For3ver
Authors: M. Dauphin H. Q. Frost
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This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, organizations, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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Cover design © 2015 M Dauphin /H.Q. Frost
I was eight when I figured out what being in love was like. Ever since my grandparents told me they loved me and I learned to say it back, I realized you're supposed to love your family, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a love of a girl that you know will change your whole life.
I was eight when I realized I loved Ryley Reynolds. Flying downhill on my bike, a tree was there to stop me and Ry was there to comfort me. When she wrapped me in her arms it was different from when my grandma hugged me, or the rare occasion I saw my mom and she hugged me. The comfort I felt while in Ryley's arms ran deeper than my grandma kissing away scrapes and bruises. It was a comfort I knew she'd bring me all through my life. Next to my brother, Ry was the only other person that knew me better than I did. The three of us together were unstoppable, friends 'til the end, thick as thieves. The three of us together were unbreakable. We shared secrets no one would ever know about us. We laughed at things no one else would ever understand. We had each other's backs through everything. Even at a young age we understood the value of the friendship we had and I think we all assumed it could never be tarnished.
Up until eight, Ry was just our neighbor, our best friend, the funny girl next door that danced in the rain while her mama screamed at her from the kitchen window. That day that the tree stopped my descent, Ry became the pretty neighbor, my pretty best friend, and the pretty comedian next door that looked even prettier when she was rain soaked and dancing in puddles.
When I crashed into the tree I was hurt and embarrassed so I trucked my ass home. There was something suddenly different about Ry and I didn't understand what it was.
"She's your best friend, pickle," my grandma told me when I told her Ry hugged me when I fell. "She's gonna take care of you boys for a long time. You love her." My grandma put a Band-Aid on every scrape I had, even though I didn't need it, but if they were covered then they didn't hurt.
Applying that logic to what I was feeling for Ry, I wanted to have her covered and the only way to do that was to make sure I could protect her forever. On the TV, men took care of women by making them their wives or girlfriend. I couldn't have a wife, but I could have a girlfriend and I knew that'd be Ryley.
When I told my brother, Gage, I wanted to make Ryley my girlfriend, he laughed at me. We didn't like girls enough to kiss them, hold their hand, or hug them, so making Ry my girlfriend was stupid. I didn't disagree with him, he was my older brother, he was usually right about grownup things. So I didn't tell her she should be my girlfriend, and that was the thing, I was going to strongly suggest it, not ask her. I wasn't going to tell her I liked her, or loved her, I was going to tell her I thought it would be best if she became my girlfriend, that way I could take care of her. I didn't do it though because, like they did on TV, I didn't want to have to kiss her or hold her hand. Even if I did like her, I didn't like that.
Nothing changed, the three of us were still best friends, but something was changing in me. I couldn't look at Ryley without thinking about if her hair was soft like the blanket I hid from Gage and cuddled at night. I couldn't look at Ryley and not wonder if sometimes she cried at bedtime because of her mom, like I did. And if she did, I wondered if me hugging her would make her happy again, because I was certain her hugging me would wipe away the sadness my mom put inside me. On Sunday mornings I was sneaking to the window to watch Ryley and her family leave for church 'cause she always wore dresses to church and Ryley glowed in her pretty church dresses. At school I started giving her half my lunch, even though she had one of her own, I just had to make sure she wasn't hungry. I stupidly offered to carry her backpack home from school and got a lot of shit from my brother and the other guys, but Ryley always stuck up for me. Sometimes she made me let her carry my backpack. I only allowed it on the days I didn't have homework and my bag was empty. Little did she know, I put it in my head I would protect Ry from anything and everything.
After suppertime, I'd take my snack outside and wait by the tire swing for her to come out. This was usually where we hung out when we wanted her to come out to play. Gage would come along and he'd climb the tree while eating his snack, but I'd save enough of mine to share with her and she took half every time. If she ever had a snack, she'd share with me too, but she'd also share with Gage.
