Forbidden (36 page)

His hands were bloody.

The slippery body wobbled in his hands. Then the crying began in earnest.

The sound exploded in the room. As the baby's wail carried through the open window, Roc's throat closed with an assortment of emotions he hadn't expected. When he looked at Rachel, her eyes were full and overflowing with tears. Someone wrapped the baby in a blanket, and he placed the baby carefully in her arms then backed away.

“Roc,” she said, her voice cracking, “thank you.”

“You did all the work.”

“My baby wouldn't be here except for you.” He glanced out the window and saw gray smoke rising from the field where Roberto and Samuel had set a small bonfire to dispose of Giovanni and Akiva. Brydon had disappeared. There would be time later to go after him.

His gaze shifted sideways. He wanted to be finished with the task of hunting vampires, but he could never turn his back again, knowing innocents were at risk. He would have to go on and on and on, just like Roberto. Until one day, a vampire would get the best of him.

And he would never have a wife, never love someone…like Rachel, or have a family. It wouldn't be safe for them. He wouldn't risk their lives. Again, his chest tightened as he looked down at Rachel cradling her baby.

“I'll leave you two—”

“Roc?” She held out a hand to him. He slipped his fingers between hers and clasped her hand, watched her cradle the baby boy in her arms. “You've done so much for me…for us, but I would ask one more favor.”

“Anything.” His throat squeezed tight with emotions he couldn't allow to release.

“Will you take me home to Pennsylvania?”

He nodded, focusing on the baby's fuzzy tufts of snowy white hair, the little frown as he squeezed his eyes closed, and the tiny little fists. “When you're ready to travel.”

She smiled through her tears. “I have to say good-bye.”

He understood what she meant. Saying good-bye to her might be the hardest thing he'd ever done. Burying Emma had been the most painful event in his life, but he'd had no choice. She was gone. But Rachel…this was his choice to walk away, to keep her safe. He'd always know where Rachel was. And one day, she'd marry some Amish man who would raise her baby as his own. But it would take every ounce of willpower not to stay with her, not to return to her, not to love her.

He gave a nod, patted her hand, and released his hold on her. He had no right. Walking out of the room to give her time alone with her baby, he whispered, “Not yet.”

“
Will you wait for me?” Rachel gazed at Roc with solemn blue eyes.

“Until you talk to your family and everything with them is all right.” Roc didn't know all the rules of the Amish, but he was pretty sure they wouldn't be keen on the idea that she had gone off with a vampire, even if it wasn't of her own free will. Maybe it would be all right with them, and they would welcome her back with open arms. But he wouldn't leave her until he was convinced she'd be all right.

He had more doubts about himself at the moment. Even though it would be better for him to just leave her here in Promise with her family, the sooner the better for his heart, he would wait. Even if it killed him. And it just might.

In the bloody wake of Akiva's death and destruction, and after the birth of baby David, Roc had helped Roberto return to Philadelphia. Then, confident Rachel was safe, he had flown back to New Orleans, retrieved his Mustang, and driven to Ohio. That way, he could drive her home to Pennsylvania when she was ready.

But everyone, Sally Fisher especially, had insisted they wait until Rachel was strong enough and the baby at least a month old before they left—although Roc suspected Sally's insistence actually stemmed from her enjoyment of having a baby to care for. So he'd waited, trying to make himself scarce so as not to get any more attached to Rachel.

Samuel had been quiet after killing Jacob, and Roc hung out with the young man, hoping he could help him through whatever guilt he might be feeling. Together, they'd rebuilt the porch and swing, and refitted the window with new glass. But Samuel didn't want to discuss what had happened. Instead, he'd suggested Roc make a rocking chair for Rachel. The smile on her face and tears in her eyes when they gave it to her had made it worth every splinter he'd plucked out of his hands and fingers.

She hadn't allowed Roc to keep separate from her, though. In quiet moments when she'd rocked the baby, she'd called to Roc. “Look at this.”

Little David pumped his fists and kicked his feet in the air. Together, they'd shared moments of tenderness and sweetness, which had brought healing to both of them.

Over the last few weeks, Rachel had changed Roc in ways he couldn't fully understand. Driving in the darkness together through New Orleans, wounded, fearful of her fate as well as hers, he'd learned of her calm resolve. Receiving her ministrations, he'd learned of her gentleness and determination. Watching her care for baby David, named for the shepherd boy in the Bible because he, too, had managed to slay a giant, he'd come to understand the depths of her heart that amazed him. She'd shown him how to hold her baby, laughed joyfully when David had smiled for the first time, and opened a place in his heart.

