Forever the Road (A Rucksack Universe Fantasy Novel) (25 page)

“Big household,” Jay said. “Happy family?”

She shrugged. “It was all too overwhelming for my parents, I think. Like they’d gotten more than they’d bargained for. They could be very strict.”

“Is that why you can work the way you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Watching you is like watching a poem move,” Jay said. “You’re like a dancer. There’s this focus to you, this strength in everything you do. I guess it sounds to me like you learned to live in your own mind, listen to what mattered, shut out the rest. A way to deal with the chaos you grew up with.”

“It’s not something people usually understand,” Jade replied. “But that’s a good way to put it.”

“Do you keep in touch?”

“Things got really bad at one point,” Jade said. I left home when I was thirteen. I’ve been on my own ever since.”

“That must have been really difficult.”

“At times. But I survived.”

“Not what you expected out of life, though.”

She shrugged. “What’s to expect? Life is what we live. Decision, destiny, it’s all still one foot in front of the other, all through our lives.”

Jay nodded. “I like that. We never know entirely what will be before us.”

“What about your family?” Jade said. “They must miss you.”

Jay lowered his gaze. “There’s no one to miss me. I started traveling five years ago. I’d never planned to. I… I had to. See, I grew up about as average an American as can be, in a small town in Idaho with a river running through it. I never wanted to go anywhere else. I was an only child. My parents wanted more, but after me they couldn’t have another. Mom never explained why. My parents and I were very close. After school I started working, got a house not far from where I grew up. It was just me and them, and we’d have dinner together a few times a week. Dad and I would work on each other’s houses. I’d take Mom out for errands or mom-and-son dates. We’d all get together and play board games, drink wine, and talk for hours. I was never much for friends, and I didn’t really date.” He sighed. “I can’t remember the last time I talked about all this.”

Jade touched his shoulder. “I’ll get us another drink.”

“My mom and dad were the best people I’ve ever known,” Jay said. “Dad was a lawyer, and an honest one. Everyone in town looked up to him. Mom was a teacher, and she was the heart of our home. She was so vivacious. She read travel magazines. She played violin and ukelele. She liked to tell me she wanted to play ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ on the uke on every continent before she and Dad died.”

“They traveled?” Jade asked.

Jay shook his head. “They wanted to. They were planning to. Dad was going to work a few more years, take an early retirement. While he put in long hours at his law firm, my mom clipped photos, read guidebooks, and planned itineraries after school.”

Jade came back with two more scotches, both uninfluenced. A corner of The Management’s note poked her chest.

“One evening when I came over for dinner,” Jay continued, “Mom and Dad were beaming when they opened the door. When I looked behind them, I saw why. On the wall in the living room, they’d framed and hung a huge map of the world. Mom had stuck purple pins in every continent. ‘Our retirement-around-the-world,’ she called it. She was so happy and Dad was excited. They weren’t planning some quick posh luxury vacation either. Over dinner that night, Dad told me about how they were planning to climb Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. Mom told me about riding elephants in Thailand, and the abandoned Angkor capital city in Cambodia, the old stone buildings now thick with jungle. They spoke of the wild, fierce North Atlantic, and the Scottish Hebrides islands there—the strong, reserved, kind people who lived honest and closer to the earth and sea. They spoke of music in Vienna and Incan cities in Peru. Their eyes were wet with tears when they said they wanted to ride the train across all of Russia, from Moscow to Vladivostok on the Pacific coast. They wanted to stand in the Australian Outback and watch the sun rise and set on the massive red face of Uluru.

“Dad figured they’d have enough saved to travel the rest of their days if they wanted. Not lavish travel, mind. They talked of hostel dorms and public transport in Europe, of looking for where the mothers took their children to eat in India. They wanted not just to see the world but to become friends with as many people in as many lands as they could in the years they had left.”

“Didn’t you want to go too?”

Jay laughed. “Funny thing is, I didn’t. I was happy where I was. I liked my job. I liked my home. I was living a quiet, content, nondescript life in a quiet, content, nondescript bit of true-to-heart Americana small town. I figured if anything, I’d be like Mom and Dad. I’d work and live. Maybe find a wife and raise a family. Maybe not. When I was older and retired I’d look at the whole travel thing. If I was even interested. As far as I was concerned, Mom and Dad had more than earned their dreams, their excitement, their happiness. I hoped that one day I would too.”

“I don’t understand, though,” Jade said. “You’re here, not there. Why didn’t they get to travel?”

For a moment Jay looked away. When he looked at her again, his eyes glistened. “They died.”

Jade took his hand. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded. “It was my twenty-fifth birthday. We were meeting at my favorite restaurant. It was raining hard that day—so hard there were concerns about flash floods. I waited. But they didn’t show. After an hour, a sheriff’s deputy came in. It’s a small town, after all. He and I had been in high school together. He knew where we’d be, what day it was. He said my parents’ car had been found in the river, half submerged and banged up against a bridge pillar. Mom and Dad must have been swept away. We searched for days. I took time off work. I helped dredge the river. I roamed the forests. I called police departments from there all the way to the Oregon and Washington coast. We never found their bodies, but there was no way they had survived. Mom and Dad were declared dead.”

