Forbidden (25 page)

“How do you know the family of Shem?” The woman’s dark eyes were all we could see as she started to close the door again.

I pressed forward, recognizing the voice. “No, don’t shut us out! Nalla, is that you? Please, Nalla, let us in! The soldiers are upon us.”

I heard the woman give a startled gasp and the door creaked open a few more inches. “Jayden?”

“Yes, yes, it’s me!”

The soldiers began shouting at us and drew their swords as we tumbled into the house and Nalla slammed the door behind us.

I blinked into the dimness of the quarters. The room was small and close and hot. A smell of rotting vegetables and smokiness permeated the tiny house.

Nalla stared at us; then she embraced me quickly and pulled back again. “Setting eyes on you is like seeing a ghost, Jayden. Where did you come from?”

“From Tadmur, the summer oasis.”

She shook her head, sinking to a stool. “But Mari is a long ways from Tadmur. Isn’t the tribe on their way south back to the winter lands by now?”

“Yes,” I said softly. “They probably are.”

“And you’re not with them?” Suspicion lined Nalla’s face.
“Where are your father and Leila? And why aren’t you with your husband, Horeb?”

“Much has happened, Nalla,” I said quietly. “Horeb and I are not married . . . yet. I haven’t seen him or my father since they left on a raid months ago. And Leila . . . She is living at the Temple of Ashtoreth.”

The woman’s expression crumpled with shock and pity as she grasped my hands. “It’s been a hard year for your family, Jayden. I’m so sorry. You have changed, too. You look so much older, wiser somehow. And even more beautiful, just like your mother.”

I tried not to weep at her words. “That means so much to me, Nalla. Thank you.”

“But why are you with the stranger from the southern lands? Your father will disown you, and so will Horeb.”

Politely, Kadesh bowed, murmuring, “Please believe that we mean you no harm or trouble.”

“It’s not right to travel, unmarried, with another man, Jayden. Your reputation is ruined, your future destroyed.”

“We are traveling as brother and sister. Kadesh accompanies me so that I can find my sister safely and bring her home. I’m looking for Sahmril. Where is she? I’m here to take her back with me.”

Nalla flinched and turned away, poking at the small fire, adding a few sticks to the blaze. The rest of the small house was so dark I had no idea who might be lurking in the back rooms, and the unknown put me on edge. Kadesh paced the floor, glancing into the back hall, his fist on the hilt of his sword.

“I’ve been so desperate to get her back, you know. I promised my mother I would raise her.”

Nalla raised her head from the fire. “My husband, Shem, was conscripted to Hammurabi’s army. I only see him once a week, every ten days. Dinah’s husband”—she stopped, and I could tell that grief was overwhelming her—“Dinah’s husband—was killed in the first raid on Mari. Mistaken for one of King Zimrilim’s soldiers.”

I barely had time to register my stunned shock at the terrible news when the rear door flew open and Dinah herself strode through. She looked exactly the same as I remembered. Pinched, thin face, greasy hair pulled away from her brow. “So it’s
you
my mother is talking to,” she said, staring at me coldly.

My mouth went dry. Grief pervaded the thick air of the house. A sense of anger and hopelessness. “Please accept my deepest condolences. I’m so sorry, Dinah.” I paused. “So you are now two women alone, trying to survive in a war-torn city.”

Dinah’s voice was severe. “I don’t expect you to care a bit for
our
loss.”

“Of course I do—” Then I noticed the jewelry hanging from Dinah’s neck, the feathery silver earrings dangling from her ears.
My jewelry
. The jewelry that my parents sacrificed to purchase for me. I wanted to rip it from her neck, but instead I became dizzy. It was too warm in here. The day had been much too long and frenzied after our weeks of travel. The floor seemed to rush up toward my eyes and I trembled with fatigue.

Kadesh’s arm was suddenly supporting me, keeping me on
my feet. “Sit here,” he said.

