Forever After (40 page)

Ian’s jaw muscle began to work as well. “Do what? Tell it like it is? She’s using you, and you’re too stupid to see it. My God, Heath. For once in your misbegotten life, stop and
think
.”

Heath stabbed his fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe this. Is it an allergic reaction you have to me or something? All it takes is for me to be in the same room with you, and you start hurling insults. Why don’t
you
stop and think. Do you realize how long it’s been since I’ve darkened your doorstep?” He shook his head. “You were yelling and calling me names when you threw me out, and now, after all this time, you’re taking up where you left off. Aren’t you even glad I’m here?”

“If I thought for a minute that you came only to see me, I might be glad. But that isn’t the case, is it? Like always, you want something.”

“I have called you every Christmas and Father’s Day. I’ve never missed.”

“Oh, yes, your obligatory phone calls. An icy greeting, comments on the weather, and a curt farewell. Thirty-eight one-minute conversations.”

“At least I called.”

“And now, suddenly, you’re here in the flesh. What is it you want this time? Money?” Ian glanced at Meredith again. Then he held up a staying hand, laughing bitterly. “Oh, no. Don’t say you want me to represent her. She can’t afford me, I assure you, and I’ll be damned if I’ll do it free of charge.”

Meredith’s predicament was the last thing on her mind at the moment. Her stomach twisted as she darted her gaze back and forth between the two men.
Such pain
. Two phone
calls a year, divided into thirty-eight, equaled nineteen. That couldn’t be right. A father and son who loved each other as much as these two obviously did couldn’t possibly cling to old hurts and not see one another for
nineteen
years. It was absolute madness.

Heath hauled in a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if he were silently counting to ten. “I don’t think it’s entirely fair for you to immediately assume I want something. I haven’t asked you for a red cent since I left, or for any kind of help. That’s half of my life,
all
of my adult life. It’s not as if I’ve been a habitual moocher.”

Ian folded his arms and smiled. “So you didn’t come here for help?”

Heath raked his hair again. “Dad, I’m sorry I haven’t come to see you, all right? If I had thought you wanted me to, I might have. But you told me never to come back. Remember?”

“I never said that!”

“You certainly did! You said if I stepped foot on this land again, you’d kill me. That you couldn’t bear to look at me.”

“Give me a break, Heath! I can scarcely remember what I said that night. You had just
killed
my little girl! And hours later, you were still staggering drunk. With her
blood
all over you, for God’s sake. She wasn’t cold on the slab yet, and you were already slugging more beer. At that moment, I
wanted
to kill you.”

Heath’s face went white, his eyes like dark splotches of water flecked with moonlight. For a moment, Meredith thought he might go to his knees. She couldn’t let this continue. The two men needed to iron this mess out, no question about it, but not like this, with Heath pulling his punches, afraid of alienating Ian because he was their only hope. Heath was literally laying himself out as a sacrifice to appease the man, as if he were a vengeful God.

She gathered Sammy close and pushed to her feet. “Excuse me,” she interjected. “I’m leaving now.”

Heath blinked and jerked his gaze to her. “Merry, no. He’s your only way out.”

“The price is too steep,” she said shakily.

“Meredith, I’m all right. Sit back down.”

“No,” she cried. “You’re not all right, and I can’t watch you do this. Not for me.”

“It’s
not
just for you. My life is at stake, too.”

She sank back down on the chair. “That’s not playing fair.”

“This is too important to just walk away. We need his help, and if his price is hurling insults, we’ve got to pay it. We can’t afford not to.”

Ian chuckled, looking Meredith over. “Very good! I take it he falls for this?”

Heath groaned. “Jesus, Dad! I can’t believe you. Look at her! Is she your typical
femme fatale
?”

“They come in all shapes and sizes. In my profession, I’ve seen them all.”

“So have I,” Heath shot back, “and she doesn’t fit the stereotype.”

“You’ve seen the Wynema Falls variety,” Ian replied. “This one has more class. And I don’t mean that as a compliment,” he said to Meredith. “You’re a master at the craft, and you’re playing him like a three-string banjo. If you were only taking his money, I might feel less hostile. But you’re destroying everything that he is.”

