For Nick (32 page)

Suddenly a shadow fell, blocking the sun. Zach stood in front of her, dripping wet, bronzed and beautiful.

“Hey,” he said as he lay down on the blanket next to her. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she said, as they both watched Nick dump yet another bucket of sand onto her castle. She glanced at Andie, smiling as she waved.

“Do you like it, Mommy?”

“I love it, Nick. When can I move in?”

Nick giggled adorably. It was now April and the days were absolute perfection. Blue skies, a slight breeze, and radiant warmth that was neither too hot nor too cold. The water was sparkling blue, the sand, warm and satiny between her toes. Zach took her hand in his and gave a slight squeeze. Andie looked down at her hand entwined with his and held on tightly.

“She’s doing so well. I think Hawaii agrees with her,” Zach commented. “You too. You look lovely, Andie.”

“Thank you, Zach.” His compliments were always carefully worded lately, but he often commented on her appearance. A ‘you look nice’ here or an ‘aren’t you pretty’ there. She had regained her health and she felt amazing. The happiness of the last few weeks shone in her expression and she knew it. Andie often looked up to find Zach’s eyes upon her, thoughtfully, and she longed to know what he was thinking. While he touched her on occasion—a hand on her shoulder, a pat on her back, an occasional hand running through her hair, a quick neck massage—for the most part, he kept his distance, leaving her feeling just a little confused.

Presently, Andie didn’t comment on her thoughts or act upon her desire to fall into his arms. Instead, she said aloud what had been in her mind for days. “Maybe they’re wrong. Maybe the drug worked,” she whispered.

There. She’d said it out loud.

Zach stiffened, the tension in his body immediate. “Don’t, Andie. Please.”

“Don’t what?” she asked, even though she knew.

“Don’t set yourself up for disappointment.”

“Look at her, Zach. She’s running around, she’s playing, she’s swimming, she’s happy. I’ve never seen her like this.”

“That’s why we’re here, sweetheart. To gain memories she’ll always treasure—to gain memories
we’ll
always treasure.”

Andie let out her breath heavily. Zach was right. In this situation false hope was devastating. “And I have. I could sit here all day and watch her. I love the way she frolics in the waves, as if she’s playing tag with the water. Have you noticed the way she sometimes stops and stares up at the sky, as if she’s soaking up the sun on her skin, memorizing the feeling, and relishing every moment?”

“I have. But, to be honest, mostly I notice her watching you, as if she’s memorizing every facet of your face. She adores you, Andie. You have her heart. She knows how much you love her, she knows it and she comprehends what you’ve done for her; the sacrifices you’ve made.”

“It wasn’t enough,” Andie mumbled under her breath.

Zach didn’t comment. He was used to her sometimes extreme emotions. She was up and down as often as a bouncy ball. Andie often wondered how he was able to handle the overwhelming roller coaster of feelings. Why was he still at her side? This wasn’t the fun part of life, this was the sickness in sickness and health, the worst in for better or worse. This period of time was the true meaning behind love, honor, and cherish. Zach had pledged those things during their marriage ceremony, but it hadn’t been real and they both knew it. Why hadn’t he bolted? There was no one forcing him to do what he was doing. He was doing it because he wanted to. Why?

Why indeed?

“Sometimes I notice her hugging you with all her strength, eyes squished close, muscles tensed from the effort. She isn’t strong enough for you to feel the physical exertion. But it’s there, Andie, it’s there.”

Zach always said the right thing. He was her salvation, her champion. He was always there to pick her up when she was falling.

But, she wanted more.

“Watch her, Andie. See how she lets the sand run through her fingers as if it’s the most incredible thing she’s ever experienced. She notices everything and it’s a pleasure to experience it with her. Just the wind on her face makes her pause and feel it, really feel it. Little things I never think about are absolutely amazing to her. It changes your perspective, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose it does,” After a long pause, Andie said, “She’ll be tired soon. It’s almost time for her nap. It’s been awhile. I don’t want her to get too much sun.”

Zach sat up and touched her cheek lightly. “Just let her live. While she has the chance.”

Their eyes met and held. “But…” she began to protest, but then she realized how right he was. Nick would let them know when she was tired or not feeling well. “You’re right. Thanks, Zach. Without you, I’d fuss over her all the time and she’d never have any fun at all.”

“That’s what moms are for.”

“C’mon, Daddy. Help me build the moat!” Nick yelled.

Zach smiled tenderly. “Duty calls. Why don’t you join us? I have it on good authority that you are the best-moat-builder
ever
.”

“Okay.” Andie watched Zach pop to his feet and walk towards Nick. His legs were lean and muscular, his calves, well defined. His back was smooth and unblemished. His sun dried hair was slightly askew, giving him a rakish appearance. He turned as if he knew she was studying him. He smiled and cocked his head, meaning, ‘c’mon.’

Nick and Zach. A sunny beach. Smiles and happiness.

There was no room for sadness today. There were sand castles to build, life to be lived, memories to be made.

It was only a few nights later that Andie awoke to Nick crying softly in her bed. Even though she knew this time would come, it was still just as devastating. She called for Zach and he was at her side in seconds. “Call the doctor,” she said quietly.

Zach had already made arrangements with a local doctor and he was prepared to treat Nick for pain and keep her as comfortable as possible. No more hospitals. They were keeping her at home with them.

As the IV was inserted into Nick’s arm, the pain medicine quickly took effect. Nick slept the day away as Andie spent her time sitting by her bed, knowing things had just changed. They’d reached the turning point. Reality had returned. The end was near, and now that Andie was faced with it, it was an unbearable thought. It was a long day memorable only by what it lacked. No giggles, no squeals of delight, no light, no life, no sun, no sparkle. Just cold, stark truth at your door and in your face. Zach joined her at Nick’s bedside and they stared at each other from across the bed, not saying one single word. Even Zach—her support, her knight in shining armor—had no encouraging words. There simply wasn’t anything to say, nothing to make it all better. They both fell asleep in chairs by Nick’s bedside.

