Forever and a Day (40 page)

Xander’s heart dropped as he listened to Halo’s labored breathing while she slept. He could hear crackling and wheezing in both her lungs. She felt hot to the touch and the hot sun out in the open sea did nothing to help her fever.

He removed the dishcloth from her head and it felt hot. He quickly dipped it in the sea, wrung it out and placed back on her forehead. With his belly in knots, he searched through his carry on and pulled out the satellite phone. Taking it out from the plastic bag, he said a silent prayer as his finger hovered over the power button.

He held his breath as he depressed it, holding it down for a count of three he then released it. He waited, but nothing appeared on the fogged over screen. He brought the phone up to his ear and no sound was to be heard as he pushed the all the buttons, the phone was dead. He tried depressing the power button again, pushing down harder. The phone was still dead. He began rummaging through all their bags for the phone’s charging cable. His search came up with nothing. With a frightened glance at Halo’s restless sleep, he swallowed hard as he placed the phone back into the plastic bag. He shook his head sadly and began devising a way to make a sail.

She felt even weaker today; whenever she looked at him, he wore such a worried look on his face for her. The only good thing was she was not throwing up anymore, but she was feverish and the warm weather made it so uncomfortable. She watched through heavy lidded eyes as he held the sail’s lines his strong hands. She so loved watching him, his movements were so sure and strong, but then he was so gentle when he cared for her. She threw care aside and truly wished he was hers. He looked back to her and smiled, her heart felt warm and happy whenever he did. She had to ask him, before she became any weaker…

Xander tied off the sail lines and came over, “Hey there beautiful. Can I get you some water?”

She gave her head a little shake, “Xan- Xander…” She whispered weakly to him, “Where do I know you from? Please…” She moved her hand towards him and rested it on his thigh.

“Halo… I’m right here with you. You know me from the plane and the audition. Hey! When you get better, we can sit down and talk this out. Maybe I was somewhere where you were. So you better hang in there, ok?”

She nodded at him and he changed out the damp cloth on her forehead, “I’ll try…” She mumbled as he leaned over and listened to her chest again. He came back up and his lips were so close to hers again, all she wanted to do was pull him to her own lips, but for one, she was too weak and the other… there it was again: he was not hers to have.

“Halo?” He asked quietly, “If we were on land I could try something I learned from Yiayia. Evie had pneumonia…”

“Who is Evie?” Halo asked in a whisper.

“Oh! Uh, Evie is my wife’s name.” He replied, curious as to why he had not yet told Halo, his wife’s name.

“It’s a pretty name.” She replied and moved her hand off his thigh.

“Anyway, there is an ancient method for this. It seemed to help Evie… the reason why I’m asking is that if we get somewhere and you are out of it… I uh, have to take your shirt off… I’m sorry?”

“Silly… of course, you can do anything… I owe you my life Mr. Handsome man…” She replied in short breaths.

Xander felt his eyes sting, “Halo… if it wasn’t for you... I owe you everything.” He choked up and gathered himself, “Don’t worry I only need to remove your shirt. Ok?”

She nodded, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Later in the day, as the sun was beginning to set on the calm sea, he woke her up, “Halo?” He called out to her and her eyes slowly opened. “Do you think you can cough for me? I want to pat on your back and loosen up the gunk. You think you can do that?”

She gave him a single nod. He scooped her up slowly and held her to his chest, “I’m going to pat firmly, and if it hurts you let me know.” She nodded again. He began patting her back from above her mid back to her shoulders. He did this several times and suddenly she began coughing. He quickly held out the bowl for her and she got up a mouthful of phlegm. She did her best to spit it out; he caught it up and looked at it. This time there was blood mixed in the ugly gray gunk.

“Can you do more?” He asked, trying to hide his alarm.

Her head flopped as she tried to shake it no. He held her tight against him, his heart felt like it was breaking into pieces once again, “Halo, baby. Please hold on for me!” He looked down to her and saw her eyes were glassy and heavy lidded and looking up at him.

“I’ll… try. Xan… where do I… know you?” She whispered faintly to him.

“Soon, Halo. Soon. Please stay with me, I’m going to sail all night. There has to be something or someone out there! Please Halo!” His throat seized up and he was afraid he would burst into sobs if he continued to speak. He held her tightly and rocked her. He heard her whisper to him.

“Xan…der, please. If I don’t make it…” she gasped for air, “please don’t… dump me in the water… please?” She begged at him.

“Halo, you are going to pull through. I would never do that! So don’t worry. I so wish I could trade places with you! You don’t deserve this!” He could not help the sob that escaped, and he worked hard to choke the rest back in silence.

In an even weaker voice, she fought to continue, “You… make me feel so good… no one, like this… I—I have to tell you… something.” With all her strength, she slowly inched her hand up and touched his face.