“Dad, I think I’m capable of judging the lady’s character without your input. You don’t know her. I do. And I’m telling you, this isn’t a snow job, I’m not making decisions with the lower half of my anatomy, and she’s nothing like you
think
!”

“A sterling recommendation, coming from my son, the screwup.”

“
Screwup?
” Heath repeated tautly.

“You always have been, always will be. Sometimes I wonder how such a bull-headed, impulsive and uncontrolled
idiot
could possibly have sprung from my loins. I
told
you to get rid of her! To let someone else handle this. What the
hell
were you thinking?”

Slate blue eyes clashed over a distance of seven feet, both sets identical in color and glinting with the same stubborn, indomitable pride. The creases in Ian’s lean, burnished cheeks were deeper than Heath’s. He had more crinkles at the corners of his eyes. His skin had aged on his neck, taking on the texture of crepe. But otherwise, father and son looked enough alike that they might have been cast from the same mold.

If Ian’s barbed comments hurt, Heath didn’t reveal it. His jaw muscle relaxed, his stance went from tense to lazy, and he flashed his dad a cocky grin. “You’re such a cold, unaffectionate son of a bitch, my mother probably got knocked up by the postman.”

Ian doubled his fists. “You little bastard. Why I was hoping you might have grown up, I have no idea! Don’t you
dare
speak of your mother with disrespect!”

“The disrespect wasn’t aimed at her. I’ve heard men refer to their wives as their better halves. My mother was far more than that. She must have been the glue that held your humanity together because it’s sure as shit scattered on the wind now.”

“You’re the same wild, unpredictable smart ass that you always were,” Ian tossed back. “And you still don’t have a lick of respect for me. Do you?”

Meredith had wanted Heath to fight back, but now that he was, she felt extremely uncomfortable. They were squared off like two men about to exchange blows. Just the
thought
terrified her. Approximately four hundred and eighty pounds of muscle-packed masculinity, out of control, and she and Sammy might be caught right in the middle of it.

“Mommy, Heef said it.”

“Shhh, sweetie.”

“But he
said
it!”

Meredith wished she had a sock to stuff in her daughter’s
mouth. Sammy turned bewildered blue eyes on her. “They’re saying
lots
of bad words, huh?”

“Sammy, please,” Meredith whispered. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Is ‘bastard’ naughty?”

Meredith’s heart was starting to slam. She stared at her daughter. There wasn’t a trace of fear in Sammy’s eyes. She seemed totally unconcerned that the two men in the room appeared to be mere inches away from violence. So did Goliath. The dog had plopped beside her chair, his massive head resting on his paws. Occasionally, he opened one eye when the male voices went from loud to wall-shaking, but otherwise he just lay there, seeming to snooze.

Heath answered Sammy’s question. “Yes, Sammy. My dad said some bad words, and so did I. I’m sorry, and when we go home, you can wash my mouth out. If I say any more, you be sure to count them.”

“Okay.” Sammy fixed her gaze intently on the two men. With a hand resting on her knee and one small finger extended, she looked very like a miniature umpire keeping track of fouls at a ball game. “Just remember, Heef. Soap’ll make you urp.”

Heath had already returned his attention to the quarrel. Sammy’s warning seemed to take the starch out of his spine. He stared at his dad, his face relaxing. After a moment, he shifted his gaze back to Sammy, his expression going tender and his mouth quirking at the corners. He finally smiled.

“You know what, sweetcakes? You’re right. This isn’t worth having to eat soap.”

He looked at Meredith. “I’m sorry, Merry. I shouldn’t have brought you here.” He extended his hand toward her. “The price
is
too steep. Let’s get going.”

Meredith started to stand. At her movement, Ian whirled on her, his face so twisted with anger that she started and fell back in her chair. For an awful moment, she thought he might leap at her. He advanced on her instead.

“What have you got, pure gold between your legs? He’s
lost
his ever loving mind! And
you
! Oh-hh-h! You have the act perfected, don’t you? The timid little woman who needs a big, block-headed man to fight her battles for her. I know your kind. A cold-hearted, manipulative bitch, that’s what you are.”

