Read For My Lady's Heart Online
Authors: Laura Kinsale
By cause I love thee when I would rather strangle thee.
Buthaps I am a witch. Haps I am no one. Haps the Devil came and took me
while I slept. I dreamed it once, that he took me, and left naught but a
thing fashioned of lies, to seem like me. She gripped the mirror. In a
small voice she said, Ruck. Wilt thou look into it, and see if I am there?
He went to her and knelt beside her, taking the glass from her nerveless
fingers. It was a perfect mirror, the size of his spread hand, flashing
light from the transparent surface. On the back an ivory lady gave her heart
to a vain-looking knight. Ruck saw his own face as he turned the glass, a
brief glimpse of jaw and nose and the golden buttons down his surcoat.
Wait! She stopped him as he rotated the mirror. Wait I am not ready.
She pressed her eyes shut. Her face was taut, her hair in wild curte about
her pallid cheeks. She held his hands still for a long moment. All right,
she said weakly, loosing him. Now. Look. What dost thou see?
He did not even glance at the mirror.
Sharp wit, he said. Valor past any man I know. Foolish japery and
tricks worse than a child. Lickerous lust, hair like midwinter night. A
proud and haught chin, a mouth for noble-talkingthat does kiss
sufficiently, in faith, and slays me with a smile. Guile and dreaming. A
princess. A wench. An uncouth runisch girl. My wife. I see you, Melanthe. Ne
do I need a glass.
Look in the mirror!
Luflych. He wrapped his hand about her tight fist. I see the same
there.
She gave a rasping breath of relief, without opening her eyes. Thou art
certain? My face is there? Thou dost not say me false?
I fear for my life do I eer say thee false, my lady.
Oh, I am lost! I need thee to sayen me true. I need thee to say me what
I should be. All is changed, and I know not what lam.
Then will we keepen watch and see. And if ye be someone new each morn,
MelantheGod knows thou art still my sovereign lady. Nought will I be at thy
side in eery moment, but in spirit always, and return to thee with my whole
heart, to see what bemazement thou wilt work upon me next.
Her hand turned upright beneath his, clinging. I pray thee. Ne do I
command thee, but I pray theedo not go to France and leave me. Notso soon.
I would not maken thee my lap-dog, but She moistened her lips. Verily, I
know naught of sheep. And I have thousands, so says my seneschal. Haps I
will require thy good advice.
I am a master of sheep, my lady. Een to shearing them, if I mote. I
know some of oats and other corns, and how to instruct the bailiffs. The
garrisons and men-at-arms I can command to good effect, and oerlook castles
and crenellations for what repairs and enlargements may be required.
Her hand eased, but still she kept her eyes closed. All this? Thou art
supreme in merits.
I haf thought me a little oer what my service could be.
And what is left to me, but breeding?
Iwysse, I think of it each time we keep company, that we may not sin.
Monk-man!
There be chambers at Wolfscar in need of dusting. I wen well how my lady
wench likes to sweepen a hearth.
Wench? she uttered dangerously.
He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. If Your Highness finds
time heavy between thy lazy sleepsI be nought much hand at Latin, my lady,
nor lawyers and court dealings such as a great estate mote always have.
She opened her eyes, looking out the window. All these plans and
devises! Methinks thou art a great trumpery, who never meant for a moment to
go back to
chevauchee
in France!
If thou hatz truer need of my service. he said with dignity, then
shall I nought, lest our king commands me.
She put her hand on his, preventing the mirror from moving. Her face
diverted, she looked warily from the corner of her eyes. With a cautious
move she shifted the mirror in his hand, turning it slightly toward her.
Look into it, my lady, he said. I ne haf nought lied to thee.
She turned it all the way, staring down into the glass. Her brows rose in
outrage. WhyI am not comely! I am
not!
She slapped the mirror
facedown. I knew it was all dishonest dwele, these songs and praises to my
beauty. Wysse, when is a rich woman plain?
Ruck smiled at her. Art nought comelych? Is my fortune to be blind,
then.
Pah! She reached out, catching him off balance with a hard shove at his
shoulder. He fell back off his heels, sitting down with a grunt on the bare
stone. Any woman would look comely to thee, monk-man, after ten and three
years of chastity!
Cara sat in the solar, her toes by the fire and the cloth of gold spread
over her lap as well as she could with the child so great in her. The
ciclatoun was to make a coverlet for an infants cradlenone of hers, of
course, but Lord Ruadriks gift for his ladys churching, along with a robe
of scarlet trimmed in ermine. He had left the fabrics at Savernake as he
passed through just before Christmas, and bade her have them sent back to
Wolfscar by Easter to be well in time.
She lifted her head, taking a deep breath after bending over the labor.
She was flattered to have been chosen to embroider the gifts; Lord Ruadrik
had taken special note of her work among Lady Melanthes apparel, and
brought the fabric to her. She shoved herself to her feet, carrying the
cloth to the cold window, where she could inspect the fine detail in what
was left of the cloudy light.
She glanced out over the snowbound yard. The cloth fell from her fingers.
Elena!
she shrieked.
The door, the stairs, the way that was so slow in her cumbersome state
vanished beneath her feet. She burst from the door onto the porch without
even stopping for a cloak.
Elena
, Elena
Her sister was just dismounting, her small feet disappearing in the snow.
Cara swept her up and buried her face in the thick woolens, panting with
exertion.
Here now! Guys chiding voice barely reached her. She clutched at Elena
as he lifted her away. Inside. He hiked her sister in his arms, carrying
her as Cara ran alongside, almost dancing in spite of her bulk. Elena was
chattering in Italian; it sounded strange and wonderful to hear; Cara took
in not a word of the childish talk, only heard the gay high voice and knew
all was well, that Elena was whole and unhurt. She was weeping too hard to
see more than Guys outline in the passage. Someone came in with thema
woman, a nurse; there were others in the yard; it was all confusion as Guy
went back out to see to them, but Cara could only hold her sister tight.
