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Chapter Eleven

She was such a chicken that she’d been avoiding Austin all over again, just like before, after that first time they’d kissed.

Only this time, they’d done a lot more than kissing. God.

Michaela closed her eyes, reliving that night at Tom’s for what felt like the millionth time. The first few days she’d been consumed with an overwhelming shame over what they’d done, what
she’d
done. Sucking another man’s dick, sharing that man’s dick with Austin and fucking that woman with the flogger—crazy, crazy stuff she’d only seen in porn or her darkest imagination.

And she’d made it come true. Well, Austin had made it come true. He’d given her the permission to embrace her inner desires, and she’d done it. Big time.

The shame had eventually subsided. She began to realize there was no harm in what she’d done. She hadn’t hurt anyone, those participating had only received enormous amounts of pleasure. So why should she beat herself up for her desires? So her wants were a little more extreme than others. She could accept that. She would
have
to accept it.

Austin accepted it. If he did, then so would she.

Work had proven intense, just as she predicted. Long hours with training, coming in early and leaving late had consumed her days. So technically, she wasn’t totally ignoring Austin. She was working and she’d explained that to him, which he’d accepted. Kind of. She’d seen the flare of irritation in his beautiful eyes, the firm set of his sexy mouth that indicated he was frustrated.

But he’d understood, hadn’t been demanding. A week passed, then two. And still she worked, still she didn’t see him much until finally, one afternoon he’d called her and demanded that she have dinner with him.

She’d agreed. They needed to talk. She needed to tell him she wanted to continue seeing him, playing with him as they had. His dominant side, the way he commanded her and how easy she bent to his will…she wanted to explore that side of herself more. Wanted to see just how far she could take it and Austin was the perfect partner for her.

Perfect.

Would he agree? God, she hoped so. He’d been game so far and she doubted he would stop her now. He was a good friend, an amazing lover. A man she could easily fall in love with.

A man I’m already in love with.

She shoved the silly thought aside. He didn’t love her—he lusted for her. Austin didn’t do relationships, he ran from them. A sexual friendship, yes he did those. She knew he did. Brad was living proof.

Well, she wanted to bump Brad from his position in Austin’s life and slide right on in. Permanently. She wanted Austin all to herself, no sharing with Brad allowed.

Hmm, sharing Austin with Brad. Her deviant mind would take that course, she thought as she walked through the apartment complex, winding her way toward their building. But a threesome with Brad didn’t sound like a bad idea.

Would Austin go for it? More important, would Brad? He could be a bitchy little thing. Moody and flamboyant at times, but he was a lot of fun. She could understand the draw Austin felt for him. He had a wicked sense of humor and the prettiest brown eyes she’d ever seen.

She was jealous of Brad. She could admit it. He and Austin were close and she envied that. She wanted to be a part of that. She wanted to be just as close to Austin as Brad. Closer. As close as she could get.

Shaking her head, she started up the stairs, her legs growing more tired with every step. The last two weeks had been exhausting, overwhelming. So many things to learn. So many things to do. A nice dinner would be a joy. Especially since she’d been living on fast food lately. She wondered where Austin was taking her.

Opening the door, she sucked in a shocked breath, drinking in what was laid out before her.

The house seemed staged for seduction. Warm golden light glowed from the dim lamps. The shades were drawn, helping cast shadows throughout, and lit candles flickered on the coffee table, along the kitchen counter, atop the small dining room table.

Michaela shut the door behind her, leaning against it to take the scene in. Soft music played in the background, mellow and sensual. The apartment was actually clean—no thanks to her since she’d worked so much, the couch plumped and inviting, rich velvet pillows scattered across it.

“You’re late.”

She looked up, caught the broad shadowy figure standing in the kitchen doorway. Austin emerged from the shadows, breathtaking in a simple black button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and faded jeans. She couldn’t move, could barely think as he approached her, his lips tilted upward, eyes crinkling at the corners just before his mouth broke out into that full smile she loved so much.

