Forever & Always: The Ever Trilogy (Book 1) (24 page)

I couldn’t quite figure out that interaction, but my feet were carrying me across the road. I found studio seven. The door was locked, but I heard music from inside. I knocked. Everything stopped, my heart, my thoughts, my pulse, everything halted. The music continued, the lock scraped and the handle twisted, the door swung inward.

I was left breathless. “Just a Kiss” by Lady Antebellum played.
 

She was wearing nothing but a white button-down shirt, paint-spattered and smeared, the top three buttons undone, showing her porcelain white skin and a generous hint of cleavage and her long, thick thighs beneath the hem and her hair like ink hanging loose around her face and on her shoulders and her eyes green as sunlit grass and luminous jade.

A paintbrush in her hand, tipped with bright red. Crimson dots on her cheek, emerald smeared on her chin, cyan on her cheek.
 

I don’t wanna mess this thing up…

The song was speaking to me, so perfect, exactly what my mind was shouting, pleading.
 

She stood frozen in the doorway, eyes searching me, unbelieving. “Cade?” The paintbrush clattered to the floor.

“Ever.” It was a whisper in the afternoon sunlight.

Everything inside me, every molecule of my body was on fire as I closed the space between us, instinct and need taking me over and operating me, moving my legs and causing my arms to lift, my hands to close around her cheeks, gently, so tenderly, electric fire blazing from the touch of fingertip to her flesh, and now her eyes were close and so bright and caught up with wonder and her hands were on me, on my back and the nape of my neck and I was kissing her, kissing her, god, I was kissing her.

Something in my soul splintered open. Her lips were heat and moisture and tasted of cranberry. She kissed me back, no hesitation, no doubt, nothing but pure response and awestruck passion.

Nothing had ever felt so cataclysmic, so fraught with atomic power. I couldn’t breathe for the kiss, hadn’t taken a breath in an eternity, and it didn’t matter because now, suddenly, she
was
my breath. I’d never kissed anyone before this. Her fingers tangled in my hair, pulled me closer, deeper. She rose up on her toes and wrapped one arm around my shoulders, and I couldn’t do anything except lift her up, catch her with my arm beneath her thighs and under her ass, and I kissed her, felt dizzy from the way she devoured my breath and my kiss and my need and returned it and hadn’t questioned my presence or this sudden kiss, had only responded in the way I needed so badly.

Somehow we were moving, and I heard the door slam closed and felt her hand return to tangling in my hair and there was a couch beneath my legs and I was tumbling backward, sitting down and sliding to my back, holding on to her, refusing to relinquish a single point of contact, and she was on top of me, above me, all around me, her hair a night-black curtain around our faces; her lips were desperate against mine and her tongue was frantic inside my mouth and she was making these tiny little sighing sounds that made me mad and wild and primal with need.

“Awake My Soul” by Mumford & Sons played, and yes, I was waking up for the first time, my soul expanding and learning to breathe.

She pulled back, just enough to speak, her lips moving against mine, her eyes wet and so close to mine. “Is this real?”
 

“Yes.”

“Are you really here?”

“Yes.”

She whimpered and buried her face against my throat. “Don’t—don’t lie to me. Don’t let it be a dream.”

My hands were on the backs of her thighs, her flesh hot as coals and softer than silk. “Ever…” I didn’t know what to say. I was praying it wasn’t a dream just as fervently as was she. “It’s real. Say my name so I know it’s real.”

“Caden.” She lifted her face to look at me. “Cade.”

Then, “Why are you here?” She threaded her hands in my hair, her thumbs on my temples, her lips, between words, touching featherlight kisses to my lips and the corners of my mouth.

“I couldn’t…I don’t know—I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Take what?”
 

I brushed her hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ears. I’d known the feel of her body for all of my life, it seemed, known the possession of her flesh for as long as I’d drawn breath. “The loneliness. The memories. The need for…for something I’d never had. The need for something to fill the hole inside me.” All of that was the raw, unvarnished truth, but it wasn’t all of the truth. “I’ve always told you everything. Mom died, and I wrote you. Dad died, and I wrote you. And now…and now my only friend died, and I couldn’t take any more of it, couldn’t take it all alone.”

“Who died? How?” She brushed her thumb over my cheekbone, and I shivered from the touch.

