For the Roses (42 page)

"It's ridiculous for you to feel the least bit vulnerable. It's also damned insulting to me, woman." She was beginning to lose her patience. He was taking exception to every word she said. He really was as temperamental as his horse. She considered telling him so, then changed her mind. The comparison would probably set his temper off again.

"You didn't use to be this moody."

"I didn't used to be in love with you."

She drummed her fingers against his chest. "Cole always becomes moody when he feels guilty about something."

"I don't feel guilty about a damned thing. Do you feel guilty?" He grabbed hold of her hand and started squeezing. He was telling her without words her answer better be the one he wanted to hear.

"No, I don't feel guilty. Happy now?"

He didn't answer her. He relaxed his hold on her hand, though, and so she assumed she'd given him the right response.

"I believe we should end this discussion. If we continue, we'll get into a full-blown argument. Then you'll have to apologize to me. Do you really want to waste all that time begging my forgiveness when we could be doing much more enjoyable things?"

He smiled in spite of his irritation. "What makes you think I'll apologize?"

"Because I can wait longer than you can. You'll give in before I will."

"In other words, you hold a grudge. Your brothers mentioned that flaw to me."

"Sometimes I do."

He started to laugh. "Mary Rose, you make me want to shake you and kiss you at the same time. Honest to God, you're going to drive me out of my mind one of these days." She started stroking his chest again. She loved the feel of his hair curling around her fingers. She wished he'd kiss her again. Just thinking about it made her restless. She let out a little sigh and draped her thigh across him.

He let out a grunt. She realized where her thigh was then, but the heat radiating from his groin felt too good against her skin for her to move away.

If he hadn't liked it, he would have pushed her away. He didn't though. He put his hand on her knee and began to caress her.

"Harrison?"

"Yes?"

"Was tonight as nice as your dream was?"

"It was much, much better. My dreams weren't ever nice. They made me hot. Tonight, you made me burn. Understand?"

"You were satisfied?"

He could hear the amusement in her voice and knew she was up to something. He smiled in anticipation. God only knew what she was going to say.

"Yes, I was satisfied."

"Now you sound appreciative, grateful. Are you?"

Her fingertips were making circles around his nipple. It was driving him to distraction.

"Yes," he answered gruffly.

"I guess I made you happy."

"Yes. You made me very happy."

She smiled against his chest. He was mildly surprised she needed this much assurance. The way he had responded to her while they were making love should have told her how good she'd been. Maybe she really was feeling vulnerable because it had been a new experience for her. Lord, was she beginning to make sense?

"And you can't thank me enough."

Her whispered words finally registered in his mind. She was tossing his words back at him. Harrison laughed again. "I guess you didn't much like hearing that part of my dream, did you, sweetheart?" She was too content to answer him. A sudden thought turned her attention. "What did you mean when you said I only cried for a second the first time? Did I cry again?"

"Yes. It lasted longer."

"When?"

"When you came apart."

The memory made her blush. She really had come apart during her climax. She didn't remember crying though. Finding fulfillment had required her full attention.

"Now will you listen to what I have to say?"

"If you're going to tell me I'll hate you, then no, I won't listen."

"I want to talk about our future."

"All right."

"The next six months are going to be difficult for you."

"Do you plan to be difficult?"

"No, that isn't what I meant."

"I love you, Harrison."

"I love you too. I have to go back to England, sweetheart. I want you to join me there."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Why do you have to go back?"

"I have to finish something I started."

"Will you want to stay there for a long time?"

"That depends on you."

She didn't understand. "Do you still long for the Highlands?"

"I long to be with you. Where I live isn't important."

"It used to be important."

He smiled. She was right about that. Returning to the Highlands had been an obsession. His plans had all changed, of course, because of Mary Rose. He could be happy anywhere in the world as long as he had her by his side.

"When do you want to leave?"

"I had thought to leave the day after tomorrow. I want you to come to me as soon as possible." He had just overwhelmed her with all the changes he wanted to make. How could she possibly leave her brothers? England was an ocean away. Oh, God, why did it have to be so far?

Would they live in the city? How could she live like that? She wouldn't be able to breathe. The crowds would drive her wild. Would she look out her window and see pavement and buildings? How could she leave her paradise?

And how could she ever let Harrison leave her behind? Life without him would be unbearable. Her mind reeled with questions.

"I know you need time to think about it, sweetheart."

"Yes," she answered. "I wish… Harrison, would you ever consider living here?"

"If it were possible."

"Is it?"

"I don't know yet," he replied.