“I’m sorry,” she said as he stopped just before her. “Work has been hectic and I tried to get out of there on time, but Tania needed to go over something with me…”

He silenced her with the press of his index finger over her lips. She quieted, her lips parting when he traced them, his touch sending shooting sparks of electricity spiraling throughout her body.

“You need to relax. You work too much.” His velvety voice smoothed over her, made her limbs weak, her heart race. He was being kind, thoughtful and she’d been such a bitch.

She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve
him
.

Clearing her throat, she forced the words out. “Did you make dinner?”

He laughed, the sound rich and inviting, and her panties grew damp. All because of his laugh. Lord, she had it bad. “I burn water. I ordered in. Your favorite.”

“Chan’s?” Their go-to for Chinese takeout. They both loved that place.

Nodding, he took her hand and led her to the table. It was set with her only placemats and her favorite dishes, cloth napkins that matched the placemats folded atop the plates. A cluster of cream candles burned in the center of the table, their wicks sputtering and flickering, and she turned to look at him, the surprise she felt surely written all over face.

“You did this all for me?” Her voice squeaked, and she felt her cheeks heat. Embarrassment flooded her that he would think of her like this and yet she had treated him shabbily.

“Yes.” He pushed the hair away from her shoulder, his fingers lingering on her bare skin. “We haven’t spent much time together. I wanted to make tonight special.”

“Thank you.” She went to him, stood on tiptoe and brushed a lingering kiss to his lips. “I’m starved.”

His eyes sparkled with interest. “I’ll bring dinner out.”

He waited on her, bringing out plate after plate of steaming food, all of their favorites and she figured he must’ve spent a fortune. The food was excellent, she spent the first ten minutes just consuming food, no time to talk. She couldn’t remember the last time they had ordered from Chan’s.

Austin acted like the perfect gentleman, asking her about work, and she poured her heart out, giving him all the details of the last two weeks. She couldn’t believe she’d kept all of this from him, had avoided him for so long. She’d done it out of fear, afraid that things would be forever changed between them and though they were, they still had this easy comfortableness together.

Yet she was aware of him as a man. A rather sexy man. The way his fingers wrapped around his glass, long and tapered, smoothing up and down. Reminding her of how they had touched her, glided over her skin, sunk deep inside her.

So not smart to go there. She squirmed in her chair, her panties growing damper by the minute, and he caught her staring, his gaze snagging hers, a knowing look on his face.

“I’ve missed you, Michaela.” His voice was soft, husky. “But it sounds like things are crazy at work.”

“They are.” She paused and looked down, drawing her fork across her plate, playing with the leftover rice. “I’ve been avoiding you, though. It’s not all been work.”

“I know.”

Michaela watched him, the way he slouched in his chair, his forearms resting on the edge of the table. He looked delectable. He always did, no matter what. “You didn’t have to do all of this for me.”

“I wanted to.” He sat up straighter, his expression going serious. “We need to talk.”

Oh, God, here we go. She should tell him how she really felt. It would be easiest now, with the table as some sort of barrier between them. She could spit it out and be done with it.

She only hoped he was receptive.

“We do need to talk,” she said. “What happened between us at that club, it was crazy, you know? And it kind of freaked me out, that we took it that far.”

“I figured.” His expression was pained, as if he was prepared for the worst and the sight of it tugged at her heartstrings.

“The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that it was exactly what I wanted. I enjoyed it. And I want to do something like that again. Soon.” She bit her lower lip so hard it stung. “With you.”

He blinked, so slow she watched the long sweep of his lashes, could see the startled look in his eyes. He looked completely natural tonight, his usually styled hair mussed, not a hint of the smudged eyeliner he liked wearing when they went out, no jewelry, flashy clothing. Just him.

She liked it. She wanted to crawl into his lap, unbutton his shirt and press her lips to the center of his chest. Smell him, taste him, absorb him, feel his arms close around her.

“You want to do something like that again soon with me? What do you mean, like go to another club?”

