Forever in Blue Jeans (6 page)

He wanted to say no. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs that no he really didn't want to know at all. "Yes." The word slipped from his lips without his permission. "Do you sleep with him?" he asked again.

"Why do you care, Cort? Why does it matter? Do you want to sleep with me?"

His dick said yes. His head said yes. His gut said yes. He couldn't let his mouth say it too.

"Too damn much. Now answer the question," he ground out.

"Wow. I think I'm happy about that."

"I don't know why you would be. There's nothing to be happy about. It doesn't make you any more special that I want to fuck you than it makes any other woman."

And she laughed. She laughed at him. "Not special? Really? Because from where I'm standing, I'm the only woman you are wanting to fuck at the moment. What I don't understand is why you're being so mean about it. I know I did you wrong back in Savannah. I know I ran out like a coward, and you do have every right to be pissed about that. I don't know about still being pissed five years later, but I guess seeing me after all that time brought it back. I am sorry, Cort."

She was sincere, at least she sounded sincere in her apology. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her why she left him sleeping, but he didn't know for sure that he wanted the answer. And he couldn't think straight, not when she was crowding him. She took one, two, then more steps forward until she was once again plastered against his body.

He took a deep breath and raked a hand through his hair. He focused on a spot above her head, somewhere in the dark, somewhere that was anywhere but him looking at her. "I don't know, Blue. I don't know why I'm being so mean, not in the house and not out here. I can't seem to stop the words.

"I wasn't expecting you to be the friend Rosie asked me to see. I was expecting a stranger. I could have handled that. I could have even handled you being some other lover, but you're not.

You're you, and I don't know how to handle it." And he didn't. He felt lost, unsure, uncertain, scared, off balance. In love with her.

The truth of that statement was like a punch to the nuts, and it nearly doubled him over. He'd fallen in love with her the moment she looked up at him and smiled at the bar. He'd gotten that same stolen breath feeling when he saw her earlier in the day standing on her porch. He knew love existed. He grew up around it, had experienced it in college, but to feel it in an instant and with the same woman, twice... His heart was about as fucked as fucked could be.

"I wasn't expecting you either. I'm sorry we've both been caught off guard by the sudden appearance of the other. I know seeing the tattoo nudes shocked you, and I should have warned you, should have said something instead of springing them on you." She touched him, her hand to his chest, right above his heart. He could swear the damn thing kicked into an even higher gear than it had been just seconds ago. "I didn't intend to take the man that showed up to my private domain. I would never do that with a stranger, but you're not a stranger. I might not have seen you for five years, but you're not a stranger, Cort. My body knows it, my head knows, my heart knows it. I wanted a reaction out of you, something other than the distance and business-like attitude. I wanted to know if you still felt it too. Seeing how you reacted to the pictures told me all I needed to know."

"Yes, I still felt it. Beyond that, though, I don't know." And he didn't. He didn't know anything other than how much he wanted her under him, on top of him, in every room of the big house, in the middle of all the erotic images in her living room.

"Well, I'll tell you what. I'm not going anywhere, so when you figure it out--" she stood up on her toes and kissed him once, softly on the lips "--you let me know."

She'd whispered the last against his mouth before dropping back on her heels. Her hands slid up his chest, then down before she slipped away from him.

He watched her disappear the way they'd come, and he wanted to go after her.

He wanted to stay right where he was for the rest of the night too. He didn't want to sit across from her at dinner and watch her and her
friend
touch and kiss and whisper to each other.

But then again, he didn't want to be left out in the woods either. "Shit."

"What's going on with you and Neil?" Blue sliced her rum cake into seven even pieces and arranged them on the platter Rosie handed her.

"Nothing," Rosie answered a little too quickly. She cleared her throat. "Why would you think anything was going on?"

Blue slanted the other woman, totally not buying the innocent tone. "He just happens to show up at my house on the day a new electrician shows up? He just happens to show up on the day you're having a cookout?"

"Well, we always invite him."

"Uh-huh.
I
always invite him." She turned to Rosie. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I'm up to nothing."

"You are the biggest and worst liar. What about Cort? What are you up to with him?"

"Nothing there either. I don't know where you'd get the idea that anything at all is up with him. He's Decker's friend."

"He's single too. Were you thinking if he didn't go for me that maybe his tastes would run toward Neil's side of the teeter-totter?"

"Of course not."

"So, Cort was Decker's idea?"

"Yes." Rosie leaned over. "He seems a little more, I don't know, uptight, than the normal men you date. Decker seemed to think you might be good for him, though."

"You're really going to pin this one on your boyfriend? Rosie, I'm shocked. You don't normally pass the buck like this. Besides," she added while spooning some fresh berries--

strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries--into a small serving bowl, "I don't think Cort sees that I'd be good for him."

"Why? What do you know?"

He was Blue's own private memory, her deep, dark fantasy, her secret, and thanks to the hands of fate, he was here, in the flesh, and she couldn't keep him all to herself anymore. "I know him."

Rosie leaned away and studied Blue enough that it made her squirm under the scrutiny.

Then Rosie leaned in close again. "Know him? How?"

"Biblically. From that trip I took to Savannah a few years ago."

"Oh my God. Does he remember you?"

"Yes. So, with that knowledge, whatever it is that you and Neil have tried to cook up, you need to put a stop to right now."

"You can't expect me to... I mean, we weren't... Oh hell, Blue, how can you tell me something like that and just expect me to drop it? I know everything about you. At least I thought I did, but apparently I was wrong." Rosie raised both brows and her mouth formed a little 'O'. "Did you…?"

"Please. Drop. It."