“Yes, please sit,” Nalla said, bringing two stools. “I don’t have much, and we have no extra beds.”

“I will sleep with my camels,” Kadesh assured her.

“Sahmril.” Her name burst from my mouth. “I want to see her! It’s been so long and we’ve come such a long ways. I’ve missed her so. Thank you, Dinah, for all you’ve done for her. I want to take her with me. You’ll be able to focus on your own child, and not worry about Sahmril any longer.”

Dinah licked her dry lips. “I don’t know where Sahmril is.”

“What—what do you mean? In the desert, did she—” I stopped. The words wouldn’t come out of my mouth.

Dinah shrugged. “I didn’t think I would see you again.”

The room swirled around me as though she’d punched me in the chest. “You left my sister to die in the desert! How could you, after I gave you all that I owned?”

“No!” Dinah snapped. “No, Sahmril is alive. It was
my
son who died in the desert. Because I was sharing my milk with your sister. And then my husband was killed. I’ve lost everything—everything, you ungrateful girl!”

“
No, no, no
. Oh, Dinah, what you have suffered is too much to bear.” Tears rushed down my face. “I’m so sorry, so very sorry! But where is Sahmril? I must see her! I’m desperate to hold her.”

The expression in Dinah’s eyes was callous. “She’s alive, but I sold her to pay for my husband’s debts and burial.”

“What?!” I screamed. “You sold her into slavery?”

Nalla rushed over to shake my arm. “Silence! In Mari, even
the walls have ears! And our neighbors are much too close. We had no choice, Jayden,” she hissed in a low, fierce voice. “We would have been put into prison or hung for debt. Sahmril was all we had left to barter for our own lives.”

“You sold a baby? An innocent child? To be beaten or worked to death, or—or worse!” I groaned with the horror of it, and Kadesh placed his hands on my shoulders to keep me from lunging at the woman. “How could you? You—with my jewelry around your dirty neck! You could have sold that instead! Or the camel!”

“The camel is our only milk.”

“You could have traded for a lesser camel instead of selling Sahmril. You selfish pig.”

Dinah reached out and slapped my face with the back of her hand. “
I
am the one who has lost my family, not you,” she spat at me.

The roaring in my ears drowned out the rest of her words. I’d lost my mother, my sisters, and my father would disown me now that I’d lived at the temple. I’d sealed my fate when I traveled to Mari as an unmarried woman with a man of another tribe. And she dared to tell me that she had lost more? I wanted to tear the room into pieces, throw their belongings into the streets, and scratch out their eyes.

“Who did you sell her to?” I hissed. “Who bought her?”

Sullenly, Dinah folded her arms and didn’t answer. Finally Nalla said, “A traveling merchant paid us enough for our funeral expenses. All we know about him is that he was on his way to Salem.”

“Salem?” Kadesh said sharply. “That’s four hundred miles southwest from here. Near the Great Sea!”

All my hopes and dreams of holding Sahmril in my arms had shredded into a thousand pieces. I’d come all this way for nothing. She was farther away than ever. How would I ever get to Salem? I had no money, no time, no camels. My baby sister was truly lost to me.

“I
’m going to help you search for the location of the Salem merchant,” I told Kadesh after two days of sitting with Nalla and Dinah, tending to the tasks of their household in payment for a sleeping mat. “I can’t sit inside that hole of a house another moment and listen to my jewelry tinkling around her neck.”

With only a name on the ticket of receipt, Kadesh and I set out to search for more information. The days dragged on. We’d been gone from Tadmur for three weeks now. The autumn season was full upon us, winter biting at our heels.

On our fifth day in Mari, Kadesh and I sat on a bench near the Temple of Inanna, seeking new people to ask our questions to.

“The city has a different mood to it,” I said, noticing furtive conversations, people more hurried than usual. The soldiers
seemed even more grim than usual.

“It’s dangerous, Jayden,” Kadesh told me, frowning. “I fear we don’t have much more time to get information before the city shuts down.”