The day waned. He waited. As the heat of the afternoon punished him, the door to the Schmidt's home opened, and Rachel came out on the porch, still carrying her baby. He thought he saw her little sister, Katie, peering through the window, watching them.
What
if
they
didn't want her back now? What if she was somehow tainted in their eyes?

If so, he would take care of her. He wouldn't abandon her. Hope rose inside him like he'd never imagined—he loved her. He'd tried to deny it. He'd tried to avoid the truth. But he wanted her to be his, to protect her, to love her. And her baby.

His heart fluttered and battered his chest as he watched her walk toward him, her footsteps slow, her face somber. No, he was fooling himself. A life with Rachel was impossible. He must say good-bye to her. It was for her good. And for David's. Distance was the best way he could protect them from now on. But saying good-bye would rip him apart inside, and whatever healing she had brought to him would be destroyed.

As she drew close, he tried to read her expression but couldn't. “It didn't go well?”

“With my family?” Her lashes fluttered as if surprised by his statement. “No, they are delighted to have me back home safe and sound. Hannah and I have forgiven each other. All is well.”

Hope sunk like a boulder deep into the ocean of his heart. He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Okay, then.” He was no longer needed here.
Do
it
quick, Roc. Make a clean break. The faster the better.
“Well, you don't need me anymore. I'll be—”

She placed a hand on his arm. “Of course I need you.”

“Don't make this harder than it has to be, Rachel. This is where you belong. And I—”

“I belong with you, Roc.”

He shook his head. “You're Amish, and I can't ever be.”

“I'm a woman. That's all. A woman in love with a man.” Her lips parted, moist and hopeful. “You.”

“What about your faith, Rachel? You're gonna walk away from all of that? Your family?”

“My faith won't change because I love you. I love God. I can do both. I want to serve Him. I've explained all of this to my family. Of course, they tried to talk me out of it. If I leave, they will have to shun me. But I understand. I know the cost, and I'm willing to pay it.”

“But, Rach—”

“Roc, once I thought God had abandoned me and that He wanted to punish me for my past sins, but I learned He wanted to give me a purpose and set me on a new path.” Her gaze was solid, unwavering, her tone quiet with resolve. “And He has. It's to help you. To be your helpmate.”

Her words jarred him. “Help me how?”

She only looked at him with those luminous eyes. She wouldn't ask him. She wouldn't beg. She was simply offering herself, her heart, her love. “I told you I came back home from New Orleans and tried to live like I didn't know the evil out there existed. But I know now. I can't forget. And I can't do nothing. I must help you.”

He remembered the cold feeling when he'd seen Giovanni aiming a jagged blade of glass right at her. How could he risk her life again? What if something happened to her? “Rachel, it's too dangerous.”

“Roc, I believe God has called me to this. He will protect me.”

His throat closed with a myriad of emotions. Could he have the same faith she did? He remembered the fierceness he'd seen in her eyes when she'd wielded his stake. She was stronger and braver than he'd ever imagined.

He didn't know how any of this would work. He had no concrete answers. But maybe
she
was his answer. Maybe he could have a tiny bit of her faith that God had brought them together to do some small amount of good. Just as God had provided Adam with Eve, He'd provided Rachel for him.

Not understanding, not quite believing what was happening, he grappled with hope, and it once more buoyed him. Roc wrapped an arm over her shoulders, sheltering Rachel and the baby.

Maybe he'd also learned from Rachel about faith, about putting trust in something that wasn't tangible. He could put his faith in their love…and maybe, in time, he'd come to understand more about her God. Because this, without a doubt, was his second chance.

This is one of my favorite parts of writing a book: getting to thank those who helped me on my journey, and there are always many! So many have encouraged me as I wrote this book, from readers and reviewers to booksellers and buddies. Thank you to each and every one who wrote encouraging words and asked when book two of this series would be out. I appreciate each and every one of you. And you know who you are! I have tried to thank you along the way.

Writing a book is always a journey, and there are many learning curves along the way. I have enjoyed the bunny trails and the highways I've traveled. Some of the lessons were difficult, some painful, and in the end all were a blessing.

A special thanks to Shelley Shepard Gray for a great visit and trip into Ohio Amish country. What a blessing your friendship has been. And what fun we've had!

I'd also like to thank those on my Sourcebooks team: y'all are spectacular!

Thanks also to my wonderful agent: Natasha, I'm blessed to know you and have you to offer advice and help.

My biggest thanks to my sweet and wonderful family, who not only pick up the slack when I'm getting close to deadline but also offer encouraging hugs and words and ask, “What happens next?” I love you!

Leanna Ellis is the author of the Plain Fear series. She is the winner of the National Readers' Choice Award, the Maggie Award, and Romance Writers of America's Golden Heart Award. She makes her home in Texas with her husband, two children, and a wide assortment of pets.