For the Love of Ash (22 page)

I grabbed the Dove and rubbed it up and down my arms. My hands stung as the soap seeped into my broken skin, but I actually enjoyed the burn. It woke me up a bit. My face ached, especially my lower jaw and lip.

I jutted my tongue out, tasting copper in the corner of my mouth. I had work in two days, and I couldn't look like I had gotten into a fight. I needed to fix this.
 

I shut off the shower and patted myself dry before tying the towel around my waist and walking back into my room. I stifled a laugh when I saw Liam asleep in my bed on top of the covers. So much for my watch dog…

I took another swig of the water as I threw on a short sleeved graphic tee and a pair of jeans. I slipped into a pair of sneakers and then threw on sunglasses so my eyes would stop watering from the bright morning. I grabbed my wallet and keys and then trudged downstairs.

"I made you coffee," Lil sang as I stepped into the kitchen. I sat on the other side of the counter. She slid the coffee mug across the counter, and some of the dark contents sloshed out. "Whoops," she chuckled.
 

"Want to do your big brother a favor and drive me to Dr. Linhart's office?"

"I'm not even dressed!" she complained. She grabbed a silver spoon and began shoveling sugar into her drink.
 

"You don't have to get out. I just can't think with my brain banging against my skull." I nursed the coffee, my hands around the warm mug. I could've easily passed out on the table right there.
 

"Fine. Give me five," she mumbled as she ran around the counter. She patted my back and then skipped up the stairs to her room. I must have zoned because the next second I heard her footsteps coming back down.

I took the mug with me as we walked out the back kitchen door and into the garage. Lilly had been given the white BMW coup for her sixteenth birthday and surprisingly hadn't crashed it yet. I had to bend and crouch to get into the low leveled car, but the seats were so comfortable, it was worth it.
 

"So, what happened last night?" Lilly immediately started with the questioning. I groaned and took another sip of my coffee.
 

"What do you know?"

"Well, I heard Lauren talking shit that you hit some guy at the bar. Then she told Mom that you had an anger problem, and Mom said you had to go to therapy. Then Lindsay and Mom got into a screaming match, and she told me to make sure you were up before she left."

"That pretty much sums it up," I told her.
 

"Well, did you hit someone?" She stopped at a red light on the main strip in New Canaan and looked across the car at me. I shrugged.

"He was hitting on Maggie even though she said no. I didn't know what else to do. I don't have a problem." I tried to make that very clear. The last thing I wanted was Lilly to be scared of me.
 

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah. If the guy was an ass then he deserved to be hit."

It wasn't long before Lilly pulled up to Dr. Linhart's office. It was a regular house, small with black shutters and set back from the commercial area. The office had three different therapists, but my entire family saw Dr. Linhart because she was allegedly the best and had the most education.
 

Once we all reached high school, Mother made us attend monthly meetings with her. Sometimes we had family meetings, sans Father, but most of the time, we each got an hour to ourselves.
 

I wasn't forced to see Dr. Linhart more regularly until I hit college and started "acting out" according to my mother. She didn't like that I changed my major from law to education. She didn't like my tattoos and my binge-drinking phase. I got into one fight that landed me in the county jail in Storrs, and that just sent her into the deep end, despite the fact that the other guy didn't press charges.
 

Looking back, I couldn't blame her. It was a dramatic change from when I was in high school. My father had influence over me when I lived in the house, so I made sure to be on honor roll and a varsity team all three seasons at prep school. I made sure to get into college. And then once I was there, I went crazy.
 

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Lilly asked as I stared at the building through the windshield. I tried to pick up my feet and go in, but they were like lead. I sipped on my coffee.
 

"No. Just give me a second." I paused and saw a red Wrangler pull around the side of the building and park in a handicapped spot. I placed my mug in the center cup holder and opened the door. "I'll text you when I need a ride. Thanks, Lil. Love you."

"Love you too brother."
 

It had already been twenty minutes, and I wasn't giving anything up. Dr. Linhart knew me by now, and when I didn't want to say anything, my resolve was hard to break.
 

"Do you want to talk about the girl?" she asked.

"Not really."

"Will you at least tell me her name and how you met? I know you got into the fight because of her. Give me something here, Luke." I didn't want to. Maggie didn't deserve to be dragged into this room with all my other dirty secrets and haunting flaws. She should've been in a different plane, but I realized that my life was my life. If I pursued her, she'd be dragged in the muck.
 

"Her name is Maggie; she lives in Norwalk. She goes to Western and is in one of the education classes I have to take over."

"What's she like?"

"She's closed off, but in a way where you can tell she's just trying to protect herself. She doesn't go out much because of her son, who she hates talking about with me for some reason."

"Why do you think she'd hate that?"

"I don't know. Maybe she doesn't want me and him involved. But I'm his teacher, she knows that, so I see him daily. She can't separate us."

"I'm sure she's just trying to do right by him. How old is her son?"

"He's in fourth grade, so nine or ten."