Goliath lifted his head and snarled. Ian reeled to a stop.

“Heath, get your goddamned dog under control.”

“He is under control, Dad. You’re the one who’s lost it. You don’t even see them, do you? Not really. You’re so used to making snap judgments and weighing the evidence, all they are to you is a couple of bodies. Look in their eyes. Really look. Meredith is scared to death of you, and Sammy thinks you’re rude.
Most
people exclude little kids from a disagreement—offer them a tablet to scribble on, maybe some milk and cookies—anything to make it clear to them they aren’t in the line of fire. You didn’t even ask Sammy’s name or how old she is, the usual accepted behavior when you meet young children. Why am I not surprised? The fact is, you can look into her big blue eyes and not give a shit what happens to her. You just want me to do the smart thing and sacrifice her,
and
her mother, on the altar of the law. Well, Dad,
screw
you! As for your help? Forget I asked. We’ll find another way to save our bacon.”

Keeping excellent track of Heath’s language, Sammy poked out two more fingers. There were now three counts against him.

“I’m four,” she told Ian. Then she tipped her head questioningly. “Do you want me to count bad words for you, too? You’re sayin’ lots of nasty, icky ones. Heef says it’s a really bad rabbit he oughta break.”

Ian stared down at Sammy as if she were an alien from another planet. “Excuse me?” he said in that haughty tone he had probably perfected in the courtroom.

Sammy sniffed. “Did you farfle?”

“
What?
”

Sammy leaned slightly toward him. “You know, from your bum? My mommy says you gots to always say ’scuse me, ’cause it’s not p’lite.”

Ian’s eyes darkened, and his color rose. Looking exactly like his son, he jabbed his fingers through his hair and blinked, totally ruining his professional styling job. “No, young lady, I did
not
‘farfle.’”

Sammy’s expression saddened. “I bet your Mommy died when you was real little, huh? Just like Heef. That’s how come you don’t got any manners. Right? ’Cause you di’n’t have her to teach you nuffing. Can you say your letters?”

Ian took a turn around the room, raking his hair as if he’d suddenly discovered it was infested with vermin. Glancing at Meredith, he said, “While you’re teaching your daughter manners, Mrs. Kenyon, you might remind her to respect her elders. I don’t appreciate having my behavior criticized by a four-year-old.”

Meredith pushed up from the chair again, juggling Sammy on her hip. “Until we met Heath, I didn’t feel any of my daughter’s elders, aside from myself, had earned her respect. If she has offended you, I apologize. But even you have to admit, this hasn’t been a very pleasant visit.”

Heath covered the distance to Meredith and scooped Sammy from her arms. Then, taking her elbow, he said, “Come on, sweetheart. I’m sorry I subjected you and Sammy to this. I thought—well, never mind what I thought.” He snapped his fingers. “Goliath, come.”

“Heath, wait a minute!” Ian called from behind them. “What did you mean when you said your life was at stake, too? Was it an exaggeration, or are your lives actually at risk?”

Heath continued walking toward the study door.

“Dammit, Heath! I asked you a question. If the situation is really that serious, of course, I’ll help you. All else aside, you’re my
son
!”

Heath stopped, handed Sammy to Meredith, and said, “Sweetheart, wait for me on the porch, okay? I’ll be right there.” Then he turned toward his father. His eyes glistened with a suspicious brightness. “I’m not your
son
. I’ve been many things to you. An inconvenience. An embarrassment. A trial. Your cross to bear, definitely. But
never
your son.”

Meredith knew she had to get Sammy out of there. She backed away as far as the doorway, but then she couldn’t seem to pry her feet from the rug to go any farther. She knew Heath thought she’d gone, but she couldn’t leave him. Not when he had that stricken expression on his face that told her how badly this confrontation was hurting him. She would stay, and Sammy would stay, because Heath would have stayed for them.

I’m not your son
. The words hung there in the room, seeming to echo. Ian looked as if Heath had struck him.

