Forever Red (5 page)

I yawned again, covering my mouth with both hands. Mr. Matthews was in rare form today, talking nonstop about… hell, I couldn’t even begin to tell you what. By the glazed looks on my friends’ faces, they didn’t know, either. At this point, stabbing myself in the hand with my pencil just so I could escape to the nurse’s office seemed like a great idea. Fuck me.

I was examining the end of my pencil to see if it was sharp enough to cut through skin when the note landed on my desk. I didn’t have to look around to know who sent it flying my way. If it had been from one of the girls, it wouldn’t have been folded into a little triangle football. Trying my best not to smile, I moved my hands under the desk and soundlessly opened it. Neil’s too-neat-for-a-boy handwriting proved it was from him.

You’re right, it is just a stupid dance. But if I have to go, you should have to go too. So, just to be clear Red, this is me asking you to go to homecoming with me.

I folded it in half, and then half again. We’d been having this discussion for almost a week. Homecoming festivities started this coming Monday and ended next Saturday night with the school-wide semi-formal. I didn’t go to school dances. Not my thing at all. I would, however, go to the game for the first time ever, just to support my friend. I might even participate in the silly spirit days and go to the bonfire. But that was where I’d drawn the line.

Originally, Neil and I agreed to blow off the dance and go straight to the city after the game. But then Mr. Matthews told all of the football players that their presence at the dance was mandatory and that they should bring a date. Ever since then, Neil had made it quite clear that he wanted me to go with him. I had laughed it off. This was the first time he’d asked me to go with him, though.

When I looked up, he was watching me intently. I shook my head. His eyes narrowed for a second, and then he glowered at me. Not backing down, I glared right back. He knew damn well he couldn’t intimidate me. Just like he knew there were a hundred girls in this school that would happily say yes if he asked them. I couldn’t figure out why he was still harassing me when he could be finding one of them.

I glanced to the right, checking to see if Jules had seen the silent conversation. She was giving me her angry eyes, so it was pretty safe to say she had. Instantly, I felt guilty. Jules was one of those hundred girls that would say yes in a heartbeat, and I actually wouldn’t mind if she and Neil dated. Okay, that’s a lie. I would mind. But, I’d rather have her win The Game this year instead of Missy. At least Jules wouldn’t share every gory detail of their intimacy.

Competition between the two of them was heating up. It was pretty clear to all three of us that I was out. Neil and I were friends. Good friends. He took up the majority of my free time, and since I’d rather be with him instead of spending time with Jules and Missy, it was safe to say he was my best friend. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Crazy, considering I’d only known him for a little more than a month. And because we were just friends, I wasn’t a threat. But they both still got irritated by my relationship with him.

Since we were so close, I had the inside scoop on his opinions of the other girls at our school. And it wasn’t favorable. He wasn’t interested in the fake girls, like Allyson, because he could see them for what they were. Girls like Missy were too forward for him; he was old school and wanted to be the one that came on to the girl, not the other way around. Jules, though, would be perfect for him; she was sweet, cute, and smart. If I could get him to pay attention to her for five minutes, he would see that.

When the bell finally rang, I couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. Mr. Matthews stopped me, though. When Neil held back, waiting for me, Mr. M. sent him on his way. Tossing a concerned look over his shoulder, he followed the rest of the class out.

“You and Neil weren’t paying much attention today.” Perching on the edge of his desk, he looked at me sternly.

I shook my head, ready to argue and defend Neil. I didn’t want him to have to do extra drills or something stupid because of me. “I don’t know…”

He held up another note, one that I hadn’t seen Neil try to send my way, raising an eyebrow. “Should I open it?” he asked and I swallowed nervously, knowing it could say just about anything because with Neil, one never knew what to expect. Mr. M. handed it to me instead. “We have an important game tonight, Lia. I need him focused. Not distracted.”

The way he said it made me feel cheap. “I’m not a distraction.”

He crossed his arms, eyes moving over my body. “I disagree.” His voice was huskier than it had been a few seconds before and I felt my embarrassment climbing to my face. “It wasn’t that long ago that you told me you didn’t need the help you originally asked for, now you’re barely staying awake in my class and passing notes. You can do better than that.” A few students from the next period came into the room, and he made eye contact once more. But he lowered his voice and said, “Go. If you’re late to math, she’ll be pissed.”

Neil was leaning against the door and grabbed my elbow as I rushed out. “Everything okay?”