"How old is Maggie?" Dr. Linhart crinkled her already wrinkled forehead as she asked. I noticed that Dr. Linhart didn't look like she used to. Her regularly brown hair was fading to a more salt and peppered look. I didn't know how old she was, but her age was catching up to her, and her physical appearance showed it.
 

"I think she's my age. She looks twenty, but she has to be older than that. Maybe twenty-five… that'd make her sixteen when she had him. That's the oldest I'd think she is."

"Wow. That's young. I'm sure she's had some hard times."

"Yeah…" It really started to sink in. Her situation was more than I was making it out to be. I knew she had a son, but I didn't even think about how young she had him. He was a great kid, but raising him at sixteen must have been a nightmare.
 

"What's going on in there?" Dr. Linhart asked, tilting her head to the side.

"I guess I didn't think about her situation fully."

"Does it worry you?"

"That she has a kid? Not really."

"No. That she's probably had a rough life. That she probably expects more from a relationship than a normal girl your age. Is that intimidating to you?"

"It wasn't until you just brought it up."

"I'm just trying to figure out where you're at with this relationship." She paused and waited for me to look up and meet her eyes. She was big on eye contact. "You had to have known that getting into a physical fight would trigger your mother. But you risked it for this woman. You were protecting her, not acting out of anger. Do you want a long term relationship? Do you think you're ready to settle down?"

"I'm not ready to settle down. I live at my mother's house for Christ's sake. But I like her. I find her interesting, and I want to know more about her."

"Do you like her selfishly, or do you genuinely care for her?"

"I hardly know her. How can I care for her?"

"Don't fight against what you think. Do you care for her more than just liking or wanting to know more?"

"I guess so. But I'm not going to see her again," I muttered, not liking my own answer. But I knew it was what was best. I also realized how stupid it sounded.

"Why not?"

"I hit her by accident when I was fighting with the asshole. She got completely freaked out. I ran after her, and tried to touch her and she flinched. She actually pulled back like she was scared of me. I don't think I'm good for her. Even if I like her or care or whatever, I'm no good."

"You're just making excuses for yourself. You can choose to be good, Luke. Every day you're faced with thousands of choices that shape who you are as a person. Whether you're worth it or not is up to you."

"She has enough going on with her son. I just don't think she needs more drama."

"And you're drama?"

"My family is. That's for damn sure, and I know you know it too."

"Listen, whether you pursue her or not, that's your choice. I would tread lightly, take it slow if you do. If you truly are interested, you'll have to work to earn her trust. If you let her go, fine. But don't do it because you think you're not worth it."

I checked the clock on the wall and saw that our hour was just about up. I stood, a fake smile plastered to my face. "I guess we made it through," I muttered.

"Next week we're talking about your father."

"Looking forward to it," I said as I shook Dr. Linhart's hand. In the hallway, I texted Lilly that I was finished. She immediately answered saying she was already in the parking lot with hot Starbucks.
 

I saw the white car the second I left the office and jogged over.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Maggie

"Finally!" June yelled when I walked into the classroom. I was fifteen minutes early for class, but June was already sitting in her desk in the back, popping her gum with her feet up.
 

"Hello to you, too," I said as I walked over and sat down beside her.
 

"You answer my text with a simple
I'm fine
and expect me not to freak out! Don't tell me you went home with Luke boy." I looked around and saw only one other person in the room. He was too busy typing on his laptop, earbuds in, to even notice my presence.

"I did not. He got in a fight with some guy, and I left. I looked for you but couldn't find you, so I walked home."

"Are you kidding me?" she gasped, glaring at me with her wide coal-lined eyes. "You walked home?"

"I didn't have much of a choice. Luke shoved me by accident, and I fell backwards, but he was so busy pummeling that asshole that he didn't even notice me. So I left."

"I'm so sorry, Maggie." She sat back in her seat and covered her face with her hands, as if she was about to cry.
 

"It's really fine. We were only like three miles away."

"You could have been hurt."

"We live in an area with a negative crime rate. I was fine. I didn't get mugged or anything. I'm fine," I told her as I reached across the aisle. I grabbed onto her arm and pulled it away from her face. She wasn't crying, but she wasn't happy either.

"I should've stayed with you," she muttered.

"June, I swear, I'm fine." I nodded, emphasizing my point.

"Okay," she answered, resting her head on her hand. "So, tell me about Luke."

"Damn, you bounce back fast."

"Do you love him?"

"What kind of question is that? I hardly know him." I winkled my nose at the notion.

"It didn't seem like that when you were making out at the club. You definitely know more about him than me."

"We made out." I paused. "That's it."

"Whatever. I think something else is going on there."

"He freaked out on me anyway. After I ran out, he followed me in his truck. But when I asked him to apologize—yes, I asked him—he got mad and left me. He didn't say sorry for hitting me and just ran off."

"Did he say anything at all?"

"No. He just didn't remember he hit me, which is understandable since he was fighting that sketchy man. I wasn't even that mad about it."

"You should be mad. A guy shouldn't hit you."