In the morning, they awoke to find a little ray of hope. Nick was sitting up in bed with a huge smile on her face. “I’m starving,” she announced.

“What do you want?” Zach asked.

“Pancakes. A huge stack with lots of syrup and butter,” Nick said decisively. Zach made them for her and she ate till she couldn’t take another bite.

The pain medicine was working and she was feeling good again. She couldn’t do much now, feeling too weak to stand. Being tethered by the IV also limited her activities. But they kept her entertained all morning by watching the surf while sitting outside enjoying the fresh ocean air, watching a movie, and playing a few board games. This was their new life and they accepted it, happy to still have Nick with them. From here on out it would be a quiet life, but it was good and Nick seemed content. Zach kept both Nick and Andie smiling with his cheerful disposition.

“I feel like coloring. I love to color, it’s one of my favorite things to do. What do ya say, Nick, do you want to color? Do you think we can color an entire book in one afternoon? I’m up for the challenge, how about you?”

Andie watched Nick perk up at Zach’s suggestion. A coloring marathon ensued. Andie found herself distracted by Zach, the high-powered businessman, sitting at the kitchen table, coloring with her daughter. And he looked like he was really enjoying himself too. He was incredible.

Soon Nick could hardly keep her eyes open. After a big yawn, she said, “
Nick needs naps, not never-ending nights.”

Zach burst into laughter and the two of them high-fived. Andie was stunned. She had no clue that Zach had taught Nick about alliterations.

“That was really good, Nick,” Andie told her.

“Thanks, my
miraculous, mighty mother
.”

Andie held her head in her hands. “You’ve created a monster.”

“A…
mirthful monster mingling mischievously
,” Zach said with a straight face, to which Andie rolled her eyes. Zach was a constant strength at Andie’s side. He was unwavering in his support and he maintained an optimistic attitude. Andie had fallen in love with him all over again. The one thing they’d been missing seemed to exist in spades now.

Trust.

She trusted him implicitly. Problem was, there didn’t seem to be much else between them anymore and Andie began to wonder if it was simply too late for them.

Or…were they simply on hold?

-26-

Zach and Andie sat by the fire that night watching the embers slowly die. Nick had retired an hour ago, and without her around, neither one of them tried to appear cheerful. It was exhausting to act happy, when really you were dying on the inside. Zach took her hand in his, stroking her skin with his thumb. He did it absently, as if it was the natural thing to do. Andie tried to ignore the longing his touch ignited within her. But it was just too much. She arose suddenly, saying she needed to clean up the kitchen. Zach looked upon her oddly and she wondered if he knew exactly where her thoughts had turned.

Zach slowly straightened up the living room, glancing at her from time to time. When they were done, there didn’t seem to be anything left to do or say. They faced each other silently for several moments. In the end, it was Andie who broke the silence.

“Zach…I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done.”

Zach’s eyes were intense. “I love that little girl. I’d do anything for Nick.”

Again, silence fell upon them. Andie nodded at him. “Goodnight, Zach.”

“Goodnight, Andie,” he said, sounding weary.

They turned off the lights, leaving the room bathed in soft moonlight. Andie had just made it to the door of her room, with her hand on her door handle, when Zach said, “Andie…” She froze, slowly letting her hand slip off the handle. Other than that, she didn’t move. There was something in the intensity of his gaze tonight, something in his tone of voice, something in the very stillness of his body that told her something significant was about to happen.

She was ready for it.

She turned and faced him knowing the apprehension she felt was evident on her face. “Yes?” Her voice was hardly more than a whisper.

He hesitated for only a second. “I’d do anything for you too.”

Their eyes met and held. Andie had no idea what to do or say. The rise and fall of her chest was pronounced as her heart began to race.

“I love you, Andie,” Zach said quietly. When she didn’t respond, he said, “Do you hear me? I love you.”

Indeed, Andie wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. Either that or she was dreaming. Her lack of reaction to his words made him run his hands through his hair resignedly, “I’m sorry. It’s not the right time for this.”

But nothing changed. He still stood there, his eyes concentrated on her. Slowly, Andie walked to him until she was so close, their bodies were almost touching. She cupped his cheek tenderly. “You love me?” she said in disbelief.

“Yes, I love you, Andie. I’ve loved you since the moment you stood in my office and—with fire in your eyes—held pepper spray on me and threatened to blind me. I’ve been a lost cause ever since.”

After several heart-pounding moments she said, “I think I knew from the moment I said, ‘you are low-life scum and I don’t want to swim in your pond.’ And you threw your head back and laughed. I knew right then.”

“Knew what?” he prompted, his voice a whisper.

“I knew that I was completely…and totally in love with you. And nothing…
nothing
that has happened has changed my feelings for you. I love you, Zach.”

Zach ran his fingertips over her face and then under her chin. He tilted her head up slightly and then with agonizing slowness, he pressed his lips to hers. Andie let her hand wander from his cheek into his hair, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened—as it always had with them—almost instantly. Their mouths melted together, their bodies swayed towards one another and their arms wrapped around each other.

“I’ve wanted to do this for the longest time,” Zach mumbled in between kisses.

“Me too,” Andie said as Zach’s mouth covered hers again, leaving her trembling with anticipation.

“Really?” Zach questioned.

“Yes.”

“I wasn’t sure if you still felt anything for me. I thought I’d killed your love for me.”

“No, Zach, never. I never stopped loving you.”

“I’ve been biding my time, waiting for the right moment, hoping I could repair the damage I’d caused.”