The way his eyes searched mine made it feel like he was asking so much more than that. I never kept anything from him as long as he asked me outright, just like he told me the truth when I asked. That was our deal. There were still so many things about me that he didn’t know, simply because he didn’t ask and I didn’t offer. Yet, there were times that I felt like Neil knew more than I’d ever clarified.

I nodded, pulling away. “Yeah. We gotta hurry!”

We made it to algebra class just as the bell rang and I was thankful that we sat far enough away so he couldn’t pass another note. As soon as we sat at lunch, though, he asked about the dance again. “Why won’t you come with me?”

I shook my head, annoyed. “Because I don’t want to.” I grabbed a carrot from his bowl. “You should really ask Jules. She has a little thing for you.”

“What a coincidence.” Mike laughed as he sat down next to me. “Kelly’s got a little thing, too.”

I chuckled as Neil flipped him off. “Who are your bringing, Mike?”

“To homecoming?” He shook his head. “No one. Yet. You wanna come with me, Red?”

“Get your own fucking date, asswipe,” Neil barked from across the table.

Looking at me, Mike winked. “I’m trying. She turned you down, remember?” he goaded Neil and I couldn’t help but laugh at their banter. “If you won’t come to the dance, you’ll come to the party with us, right?”

I looked up. “Party?”

Mike nodded. “Yeah. Every year we go out to Ally’s family’s place, out on the lake. We tell our parents we are camping so it’s not a complete lie. It’ll be a blast.”

I had been interested until he said Allyson. “Nope. I have big plans that night. Sorry, boys.”

With a few more grumbles, they dropped it, but the scowl stayed on Neil’s face. When Joe came over, they started talking about game strategy and how they were going to win the game later that night. I was relieved.

Neil wasn’t ready to let the subject go, though. When he dropped me off at home a few hours later, he invited himself in. On game nights, he was usually in a rush, bringing me home then hurrying to his house to eat and change and then back to school for drills or to catch the bus for an away game.

“Is it a money thing?”

I didn’t need him to explain what he was asking. “No!” I snapped.

“Hey.” His tone was full of understanding. “If it is, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Let me buy you a dress.”

“You did not just say that to me!”

He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m not trying to be an ass. I’m just saying that if it’s a money thing, I can help.”

“Do I fucking look like a charity case to you?”

“Lia,” he said calmly. “You are the furthest thing from a charity case. I just want to bring you with me. Let me take you shopping Sunday and we’ll get something perfect.”

My hands balled into fists, but I took a deep breath, trying to calm down before I went into super-bitch mode. “I know the red hair confuses you, but I am not Julia Roberts. I’m not some poor whore that needs her rich john to buy her nice things. If I wanted to go to the fucking dance, I’d find a way to go. I sure as shit don’t take payment for dates.”

Neil stood a little taller, the change in his attitude extremely obvious. “Wow. That’s not what I was saying at all.” His eyes narrowed at me. “You may not have noticed, but I don’t have to pay for a date. There are plenty of girls I could ask who’d say yes.”

“Then ask one of them!” I bellowed, scaring the shit out of my cat, Buttercup. “What in the hell is your problem? I don’t want to go to this dance. Why is that such a big deal?”

“We had plans,” he hollered back. “You and me. Remember? I had to cancel, and I feel like shit about that. I don’t want to go, either! But I have to. So, stupid me thought my best friend would want to come and help me make the most of it. Not having a dress was the only reason I could think of that would make you not want to come. But that’s not it at all, is it?”

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Earlier you said you had big plans.” His eyes widened in anger. “If I asked Coach, would he tell me he had big plans, too?”

The color drained from my face. “What?” The words came out as nothing more than a harsh whisper.

“You think I’m an idiot, don’t you? I see the way he looks at you. The way you watch him. He never keeps anyone else after class. He never touches any other student. Only you. I don’t know what the hell you are doing, but you’re playing with fucking fire.”

“And you don’t know shit.” This was why I didn’t have friends. I pointed at the door. “Go.”

He didn’t hesitate, slamming the door behind him. I waited until I heard the truck roar to life and disappear down the road before I let the tears start to fall. I wasn’t sure what had just happened. I’d had arguments with Jules and Missy, yeah, but we’d never screamed at each other. And I’d never felt this sad afterward. I didn’t even bother to leave my mom a note. I went into my room, crawled under my comforter, and cried myself to sleep.

