“Oh,
chica
, please tell me he looked like Jason
Statham. I may have to meet this man. Can I go to one of your shows, please?”
she begged, folding her hands together imploringly.

Billie laughed out loud. “Of course you can come to one of
my shows! Daniel agreed to all my changes in the contract, so I’m sure having
some moral support along will be no problem.”

A sly look came over the Latin beauty’s face. “Oh, yes, the
delicious and super rich Daniel. Now that is the perfect man to take your mind
off of Sam, for sure. I don’t know that he’s the marrying kind, but that
wouldn’t stop me from taking him for a test drive,
si?
”

Billie could feel the heat climbing up her chest and into
her cheeks. “You’re such a bad influence. I have to say, he was very attentive
with his time and resources. It would be very easy to fall into a relationship
with him, but I have a feeling that you’re right. I’m betting it would be like
dating George Clooney: all the attention and fun, but with the firm
understanding that it had a time limit.”

Connie made a rude noise and dismissed her concern. “Just
enjoy yourself, okay? You been under too much stress lately and you deserve to
have some fun. So what if he doesn’t want to put a ring on it? Let him spend
his money on you and have sex like the bunnies and walk away with your heart
and some good memories. Relationships are so messy anyway. Have some fun,
mija
,
but be careful, okay?”

Rolling her eyes good-naturedly, Billie responded, “I hear
you, Connie. Now, how about we go knock out a little Christmas shopping before
I have to go back to my house and face the music?”

“Now you are speaking my language!” she replied, hurrying to
grab her purse and heading for the door, Billie trailing thoughtfully behind
her.

Several hours later, Billie begrudgingly returned home to face
the music…and Sam. Even though the autumnal daylight was quickly fading, she
could still see that her small yard was free of leaves and her gutters were
empty. A quick glance in the bed of Sam’s truck showed at least six large,
black trash bags that presumably held the detritus that he and her son had
cleaned up. Billie felt guilty that she had fled the house and left him to do
her work, but she knew she wouldn’t have been able to hang around him without
blurting out something stupid. At least her trunk had several presents for
Derrick and Lola for Christmas, so she still felt a little productive for being
able to mark those off her list. Daniel had texted her to see if she might
consider doing another set this coming weekend, so she was confident that she
could finish off her shopping with her next paycheck from singing.

When she walked into her living room, it was to see all
three of them piled on her couch, one kid on each side of Sam, watching
Spongebob Squarepants and laughing. She stood there watching them for a moment
just soaking in the sight of her three favorite people before she walked
through the door. Stubbornly, she squashed the familiar feelings of longing and
affixed an indifferent smile on her face.

“Thank you for doing all that work, Sam. You didn’t have to
do that, but I really appreciate it,” she said to him before walking into the
kitchen to wash her hands and start dinner.

Sam followed her cautiously into the kitchen and regarded
her carefully. He knew he should just leave, but no one had ever accused him of
being a genius, either. “It was no problem, B.J. The kids had a great time and
I did, too. By the way, Derrick mentioned that you picked up a second job. Are
you sure you have the time for that?” he asked her, concern coloring his voice.

Billie took immediate offense to his question. How dare he
speak to her about having time for a second job? He knew damn well that Chad
never gave her any money to help with the kids. She shot him an aggrieved look
while she pulled out cans of tomato soup and put a pot of water on to boil for
the macaroni noodles. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I have plenty of
time for this job. It’s not like I have a choice anyway. I am their mother and
I have to provide for them. End of story,” she snapped.

Sam’s head rocked back at her tone. He could count on less
than one hand how many times Billie was angry with him, so it shocked him to
hear it in her voice now. “You’re right and I’m sorry for questioning you. I
know things have been a bit…awkward between us for the past few weeks and
that’s my fault. I should have never crossed that line with you. I’m really
sorry, Beej,” he offered, desperately trying to salvage something from their
relationship.

Billie blinked back angry tears as she kept her hands busy
buttering bread for grilled cheese. She knew why he was sorry and it had
everything to do with the fact that he was marrying someone else. Shame and
embarrassment burned in her chest like fire as she thought of how she had
thrown herself at him during that kiss. She had never felt like such a fool.

Slamming the butter knife on the counter, she spun to face
him. Emotion made her voice shake as she stared him down. “No, Sam.
I’m
sorry.
I’m sorry that I have leaned on you for so many years. I’m sorry that I have
kept you from finding your own family. We’re only friends and I have no ties to
you other than that. I have been selfish with your time and that has been made
patently clear to me. I think you were right to stay away for the past two
weeks. As a matter of fact, I think it would be best if you stopped coming over
here altogether.”