Ryley was first on my mind every morning and I always rushed Gage so we didn't miss walking to school with her. The days we did, or she was home sick, those were the worst days. Those were the days I was in trouble with the teachers because my bad mood wasn't subjugated until I saw her again and I knew she was as happy as I remembered her last. If Ryley was happy, then I was content. So the day she got in trouble at school because she got into her first fight with Sara Montgomery, I had to make her happy. Men on TV made women happy by kissing them, so I did that. Nine years old and I kissed my first girl, hoping she'd be the last.
When I saw Ryley in her room crying after school the emotions that filled me clued me in that I was nothing like my brother. He didn't care about much except eating, comics, and fishing. But me? I didn't care about much except him and Ryley. So seeing Ryley crying, I wanted to march into her house and challenge her dad, because if he whooped her, I'd fight for her. I wanted to break her mom's favorite wind chime, because if she hurt Ryley's feelings by yelling at her, I'd hurt her feelings. Before I did anything that got Ryley into more trouble, though, I had to know why she was crying. When her dad left, I watched him kiss her mom and I watched her mom hug him as he told her he loved her. Her mama's smile was beaming at him with a look I'd never personally seen between two adults, but she always had a pretty smile.
I snuck to Ryley's window and she helped me climb in.
"My mama grounded me." She sniffled and wiped her nose with anger, not sadness. "They're so mean, Liam! I didn't even start that fight!"
"I'll tell your daddy it was Sara's fault."
"He doesn't care!" Her foot stomped and she crossed her arms.
"Are you mad, Ry?" I asked, trying to figure out how to make her happy again.
"Yeah, and I hate Sara!"
"Me too," I lied. Sara was never mean to me, but if she was mean to Ryley, I'd learn to hate her. "Did you get a spankin'?"
"No. My daddy took my bike." Tears were rolling down her red cheeks again.
"Are you sad, Ry?"
"Yes," she squeaked, nodding her head.
So I shoved my face at her. I smacked her with my nose, but got my lips to hers and I kissed her as fast as I could. My heart was a jackhammer in my chest and my stomach felt like a popcorn machine.
"Are you happy now?" I nervously shouted at her.
"Why'd you do that?" She rubbed her face where my nose smacked her.
"So you'd stop crying. I think you should be my girlfriend now."
She stood there staring at me, her lips slowly turning upward into the bright smile like her mama's, her blue eyes got brighter by the second.
"Okay, Liam." She nodded and hugged me like her mom hugged her dad.
"Okay," I repeated and kept hugging her. "I love you."
And I did. At nine years old I was ready to have Ryley in my life for the rest of it. I just had no idea how to maintain it. We were just kids.
It was the most exciting thing to happen in my young life. Bursting at the seams with excitement, I told Jenny that night on the phone that I had a boyfriend. Jenny had already kissed a boy, but she'd never had a boyfriend and she was so jealous. We laughed for hours about how gross it would be if he wanted to hold my hand or try and kiss me again. Well, she laughed while I pretended to. I didn't think it would be that bad because I'd always thought about kissing Liam when I would see my mama and daddy kiss.
The next morning, Liam was there, he was always there, waiting to walk me to school. Gage was there too, but he was angry that morning. At school I didn't know what to expect, but I went in with high hopes. That . We played everything off like normal and walked to school just like we did every day. Gage was quiet, but I noticed him looking at Liam weird the whole walk. They were brothers and brother's fight or so I thought, so I didn't really think anything about it.
Liam didn't hold my hand that day. He still shared his lunch and snack with me and I got a few notes passed to me throughout the day, but he wouldn't hold my hand. I wondered if he was afraid to let the other kids in the class know we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but I hoped he meant what he said the night before, that I should be his girlfriend. I'd always thought Liam was cute. My mama always told me the Porter boys were handsome and I grew up thinking the same thing.