“Think about it,” Heath cried raggedly. “Nineteen
years
, Dad. Sure, I screwed up. God forgive me, I screwed up really bad. But I was only a kid. And you
spat
on me. Do you remember that? You called me a murderer, told me to never defile your home with my presence again, and you spat in my face. I had five dollars and some change in my pocket. You didn’t even give me my clothes or a jacket. You just shoved me off the porch at six in the morning and washed your hands of me.”

“You were staggering drunk. I’d just been to the morgue. And you were responsible for her death! Do you think I was thinking clearly? I wanted to rip you apart.”

“You have no idea how many times I wished you had,” Heath said softly. “Because you were right. I had killed my little sister. Do you
know
how much I loved her? With you gone so much, she was my whole world, and she was the last person on earth I ever would’ve hurt.” The tendons along Heath’s throat stood out. “I was the one who found her under the truck. The one who stayed, trying with everything I had to lift it off of her. And when the cops got there and finally did get her out, I was the one who tried to resuscitate her. Her head was crushed. You just
think
about
that. Mouth-to-mouth, Dad.
That’s
why I had so much blood all over me, damn you!”

Ian locked his knees and closed his eyes, his face turning ashen. He looked like a man taking brutal body blows. Meredith’s heart nearly broke for him. The great Ian Masters had failed miserably at being a good father. She didn’t doubt that. But she could also see very clearly that he had cared about his children.

“Oh, God, Heath, please,” he whispered, “don’t do this to me.
Please
. I can’t bear it. Not the details, please.”

“Do this to you?” Heath retorted. “What about what you’re doing to me? You thought I was
drunk
when you saw me? You’d come in from Chicago, for Christ’s sake!
Hours
later! They had sedated me!”

Ian’s head came up and a stricken anguish came into his eyes. “They would’ve
told
me,” he said raggedly. “You’re lying. Making excuses. They would’ve told me!”

“
Jesus
, Dad! Would you look at me? I’m not a kid anymore. Lying? Why would I bother? To save our relationship? What a joke! And I’m sure as hell not afraid you’ll kick my ass.”

“You just can’t admit the truth to yourself,” Ian accused.

“Not true. I’ve
lived
with it all these years. Seen her face, not as it was in life, but as it was when I was trying to—” Heath’s chest heaved and tears tracked his leathery cheeks. “I kept thinking I might be able to save her—if I just tried hard enough. Remember how she always came running to me when she got hurt?”

Ian made a strangled sound and nodded.

“After Mom died, I was the only one here to make it better. When she was younger, it was scraped knees. When she got older, she’d come to me when some boy broke her heart. That night, all I could think of was that I could make her better if they’d just leave me alone with her for a while.” Heath heaved a shaky sigh. “I was stupid drunk when I rolled that truck. I admit it. I take complete responsibility for that, and I’ll carry the guilt with me to my grave.
But I never touched another drop of beer
after
the wreck, and when you saw me later, I was
not
still drunk.

“I was a two hundred and twenty pound linebacker! I wrestled bulls and rode broncs in my spare time. When they tried to put her in the ambulance and wouldn’t let me get close to her, I went berserk, and once I reached her, they couldn’t get me away from her. A bunch of them finally tackled me and held me down while a paramedic jabbed me in the arm. End of story. I wasn’t
drunk
! I had been drugged. And I’m sorry, but I can’t believe they never told you that. By Oregon law, I was still a minor.”

His arms rigid at his sides, Ian shook his head. “I can’t remember anyone telling me that, Heath. But, then, it’s all a blur. I went on automatic pilot. Got the charges against you dropped and all reference to them taken off the accident report. Identified the body. I don’t remember half of what was said to me.”

Heath’s face went taut with bitterness. “You might have asked me, given me the benefit of the doubt. But you didn’t, did you? Back then, you never had an ounce of faith in me or bothered to listen to anything I said, and you still don’t.”

Meredith couldn’t bear to watch this any longer. Heath was tearing his father apart. “Heath, that’s enough.”

Heath spun toward the doorway, his gaze shooting to Sammy. “Merry, I asked you to get her out of here.”

“I couldn’t leave you.”