“Another club, or maybe Tom’s again. Or maybe we can experiment at home with um, someone else.” She could not believe she just said that. And here she believed she was comfortable with her newfound sexuality.

Her hot cheeks told her otherwise.

He cocked a dark brow. “Do you have someone in mind?”

If her skin could burst into flame, it would right at this very moment. “No.”

“Liar.” His murmured accusation was familiar, he’d said it to her before. And he was right.

She shrugged, dropped her fork onto the plate with a loud clink. “I don’t think you’d go for it.”

His brow rose even higher if that was possible. “That’s intriguing. Now I have to know.”

“It’s, um, Brad.” Michaela ducked her head, not even wanting to look at him. “Do you think Brad would like to?”

He was quiet for so long she had no choice but to look at him, peeking at him through her lashes. Flabbergasted was the first word that came to her upon seeing his face.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Not only did she want to do it again but she wanted to bring Brad into the mix? That sounded like the most insane thing he’d ever heard, let alone considered.

Here he’d showered gestures of love upon her, was fully prepared to even offer up the love word, something he never ever said and she hit him with this.

Austin didn’t know what to think.

“See, I knew you wouldn’t go for it.” Her voice sounded muffled, as if she wanted to cry and he glanced up just in time to watch her flee the table, headed straight for her room.

Running like she normally did. Shaking his head, he got up from the table and followed her, smacking the door open that she’d just closed.

She whirled upon him, her face flushed, her eyes wild. “Get out. I need to change.”

“You want me to leave because you’re changing your clothes? Babe, you used to strip in front of me when you thought I wasn’t interested. You stood around in your skimpy panties and lacy bra talking to me as if I were made of stone. The only thing rock hard on me had been my cock.”

He stood towering over her and focused on her chest, the way her breasts rose and fell with her accelerated breathing. He wanted to touch them. Draw the dress over her head, rip the skimpy material away from her breasts and suck a nipple into his mouth. “I’ve seen you naked, Michaela. I’ve seen you sweaty, I’ve seen you touch another woman and I’ve seen you suck another man’s dick. And you want me to leave because you need to
change your clothes
.”

“Austin.” Her voice was weak, her hands flying up in a sign of agitation. “You’re angry with me.”

“I’m not angry.” He wasn’t. He was fucking frustrated. And confused. Too many emotions swirled within him, overwhelming him, and he didn’t know what to say.

Brad. Why did it always come back to Brad?

“Now you’re the liar.”

Her words were soft but they had bite and he sighed, ran a hand through his hair. “What do you want from me? Tell me exactly what you want from me.”

She stared up at him, eyes wide, pretty pink lips trembling. She’d already told him what she wanted. She’d made herself perfectly clear.

An adventurous fuck buddy who’d take her over the edge sexually and rock her world on a regular basis. In other words, she was using him. No emotions allowed. Just crazy sex with him and whoever else they wanted to invite along for the ride.

It fucking hurt. Cut him right to the quick. He wanted to proclaim his love and she wanted to get her fuck on. He’d opened her eyes with all of this and she wanted to take it even further.

He’d created a monster. It was his own damn fault, he had no one else to blame.

“I…I already told you.”

He gripped her arm and hauled her to him, his cock hardening at the brush of her body against his. “Say it again. I want to make sure I have it clear.”

“Um.” She swallowed, her gaze skittering away from his. “I want us to continue what we’re doing. Have fun, you know? Experiment. Sometimes it can be just us and sometimes with other people.”

It probably took a lot of nerve for her to admit that. He shouldn’t feel this way, frustrated and okay, fine,
angry
. But he did. He couldn’t help it. He should get over it and agree with her. Participate wholeheartedly in her plan. But he didn’t want to.

Telling Michaela he was in love with her wasn’t going to work. It would end up freaking her out. The very last thing he wanted to do.

So instead of telling her, he was going to show her. Break down her defenses, one by one. Weaken her with whispered sexy words and tender touches. Make love to her, worship her body until she realized just how deep his feelings for her went.

And he was going to start showing her right now.