Youre so big! Elena said, her dark blue eyes finally coming clear. We
have had a great adventure, coming through the snow! Dan Allegretos horse
fell in a drift! Will we live here? It is so cold! Dan Allegreto says that I
shall like it when I grow accustomed. I threw snow at him, but he said it
didnt hurt. When will the baby be born? Will I be its auntie?
Caras hands loosened. Allegreto?
Guy came in the door, knocking snow from his boots. No one followed him
but another duenna, an older lady who crossed the threshold with offended
dignity as he held open the door.
Donna Elena, thy decorum! she snapped.
Elena stood straight in Caras arms, making a little courtesy. Dan
Allegreto says that if I wish to marry him, she confided to Cara, I must
learn to be a lady, for I am now a hoyden.
Cara stood straight, her heart thundering. He is come? she said to Guy
in French.
Nay, He shook his head. This is all the party, but the guard that I
sent to the stables.
Oh, Dan Allegreto is here. He brought me to you, Elena said, slipping
easily into French.
The yard is empty, Guy said.
Elena pulled away. She ran to the door, pushing it open. Cara hurried
after her as the little girl ran out into the snow without her cloak,
calling.
Cara could not run so fasther sister had raced across the yard and past
the gate before Cara could prevent her. The duennas made shrill helpless
cries after their charge, but it was only Guy and the porter who caught up
with Elena after she crossed the bridge.
The little girl had already stopped. She stood gazing down the empty
road. She put her hands about her mouth and cried, Dan Allegreto!
The name echoed back across the snowy fields. Two horses in the nearest
pasture lifted shaggy heads.
Oh, Elena said in a tiny voice. He didnt say goodbye to me.
Elena, thou wilt catch thy death, standing in the snow. Cara spoke
sharply. Guy, she must go inside.
Come then, little donna. Guy lifted her high in the air and set her on
his shoulders. Mama speaks, and we listen.
Elena made no protest, but she craned her head to see behind her until
Guy had carried her through the gate. Cara watched them out of sight. She
turned, looking down the roadwaiting.
No one came. The tracks made a long thin shadow in the snow, vanishing
out of sight where the horse pastures met the forest.
God grant you mercy, Cara said. Cold tears spilled down her cheeks.
Im sorry. Grant mercy. Thank you.
The snow chilled her feet. She stood with her arms hugged close to
herself, stood until the cold went through her to her heart. When she
realized she was shaking with it, she turned back, and left the empty road
to night and frost.
Firstly,
Suzanne Parnell,
for Fun with Middle English. Readers should know that there exists in the
world a manuscript of this book in which
all
of the Middle English
dialogue has been rendered accurate in both spelling and grammar, a labor of
love for the language by Suzanne, which allowed me to water it down for
modern consumptionand Suzanne, I wept for every arn and ert and
hopande that wenten, forsooth, by cause our moder tonge mei maken swich
luflych layes, and gets inside your head and sings. All errors introduced by
editing are mine alone.
Secondly
, Tercel on GEnie
Pet-Net, and Don Roeber of Texas, for introducing me to falconry. Through
the strange magic of computer networking, Tercel
(not
to be
mistaken for a car) passed his love of hunting birds and this ancient sport
and more of his patience and sweetness of character than he knowsto me when
I didnt know a falcon from a hawk. Don generously answered my questions and
loaned me books and gave me the opportunity to watch a real falcon on the
hunt and if it wasnt the most perfect weather in the world, we got the mud
part right, anyway. Next seasonless fog, more ducks! All exaggerations and
technical mistakes I may have made in creating my superfalcon once again
are mine alone.
Thirdly
, Mary Wilburn of
the Zula Bryant Wylie Library, for ever-patient ordering of inter-library
loans, and taking time out of her London trip to provide me help beyond the
call of duty.
Fourthly
, Commander Bill
Ashmole and his wife, Joan, of Devon, who generously spent part of their
holiday visiting English abbeys and priories under my ordersfor showing
Mother and Daddy the best of good times as usual. They always come home
smiling.
Lastly
, but never leastly,
Mother and Daddy themselves. Braving the roundabouts and shipyards, and
nearly sucked into the Liverpool tunnel, my father managed to locate
Birkenhead Priory tucked among the drydock cranes, when even the fellows at
the petrol station down the street didnt know where it was. Another of the
worlds small ironies: the little priory that lay deep in the wilderness of
the Wirral some five hundred years agostill used for worship, recently
renovated as a pleasant, tree-shaded civic center for the city of
Birkenheadstill difficult for the average pilgrim to reach. It takes a man
of true determination like my father, and very glad to see him the priest
was, for it seems they dont get as many visitors as they deserve down there
in the midst of the Birkenhead shipyards where no one can find them.
In addition, the Hundred Years War gamers on GEnie, who not only provide
some pretty slick role-playing in the fourteenth century, but helped me
obtain my own copy of Froissart; the Oxford University Press, for publishing
the
Oxford English Dictionary
on CD-ROM; and Travis, the only guy
in the universe, as far as I know, who can successfully install an internal
NEC-84 CD-ROM drive.
And finally, most of all, an unknown poet or poetess, for
Sir Gawain
and the Green Knight.
To each of you, my heartfelt thanks.
Ive provided this glossary in the new edition of
For My Ladys Heart
as a small glimpse into the fascinating history of our language. Some of the
words listed have other definitions, but here they are limited to the
meanings I used in this book. Ive given alternate spellings, for those who
wish to investigate further in dictionaries, and a couple of grammar hints
for those of you who like to go around talking to your friends like this.
You know who you are!