“Alex. My roommate. I’ve never had friends. Never made friends. Except you. And he…he OD’d. I found him dead in his room. And I can’t take it anymore, can’t stand to bury him, too. Fuck. I’m…I’m alone. Always alone. And I can’t—I can’t take it anymore.”

“You’re not alone. You’ve always had me. And how did you know I needed you?” She said this in a whisper aching with vulnerable fragility. “I was losing my mind. Doubting everything. Doubting myself. Doubting…life. And then you show up and…and I was too afraid to go to you, afraid you’d—you wouldn’t want me, you didn’t feel—”

“Ssshhh.” I stopped her. “I do. I always have.”

“Then why…why are we just now meeting? Just now doing this?” She shook, her shoulders betraying the tears she hid against my shirt.
 

“I don’t know. God, Ever. I don’t know. Why?” I held her and felt my own eyes sting with tears. “So close, for so long. Why did we never—”

She heard the break in my voice, heard the tears. Lifted her face and let me see hers and pressed her lips to mine and we kissed, our tears mingling. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter now. It doesn’t matter, not anymore. You’re here. I’m here. We’re…we’re here.” She breathed a shuddering sob/sigh and clutched my neck. “Don’t go. Please.
Please
. Don’t ever leave me.”

This was an outpouring between us, an unleashing. It was as if a lifetime of pent-up need and imprisoned love was finally unfurling once-pinioned wings and taking flight, finding freedom in the far blue forever of the sky.
 

“I won’t.”
 

She pinned my eyes with hers. I saw need in her jade gaze. “What is this, with us?”

“I don’t know.” What words could I use? I’d just met her after five years of letters. But I knew her, and I needed her. “It’s…everything. It’s—”

“That’s what I need. I need everything, Cade. I need you…your everything. Your always.” She sounded as if the words were being tugged from her, drawn involuntarily from the depths of her soul. Like she didn’t want to say them, to admit such need, but couldn’t help it.

I knew exactly how she felt.
 

“Is this crazy?” I asked.
 

“Yes. It is.” Her forehead touched mine. Both of us had our eyes shut tight. “But it’s not. We’ve divulged to each other our deepest secrets, the most vulnerable truths. We journaled to each other for five years, holding nothing back. At least, I never held anything back from you, and I don’t think you did, either—”

“Neither did I. We haven’t been writing as much lately, I guess, and when I found Alex, I just couldn’t—”

“I needed more than letters. I didn’t know what to write. Billy…he cheated on me, lied to me, and it fucked me up in my head so bad, I don’t even know how to deal with it. And I dreamed of you, and I can’t get you out of my head. I paint you all the time. Even when I was with Billy, I would paint you when nothing else made any sense, when I couldn’t get another piece to work right, I would paint your face. Again and again, and it always helped, and then I found out about Billy lying to me and cheating on me and I just—I just—I thought about you, about what if there was more, what if I showed up at your house—”

“Why didn’t you?”

Ever rested her head against my shoulder, pillowing her face between my bicep and my pectoral muscle, and my hands were on her waist, one near her hip and the other on the small of her back. So familiar. Like holding her was my whole eternity, like we’d always held each other this way. But we hadn’t, and it was exhilarating. It was
Ever
, actually Ever, and her body was so soft against mine, warm, her weight a perfect pressure, her breasts crushed against me, and I wanted so much, but there was more to say.

“I was afraid.”

“Of what?”

“That you’d…stopped caring about me. That way, I mean. This way. You said you’d had a crush on me, and that it was a literary love, but did that mean more? I didn’t dare ask, because I was with Billy at that point and I—I don’t even know why I didn’t ask, why I didn’t—” She stopped abruptly, curled her fingers into fists in my shirt, raw emotion consuming her. “Why did we waste so much time, Cade?
Why
?”

“I don’t know, Ever.” I ran my hands up her spine and back down, stopping at her waist. “I wish I knew. I wish I’d been with you all this time. I’ve—I’ve never stopped feeling this way about you.”

She lifted up and our eyes met. We were still lying on the couch, her on top of me. Her partially unbuttoned shirt hung free, and I could see she wasn’t wearing a bra, wasn’t wearing anything, was bare beneath the thin scrap of cotton. My body was on fire. “What way? Tell me, Cade. Tell me how you feel. We’ve never shied away from the truth with each other. Let’s not start now.”

