FOOTBALL ROMANCE: SECRET BABY ROMANCE: Going Pro (Bad Boy Alpha Male Pregnancy Romance) (Contemporary New Adult Sports Romance) (11 page)

But nope, nope I insisted, I was doing this my way, stubbornly and a bit foolishly, and I wasn't going to rest until I got to where I needed to be.

And you can bet your ass that, literally, I didn't rest, as the scene I've just described can attest. The path toward my goal had been an arduous one up to this point, to say the least, and initially I'd had the fumes of rebellion, and of taking the moral high ground to keep me going even when exhaustion plagued me from all sides.

Of course, though, that had begun to dwindle with time, and even that made me question whether I had the mettle to even handle the tough and relentless career that I was already struggling so damn hard to attain for myself. Obviously, I'd gone entirely too far to quit at this point, and that was practically the only thing that kept me on track, even as it got to the point that I was getting five hours of sleep or less a night. I was working nonstop, forgetting to eat some days, and I couldn't manage my time well enough to be able to work a part-time job on top of cramming as much information about the law into my head as I could manage.

Six years in and my bank account drained, it was my brother Tyrone who stepped in and offered me a safety net, he and his beautiful wife Ashley. He was in the army, about to be shipped out, and to leave Ashley all by herself here in the military housing unit they shared. Knowing the rather sad state of affairs I was in at the time, the two of them graciously offered to let me live there, to stay in one of their extra rooms so that I could have one less bill to worry about when it came to paying rent.

Of course, I accepted quite thankfully, and I was even more thankful that there was no I-told-you-soing or jeering on my brother's part over the sad state I was in. He'd still been in high school, getting ready to graduate when I started out in college, and he'd mocked me a bit relentlessly at the time, and really for no good reason. He said things like how naïve I was thinking that a lawyer could change the world, or that lawyers were out for anything other than their own best interests.

In hindsight, of course, I can see now what his motives for such barbs really might have been, as much as they may have stung at the time. Back then, he'd been a really stupid young kid, not knowing what he wanted to do at all, not having any ambitions, always looking for the easy way in life and expecting to find fortune without scarcely lifting a finger.

But, by now, he'd changed so much that he was nearly a completely different person, and in the best of ways. When he was getting ready to graduate, my father had sat him down and gave him a good talking to, telling him how it was and that he couldn't expect the world to just fall into place and make a path for him because he wanted it to. Surprisingly, the message seemed to have actually made an impression on my generally rebellious bro, and a few months later, to everyone's surprise, he'd up and joined the army with his best friend from high school, a white kid named Daniel.

My mother hadn't been too crazy about him enlisting, of course, and I knew how anxious I would probably feel in her position. But still, though, the years had passed by now and Ty seemed to be doing better in life than ever, taking on greater responsibilities, maturing leaps and bounds beyond what we might have thought possible. And now, of course, getting ready to start a family...

Speaking of which, I happened to lift one of my earbuds out of my ear at this point, and I noticed to great relief that the humping on the other side of the wall had subsided. I sighed deeply, and twisted my body back around, positioning my body in the proper way, and closing my eyes. I was certain that sleep would come to me now...

Anyway, as I was saying, he became far more supportive of me, and wanted to help me out now that he saw the value of what I was doing. That was sweet of him, and encouraging to me, for sure. But I just wish that the passion he felt for what I did, and that I once felt, still burned quite as brightly inside me.

As I lay there in the darkness, with thoughts of sex and having a family still ringing in my head, I couldn't help myself but to reflect on all that I'd given up, all that I would still be giving up in pursuit of this damn law degree.

I'd more or less given up dating some time ago, during, I think, my junior year of college, trying to put all of my focus on my goals, and what I needed to do. And God, it was becoming too much for me... I was starting to feel far too lonely, too isolated in myself, and I felt like I needed someone, somewhere, who could help me get through all of it.

I knew that a “modern woman” should aspire to being more than just a lover, a mom, a housewife, or at least according to what everyone said. And truth be told, I don't know if I wanted that full time or anything like that.