“But we can’t travel to Salem not knowing where the merchant lives—some sort of address or directions. All we have is a name.”

He nodded slowly. “I have learned that the man dealt in weavings, but there are two streets in Mari with weaving stores.”

“I can visit the shops, too, and ask questions. It will save us some time.”

“After every shop we’ll meet and check our information,” Kadesh said. “But we need to keep in sight of each other.”

The day was long and wearying as we visited every shop, pretending to buy a rug or a new loom or a shawl or a skein of yarn. Eventually asking questions about a merchant who had closed up shop and left for Salem with a young child.

I talked to women, to children, and when I didn’t make a purchase the shop owner usually became impatient with me.

Every hour I met Kadesh in the street to report our findings, which were nothing.

There were only three shops left when I stood at a table looking at an array of cloaks with various grades of wool. I was so weary; I felt dazed, numb. The search seemed fruitless.

“Girl, I’m about to close up shop,” a male voice said. “You need to leave now.”

I jerked my head up, taking in the merchant’s haggard face.
“I’m sorry. How much is this?”

“You’ve been standing there for a long time contemplating how to steal that scarf, and I do not believe you have any money to make a purchase.”

“Steal?” I repeated, blinking at him. “I’ve never stolen anything in my life.”

The shopkeeper shook his head. “You’re a desert-tent girl, I can tell. And desert people steal all the time.”

I was about to argue when I saw Kadesh coming slowly down the street. I could tell he had no news. Our time had run out. I’d failed.

I cleared my throat. “I’m looking for a merchant who owned a shop here in Mari. A few months ago he was going to sell it and go to Salem—”

He cut me off. “People move all the time. And with the city under siege, more have left than usual. If you were smart you’d go, too. Life is going to get uglier. Hammurabi has rejected the king’s latest truce.”

His words meant almost nothing to me, and this was my last chance. So I forged ahead. “This merchant bought a little girl he planned to sell in Salem. I’ve been trying to find her.”

The man’s eyebrows knit together. He looked me up and down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kadesh pause and wait, his hand on his belt.

“A girl, you say, eh? More like a baby, a toddler?”

“Yes,” I whispered. “Do you know who that merchant was?”

“You might be referring to my brother. He wanted to leave
due to the political situation here and his ill health. I took over his shop, which I’m now regretting myself.”

“Do you know what part of Salem he went to, or who the slave trader was? I will gladly pay for any information.”

“He bought the girl but eventually found a better buyer right here in Mari. So he never left, and he may not survive this siege, either. He’s living in my house now.”

I whispered, “You are too kind, sir.”

“You’re too young to be on your own here. Do you have family?”

“Yes. Relatives.”

“Go home. The city is more restless than usual tonight. I fear there will be an outbreak of violence against the soldiers.”

“But, sir!” I cried. “Who did your brother sell the child to? Do you know? Can I talk to him?”

The shopkeeper shook his head. “A married couple bought the girl. Paid double. They’re one of the fortunate ones who still have any money. A nobleman who went into hiding at the palace. A longtime friend of the king’s.”

“The palace,” I breathed, my eyes widening. “Is she going to be raised as a slave for King Zimrilim? What will happen to her now that Hammurabi is overthrowing Zimrilim?”

“I don’t know, but the palace citizens may not survive. Zimrilim has been pretending to negotiate a treaty before he actually exiles himself to Damascus. Meanwhile his generals are arranging the biggest attack yet on Hammurabi. We need to leave the city before the gates are locked. The danger has been escalating and there are rumors something will happen
tonight. It’s no longer safe for any of us. I implore you to leave while you can.”

I lurched out of the shop and nearly fell into Kadesh. The street was suddenly thinning in the late afternoon. “Did you hear that?” I asked him.

Kadesh nodded. “Our search has finally proven fruitful. We’ll go right now to find your sister.”