Xander felt the hot tears roll down his face, he desperately tried to wipe them away but they were coming too fast for one hand, “Halo, tell me tomorrow. Ok? Promise me, please?” He begged her with sobs choking his pained throat.

“Ok…” She whispered and closed her eyes. She felt him kiss her forehead; it was so warm and soft. She even felt a little tingle; she was wishing it were on her lips as she fell into a deep sleep.

Xander gently laid her down on the rafts webbing. With tears burning his eyes and clouding his vision, he took up the sail’s lines and with a deathly determination, he set out to find somewhere or somebody. He decided he would not sleep or stop until then, even if it killed him.

Halo woke up to Xander yelling something. It hurt so bad to take in even a small breath. She tried to concentrate on his words, but his words did not make any sense. She managed to crack open her eyes and saw him looking at her and pointing, he had the lines in his hands. She closed her eyes and welcomed the sleep as her chest felt like an elephant was using it as its personal dance floor.

It seemed like days later, but he was picking her up. She managed to open an eye and saw fear on his face then suddenly he gasped out in pain. She wanted to ask why but he kept carrying her somewhere. She heard another gasp of pain from him and opened her eye again. She saw tears coming down his face, she felt like crying as it hurt her to seem him like that. She realized that they were no longer on the raft. She looked up and saw palm trees gently swaying in the wind. They looked so green and beautiful against the sunny, deep blue sky… she smiled as darkness came up to greet her.

She heard him shout at her, what was he saying? She smelled smoke, his words came slowly drifting into her conscious, “Halo! PLEASE! Stay with me! Don’t go back to sleep! PLEASE!” He was yelling at her with such pain in his voice.

She tried to nod, not sure if she did or not. She wanted to tell him what her heart felt, and she wanted, no—needed to know where she knew him from. She tried to take a breath to speak, pain shot through her chest and down her arms. She wanted to cry out, but there was no more room for air in her lungs, she felt as if she were drowning as the elephant on her chest began to sit down hard and fast.

With tiny fast breaths she doubted the sound of her voice would come, she forced her eyes open and saw him hunched over her, his pretty green eyes were bloodshot with deep dark bags under them, she saw his tears flowing down his face. Her heart begged her to tell him how she felt about him, but he was not hers to tell such things, “Wish we had more time. Never felt like… when I’m with you. I’m so sorry.” She managed in a barely audible whisper.

She felt him pull him to her and he began sobbing, she felt his tears wash down over her face. One found its way to her lips and she tasted its saltiness. She began hearing his words as if it was coming from further and further away: “Oh my God! Halo! Please don’t leave me! Oh God no! TAKE ME!” he cried in anguish.

The words repeated over and over and with every syllable they sounded farther and farther away. She noticed the blue sky had suddenly turned gray and then darkness settled in around her. Evening so soon? She questioned. She could sense him near but could barely hear him now. He was so sad but the pain in her chest and arms were fading. Suddenly she felt like she was floating… oh God, it felt so good… the pain that was wracking her body for days faded away into the dark.

She realized with a singular curiosity that maybe she was dying. Was this it? There was no bright light. What would her mother say? Was there no bright light because she was a bad person? Just then wonderful rush roared through every molecule in her being, it felt like light, warmth and love. Then from somewhere within her, she knew that all her loved ones would be fine.

She heard a commotion from far, far away. It was children laughing jubilantly in that far, far away distance.

Oh my! They sound like they are having so much fun, she thought. She wanted to be there with the joy and love she heard in their happy voices. Suddenly, in the inky black of nothingness she saw from in her mind’s eye, a remarkable sight. Far in the distance, it looked like there was a vast mountain range made of pure gold and was lit beautifully by a midday sun, and that is where the children were. She wanted to go to there with everything that was left of her, but there was something nagging at her, pestering her with its persistence, like an unreachable itch… she was forgetting something. She pushed it away, and let the joy of the children playing fill her as she let herself drift towards the children…

Xander felt her body sag against his chest and cried out in a panic, “NO! NO! NO!” He moved her so he could see her. Her eyes were open and staring at nothing. He quickly set her down and felt for a pulse… he found nothing. He began doing decompressions on her chest, all the while screaming at her, “HALO! PLEASE! STAY WITH ME! Oh, please God no…”

His heart lurched in his chest. It felt like a thousand daggers pierced his heart, each beat cutting off bleeding painful chunks. He stopped the decompressions and felt at her soft pale neck for a pulse… he waited and counted and waited longer. Nothing…

His tears blurred his vision as he watched the beautiful deep blue of her eyes slowly fade into a flat pale blue. Her full soft pink lips, that in his dreams he kissed so tenderly, were paling and without life. It reminded him of his father’s as he died. This beautiful young woman whom he barely knew, who for some unknown reason he felt something incredible, far more than any other, was gone from his life forever.