“Well, you’re right. Enough is enough. Let’s go.” He came to the doorway, encircled her with an arm, and propelled her down the hallway with such force that she felt like thistledown in the wind. “I just never learn. You’d think by now I’d know he doesn’t give a hoot about me, and that he never has! But, oh, no. I had to come back for one more kick in the teeth.”

On the porch, Meredith dug in with her heels, set Sammy down, and turned toward Heath to grab him by the front of his shirt. “Heath? I’ve changed my mind. I’m afraid this may be a bad mistake.”

“What is?”

“Leaving like this. If you walk away now, you’ll never come back.”

“Damned straight, I won’t!”

“I can’t let you do it. You’ll only be hurting yourself if I don’t stop you.”

“I hate his guts. He has no power to hurt me, period. And the feeling’s mutual.”

“Oh, Heath. How can you be so blind? He loves you. It’s written all over him. He just doesn’t know how to say it! This is destroying him.”

“Oh, for God’s sake! He looked pathetic for a couple of minutes. Big deal. He isn’t destroyed, Meredith. You have to care to be destroyed.”

“You go back in there. Please, Heath. I’m not leaving until you do.”

“And say what? That I’m sorry for what I said? It was the truth.”

“Why has he stayed here?” she demanded to know. “He works out of Chicago. Why did he come here in the first place?”

“He’d promised my mom he wouldn’t raise us in the city. What difference does it make?” He stepped off the porch. “I know you mean well, but you have no idea what you’re talking about.” He started up the circular drive. “You saw what he’s like. The man even turned on you.”

“Yes,” she admitted. “In defense of you. He believes everything he said to me. That I’m just using you. He’s
furious
, Heath. And fighting for you with everything he’s got. He’s a mess as a parent. I won’t say he isn’t. But look past it. It’s not that he doesn’t love you. He’s just—inept.”

“There’s a good word, inept. And he calls
me
a screwup.”

“He stayed here because of you, Heath!” she called after him. “You have to know that. What else is here for him? An empty house? Long plane trips? He stayed to be near you!”

Not looking back, he kept walking. She sat down on the porch. He covered several feet, realized she wasn’t behind
him, and turned. When he saw her, his face flushed to an angry red, and he stomped back toward her.

“What in the hell are you doing?”

“I’m having a sit-down strike,” she replied calmly.

Huffing air into his cheeks, he glanced over at Sammy and Goliath, who stood on the gravel drive. “You’re taking my father’s side against me?”

“No, of course not. I’m taking your side. I’ll always take your side. It’s just that I know you love him, and you’ve been so hurt. Please, go back in. Give him just one more chance. Don’t carry this around inside you for the rest of your life. Please?”

“I don’t
like
the jerk.”

“He doesn’t like you, either. I don’t think you even know each other. But you love each other. And you’re both dying inside.”

He set his jaw. “I appreciate your concern, all right? If he were normal, I might even agree he deserves another attempt. But he isn’t, and I don’t. So get your little butt up from there. We’re leaving.”

“You’ve done so much for me, Heath. Let me do this one thing for you.”

He snapped his fingers and pointed at his feet. “We’re leaving!”

Last night, Meredith had believed she’d seen him angry. Now she realized he had been only perturbed by comparison.

“Don’t push me, Meredith!”

She gazed up at him—approximately six feet five inches of outraged male, every muscle tensed. He was snapping his fingers and ordering her around, looking fully capable of slapping her silly if she didn’t obey him. Yet she didn’t feel the least bit intimidated. It was the most glorious feeling in the world.

“Heath,” she said softly. “Would you look at yourself? You’re acting like Dan.”

His face went redder. “Jesus! Don’t compare me to Dan. I don’t goddamn appreciate it!”

“Then, please, don’t snap your fingers at me. It makes you look silly.”

“Silly?” He moved his lips but no sound came out. Finally, he managed to sputter, “You’ll
think
silly! And I’ll snap my fingers if I want to! I won’t spend the rest of my life being compared to good old Dan.”

“I’m
not
comparing you to Dan. For Dan, I would get up!”

That gave him pause. “If
that’s
not a hell of a note, I don’t know what is! You’d hop to for him, but not for me?”