"What if I couldn't join you?"

"I would come back to get you."

"I don't want to think about the future now. Tomorrow we'll worry about plans and decisions. Please kiss me again. I want you to make love to me now."

She lifted up on her elbows and stared down into his eyes.

"I want to feel you inside me again," she whispered.

"We can't," he whispered. "It's too soon, sweetheart. It would hurt." She leaned down and kissed him. She didn't care if it hurt or not. She needed him.

"Please," she whispered. Her lips brushed over his again. "One kiss, my love. Let me kiss you once and if you want me to stop then, I promise you I will."

"I love the way you throw my words back at me," he said. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up until she was stretched out on top of him.

"Are you planning to keep on kissing me until you've got me inside you?"

"Oh, yes."

They were the last coherent words either one of them could speak for a long, long time. They fell asleep wrapped in a tangle of arms and legs. And love.

April 5, 1868

Dear Mama Rose,

Adam got in a fight yesterday. It was all my fault, because the Indians like my pretty hair. I am putting some of it in the envelope so you can see how pretty it is. But it's yellow, Mama, and the Indians liked it so much they tried to take it all off my head. Then one of them says to take me with my hair and that's when Adam got mad. Cole and Douglas were gone, and by the time Travis came out of the barn, Adam had punched them good and hard. Your son got a bloody nose, but the Indians he got mad at were all sleeping in our garden by the time he got done with them.

Fighting isn't good, Mama. Even Adam said so, but now he thinks the Indians will leave my hair alone. I sure hope so.

Your daughter Mary Rose

Mary Rose returned to her bedroom a little before dawn. She was somewhat surprised Harrison slept through her departure. He was usually a light sleeper, but he barely moved at all when she got out of his bed, dressed, and left the bunkhouse. She guessed she must have worn him out. The possibility gave her an inordinate amount of pleasure.

She wasn't quite ready to greet the day, however. She fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow, and she didn't wake up again until almost ten o'clock.

She didn't see Harrison again until supper. Travis told her that Dooley had ridden out early to deliver a telegram.

Her brother was headed out the back door when he mentioned the wire. Mary Rose went chasing after him to get the particulars.

"Who was the telegram for?"

"Harrison, of course. If it had been for one of us, you would have seen it on the kitchen table."

"Who sent it?"

"I don't know."

"Travis, please slow down. Did Harrison tell you about it? Did he read it to you?" Her brother turned around. "No, he didn't tell me, and I didn't ask. He didn't look very happy about the news he received though. Fact is, he looked kind of grim."

"Oh, Lord, I pray no one died."

"Now, why would you think someone died?"

"Telegrams are always for bad news, Travis. Everyone knows that. What did Harrison do after he read the message?"

Travis let out a sigh. "He put the paper in his pocket and went to the bunkhouse to pack his things. He was going to go into town to buy a trunk to ship his things back to England, but Adam gave him one of his old ones to use. I promised I'd ship it off for him."

"Harrison's leaving. I knew he was leaving," she said. "He told me."

"Don't get upset until you've talked to him."

"I'm not upset."

"Then let go of my arm. You're pinching me."

She hadn't realized she'd grabbed hold of her brother's arm. She immediately pulled her hand away. "I don't want him to leave."

Travis's expression softened. "I know you don't. Loving someone isn't pleasant all the time, is it? It's made you vulnerable."

She couldn't disagree with his assessment. She was miserable right this minute.

"No, it isn't always pleasant. When is Harrison leaving?"

"He didn't say."

"Where is he now?"

"He left with Adam an hour ago. They didn't tell me where they were going. I do know Adam wanted to have a private conversation with him though. They might have gone fishing up by Cowan's place. The trout are thick as fleas near the bend. Don't waste your day worrying, Mary Rose. I'm sure Harrison will explain his plans tonight."

She went back to the house. She was going to have to find a way to get through the rest of the day, and, Lord, how she wished she were the patient sort. She hated waiting for anything, even bad news. Eleanor wasn't very good company today. She dragged around the house and didn't want to do much of anything. Mary Rose decided to give the parlor a good cleaning. Keeping busy would make her day go faster, or so she believed.

She didn't stop with the parlor. She scrubbed floors, changed the sheets on all the beds, washed windows, and then went outside to work in her garden. By late afternoon, she'd worn herself out. She went into the kitchen to start supper, but the cook waved his butcher knife in front of her face and told her to get the hell out of his way. Samuel, or Pucker Face, as he was called by Douglas and Cole, was part Crow Indian and part Irish. It made an interesting combination as far as his temperament was concerned, or so Adam believed. Samuel had the expected Irish temper, but with a dignified edge to it. Mary Rose thought he was downright adorable. She didn't dare share her opinion with Samuel though, because he didn't much care for compliments of any kind.

