For Nick (11 page)

Instead they were both holding back, unsure what to do.

He was her husband. This was their honeymoon.

Now was the time.

She could easily fall in love with this man—maybe she already had—but she didn’t let her thoughts go there. It seemed forbidden—something she ought to hold in her heart and keep safe.

When the movie ended, Zach grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. The room was bathed in darkness, except for the moonlight that drifted in through the windows, along with the soft breeze.

Zach’s words rung in her ears.
If you initiate something, I won’t turn you away.

Andie turned in his lap, looking up at him. No more alliterations, no more laughter. She’d never seen Zach look so serious. She knew she had to make the first move but she wondered if he would welcome her touch or politely decline. Was this the right time? His hand now rested on her stomach, caressing her in a lazy circle. Slowly, she touched his cheek with her hand and then let her fingers touch his lips. He kissed her fingers, one by one, unhurriedly, never breaking eye contact. Her breath caught in her throat.

I’ll take that as a yes.

She sat up, their lips only an inch apart, their breathing ragged. She wanted him to initiate it, but it had to be her. Ever so slowly, she pressed her lips to his and he responded immediately. She knew then that he was waiting for her, that it was what he wanted. His answer wasn’t a
yes
, it was an
absolutely.
Their lips opened to each other and their tongues met, igniting a fire between them that had been smoldering for days. Slowly, he laid her down on the couch and he followed, until he was fully on top of her, their lips never parting, the kiss deepening until their mouths melted together as one. Their kisses quickly became heated, hurried, unable to get enough of each other. She untucked his shirt and let her hands wander over the smooth skin of his back. Moving up, she ran her fingers through his hair and all the while, he kissed her with unrestrained passion.

All at once, he stopped. Breathing hard, they stared at one another for several seconds. “Andie,” he said, his voice husky, “Is this what you want?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Are you sure?”

She looked into his brown eyes, seeing the sincerity there and loving him for it. “Don’t stop,” she barely whispered and just as the words escaped her lips, he was kissing her, but these kisses were different from the earlier kisses. No one had ever kissed her like this, deep, aggressive, out of control kisses. They stayed right there on the couch with the drapes billowing around them as they slowly peeled off each other’s clothes and he made love to her right then and there. She felt at one with him, a part of him.

It was a long while later that they lay in each other’s arms, not wanting to separate. He began to kiss her again and whispered, “
Happy husband
.”

She whispered back, “
Satisfied spouse
.”

They laughed, but their lips never separated as, without thought to what they were doing, he made love to her a second time. They didn’t discuss their actions, they simply did it.

They dozed in each other’s arms, for how long, Andie wasn’t sure. She awoke awhile later to Zach carrying her upstairs. To her surprise, he didn’t take her to her room, he took her to his room, whereupon they cuddled up together and went back to sleep.

Very late that night, Andie awoke in Zach’s arms, feeling utterly content. A glance at the clock told her it was almost four in the morning. She thought about their clothing strewn about the living room and didn’t want Janine to find it in the morning, no matter how much the sight might please her. She untangled herself from Zach without awakening him. She donned one of his dress shirts and slipped downstairs to pick up their clothes. One glance at the couch and her heart began to beat wildly in her chest at the indelible memory that was now associated with it. The ‘event’ was not at all what she’d imagined. Not awkward, not uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, it had been breathtaking, unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. Once back in his room, she folded their clothing neatly and laid it on the dresser. She turned and stood at the edge of the bed, watching Zach in peaceful slumber. The sheet barely covered him, his skin glowing in the moonlight. He was beautiful.

Her thoughts warred with one another. This was her dilemma: the marriage was consummated; they’d done what they were supposed to do. Nothing more was required of her. She cringed at the thought. There was nothing forced about what had happened between them. It had felt as natural as breathing. It hadn’t been a mere fulfillment of a contract and she knew it.