But it felt like something was missing from my life in a huge way, something that I could never hope to accomplish on my own, and that would only grow further and further away as I fell deeper and deeper into the hole of my career.

And then, just as I was about to drift off to sleep in sadness, the slamming of the headboard against the wall resumed itself, and Ashley's moans grew louder than ever. I started to sob.

I woke up, feeling like shit, as seemed to be the case more and more often as of late. I showered, yawning the whole time, running the risk of drowning all the while as I did so. I looked in the mirror and thought I looked like garbage, probably because I felt like garbage, and my head was still ringing, making me want to close my eyes and plop right back down into bed- this time with no daytime fucking going on inches away from my head to keep me up the entire time.

But no, I had work to do, a crap ton of studying, and I knew that I needed to keep my priorities straight, regardless of my state of mind.

I got dressed, and made my way downstairs to the kitchen, my notes and a textbook already in hand. Something smelled delicious, and I entered the room to see Ashley in one of Ty's overly large t-shirts, wearing it like a dress that barely came down to her knees, standing at the stove and cooking bacon and eggs, pancakes, and hash browns...

God, it made my mouth water, and inwardly I blanched, thinking how impossible it would be for me to ever relegate myself to the fate of being a housewife, even had I wanted to.

I couldn't cook for shit, by comparison...

“Oh hey Kell,” Ashley smiled to me. “You want some breakfast?”

“Um, yeah, maybe just some eggs and um... Toast, maybe?”

“Sure thing,” she said, but Ty intervened on my behalf.

“Aw, come on, you've got to at least try her bacon... God, the way that girl can cook...”

Ashley grinned at her husband, and I had to say, compared to the usual her I saw, this extra cheery, husband on leave version of her brought to mind the demeanor of a damn Stepford wife. But, of course, I needed to remain thankful for all that these two had done for me, and it was wrong of me to begrudge them their happiness just because I was jealous- that was, after all, what Ty had once done to me, and I knew full well what a dick move that could be to a sibling.

I breathed in heavily, trying to keep from revealing my inner tension. “Oh, alright, then... Sounds delicious... And is there any coffee made? I can get it myself, I could really use some...”

I sat down at the table next to Tyrone, opening up my textbook and taking a generous swig of coffee.

“So, Kelly, did you sleep okay last night? I hope we didn't keep you up or anything...”

I nearly spit my coffee out, and forced myself to smile innocently at him. “No, it was- no, I slept fine, thank you,” I said, flashing a toothy grin. God, it was like he wanted me to know that he and Ashley had had sex, as if anyone within a ten mile radius hadn't heard them going at it all night. I don't think he really thought anything about it, and judging from the look they exchanged after he asked, it was probably more of a cheeky little wink to Ashley than it was meant for me.

I tried to lose myself in my textbook, but the legalese littering the page twisted and blurred before my eyes. It seemed like something that no amount of coffee could fix.

“So what are you going to get into today, big sis?” asked Ty, interrupting me from getting into the very thing I was getting into for the day.

“Oh, just studying... Same old thing.”

“Aw, you should take a break. I can already tell you're working yourself too hard. Go out or something...”

“I'll think about it,” I said, annoyed at the suggestion, but smiling at him being considerate of my emotional well-being. “What are you up to?” I asked, mostly to be polite.

“Well, Ashley and I are going out to grab lunch at that new restaurant across town in a while, and I'm taking her to the jewelers after that,” he said, and Ashley temporarily turned to face him, giving him a joyous smile. God, she was insufferable like this... “And then in the afternoon I'm going to meet an old buddy of mine. You remember Danny, don't you?”

I froze at this, my pencil going a little bit slack between my fingers.

“Oh, Danny? Yeah... Yeah, I think I remember him,” I said, and my palms felt suddenly sweaty.

“Well, he's in town for a few days. He kind of went through a bit of a rough patch recently. He got cut from the army due to some... Behavioral problems, I guess, and he's just sort of been flitting around since then until recently. I think he's finally got his act together, though, which is a relief, considering how close the two of us were during school.”

“Oh, well, yes that is good,” I said, continuing to stare at my textbook and sip my coffee, but now I had more on my mind than I ever. “I hope you two have a nice time,” I added, my throat dry despite having just taken a sip from my mug.

“Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine. I was actually meaning to tell you earlier, he's actually going to be staying here for a couple of days. When he heard I was on leave, he wanted to swing by and see me, and since we have the spare bedroom downstairs, I thought we could save him the cost of a hotel...”

This news, honestly, floored me. I couldn't even manage to muster up a response to hearing it, my lips seeming incapable of forming into words.

Holy hell...

 Yes, I sure as hell remembered Danny, quite vividly in fact. And once Ty and Ashley were gone for the day, I spent the entire morning and afternoon dwelling on my memories of him, and on the intense crush I'd harbored for so very long, that had never really gone away completely, I now realized.

Danny had always been a bad boy... He was everything I told myself I was working against in my pursuit of a career as a lawyer. He broke rules, he shirked discipline, he made fun of teachers, he picked on other kids... And that was all just in high school.

And yet it was against my own best judgment that I thought with mixed feelings of him at the time, knowing how bad of an influence he was on my brother, spurring his apathy and his bad behavior. Knowing that he was an entitled little shit who thought he could do whatever the hell he wanted.

Yet nonetheless, at eighteen, I was mesmerized by him in every way. I burned for the days when he came over to the house to play video games with Ty, and I always made sure to make more trips than I needed to past Ty's room, just to be seen by his guest.

It was almost masochistic in some ways... Because always I would subject myself to Danny's smartass comments, and I would get pissed off at them. I would hear my brother talk about how he fooled around with multiple girls at a time, and what an unhealthy attitude he shamelessly harbored toward the opposite sex. He even got Ty into drugs for a very brief period, immediately preceding the aforementioned talking to that my father gave him to straighten him out.

Frankly it came as a surprise to me when I found out Danny was joining the army with Ty, but it wasn't at all surprising when I found out he got kicked out. I didn't know how much I believed being told that he'd gotten his life back on track since then, and I wondered to what possible extent that could be true- perhaps Ty was just exaggerating for the benefit of his friend.

Way back when, it was very, very much a love hate relationship that I'd felt toward Danny, knowing that, of all the people in the world, I sure as hell shouldn't be craving an arrogant bad boy like him. But then he would flash me that charming, devilish smile of his. And I would get wet just thinking about his strong, muscular body, well-maintained despite his general demeanor of not giving a damn about things. His easygoing manner, which seemed to convince naïve and gullible girls such as myself that sex with him was an inevitability, nothing to be afraid or ashamed of, and we should just let it happen. And God, the thought of his white skin grinding up against my smooth, ebony flesh as he pushed his way inside me, thrilling me as I'd never been thrilled...

It was a distraction I fell prey to with far too great a frequency at the time, and though Danny had largely disappeared from my life when he and Ty went their separate ways, I realized now, with the immediate prospect of his return at hand, that the underlying attraction had never really dissipated- and I needed it, once again, like I needed a hole in my head.

I spent the day, as I'd said I would, trying to study, but the words continued to elude and evade me. There was just no point in this, I could tell, with Danny looming large in my mind, making my skin crawl and my thighs tremble.

I was taking a break, going to the kitchen for a glass of water, when I heard a loud rumble outside, signaling his arrival, and I knew pretty instantly that that was who it was. Of course, he'd pulled up into the driveway on a motorcycle, revving up the engine as Ty and Ashley pulled up in their SUV beside him.

Some things about people just never really changed...

They stepped inside, and I didn't flee quick enough to avoid having to make introductions right there on the spot.

“Oh hey Kelly! We're back,” said Ty. “You remember Danny, don't you?”

I swallowed hard, a bit in shock as I peered into the eyes of a man I thought I might never see again. It was, undeniably, the same old Danny, and the mixed emotions I'd come to expect from seeing him caused a knot to form in my chest. But I couldn't help but think, as his usual wicked smile spread slow and devilish across his lips, that the bad boy nature he'd once exhibited had become rather more refined with age, less ridiculous. Now, it was more dark and brooding than it was outlandish and attention-seeking, and the change, I thought was a sexy one.