I felt the color drain from my face. “This very moment? It’s like a miracle, Kadesh!”

I followed behind him as we maintained our pretense of a sibling relationship, hurrying out of the weaver’s market and heading to the main plaza. “Let’s go to the palace immediately,” he suggested. “The city is not safe tonight. As soon as we find Sahmril, we need to depart.”

We hurried as fast as we dared, closing in on the palace courtyard gates as the sun began to set.

“Jayden.” Kadesh spoke my name, and we halted. Beyond the gates in front of us, trees grew denser, shade covering our heads. He lowered his voice. “You must prepare yourself for whatever happens.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m fairly certain Sahmril is healthy and has been taken care of, but seeing her is going to be hard for you.”

“We can buy her back, right? Take her with us tonight? We have enough coins and frankincense, don’t we?”

Kadesh nodded but didn’t say anything else, which left me troubled.

I was nervous and queasy as Kadesh spoke to a man at
the small, golden gates of a courtyard on the north side of the palace. Past the spires of the gate, my eyes became lost in the sight of gardens, pools, statues, and shrines. The scent of roses and orchids perfumed the air. Luscious grass grew along the winding stone paths, and pools of clear, blue water shone cool and inviting.

A breeze rushed through the air, and I sensed the smell of smoke and incense wafting down from the temples on their hills as the palace guard unlatched the gate and let us slip inside.

When we stepped along the narrow courtyard paths, dusk settled over the gardens, but the outer torches stayed unlit. Darkness enveloped the grounds and dread settled in my belly. I didn’t speak even though I had a hundred questions about how Kadesh had managed to get us inside.

We approached a door, were led down a hallway to another door, and the guard gave a light rap, speaking quickly and furtively, and then disappearing.

The door opened and we were ushered inside. I was suddenly aware of my travel-worn cloak, my tangled hair, and the absence of any adornment. It was obvious that I was a poor camel herder’s daughter. The people who had bought Sahmril had titles and wealth and education. I had nothing to offer them. I feared they would laugh at us, but Kadesh had obviously bribed the guard well to give us an appointment with them.

The space where we stood was a small waiting room, lit by candles in tall, brass holders. The windows overlooked the apartment gardens and a greenish pond of water lay flat under
the rising moon. Shadows flickered everywhere and my nerves jangled; I was so eager to see Sahmril.

We waited for what seemed like hours.

I paced the floor, sure I would faint by the time the door across the room finally opened, and a middle-aged man with a gray beard entered.

“I’m Thomas, a retired diplomat of King Zimrilim.” He studied us, taking in my destitute appearance, and turned to Kadesh, whose manner and cloak were far superior to mine. I felt the hair on my neck prickle when our eyes met and the nobleman quickly glanced away, but I tried to stay calm.

“We understand that you want to speak to us about our daughter, Ramah,” Thomas finally said.

I gasped, tears burning the back of my eyes. Their
daughter
! The words were so unexpected.

“As you know, we’ve traced an infant girl to you,” Kadesh said. “A baby purchased several months ago through a rug merchant named Limhi.”

Thomas nodded slowly. “We’re aware of this.”

“And you still possess this child?”

“She’s
in
our possession, you mean,” Thomas corrected.

My legs trembled beneath me. The man’s demeanor and words were coming together in my mind, and I was having a hard time taking it in. “Kadesh,” I whispered as I sank to the floor.

Thomas rang a bell and instantly a servant appeared with water and cups. I took one gratefully and sipped, the cool water clearing my head.

Thomas cleared his throat. “Perhaps I should explain how we found Ramah. I’ve known the merchant Limhi for many years. He travels through Mesopotamia—Egypt as well as Ethiopia and Babylon—purchasing a variety of things for the king. Treasures, sculptures, works of art, animals. I oversee this process. My wife and I are childless and it has always been our greatest dream to be parents. When Limhi heard of the girl child who had been bought by a Salem slave trader, he immediately purchased her and brought her to us. She was the baby we’ve wanted all our lives. Our daughter is beautiful, an answer to many prayers.”