She began to rationalize…just one time, could be translated to just one night, couldn’t it? They would spend one night together, one glorious night. Therefore, she may as well take the chance while it was still hers. The decision made, she climbed back into his bed. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him, wondering how he would react. To her surprise, he adjusted his position to accommodate her, wrapping his arms around her. “Andie,” he muttered in his sleep, making her smile. Even in his slumber, he knew what they were doing. It felt so incredibly good to have someone to hold while she slept. She felt so safe, so secure. It had been a long time since she’d felt like this. If she could cry, she would’ve shed a few tears of joy. However, her eyes remained regretfully dry.

She awoke in the morning to find that Zach was already up. After a quick shower, she joined him downstairs.

“Good morning,” he said, his eyes searching her face just a little warily. Janine was smiling at them with the silliest grin she’d ever seen. How did she know? Did it show on their faces?

“Would you like to go out on the boat today?”

“Boat?”

“Yep. It’s the Fourth of July. We’ll be able to see the fireworks from the boat. It was sort of a tradition with our family.”

“I’d love to.”

Andie wondered what would happen now. Would they just become good friends? Was that it? Last night was much more than a perfunctory consummation of a marriage and she knew it. The question was, did he? Did he feel anything? For all she knew he was simply making it ‘comfortable’ for both of them. Doubts were beginning to kick in.

“Well,” Zach remarked, when Janine left the room, “The awkward part is over. Now we can relax and just have fun together.”

Andie nodded, her heart suddenly in her throat. Last night had been anything but awkward. She was letting herself become carried away with emotions. It was time to rein it in, get control of herself.
No romantic entanglements
, she reminded herself sternly. At least he wasn’t escaping to his office for the afternoon. What a slap in the face that would have been. At least he still wanted to spend time with her.

Still, he seemed to be keeping his distance. Since breakfast had begun, he hadn’t touched her once. Of course, that
was
the bargain, he was just keeping his word. So they’d let things happen more than once during the night, at least it had been consensual and it hadn’t been uncomfortable or awful.

Time to move on.

Andie had to admit she found herself feeling a little disappointed. Maybe a lot.

“I hope you’re not upset with the events of last night,” he mentioned with worry evident in his features.

“No…I’m not upset.”
Just confused, a little frightened, and yet
…
I want more.

“I was under the impression it was what we both wanted.” He seemed overly concerned about what she was thinking and feeling.

“It was.” What else could she say? Maybe their lovemaking had not been awkward, but this conversation certainly was. “Let’s go,” she said to avoid the subject altogether.

And off they went.

-9-

Zach and Andie packed for the day and hiked down to the boat, which was actually a small yacht, kept in a boathouse near the dock closest to the summer home.

They motored out onto the lake, meandering about, taking in the magnificent scenery. The lake was a deep blue, which contrasted spectacularly with the deep green of the pine trees.

Zach seemed to have loosened up a bit as he began to tell her stories from his childhood summers spent on the lake. He maneuvered the boat deftly, yet slowly, as he spoke, his eyes in another time. Andie lounged on the comfortable couch that lined one side of the front of the boat, letting the wind ruffle her hair as she listened to Zach.

“There was this older kid who spent his summers nearby who was the biggest bully I’ve ever met. My friend and I got into it with him one year and I gave him a bloody nose. Blood was everywhere and it scared the heck out of me. I thought maybe I’d killed him.” He chuckled softly. “I’ve always had a serious phobia of blood and doctors and hospitals or anything medical and the experience only made it worse. But don’t tell anyone or I’ll deny it. It’s my one true secret, something I never tell anyone.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m not exaggerating.”

Andie wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by that or if he was being totally serious or not. “I have a fear of clowns,” she offered. “I think they’re the creepiest things I’ve ever seen.”

“Touché,” he said softly. Then he began to reminisce again. “See that hillside over there? Me and my buddy nearly burned it down one year. We were messing around with firecrackers and the grass caught fire. I thought my dad was going to disown me, he was so mad.” Zach seemed to remember he was speaking out loud. “Sorry, this place brings out a lot of memories for me.”