"I will not," Rosie whispered hotly. "I want to know. I want to know everything." She sighed moments later. "After V died, you went on this...I don't know what you call it. You don't talk about it much. I guess you were trying to discover yourself. That's what you said. You brought Neil back with you too. You were even more wild and untamed than when we were in college and getting weekly spankings at the club. I always envied you those months you were gone, that freedom."

"You did some of it too, long before I did. You just went on culinary tours. That's always been your first love. The naughty spanking didn't get to you until college."

"I did and I have loved my life. I have food, the diner, Decker, but you...you've always been able to go after what you want, no matter what, full steam ahead, never afraid."

"You have too in your own way. And look, you've got the man of your dreams, complete with a variety of leather goods."

"I know, and I regret nothing. You're just... You're still my best friend after all these years."

"Good. And you're mine. We've taken a few different paths to get where we are. Your present life was thrust upon you by your parents. Mine was given to me in a variety of ways since V died. No regrets on this end either."

"Blue? Does he feel anything for you? Did he then? Did you?"

"Yes. We need to drop it, though, Rosie. Please. You and Neil need to stop plotting and planning. I love you and I appreciate what you're trying to do, but Cort and I…" Blue shook her head, unsure what to say or how to explain the situation. "I want what you have. I do. I want a home and I want a man. I don't need one, but I want one and on top of that I want to need him.

See, it doesn't make sense."

"Oh B, it makes perfect sense and I understand completely. We were just trying to help, trying to make a match with two people who were so different that they could possibly be perfect for each other."

"I know, but you've got to stop. You can't push Cort and I together." When her friend didn't agree right away, Blue pinched off the edge of one piece of cake and offered it up. "Promise me, and you can have cake." Rosie made a small pout with her full lips, and Blue grinned. "C'mon, you know you want a taste."

"Oh do we have a little girl-on-girl action going on? Do I need to call the other guys in? Do we need to pull up chairs to watch?"

Blue looked over Rosie's shoulder to Decker as he walked toward them with a pan of hot off the grill hamburgers and chicken. Her belly started grumbling as the aroma filled the kitchen.

"Not this time. You'll just have to use your imagination. Besides, I think I'm the only of us here who has swung both ways before."

His eyes grew about as big as the plate he was holding, and it took everything Blue had in her not to laugh.

"Damn." Disappointment made him frown. "I thought for sure we'd have some entertainment along with dinner."

"Keep dreaming."

"What the hell's going on in here? I'm starving."

Buck wandered in rubbing his hand across his very tight abs that even his T-shirt couldn't conceal. Cort wasn't too far behind, followed by Caroline and Neil, who were laughing. Blue wanted to ask what was so funny, but the look Cort gave her over the heads of his friends stopped the words on her tongue. She stared back at him for as long as it took to convince herself not to run and jump him. Everything going on around them meant nothing'. It was just him and the distance between them.

When she thought she had a solid hold on her urges, she cleared her throat and turned back to the counter. She could do this. She could make it through the night. Men didn't fluster her, didn't intimidate her. They didn't make her want to crawl on her hands and knees to their feet and wait for whatever pleasure they wanted to take from her.

Men didn't hold that kind of power over her. At the same time, she didn't hold that kind of power over them either. Rosie was a submissive. Seemed Caroline was too. But Blue, nope, not a chance. Blue was a bit kinky, and a whole lot sexual. Submissive though, was never a word anyone had ever associated with her.

And the trembling in her hands as all those thoughts flew through her brain, well, that was because she was hungry and her blood sugar was dropping. No would could prove different.

"You okay, B?"

Neil's voice was comfortable and safe, as was his presence, and she leaned back into his chest as he stood behind her. His arms wrapped around her, and she took a couple of deep breaths. "Yeah."

"I don't believe you," he whispered with his lips buried in her hair.

"I know, but we can both pretend you do, right?"

"Want him bad, huh?"

"So much it doesn't make a lick of sense."

"He's just different from me and the other guys you've played with. We're your friends. We don't threaten who you are or the life you've chosen."

"I don't think he does either.'' She stepped out of Neil's embrace and with steadier than she thought possible hands, she picked up the plate with the cake slices and another six-pack of beer for the ice bucket outside. She turned to face the room of gathered friends, new and old. "Let's eat," she said a little too brightly, lifting the contents she held.

Buck grinned in her direction, seemingly unaware of the tension in the room and held open the door for her walk out on the deck. "Amen," he said, following her out.

"Hey. There's only seven pieces of cake here," Neil said from behind her as she snagged herself one of the Adirondack rockers against the railing. She tossed her denim jacket in to the seat.

"There are only seven of us," she replied.

If she sat here, on her own... Yeah this was a much better choice. There would be enough space at the table for everyone to be comfortable and not crowded and she wouldn't be tempted to sit next to Cort. She wanted to, but this was better for both of them. It had been a stressful day, them being thrust back together without warning and she'd told him to take some time and figure out how he wanted to handle things. She might want him just as much today as she did back in that Savannah bar--maybe even more--but she wasn't going to force this. If something was going to happen, he would to have to let her know.

She nodded to herself, her resolve strong and intact. She would sit here, have dinner, and not have to sit thigh to thigh with him, smelling his clean scent, listening to him breathe, not so accidently touching his hand as she reached for something she didn't really want just to have an excuse to feel his skin. No, it was definitely the best thing for both of them if she separated herself.

"But there's usually eight pieces." Neil pouted, still on the cake issue.

"Someone can have mine. Blue already tried to kill me with a piece earlier."

"Wine?" Rosie asked, holding up a bottle and glass in front of Blue's face while Blue glared with narrowed eyes in Cort's direction.