With white knuckled clenched fists, he arched back in agony, his face exposed to the blue sky above. He let out a cry of torment and agony from deep within his heart. The birds in the nearby trees took flight in fear as his anguished cry reverberated across the small green island.

He gasped for air and held his belly, as more gut wrenching sobs flew forth from his soul and out into the warm sunny sky. The pain and loss he felt was worse than anything he ever experienced, even the horrible day when he first saw Halo on the film set. He had thought that day was the worst day of his life… how so very wrong he was.

He curled into a ball on the warm sand and let the guttural sobs have their leave. He castigated himself for not telling her the truth. He blamed himself for her death, he should had knocked Joel Miller the fuck out and made sure Halo went in the raft first. Why did he let her wait for him? So stupid… it was all his fault. Her death… everyone else’s. They were his responsibility. He was the one to blame. It was on his head. His thoughts jumped to his family, Athena and Evie surely think he is already dead and gone.

With sand glued to the tear tracks of his face, he dragged himself over to her and took one last look at her as new tears washed the sand away from his cheeks. With shaking sobs, he wiped the soft sand from his hands, gently closed her beautiful eyes and set her hands together on her belly, “Soon Halo, soon.” He whispered into her ear.

He could not endure the pain he felt looking at her any longer and let himself curl upon the sand at her side. He lay on the sand for several moments and with a trembling hand, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his black pocketknife. In one motion, he had it open. He stared at the black blade for a moment then angrily plunged it down into the sand.

He had, had enough… he could not bear the guilt of letting her and everyone else die, any longer. He knew what to do. He pulled the knife out from the sand and readied it for a plunging strike into his wrist.

A bird squawked loudly above him in the palm tree, he paused with the black knife blade at the ready. The thought of birds pecking at Halo gave him a moment’s pause. With a sudden lunge, he plunged the blade downward.

Halo neared the sounds of the playing children and suddenly heard a gut wrenching cry from so far, far away, why was there sobbing with all the happy voices? Once again, the nagging was begging at her. Part of her wanted to turn to the sobs, but the bright golden and gorgeous panorama ahead of her, as well as the joyous sound of the children was pulling at her, beckoning her closer.

Then the crying came, it was louder and it began to hurt her heart. She had to see, just a quick look back. With everything she had, she turned and looked from where the sound of pain came from.

At first, there was nothing but an inky black void then she saw it, a billion miles away: a pair of green eyes looking into hers from that great distance. It was Xander! What was he saying? Oh no, no, no, no! She sought to yell at him, to tell him no, it was not his time. She had to go back! She had to get to him before… then a thought came to her: she knew in her soul that if she turned back there would be pain and agony waiting. Knowing she could not let him do it, she turned away from the sound of the children and with everything in her heart and soul, she willed herself towards him.

Her eyes flew open and took in the deep blue sky above her, her chest felt like it had erupted and was on fire, once again so difficult to breathe. She found some strength in her weary body and using it, she turned her head slightly and saw Xander’s back to her. She looked down and saw red, dark clumps of congealed blood lay between herself and him. With a panic, she tried to sit up but her body decided there was going to be none of that. She tried to call out to him but only managed to mouth his name. She felt paralyzed, like waking too early from a dream. She recalled it happening to her frequently as a teen. She remembered how she would concentrate on moving just a finger to get herself un-paralyzed and moving again. Her hand fell to her side and now was only inches away from his back. If only… she began trying to move her finger, it was exhausting but she managed to will a wiggle from it…

Xander’s shaking hand left his blade buried in the sand. He directed his thoughts to think of a way of burying them both, but those thoughts added yet another dagger in his heart to the thousand that were already there.

He would not leave her out here in the open, but he could not face up to the grim task yet. His body was weary and spent from sailing two days and a night straight then he had to carry her up from the raft. He knew he had to rest to regain the last bit of energy he would ever need to be able dig their graves. His tears continued to fall onto the sand as sleep came knocking.

He was drifting off when he felt a crab or an insect at his back. Fine, take a bite… have dinner on me, he thought. Ignoring the offender, he tried to find rest then he felt it again, “Shit” he muttered. He reached back and swatted the critter away. A realization hit him like a boxer’s left hook to the jaw. That was no damned bug!

He jumped up and spun around, looked down and saw Halo’s hand where his back just was. He kneeled there in shock looking at it, “What?” He cried out, and tore his gaze from her pale white hand to her face, “OH MY GOD!” He screamed and peered desperately at her face and was met by her deep blue eyes looking back at his.