I didn’t hear from him all weekend. I didn’t call him either, though. By Saturday afternoon, the guilt set in. Neil had been offering to do something really sweet, and I, as usual, overreacted. Pride was a wonderful thing. It was also my downfall. He didn’t know that I worked eighty-hour weeks all summer just to build up my bank account so I could buy the school clothes and food I wanted. And no one knew that my dad sent me money every month that I banked away, planning for the day I could leave the area for good. In hindsight, I could see that Neil had just wanted to help.

The first Neil-free weekend I’d had in months and it felt weird, like I was missing something. No one else called me because I was usually with him. My mom was gone the whole time, leaving me to fend for myself. I was too miserable to call anyone else, and I was glad Mom wasn’t around because I didn’t want her to see me weepy over a boy. I hadn’t grasped how lonely and pathetic my life was before him, and that insight made me miss him that much more. The hopelessness of feeling like I was brokenhearted for the first time made me realize that somewhere along the way, lines had definitely blurred. I felt more for him than I should.

Monday morning, I got up early, dreading the bus ride. The silver Ford parked across the end of my driveway instantly made me smile. The boy leaning against said truck, holding a Dunkin Donuts coffee out to me, made my heart flutter.

He grinned. “I’m not above bribery. A peace offering?”

I nodded, reaching out to take it. Instead, I was yanked against the wall of muscle that was Nathaniel Kelly.

“I’m a dick,” he confessed.

God, he smelled good. As ironic as it was, he smelled like the country. Fresh laundry and sandalwood. And he was warm. I wanted to stay right there in his arms forever. I pushed away slightly, looking up into his beautiful face. “I’m sorry.”

He was looking down at me, face blank, as he brushed the hair off my cheek. “Not as sorry as I am. Forgive me, Red?” he asked and I nodded, but before I could move away, one hand was gripping the back of my head and his lips were on my forehead. Then he was gone, opening my door all gentleman-like. “Come on.” He smiled that goofy grin I loved. “There’ll be hell to pay if we’re late to Latin.”

I was worried that there might be some tension between us after our argument Friday, but everything seemed back to normal. I was so fucking thankful that she not only wasn’t still pissed, but also that she felt bad, too, and had apologized to me. We both seemed eager to put the whole mess behind us and I was on cloud nine all day. I kicked ass at practice and rushed home to get my homework done so I could call her.

When I walked through the door, Mom was still in the kitchen, so I grabbed her, throwing my arms around her shoulders. I’d been a miserable prick all weekend, snapping at anyone who dared to come near me. By mid-morning on Sunday, Mom had told me I needed to retreat to my room or she was going to make me wish I’d never been born. I’d gone in immediately and hadn’t come out again.

“What was that for?” she asked, hugging me back.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ahhh.” She nodded, pulling away and pointing at the table for me to sit. I knew I was in deep shit whenever she had me sit at the table. Fuck. She grabbed her teakettle, filling it with tap water and setting it on the burner before she sat across from me. “Everything with Lia is better I take it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She gave me that look. The one I’d seen her use on Nikki a thousand times. It said, “I’m your mom and I can see right through you. I know you’re lying so fess up. Or die.”

“It was nothing. Just a stupid argument.”

She raised a single eyebrow. “Didn’t seem like nothing to me.” She stood, walking to the cupboard and pulling out two cups. Adding a tea bag to one and cocoa to the other, she propped her hands on the island and leaned forward. “I know you were too busy to notice, but your sister survived her fair share of heartbreaks over the years. It’s normal. I’m surprised it took you this long. Then again, you had April.” The whistle went off and she grabbed the kettle, filling both cups.

“You can’t compare the two, Ma. Lia and I are just friends.”

“That’s what you keep telling me.” She handed me the cocoa. “I just need to know if I should be worried.”

I blew on the hot liquid. “There’s nothing to worry about. We’re friends; we had a stupid argument. Now we’re over it.”

“You’ve never argued with your friends before. At least, not to the extent that you walk around here snapping at someone if they move wrong.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“I know you are, bud. I’m not mad. I’m just concerned that you’ve had a lot of changes in a short amount of time.” She hesitated, taking a sip of her tea. “Have you talked to April since we moved?”

“Ma…” I didn’t know what to say. She knew I hadn’t.

“Four years is a long time for someone your age to have been with just one person. You two always leaned on each other; you were best friends. I know that you say you and Lia are just friends, and maybe you are right now. But for you to have the kind of reaction that you did after an argument with her… Well, that tells me there’s something more going on. Even if you don’t see it. The women at work know Lia and her family and it seems like Lia may have”—she paused as if searching for the right word—“a little more experience than you do.”