After school, Gage had baseball practice so Liam and I walked home alone. He held my hand the entire time.
"Why won't you hold my hand at school, Liam?" I asked. He stopped walking and looked at me confused.
"I don't know. Do you want me to?"
"I'd like it. Isn't that what girlfriends and boyfriends do?"
"Yeah. Yeah I guess it is. Okay." He shrugged and we continued our walk home, holding hands the whole way.
Mama wasn't home when we got there and Daddy was going to be gone for a couple of days on business. He was always gone on business during the week. Mama worked at the diner a few nights a week and that night was one of them, which meant I'd be on my own for dinner.
"I bet Gram would be okay with you eating dinner with us tonight." Liam shuffled the dirt under the swing that hung in their backyard as I pushed him back and forth.
His grandma was really sweet and cool and she always had fun stuff for us to do in her house. I felt just as comfortable at her house playing with Liam and Gage as I did at my own house.
"I'd like that." I smiled and pushed him higher.
The weeks went by just like that. We would hold hands walking to school; he would smile at me and stick up for me when Sara made fun of me. Sara made fun of me a lot. She told me my daddy had another family, told me that I would break the slide if I tried going down it, she always called me stupid and I hated being called stupid. But now that I had Liam sticking up for me, she didn't make fun of me as much. I finally enjoyed being at school because I knew Liam was going to always be there to look out for me.
One evening my parents were both gone again and I was over at Liam and Gage's house. Gage was drinking a coke and sharing with me while we played 'Go Fish' and Gram watched Jeopardy. I was almost more comfortable at their house than my own at times. Sometimes I wished I lived there instead because the boys seemed to be able to do a whole lot more than I was ever allowed.
Liam gave me a funny look every time I reached for Gage's drink.
"I didn't even know you liked Coke, Ry," he mumbled as I won my second hand of cards. I beamed triumphantly because I just beat the two best 'Go Fish' players I'd ever played.
"Sure I do." I shrugged and he glared at his brother who was smiling across the table at him.
Sometimes I wish I knew what it would be like to have a brother or sister. Mama told me we couldn't afford another baby and that I wouldn't want to deal with the screaming, crying, and pooping, but I thought it'd be something I'd be okay with. It would have been nice having a built in playmate. Gage and Liam were great brothers, always had been. The only thing as good as having a brother or sister, though, was having the Porter boys as best friends. The three of us knew we would be there for each other, forever and always. No exceptions.
Grandma Faith made her famous fried chicken for dinner and I loved her home cooked country fried chicken. She was the best and I always thought the boys were so lucky she was their parent. I didn't know much about their mama and what little I did, I didn't think I wanted to know much more.
After dinner my mama came home from work, calling me home. I didn't want to leave so soon, but Liam promised me he would sneak over after bedtime to tell me goodnight like he did most nights. When he knocked on my window I opened it and let him in just like we had done plenty of times before. Just like normal, we watched TV and laughed as quietly as we could, He kept my feet warm and attacked me with the pillows during commercials. Gage never came over at night like Liam did. That particular night in my room, Liam was much happier than when we were at dinner at his place. I liked the happy side of Liam and wanted to keep making him happy.
"Hey, Liam?" I asked during a commercial break.
"What?" he said, picking at the dog hair that covered his pants. Their dog, Macy, was always shedding, but she was the best dog. She was the only dog I really knew, but I often wished I had a dog so I could pick dog hair off of my clothes and have a companion when the boys weren't around.
"Wanna make a friendship bracelet with me?"
"That's dumb girl stuff, Ry. I'm not a girl. Make one with Jenny," he huffed. Liam and Jenny didn't like each other. It was never something I understood, but Liam was respectful toward her so I didn't push for answers.
"I know, but you're my best friend. My boyfriend. I want to make one with you. Me and Jenny make them all the time. Come on, let's make them together! You don't have to wear it if you don't want, I guess."