“But…we haven’t—we haven’t seen each other since we were fourteen. Fifteen? We’re basically meeting each other for the first time. How can I…put all that out there so soon? How can I even be feeling all this so soon? It’s crazy. It’s…so much. My head is spinning. My heart, all of me is spinning.”

“Me too.” She was completely on top of me, her arms beneath her, propping her upper torso on my chest. Her arms were barred on either side of her breasts, which bulged out of the shirt. I was mesmerized, torn between her hypnotic eyes and her tantalizing breasts. “But…all that time, all those years we’ve known each other. I know you, Caden Monroe. I know who you are. This is right, and I’m not afraid of it. I’m afraid of losing it. That’s all I’m afraid of now. Losing you. So what is this, for you? What am I to you?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I hadn’t said those words in so long. Never to anyone but Mom and Dad.
 

Ever’s eyes speared into me, drilled, dug, devoured. Denied me the ability to lie, to hesitate, to withdraw or to shy away or to do anything but admit it all, bare it all, risk it all.

“This is love, Ever.” The words tumbled out, and I was rocked to my core by the admission. “I love you. Since I met you at Interlochen, I’ve loved you.”

~ ~ ~ ~
 

Ever

The smell of oil paint hung thick in the air. Cade was a muscled hulk of man beneath me, hard, huge, and rugged. My insides were coiled tight, had been since I opened the door to see him standing there, backlit by the late afternoon sun. He was wearing a faded pair of Levis, the kind of worn, faded look that only comes from actually being worn hard, not the expensive, pre-faded look of Billy’s $150 jeans. A tight black T-shirt hugged Cade’s torso, which was thick with cords of muscle. He was work-hardened, life-toughened. His hands on my cheeks were rough and callused, just like in my dream, but so gentle. His eyes, pure amber, were liquid heat, searing me, demanding all I had, all I was, and giving the same back to me.
 

He wanted me.
 

He loved me.
 

He loved me? How? How could he? How could he know that? I’d demanded he tell me how he felt. And how did I feel?
 

“I love you, Cade.” I didn’t tack on the “too.” It wasn’t that I loved him as well; I loved him. I’d always loved him, but for some reason I couldn’t understand I’d ignored that fact for five years.
 

He seemed to shudder as he absorbed what I’d said. “For real?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the raw wonder in his voice, the sheer shock. “Yes. I do.”

“Why?”

“Because our souls belong together. Because…because after everything you’ve been through, everything you’ve endured in your life, you’re still here. You’re strong. You’re…you’re all man. You’re talented, but humble. You know me. You know my secrets. Things I could never tell anyone else. You’ve been there since I was a kid, a girl figuring out who she was, and now I know who I am, and you are part of that. Our letters have been a part of me, a part of my maturing, part of who I am as I’ve grown up. Which means
you’re
a part of all that, part of me. That’s why I love you.” It was so easy to say that phrase somehow. I’d thought it would be hard.

A dusting of black stubble coated his cheeks, offsetting his amber eyes. His skin was tanned from endless hours in the sun, and his gaze on me was unwavering. I could dive into his eyes and stay submerged there, drown in his expression.
 

His mouth worked, as if he was trying to speak but simply couldn’t find the words. All I could see, though, was the way his mouth moved, the way his lips were slightly chapped and swollen from kissing me, the way his five o’clock shadow shifted with the movement of his facial muscles. He had high cheekbones and thick, full eyelashes, fluttering dark against his skin. I wanted to kiss him there, kiss the tender place just beneath his eyes.
 

I could, couldn’t I? I didn’t have to wonder, to dream, to imagine. I let my face descend and my lips touch his eyebrows, the ridge at the corner of his eyes, delighting in the sharp intake of breath he made as my mouth caressed his skin, the way his hands tightened on my waist.
 

He’d been so careful to keep his hands on my back, on my waist, and his eyes on mine, constantly tearing his gaze away from my tits and my flesh. I wanted more. I wanted it all. I
needed
it all. All of him. I needed to unwrap myself and let him delve into me, I needed to fly free into the high heaven of his body, his touch, his caress and his love.