“It’s okay, I like hearing about your childhood.”

Zach steered the boat into a small cove and anchored it in place. He paused and gazed upon her for a few moments. The sunlight was on his face and the wind tousled his hair. “Do…do you mind if I sit with you?” He was hesitant. It was as if you could see the wheels in his head turning. Andie knew he wanted to sit with her, but it seemed he wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. He deliberately hadn’t touched her all morning. She knew he was distancing himself from her, now that the consummation had taken place. It was clear he was filled with indecision. They shared a long, steady look, their attention unwavering, yet uncertainty on both of their parts was obvious.

She was about to say yes, but then realized that would be the wrong answer. That would mean ‘yes, I do mind if you sit with me.’ The correct answer would be no, meaning, ‘no, I don’t mind if you sit with me.’ But now that she was taking so long to answer, he was going to think she didn’t want him to sit by her at all, when really she did. Where was her brain today?

“I…I don’t mind.” There. He can’t mistake her meaning now.

“Are you sure?”

Great. Another question. Knowledge of the English language temporarily left her. Why did he have to be such a gentleman? Especially when she knew very well what was under all that politeness…a smoldering fire just waiting to explode. She had trouble catching her breath as she said, “I’m sure.”

His eyes seemed to flash and then he sat down next to her with his arm around her, his hand caressing her shoulder. They’d started something last night, something that had changed the nature of their relationship entirely. How were they supposed to move on and just be friends? How could they forget what happened between them last night? She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to cuddle up to him and hold him, but they weren’t supposed to do that, right? Instead she sat there stiffly, closing her eyes at the feel of the simple touch of his hand on her shoulder.

“You’ve made me think about some things that I haven’t wanted to face, Andie,” Zach began slowly. His voice was soft, melodic. “It was when you said you wondered if you and your husband would still be together today due to issues you harbored. I’ve been thinking about that ever since, weighing it in my mind.” He looked into the distance. “When Emily died, we’d only been married for a year. We were still in the newlywed stage. I can see now that over the years I’ve idolized her into something she wasn’t. I loved her and we were happy, but I’ve come to realize with hindsight that we had some issues also. Issues that, had she lived, were about to blow-up in our faces. I wanted to have a family and she wanted it too, just not right away. She wanted to stay in her career for as long as possible before settling down. I wonder now if it ever would’ve happened. Over the years, I’ve never been able to admit that to myself…until now. Maybe we weren’t as perfect together as I’ve let myself believe.”

Andie rested her head on his shoulder, unsure how to respond to his revelation.

“You have no idea how free this realization makes me feel…free to move on with my life.”

Zach shifted in his seat, turning so that her back rested against his stomach. Both of his arms wrapped around her. Adrenalin coursed through her body. She covered his arms with her own, feeling aware of the blood rushing through her veins, every touch of his hands making her skin shiver. She let herself relax in the cradle of his arms. Her head fell back until she could look up at him.

“You loved her, Zach. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I did. When someone dies unexpectedly, there’s so much guilt, so many things you wish you could’ve said, so many things you wish you would’ve done.”

“I know.” She knew that all too well.

The wind blew and picked up his hair as he continued to look down upon her, his eyes blazing. “You have the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, Andie. They mesmerize me. I can hardly look away sometimes. I feel as if I can see your soul in them.”

He moved closer and she knew he was going to kiss her. She could feel his hesitation, his indecision, the way his heart knocked against his ribs, beating rapidly. That she could evoke that kind of emotion in him amazed her. This was a turning point in their relationship and she knew it. If something happened between them now, it had nothing whatsoever to do with contracts, obligations, or being legal.

And it changed everything.

His hand cupped her cheek and everything swiftly changed between them. Zach pressed his lips to hers, their eyes open, unable to look away, representing the fact that they both knew exactly what they were doing. At first, the kiss was soft, tentative. Then, it deepened as they melted into each other, breathing each other in, the light Lake Tahoe wind wafting gently around them.