I felt my anger rising, pretty sure my mom had just called Lia a slut.

Before I could come up with a rebuttal, she continued. “You’ve been different the last few weeks, creating this ‘Neil’ persona instead of being you. The way you dress, and now the way you’re acting pissed off at the world because you had a fight with a girl. Maybe talking with April could help you figure things out.”

I loved my mom. I might not be a “momma’s boy,” but I respected her and was thankful that I had someone that loved me back enough to care. Usually, I listened to her perspective and tried to take her advice, knowing she’d support whatever decision I made.

This was not one of those times. This was her, pushing me to do something that I not only didn’t want to do, but something that I’d never do on my own. It also felt like she was trying to say that April was better than Lia, and that pissed me off.

“I’m not going to talk to April about Lia. In fact, I have nothing to say to her.”

“Nate, April…”

“Fucked my best friend, Ma.”

“Language, Nathaniel!”

I tipped back my hot chocolate, finishing it off. “What? She did. While I was staying with my dying grandfather. Or did you conveniently forget that when you were comparing her to Lia?”

“I wasn’t comparing them!” She slapped her hand on the table, clearly as pissed off as I was.

“You were. In your mind, April will always be perfect and no one else will ever be good enough. Maybe I am a different person now, but I never asked to leave my friends and family and start over! Lia was my first friend here. She’s my best friend. You can’t compare her to April because April and I? We were never friends. What I have with Lia I never had with your precious little Southern belle. Night, Mom.”

“Nate!” she called, but I didn’t stop. Grabbing the cordless phone off the stand in the upstairs hallway, I dialed the familiar number and then locked my door.

“Hey.” Lia sounded sleepy. “How was practice?”

“Fine.”

“What’s wrong?” Five seconds on the phone with her and she knew something was off.

“Nothing. I just had this fucked up argument with my mom.”

“Okay.” I heard her sit up in bed. “What should we talk about?”

“I don’t care. Distract me, okay?”

She chuckled on the other end and then started to talk. This was the biggest difference between her and my ex. Lia didn’t try to fix everything. There was no pressure to tell her exactly what happened. She just let me be me, supporting me any way she could. If I needed to vent, she’d listen. If I needed to have my mind taken off my problems, she’d talk about something so outrageous that I’d forget all about my own issues for a little while.

Listening to her calming voice and contagious laugh, I instantly relaxed. I don’t know how long we talked, just that I woke up with the phone pressed to my ear, still connected with her. For minutes after I woke up, I lay there, just listening to her deep breaths as she slept on her end. As I watched the sun come up through my window, it dawned on me that my mom was right. There was more going on between Lia and me than we were willing to admit.

*****

I thought Auburn had taken homecoming seriously. Viking country was a whole other story. People up here were fanatic.

It wasn’t just the students. No, people from the community came to the high school every night to help with the floats and get ready for the game. Local businesses allowed their employees to use the same spirit week schedule as the high school, so each day when I drove through Dunkin, the employees were dressed just like me – from Seventies Day to PJ Day to Red Carpet Day. The excitement around the game was intense.

Only Lia seemed immune to the entire thing. She did play along and wore a themed outfit every day, which surprised me. And every time I caught a glimpse of her at the pep rally, she was cheering with her friends. She came with me to the bonfire willingly and never complained when we spent the entire time in the middle of the team. She even used the game ticket I gave her, sitting with my parents in the family section of the grandstand. But there was a level of enthusiasm from everyone else that she just didn’t have.

We crushed the Tigers, twenty-eight to seven. The idiots seemed to run the same plays on repeat and constantly left their QB open during pass plays. I sacked him four times before he could even toss the ball – in the first half. Maybe I was showing off a little, knowing that Lia was watching me. I hadn’t been lying when I told her I was good at this game, and I wanted her to see it.

It was the first homecoming game the school had won in twenty-something years. The fans were so excited that they rushed the field, causing complete chaos. The commotion allowed me to sneak off the field, finding Lia almost instantly as far away from the crowd as possible.

I yanked off my helmet, enjoying the cool air hitting my skin, and getting a better view of her in the practice jersey I’d given her, that she wore over a long sleeved shirt and my number painted on her cheek. She was a fucking vision, hotter than I’d ever seen her. And, at that moment, no one would doubt she was mine. Not even me. “So? What’d you think?”