"Samuel, you're just as grumpy as the day you arrived," she announced. The look in his dark brown eyes told her he appreciated hearing her opinion. He waved his knife in front of her face again, added the threat that he would poison her supper, and then told her once again to skedaddle.

She burst into laughter. Samuel turned away, but not before she spotted his smile. Since Adam hadn't written the word for the day on the chalkboard, she picked up the chalk and wrote one for him. In big bold letters she printedblarney .

"Look, Samuel, I've printed your name," she teased.

She continued to torment the cook for several more minutes by simply talking to him, then she set the table for supper. When the mindless task was finished, she went upstairs to get clean clothes and her soap and towels. She dragged Eleanor to the bend in the river to bathe. She couldn't wait to see Harrison again, yet deliberately avoided looking directly at him while they were seated at the table together. She was afraid she'd start blushing over the memory of what they had done together the night before. Every time she thought about their lovemaking, she became flushed and breathless.

Her brothers would notice, and for that reason, she kept her gaze firmly on her plate. She certainly wasn't ashamed of what she had done, but she wasn't ready to discuss her affairs with her brothers. They didn't seem to be in any particular hurry to talk about it either, and she knew that at least two of them had heard her leave the house during the night. Adam would have heard her going down the stairs, and Cole would have awakened the second she opened her bedroom door. Neither one of them had

said a word to her about her behavior, however, and perhaps that was why she couldn't quite bring herself to look at either one of them during supper.

She knew they knew, and heavens, why did she feel the least bit guilty? She decided she was going to need time to figure it all out.

She didn't think Harrison was having any difficulty adjusting to their new arrangement. She knew full well he didn't believe they'd done anything to regret. In his mind, he'd made his commitment to her, and she to him, and now he was probably thinking they should start behaving like an old married couple. They weren't married though, at least not legally, and until the union was blessed by a preacher, she was going to worry about protecting her brothers' feelings.

There wasn't much conversation going on around her. Everyone seemed preoccupied tonight, and the subdued atmosphere made Mary Rose all the more nervous.

Even Eleanor was acting peculiar. She sipped water from her glass but didn't touch her food. She didn't even move it around on her plate the way Mary Rose did to fool her brothers into thinking she was actually eating.

Douglas was the first to notice Eleanor was sick. "You aren't feeling well, are you, Eleanor?" he asked.

"I'm just a little tired tonight. I can't imagine why. I haven't done anything to wear myself out. It's cold in here, isn't it?"

Douglas looked at Adam. "She's got a fever. You can see how flushed her cheeks are." Mary Rose dropped her fork and turned to her friend. "You're ill?" she whispered. Douglas got up from his chair and went around the table. He put the back of his hand against her forehead to feel for himself.

"Yes, she's got fever all right. It's high too. Come along with me, Eleanor. I'm putting you to bed." As he helped Eleanor stand up, she sagged against his side.

Mary Rose was horrified by her friend's pitiful condition and her own selfish behavior. She should have realized Eleanor was ill, and if she hadn't been so busy thinking about herself, she surely would have. She had been completely thoughtless. "Oh, Eleanor, I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well. Why didn't you say something to me sooner?"

"I didn't want to complain."

Cole shook his head. "You don't have to sound like a martyr, Ellie. How long have you been feeling sick?"

"Since this morning," she answered. "Mary Rose made me go to the river to bathe this afternoon. The water was terribly cold, but I didn't complain then either. Adam? It was nice of me to suffer in silence, wasn't it?"

Adam saw the tears in her eyes and was immediately filled with guilt. The poor woman was obviously

still concerned about being thrown out.

He reached over and patted her hand. "You should have complained," he told her. "You're part of our family now, Eleanor. We all want to know when you're ill, so we can take care of you."

"You do?" She seemed thrilled by his announcement.

Adam smiled. "Yes, we do," he insisted. "Douglas will fix you up in no time at all. Go on upstairs with him. I'll be up with some tea for you in a little while. Mary Rose, why don't you help her get settled in her bed?"

Cole waited until Douglas and Mary Rose had taken Eleanor out of the dining room before he spoke again.

"We're in for it now."

"What do you mean?" Adam asked.

"Didn't you see the look in her eyes when you told her it was all right to complain? I got the feeling she liked hearing that a little too much."