Silent tears trickled down my face, and Kadesh reached down to hold my hand. I no longer cared what anyone thought of our relationship. I would never see these people after tonight.

“Where is she?” I asked, gulping back my tears. “May I see her, please?”

Without answering me, Thomas strode across the room to a set of windows overlooking the courtyard ponds and waterfalls.

“My wife and daughter are in the garden,” he said. “Zarah was going to bring her inside so you could see her, but now she has changed her mind.”

“But she’s my sister! I’ve come so far, please, I beg of you.”

The nobleman pursed his lips and made no reply.

Kadesh stood next to me as we watched a servant holding a little girl in her arms appear through one of the garden gates, handing her over to the woman of the house, Zarah.

The toddler had rosy cheeks and a mass of black curls. I
recognized the baby’s eyes instantly. They were my mother’s: the same shining pools of dark water; the same fringe of lashes against her cheeks. Her perfect skin was Leila’s, her tangle of black curls mine.

I watched as the toddler took several tiny steps, holding on to the servant’s fingers as she wiggled toward Zarah, who finally swept up the beautiful child—my sister—into her arms.

My throat ached as Zarah nuzzled Sahmril’s neck and kissed her soft baby cheeks. I wanted to touch my little sister and hold her. I still remembered that sweet baby skin, the smell of her, and the fragility of a newborn infant. “Oh, Sahmril,” I cried, sagging against Kadesh. “She’s even more beautiful than I remembered. But it’s her—it’s truly her! We’ve found her at last.”

Thomas turned to me. “So you think Ramah belongs to your family?”

“I’m positive she’s my sister. The child of my mother, who died giving birth.”

“Your mother is dead?” Thomas asked, staring out at his wife and the little girl as they fed bread crumbs to the ducks in the pond. “How did Limhi the merchant come to own her?”

The lump in my throat grew bigger. “The woman who sold her was the wet nurse who kept her alive on the desert after we buried my mother.”

Understanding flooded Thomas’s face, and then a brief flash of empathy. He watched me for several long moments. “I can tell that she looks like you,” he said rigidly. “Our daughter is going to be a beauty.”

“Just like my mother,” I added. I recalled Judith telling me the very same thing the night of my betrothal celebration. A lifetime ago. A lifetime of pain and sorrow. “How long have you had her?” I finally asked, watching Zarah run her fingers through the silky, fine hair of my sister, nuzzling her neck and making her giggle.

“Since she was about two months old. I estimate that she’s about nine months old now. She’s walking early.”

I took a step forward, jerking out my hands. “Please, may I hold her?”

Thomas shook his head. “She’s the child we always wanted, and we paid dearly for her.”

I tried to stay calm. “I promised my mother on her deathbed that I would care for her, that I would make sure she was always safe.”

I sucked in my breath when, through the windows, Zarah turned to meet my gaze straight on. I could tell that she wanted me and Kadesh to leave.

Thomas cleared his throat. “You fulfilled your mother’s wish, then. Your sister is well and healthy and happy with us.”

“But I always planned on returning for her. When I arrived in Mari, I fully expected Sahmril to be with Dinah and Nalla. That was the original plan.”

“Plans change, don’t they? Good and bad happens to all of us, and it’s our turn for something good.”

I stared at him, tempted to slap him. This man who had such a fine home, a title, wealth. Instead I quickly said, “I will pay you the same sum you used to buy her from the merchant.
Plus more. In fact, double that amount for the cost of taking care of her.”

Thomas’s face closed up. “I think you misunderstand. I wasn’t caring for this child for
you
. She’s my daughter, and I care for her because I love her. Ramah is mine and will be raised as my daughter in the household of the palace, with everything she ever needs or wants. One day she’ll be educated and will have a good marriage to a nobleman’s son. Which, I may add, you cannot give her.”