Authors: Calvin Wade
“
You
’
ll need to pick them up though lads, there
’
s six grand in one
of those bags and a gift for each of you in the other!
”
“
Yeh right and I suppose Kylie
’
s keeping your bed warm, Charlie!
”
“
Have a look if you don
’
t believe me!
”
I opened the limo door, climbed inside and one of the two henchmen
slammed it behind me. As expected, Kiffer was sat there, he was on a
mobile phone organising a purchase of shares with his stockbroker, but
was just rounding up as I sat down.
“
Good morning, Charlie! Are you well?
”
Kiffer asked jovially as
though we were two friends out for a trip together.
“
Never better thanks, Simon! And I mean that, never better!
”
I
replied, ensuring he was fully aware that I was no longer intimidated. He had his thugs in his corner, I had God in mine.
“
Good,
”
Kiffer managed a half smile,
“
that either means that you
have my money or you have perfected your poker face. For everyone
’
s
sake, Charlie, I hope you have my money.
”
“
Poker was never my game, Simon
!
”
“
So where is it?
”
Kiffer asked politely. I was already aware he could
move easily from good thug to bad thug.
“
The money? It
’
s in a plastic bag outside. Kevin and Bobby made
me drop it on the path. I suppose in your game, you worry about what
people might be carrying, but you
’
ve nothing to fear from me. I even
brought each of you a present!
”
Kiffer
’
s smile became a full one. The whole scene was being played
out like something out of a gangster movie where everyone is perfectly
amiable, then someone takes out a handkerchief and a gun with a
silencer and blows brains out, even wearing God
’
s armour, this was
still a concern.
“
Did you hear that, Marcus?
”
Kiffer was saying to his driver,
“
Charlie here has gone and bought us all presents, isn
’
t that nice?
”
“
Lovely!
”
Marcus commented from the front. He turned and gave
us a golden toothed smile.
“
It is, isn
’
t it?
”
Kiffer said.
“
Like an apple each for the teachers!
”
The
passenger door opened again.
Muscles stood there open
mouthed.
“
You
’
re not going to fuckin
’
believe this, boss! He
’
s only gone and
brought the fuckin
’
money!
”
Kiffer was emotionless.
“
All of it?
”
he enquired.
“
We don
’
t know yet boss, but there
’
s shitloads in there!
”
Muscles shut the door again and returned to counting the money.
“
It
’
s all there.
”
I told Kiffer.
“
I
’
m sure it is, Charlie, haven
’
t I always said you are a man I can
trust?
”
“
I don
’
t remember you saying it yesterday!
”
“
Nice guys don
’
t play in our playground, Charlie.
”
There was a brief silence. A calm one rather than one where I felt
increasingly threatened. Kiffer broke it.
“
Go on
…
tell me where you got it from!
”
“
Simon, it doesn
’
t matter where I
’
ve been, all that matters now is
where I
’
m going and where I
’
m going, I won
’
t be seeing you. I think
it
’
s time I started playing in that other playground, the one where the
nice guys play.
”
“
People like you and I, Charlie, we don
’
t belong with the nice guys.
We
live for the rush. Nice is boring.
”
“
Nice guys aren
’
t often found face down in a ditch though, Kiffer or
in a brown sack in the Mersey. In this seedy life I
’
ve led, I was always
going to cross paths with you eventual
ly. Our lives were like a Venn
diagram, as long as I kept drinking and gambling, there was always
going to be that intersection. From today though, my life changes.
Changes for the better. Gambling, drinking and loan sharks have no further part to play in my life. I
’
m moving on.
”
“
You
’
ll be back, Charlie. You
’
ll miss the buzz. We
’
re born gamblers,
Charlie. We
’
re chancers. You
’
ll be back!
”
“
Maybe not. Maybe one day you
’
ll come looking for me, not to
threaten me or do me over, I mean if you want to change direction in life too.
”
On cue, the limo door opened once more. This time it was
“
The
Smirking Giant
”
who stuck his enormous frame inside. He was smirking
too, from one side of his face to the other.
“
Here you are boss! A present from Charlie! He
’
s bought us all one!
”
The Smirking Giant threw a Bible into Kiffer
’
s lap.
“
A fucking Bible, Charlie! What am I going to do with a fucking
Bible? Smash people over the head with it!
”
“
Or even read it,
”
I answered.
“
Me and God are on different sides, Charlie! He hates what I do,
but the devil, he admires it. When I die, Lucifer will pat me on the back
and welcome me home!
”
“
Just keep it,
”
I said,
“
you never know, one day you may turn to it,
you may feel like you need it!
”
“
I doubt it Charlie!
”
“
Well, keep it anyway. Just in case.
”
Muscles pushed his head through next to his colleagues,
“
He
’
s good for the whole six grand, boss!
”
“
Good.
”
“
Am I free to go?
”
“
You
’
ve always been free to go, Charlie!
”
Kiffer said,
“
this is a limo,
it isn
’
t the fucking Hotel California!
”
“
I
’
ll leave you guys to it then!
”
I made my way towards the open door.
“
Look after yourself, Charlie! There
’
s something about you that
I fuckin
’
like! Balls of steel! There
’
s not many of us left with balls of
steel!
”
I stepped out the limo, the hoodlums climbed back in and our lives
moved on in different directions.
I felt dirty after that confrontation, so I undressed myself in the
bathroom and ran the shower. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was a
fat, ugly middle aged man. I hated everything I had allowed myself to
become but as I said, sometimes you have to reach a dead end before
you realise you are going the wrong way.
Kelly was so excited, she was almost wetting her pants. This
annoyed me. I lived a double life around Kelly. To her face, I was, what
is technically deemed a good mate, I was upfront about finding her
attractive but she did not know the true depth of my feelings. I idolised
her. This was why it was so hard watching her pace around excitedly
in a field in the middle of rural Lancashire, in nervous anticipation of the arrival of another man. A man that I knew only too well that she
wanted to be romatically linked with.
“
Kelly, will you stop bloody fidgeting! This bloke has not turned up
in previous years, so don
’
t you be getting all soggy knickered about him
showing up today!
”
“
Why shouldn
’
t I be excited, Roddy? I have a good feeling in my
bones about today!
”
I remember immediately thinking about how I
’
d have liked to have given Kelly a good feeling in her pubic bone. I understood how Dexy
’
s
Midnight Runners felt about Eileen.
“
Well, I hope for your sake he turns up!
”
“
But from a purely selfish perspective, you
’
d rather he didn
’
t?
”
“
We
’
ve been over this, Kelly, I
’
m not being selfish, I just think you
can do so much better than chase after a man who no longer seems to
care. That
’
s all.
”
Kelly came over to me and gave me a hug. She was very tactile with
me, which messed up my mind even more, to be honest, but equally I
craved that intimacy. Class clowns can have a deeper side and enjoy a
good cuddle!
“
Roddy, you are only being protective because you don
’
t know
Richie. I spent my teenage years growing up with him and I can
’
t recall
a moment that he was anything other than lovely.
”
There is nothing more soul destroying than a platonic friendship
with a Goddess. I looked at my watch.
“
Lovely or not, he
’
s late.
”
“
Why, what time is it?
”
“
Five past twelve. How long, in addition to the four years you
’
ve
already given him, are you going to wait?
”
“
Look around you, Roddy! This scenery is stunning and the weather is wonderful, why do we need to rush off? We can stay here as long as
we want!
”
We both knew this was a lame excuse for staying.
“
We can, but that would make you a sad and desperate woman.
This is meant to be last chance saloon, Kelly, let
’
s not start giving him
extra lives. You said you
’
d only give him until ten past twelve. Maintain
your dignity.
”