For the Game (18 page)

“Even after everything that’s happened tonight?” My eyebrows raised in skepticism.

“Yeah.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “I missed you more than I can even express, baby.”

“Me too.”

“I hate being away from you. Everything is harder when you’re not with me.” He tugged me close.

“You’re not going to have to be without me much longer,” I told him.

He froze, his eyes widening. For a moment neither of us moved. His gaze collided with mine, as if he was unsure what to believe. “Are you saying what I think you are?”

“If you’re thinking that I will soon be a Fallbrook Falcon, then yes.”

“Really?” He smiled. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, my smile growing. “What I want is you, Coop. You’re my future. I think that’s why I got so freaked out when I saw you with that girl. For a split second I worried that I’d chosen wrong. But now I know I didn’t.”

“Oh, god, baby. You don’t know how happy I am.” His arms circled my waist, and he picked me up, kissing me hard. “I wasn’t sure how I’d survive another four years away from you.”

“Me either.” I shook my head. “And I didn’t want to find out. Fallbrook is a good school, and it has a great English program. But that isn’t why I chose it. I chose it because it has you.”

Cooper stamped a kiss on my forehead. “And now it has you.”

Cooper

London breathed evenly through semi-parted lips. Her golden hair was splayed across the pillow, her lashes resting against her pale skin. Reaching down, I gently stroked her hair with my fingertips. She stirred, but didn’t wake. My body was curled around hers, and it felt good to have her so close. We stayed up late last night talking. By the time we finished, London was getting tired, and I had no desire to leave her. Not after the night we’d had. So we cuddled on the bed, and before I knew it London was fast asleep in my arms. I watched her for awhile, enjoying the soft rise and fall of her chest, savoring the way she looked– so content and peaceful. But mostly I just wanted to take in all of her features, to convince myself that she was here and she was real.

I couldn’t believe she came all this way for me. London knew how much I loved surprises and sweeping romantic gestures. They weren’t really her thing, so rarely did she do them. And this one was pretty damn huge. It must have been awful for her to do all that and then witness what happened between me and Charlotte. Man, I could kill myself for almost blowing this, for almost losing London.

My stomach tightened at the memory of Ace with his hands on her. That asshole deserved what happened. Lifting my hand, I touched my swollen face. Even though I knew I’d acted impulsively and my behavior might cost me my spot on the team, I didn’t regret it. There was no way I could let him get away with scaring London like that. Not after everything she’d been through. She should always feel safe and protected, and it was my job to keep her that way.

With my arm around her, I tugged her closer to me. When I did her butt brushed over my crotch, and a wave of desire ran through me. Staring down at her beautiful face and smoking hot body, I wanted nothing more than to tear off those shorts of hers and show her how much I loved her. But I knew I couldn’t do that. I’d made it clear that when that happened it would be London’s call. She had to give me the okay. And as much as I wanted to convince myself that the fact that she was sleeping in my arms looking damn sexy was an okay, I knew it wasn’t. Not really. Wiggling away, I readjusted my position.

“Coop?” London’s eyes fluttered open, her voice thick and groggy.

“Yeah, baby.” I brushed her hair from her face.

She rolled over wearing a lazy smile. “You’re still here.”

“I couldn’t leave you.”

“I’m glad.” Relief washed over me. My heart swelled knowing that no matter what transpired last night, she still wanted me.

“Me too.” I stamped a kiss on her forehead. “God, you’re so beautiful in the morning.”

“Ugh. No, I’m not.” She ran a hand over her face.

“Yes, you are.” I stared into her bright blue eyes. “Trust me.”

Her face sobered up, taking on a serious expression. She reached out and touched my face, her soft fingers grazing my flesh. “I do trust you, Coop.”

I gathered her hand in mine, folding my fingers over hers. Her words meant everything to me, and I held them close. “I will never hurt you, London.”

“I know. I’m so sorry about last night.”

“Hey,” I stopped her. “It’s over. We’re fine.”

She nodded, dragging her teeth through her bottom lip. Light filtered in through the small open space of the thick brown curtains, and it sliced across her face.

“God, I still can’t believe you’re here. It feels like a dream,” I told her.