"Don't be ridiculous," Adam replied. "She's sick. You can see she is."

"Forget about the complaining stuff," Travis said. "I'm mighty interested in something else I heard Adam say to Eleanor. What did you mean when you said she was part of our family now?" Cole nodded. "Yes, Adam, what did you mean?"

"I just wanted her to feel at home. No harm in making her comfortable, is there?"

"Exactly when is she planning to leave?" Travis asked.

Adam pretended interest in extracting a bone from his trout. "Well, now, I guess that depends on her, doesn't it?"

Travis and Cole shared a look. Then Travis muttered, "Hell, she isn't ever leaving, is she?" Cole scowled. "I wish to thunder you had told me before I went and kissed the woman. I never would have dallied with her if I'd known she was going to stick around. Hell," he ended in a mutter. "Now I'm going to have to have a talk with her about my intentions."

Douglas walked back into the dining room in time to overhear the last of Cole's remarks. "Don't you mean your lack of intentions?"

His brother nodded. Douglas shook his head. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, fooling around with Eleanor. Adam, don't take any tea up to her until I go and get some of my special powder. I want to put a teaspoonful in the cup first. I really wish you hadn't told the woman it was all right to complain. She's upstairs carrying on something fierce now. Mary Rose is getting all upset too. She's blaming herself for Eleanor's fever and keeps begging her to forgive her for being selfish. Our sister has become too damned emotional lately," he added with a meaningful glare in Harrison's direction. "I think maybe she's coming down with the same ailment. She didn't eat a bite at supper, and she didn't look at Harrison once. I

noticed."

"I noticed too," Cole interjected.

"Maybe we ought to put off our talk until Mary Rose is feeling better," Travis suggested.

"No." Harrison snapped out the denial in a firm voice.

Adam nodded agreement. "We put off what we dread," he told his brother. "We cannot put this off. We must tell her as soon as possible. I spent the day questioning Harrison about the Elliott family. He has given me his assurance he'll look out for her. I'm not convinced she should leave with Harrison, however. It might be better to let her stay here with us a little longer, until she's had time to adjust to the notion of having a family back in England."

Harrison wanted to argue with Adam but decided to keep silent now. He excused himself from the table and went outside to sit on the porch.

Adam followed him. He sat down in the chair next to Harrison and stretched his long legs out in front of him.

"You didn't like hearing my suggestion, did you?"

"No, I didn't like hearing it," Harrison countered. "You're putting off the inevitable. She can adjust on her way to England, Adam."

"It goes against my grain to spring something on her and then rush her off. No, she needs… Mary Rose, how long have you been standing there?"

"Not long," she answered. She pushed the screen door open and walked outside.

"May I join you?"

"No," Adam answered. He didn't soften his refusal with a reason.

"Let her stay," Harrison suggested. "I need to talk to her." Adam nodded. Mary Rose leaned back against the railing, folded her hands together as though in prayer, and stared at her brother.

"Will one of you please tell me what's going on? Why are you both in bad moods?"

"We aren't in bad moods," Adam argued.

"You're frowning." She didn't think she needed to say more.

"We were discussing serious matters, Mary Rose. They don't concern you just yet."

"The hell they don't concern her. Be reasonable, Adam," Harrison demanded.

"I'll be reasonable when the time's right. I believe I'll go and fix Eleanor's tea. Don't stay outside too late, Mary Rose."

She followed her brother to the door. "What is it you have to spring on me but don't want to rush me into?"

"You were listening to us, weren't you?" She nodded. "Will you please explain?"

"Tomorrow," Adam promised. "I'll explain everything tomorrow." She waited until her brother had disappeared inside and then went to Harrison. She stood between his outstretched legs, her hands at her sides, and tried to look composed. She didn't want him to see her panic. She'd been desperately trying to stay calm all day long, but from the moment Travis had told her Harrison was packing his bags, she'd been filled with anxiety.

He spoke before she did. "Are you angry with me?" She'd been staring at his chin. Her gaze flew to his eyes. "No, I'm not angry."

"You wouldn't look at me during supper or speak to me. I thought you were upset about…" She wouldn't let him finish. "You're leaving soon. Travis told me."

"Yes."

She waited for him to give her his reason for leaving so abruptly, but he didn't say another word. He had warned her. She reminded herself of that fact once again, and it still didn't help her. She didn't take her gaze off him. The moonlight softened his somber expression. She wanted him to take her into his arms and comfort her. She was so damned miserable now and knew it was only a matter of minutes before she began to weep, but, God, she hurt too much inside to worry about tears now.