“I was afraid of Dan.”

He leveled a finger at her. “Meredith Lynn, get your ass up off that goddamned porch!”

“Mommy? Are you and Heef fighting?”

Meredith glanced at her daughter, who stood a few feet away with her hand curled over Goliath’s collar. “No, sweetkins. We’re having a discussion.”

“This is
not
a discussion,” Heath corrected. “It’s a fight, and your mother is about to find out what will happen if she pushes me too far.”

“Is Mommy winning?”

Again Heath seemed incapable of speech for a moment. He tugged on his earlobe, then swiped a hand under his nose. “No, she is
not
winning. She seems to
think
she is, but she’s about to learn she’s not.” He gave Meredith a measuring glance. “No contest!”

Meredith sighed. “You’re going to feel so awful about this once you calm down.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re beside yourself right now, and you can’t see how badly you’re behaving.”

“Badly? Excuse me, but from my side of the fence, I’d say—”

“But you will later,” she rushed on, cutting him off. “Do you know what’s happening here, Heath? You’re doing just what you did last night when I hurt your feelings, only this time it’s your dad. Blowing up doesn’t make the
hurt go away. It just covers it up for a while.”

He planted his hands on his hips, walked in a tight circle, and huffed like a surfacing whale. She’d seen him do that last night as well and realized it must be his way of taking timeout.

When he finally stopped pacing, he crossed his arms, his stance more relaxed. After regarding her for a moment, he sighed, a twinkle replacing the glint of anger in his eyes. He didn’t smile, but Meredith knew he was struggling not to. “You do realize I could jerk you up from there, throw you over my shoulder, and paddle that cute little fanny of yours all the way back to the truck.”

“That sounds like it might be fun.” She dimpled a cheek at him. “But you have to wait until
after
you go back in. Then, no matter how it turns out, I promise to be putty in your hands.”

“You should be putty
now
. I wear the pants in this family. Don’t forget that.”

“Mommy gots pants on, too!”

Heath narrowed an eye at the child, who stood knee-high to him. “Mine are bigger.”

Sammy regarded the long legs of his jeans. “Yup. Lots bigger.”

Heath looked at Meredith. “You see? Don’t mess with the bull. You might get him by the horn.” He strode slowly toward her, then drew up and hunkered in front of her. Catching her chin in his hand, he gazed into her eyes. “He’ll just get a few more licks in. You do realize that. I’ll do it. For you. But it isn’t going to work.”

She caught his wrist and kissed his palm. “The two of you have hashed out every old hurt, avoiding the elementary truth, as if to admit it would be losing face. Tell him, Heath. Before you leave, please, won’t you tell him? A big, strong man like you. You can handle saying three little words. Let them fall where they may, but know you’ve said them. If he isn’t man enough to do the same, then that’s his problem.”

He rubbed his thumb over her lips. “You owe me for this one.”

Shortly after Heath reentered the house, Meredith had cause to wonder if he would ever forgive her for insisting he speak with his dad again. The front windows seemed to vibrate, they were yelling so loudly, every word of their argument carrying to her on the porch. To keep Sammy from listening, Meredith directed the child to go play on the lawn with Goliath. Never had Meredith heard such a vicious exchange.

Heath aired old grievances against Ian for becoming an absentee father after Heath’s mother died. Ian confessed that after his wife’s death, burying himself in his work had been all that had kept him from falling apart. Heath pointed out that in Ian’s opinion, Heath had never done anything right, that he’d been constantly criticized by his father and never once praised for any of his accomplishments. Ian fired back with lethal rounds of
more
criticism, claiming that Heath had always scorned everything Ian was and all that he had stood for, that Heath had patterned himself after Skeeter, the ranch foreman, instead of after his own dad. Heath struck back by saying that the reason he’d hero worshiped Skeeter was because the wiry old cowboy had been more of a father to Heath than Ian ever had.

On and on it went, until Meredith wished she had left well enough alone. Toward the end of it, Heath informed his dad that he had returned to the house to tell him only one thing, then angrily bellowed, “I love you! God knows why, but I do!” After that, she heard nothing more.