“I know. I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too.” Curving my hand around her face, I leaned down to kiss her, but she put up her hand to block me.

“Not yet. Gotta brush my teeth first.”

I chuckled, grateful for the reason.

She slid off the bed and scurried toward the bathroom. I watched her long slender legs and cute round ass. Damn, she was sexy. It took all my willpower to stay put when she vanished into the restroom. Threading my hands under my head, I lie back down and stared up at the ceiling. I listened to the sound of running water and the whir of London’s electric toothbrush. After a few minutes she emerged and made a beeline for her suitcase. Bending down, she unzipped it and started sifting through her things. Rolling my head to the side, I had the perfect vantage point to stare at my girl. I took in the way she gracefully tucked her hair behind her ear, the way her long arms reached for her clothes. My gaze landed on her suitcase, and I pondered the fact that she’d brought so much stuff for only two days. As she picked up one of her shirts, a brown box came into view.

Stiffening, I slowly sat up. “What’s that?”

Her eyes widened. “Oh. Um…”

I got down from the bed and moved toward her.

“It’s….I brought it for you.” London picked it up and stood. Then she held it out to me.

But I couldn’t bring myself to take it. I knew exactly what it was. Grandma had tried to give it to me before, but I refused to even look at it. Why did London have it? Why now?

“Coop, you don’t have to look through it if you don’t want to.” London tucked the box up against her body. Even in this moment I longed to be that box. I found myself jealous of the way it was pressed against her chest. “I only brought it because I thought it might help you.” She bit her lip, staring deeply into my eyes. “I thought it might help
us
.”

This perked my interest. “How would a box of stuff from my parents help us?”

“You’ve been so distant lately,” London said, and her words hit their mark, tearing into my heart. “And I’ve tried everything I can to get you to open up to me. To get you to be the Cooper I fell in love with. But nothing has worked.”

“Oh, baby.” I stepped forward. She was right, and I hated that I’d made her feel this way.

“It’s not your fault,” she said abruptly. “I know this year has been tough for you. And I know that when you feel alone and abandoned you close up. You shut down.” Impressive how well she pegged me. Perhaps she should become a therapist instead of a writer. “I know because I do the same thing. But you have helped me with that. Last year when I was so sick you wouldn’t let me shut down, Coop. You taught me how important it was to let others in, and it changed me.”

“I’m so sorry.” I ran a hand down London’s arm. “I never want to shut you out, baby.”

“I know. But you’ve been scared, and you’ve felt alone. I get it.” She glanced down at the box in her arms. “And I know that the television show brought up a lot of unwanted memories and emotions for you. Perhaps it’s time to face them. Maybe it’s time to let go.”

I knew it was. I’d been feeling it for months. This black cloud hung over me. Emotion sat right in my throat at all times, an ocean wave ready to crest. But I’d held it back, shoved it down. However, that was only a temporary fix. The wave couldn’t be held back indefinitely. I could wait for it to crash into my life, obliterating it. Or I could take this gift London was offering me, and make the choice myself.

“Remember when you shaved my head?” London asked. “You helped me take control that day, and I’ve never known how to thank you.” Reaching out, she thrust the box into my hands. “Now I do.”

She was the best damn girlfriend in the world. And I wouldn’t let her down. I closed my hands around the box. Carrying it back to the bed, I perched on the edge. With shaky fingers, I lifted the lid.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. Give you some time alone. But I’ll be right back if you need me.” London stood still, awaiting my response.

“Okay.” I nodded, flashing her a small smile.

After she left the room I glanced inside the box. Dipping my fingers inside, they brushed over my baby book. The cover had a small round frame displaying a picture of me as an infant. I hoisted it out and set the box on the bed. Then I peeled back the first page. Mom had written out all my stats – eight pounds, five ounces, twenty-one inches long. The glossy photo showed me all scrunched up and purple. I turned the page and sucked in a breath. This was a picture I’d never seen before. It was of my mom holding me in her arms, and it must have been taken moments after my birth. I still had that weird purple, scrunched-up look. But Mom was gazing at me as if I was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. Her skin was tight and smooth, her eyes bright. For just giving birth, she looked stunning. My heart leapt into my throat, and I swallowed down the sob that threatened to pour out. Blinking, I turned to the next page. Only this wasn’t any better. Now I’d come across a picture of my dad holding me. If I had any hope of holding back my emotions, it was a losing battle now. Moisture filled my eyes as I took in the way my dad looked at me so tenderly – with so much love. Taking a deep breath, I closed the book and discarded it next to my thigh. I needed a break from pictures.