Even though that had been his original plan, hearing it from
Billie’s lips set off a flare of panic in his chest that quickly ignited into
anger. Closing the distance between them, he crowded her into the corner of the
cabinets and towered over her. Immediately, the intoxicating scent of vanilla
and cherries permeated his nose as her signature scent assailed his nose. He
could feel his control slipping dangerously.

“Oh, you do, do you?” he snapped back at her. “After all
these years and all we’ve been through together, you’re just going to send me
away like a naughty little boy? I don’t fucking think so.”

Billie braced a manicured hand against the unforgiving wall
of his chest and fruitlessly tried to push him out of her personal space.
“Don’t you tell me what I can and can’t do in my own home, Sam Garrett! I can’t
do this anymore. You’ve got bigger things going on in your life right now, and
you don’t need me and my family as a distraction anymore.”

The fog in Sam’s head cleared enough for him catch that last
part. “What do you mean by ‘things going on in my life’? What could be more
important than you and the kids?” he asked incredulously.

Billie stared agog at him, completely amazed by his
cluelessness. “Seriously, Sam? How about your baby that’s on the way? How about
the mother of your child? Don’t you think they are a little more important than
an old friend?”

Sam took a step back in shock. “How did you know about that?
Who told you?” he demanded, ready to choke the big mouth that spilled the beans
to Billie.

Another little part of Billie’s heart broke in pieces at his
admission. Apparently, he wasn’t the man she thought he was. “Why does it
matter? The simple fact of the matter is that you have your own family to worry
about now, so you can’t keep running over here to help mine.”

He ran his hand through his silky black hair in frustration.
“You don’t understand the situation, B.J. It’s not what you think, I promise. I
don’t even think it’s my baby and I’m pretty sure she got pregnant on pur-“

“On PURPOSE?!” Billie interrupted with a furious squawk. The
thin thread of her control snapped. “Is that what you were going to say? Are
you seriously going to stand there in front of me, ME, and say those words? Who
coached you on that one, I wonder? Oh, wait, I bet it was your BFF, Chad! He
just loooved to spout that one off!”

Sam threw his head back with a groan.
Fuck! Fuck, fuck,
fuck!
he thought furiously. He was such a dumbass to open his mouth and say
that when he knew it was a sore spot for Billie. Trying desperately to
backtrack, he assured her, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you, but
you don’t know all the information. If you just let me explain-“

“No,” she cut him off again. “I’m done with your
explanations, your divided loyalties, and your excuses. I can’t do this
anymore, Sam. I think you need to leave. This time for good,” she whispered the
last part. Her heart was in shreds and her stomach was in danger of heaving and
tears threatened to spill over onto her cheeks at any moment. She had to get
him out here
now
.

Sam stared at her in shock, but on the inside, he was
wrecked. How had this happened? What would he do without her in his life?
Finally, he looked away and replied through clenched teeth, “You’re the boss.
Take care of yourself, Billie Jean.” And he turned and walked out the door.

Billie couldn’t hold back the tears as she quickly paced
down the hall and locked herself into the bathroom. Great sobs of despair
welled up and spilled over as she tried to cry as quietly as possibly so as not
to worry the kids. There was a gaping, ragged hole in her chest where her heart
used to be and she was more devastated than she had ever been over Chad.

After about ten minutes, a soft knock interrupted her cry
fest. “Mom?” Derrick’s voice carried through the door. “Are you alright?”

Billie took deep, calming breaths and forced her voice to be
a normal as possible. “Yeah, baby, I’ll be just fine. I’ll be out in just a
minute to make dinner, okay?”

“Take your time. I put the noodles in to boil and started
the soup, so don’t worry. I’m big enough to help.”

Fresh tears ran down her face and a wobbly smile spread
across her face. “Thank you, Derrick. You are a great kid, you know it?”

“Yeah, I know,” he teased her before walking away.

It was just the push she needed to pick herself back up,
splash her face with cold water, and do damage control on her red, puffy face.
She had two wonderful kids that needed her and they were hungry. Billie locked
away her pain and anguish and forced herself to go back out there and have fun
with her kids. Tears would keep for later, but for now, her kids need laughter.
They needed her and she needed them. She ignored the little voice in her head that
insisted she needed Sam, too.