She shrugged with an unimpressed look on her face. “I think you know how to play the sport. Definitely better than half the team.” Then she laughed and lunged at me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Great game, Neil! You are amazing!” My helmet in one hand, pads restricting my movements, I hugged her as close as I could.

She pulled away as Julie and Missy came around the corner. Both were wearing Viking sweatshirts, jeans, and had my jersey number painted on their cheeks in dark green paint, matching Lia. Seeing it on them, as if they came to the game just to cheer me on, bugged me. It felt like they were trying to take something that was only Red’s. But, for Lia, I smiled when they congratulated me on the win and didn’t visibly cringe when Missy leaned in to hug me.

“You played so great!” she cooed, wrapping her arms around me tightly.

I thanked her, barely keeping the disgust from my voice, and pried her arms from my neck. Looking toward my friend as I backed up, I smiled. “Give me twenty minutes and I’ll be out.”

Lia shook her head, stepping toward me. “I’m gonna catch a ride with Jules. Have a great time tonight.” Giving me another quick hug, she whispered, “I’ll see you tomorrow, right? Maybe in the morning after you leave the party?”

I cupped her face, tipping it up to mine. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me?” The question was out before I could think about it.

Thankfully, she chuckled. “You just don’t give up, do you?” Shaking her head, she pulled away and glanced back at her friends. “No. I think we’re going to hang out and watch movies, eat junk food, talk about boys, and get fat. Call me later if you want.”

I nodded, knowing I would definitely want.

As the three of them walked away, Missy turned and winked, blowing me a kiss, and then shook her ass at me like it was something she thought I’d want to see. This time, I didn’t hide the repulsion. I had tried to understand how a girl like that and a girl like Lia were friends, but I just didn’t get it.

*****

Maybe if I’d been able to convince Lia to come with me, the dance wouldn’t have been so lame. Without her, though, it fucking sucked. The gym was hot, too crowded, and the flashing lights combined with the terrible music the awful DJ was playing were giving me a headache.

After a quick walkthrough to see who we could find, Carson and I spent the rest of the first hour in the cafeteria where tables and chairs had been set up, talking to some of the seniors. The rest of the school was still floating on the high of today’s victory, but the team was already focused on the Waterville Panthers that we were playing the following week. A win against them was mandatory if we had any hopes of making it to playoffs.

“Shit, man, the gruesome twosome is headed this way,” Baker, our starting running back, muttered. “And, they’re headed for you, superstar.”

Mike smacked me in the arm and tilted his head back toward Baker before I realized they were talking to me. I turned around, confused. Missy and Julie were headed straight for me. The first thought that crossed my mind was that if they were there, Lia must be, too. She’d told me they were all going to hang out, but maybe that was just to surprise me. Lia was nowhere to be seen, though, and both girls were dressed to impress.

That’s when it became extremely clear that they’d obviously been planning on coming to the dance for a while. I may not understand chicks and their grooming rituals, but I did grow up with a big sister and could remember how much time and effort Nikki gave in order to look just right. It was clear that both of them had spent some significant time getting ready. Their hair was perfectly done, makeup flawless, and each had on a dress that accentuated their individual assets.

“Man, I’d hit that hard,” Jeremy, one of our tight ends, muttered from the corner of the table. Then he asked, “Wassup, hookers? Come to hang out with the big boys?”

Jules seemed to hesitate, glancing at Missy, but Missy never took her eyes off me. “Hey, Neil.” She bit her bottom lip and batted her eyes. “We’re gonna go dance. You wanna come?”

I shook my head. “I’m good.”

Jeremy kicked at one of the empty chairs. “Sit with us for a while.”

Instead of taking the seat next to him, Missy pulled out the chair next to me, forcing Jules to sit across from us. As I watched the brunette ease down, the slit in her light blue dress gave me more of a view than I wanted and I quickly glanced up. The smirk she gave me – as if she thought I’d been checking her out – annoyed me.

Carson leaned forward. “Where’s Lia?” God bless the QB. I’d already told him she was staying home, but that kid had a knack for innocently stirring the pot.

Julie adjusted herself slightly as if she was going to answer, but Missy beat her to it. “She had plans tonight.”

I peeled the label off my Coke, eyes locked on the bottle in front of me. “I thought all y’all had plans together.”

Missy giggled obnoxiously. “All y’all? I love how you talk!” Her hand moved from the table to my thigh, making my head snap toward her.