Reaching back into the box, I was shocked to find a video camera inside. It was an older one, before digital cameras had come into the market. I yanked it out and studied it. A screen was folded against the side that you could flip open. When I did, I pressed the play button. The screen roared to life, a toddler version of me filling the screen. I was wearing an A’s shirt and green shorts, an A’s hat on my head. In my hand I held a wiffle ball.

“Come on, son. Throw it to daddy,” My dad’s voice came from somewhere off the screen. But the sound of it caused my chest to tighten.

With a smile, I lobbed the ball in his direction. The camera swung to follow it, making me feel dizzy. Dad came into view, and I involuntarily reached out and touched his face with my fingertip. I traced his face that bore so much resemblance to mine.

“Great throw, son.” Dad caught the ball and threw it back.

I watched as we tossed the ball for a few minutes. Then the camera spun around and Mom’s face filled the frame.

“Hey! It’s me. The one behind the camera.” She waved. “Cooper, one day you’ll watch this video and I just want you to know how much your daddy and I love you. You’re the greatest little boy in the world. And I just know you’re going to do amazing things with your life.” A broad smile swept her face, but it was hard to make out through the tears filling my eyes. Pressing her hand to her lips she kissed her palm and flung her hand forward, blowing it into the camera.

A memory surfaced of Mom blowing me kisses the first day I went to kindergarten. Now that I thought about it, she used to blow me kisses a lot. I had forgotten that until right now. The screen went dark, and I released the breath I’d been holding. After setting down the camera, I reached back into the box. Snatching up a picture of my parents, I traced their faces with my fingertips. A gentle sob drifted from the back of my throat, fresh tears surfacing.

“I miss you,” I whispered. “You were the best parents in the whole world, and losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever went through. It left a hole in my heart I’ve never fully been able to close. Maybe I never will. But I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to remember you with happiness and gratitude.” I paused, sucking in a breath. “Good-bye, Mom and Dad. I love you.” Blowing out a breath, I dropped the picture back into the box. When I was a kid, I never went to my parents’ grave site. My grandparents went, but I never accompanied them. I used to say it was because they weren’t really there. But the real reason I never did was because I didn’t want to say goodbye. It was almost like I believed that if I avoided saying my goodbyes then they wouldn’t really be gone. Even at the memorial service, I refused to receive the closure it was supposed to provide. This was the first time I’d truly said the words. 

The bathroom door popped open and London stepped out. Her hair was wet, the scent of apple shampoo wafting through the air. She paused in the doorway, studying me.

I opened my arms. “C’mere.”

With large strides she glided across the room and stood in front of me. I snatched up both her hands and held them in mine.

“Thank you,” I said. “This was exactly what I needed.”

She raised her brows, her gaze falling to the video camera. “There was a video?”

“Yeah. Of my dad and I playing baseball.”

“They would be so proud of you, Coop.”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I’ve been a mess since I got here, and all I’ve done is screw everything up.”

“That’s not true.” London knelt down to face me. “You’ve made some mistakes, but that’s part of life. You have plenty of opportunity to fix it.”

“I’ve been so scared, London,” I said, sharing what I’d been too ashamed to say to anyone else. “I’ve been scared of not being good enough to make my dad proud. I’ve been scared of losing everything…including you. And it’s made me lose my goddamn mind.”

“You’re not losing me, Coop. You never were.” She smiled. “And trust me, you’ve already made your dad proud by just being you. You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met. You’re strong and loyal and loving and kind. Yeah, you’re good at baseball, but that doesn’t define you. Your character defines you. And you have one hell of a character.” She winked.

“London, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“I think it goes both ways,” she said. “Coop, we both have a lot of baggage. I mean, I lost my shit last night when Ace approached me because I had a flashback of my mom’s dead body. Talk about crazy. It’s like I can never get over that fear.”

“It’s understandable. No child should go through what you did.”