“Jay...”

He cracked a fragile, tense smile. “Funny thing is, Dad being a lawyer, all their affairs were in perfect order. The house, vehicles, everything was paid off. They didn’t have so much as credit card debt or an unpaid magazine subscription. I was the only beneficiary on their life insurance policy, and they left everything—travel books, the map, the house, their money—to me.”

“So you have a good bit of travel money.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, but I work a lot too. I like to earn my money. I grieved hard for Mom and Dad. I still carry their picture in my money belt. After a few months, I knew what I had to do. I quit my job and I sold both our houses. I sold anything that didn’t mean anything to them or to me. Then I took the map and the guidebooks and promised Mom and Dad that since they never got to see the world they loved so much, I would do it for them.

“A year after they died, I left Idaho. I’ve never been back. Everyone understood. It was a son’s way to handle his grief and honor his parents. Now I’ve been all over, doing the things they wanted to do, and having a few adventures of my own. I keep doing all I can do to honor their memory. And I’ve learned so much. I can’t believe I never wanted to travel. Now I can’t imagine ever stopping. I guess you could call me a traveler and a globetrotter, but really, all I am now is their wish to see the world.”

Jay looked like he was holding back tears. Jade squeezed his hand. She said nothing. Just watched him. Just thought. No matter how gentle or funny or comforting or crass, nothing she said would keep this rare fragility. The first word from her mouth would close up his heart tight and perhaps add locks. No words could bring Jay closer to her or prove he could trust her or show what she felt for him.

Her own doubts and turmoil pulled at her, the calls of roads not taken and the grass-is-greener regrets of the paths she treaded. Just as she had no way to comfort Jay with words, she had no words to voice her shared grief, her confusion, her regrets, her wishes for home, a different life, an open heart, a warm touch, a comfort by her side. Jade had nothing to say.

So she kissed him instead.

Now, this seems like destiny,
she thought. His lips were as soft as she’d wondered, and so were his cheeks under her hands. His hands were gentle yet strong as he held her.

There was no pub. There was no Management, no destiny, no decision, no spinning little god eggs or ancient evils or strange inscrutable tricksters. There was just them: Jay and Jade, travelers and a destination, a journey they no longer had to wander alone.

When at last they moved apart, they said nothing. Jade held Jay’s hand tight in her own and he squeezed back. They stared into each other’s eyes.

“I don’t know what this could be,” Jay said.

“I don’t either,” Jade said.

“I want to find out.”

“Me too.”

They kissed again.

Later, after more kisses, more words and relief and hopes, Jay helped Jade tidy up their dinner plates and glasses. Then, after many final kisses, he went up to his dorm, to dream of their plans of a sunrise ride on the river.

As Jade stood behind the bar, Jay’s kisses still fresh on her lips, she tried to think only of Jay, of what they might have together.

Tomorrow there would surely be repercussions. Tomorrow there would surely be another note from The Management, a rebuke, a punishment. Hopefully, she could explain. Hopefully, there would be a way
to convince The Management that Jay could just remain a traveler, that there was no special destiny that needed him. Surely it didn’t have to be Jay. He’d done enough. He’d lost his parents already. Shouldn’t that be enough for anyone? Couldn’t he just travel in peace, honor their memory, and live some simple pleasures of his own? And couldn’t she be there with him?

She wondered what that would mean.
Am I thinking of resigning?
she thought.
Whenever this is all finished and he can leave Agamuskara, won’t I want to go with him? Of course I will. But I can’t be both a Jade and his love. I can only be one or the other. I’ve been a Jade for a long time, just as Jay has traveled for his parents’ memory for a long time. Maybe it’s time for both of us to live some different reasons. Some different passions. Maybe it’s time we found a different happiness.

A knock resounded through the front door.

“Even your bloody knock sounds like a laugh,” she said.

The moment Rucksack and Kailash saw her, their big smiles got even bigger. Rucksack took a bounding step inside and wrapped his arms around Jade, lifting her off the floor and spinning her around.

“What?” Jade said, slightly dizzy. “What’s going on?”

“Ah, Jade,” Rucksack replied, setting her down. “We had to tell you right away.”

“Did you see Jigme and his mother?” Jade asked.

Rucksack shook his head. “No time. It will have to wait till tomorrow. Besides, this is more important.”

Kailash closed the door. “Mim and Pim found us earlier.”

“The two who stole Jay’s passport?”

Rucksack nodded. “As we were coming back here, they appeared before us, smiling and bowing. Said they were glad we found their letters helpful.”

“They set it up to bring the two of you together,” Jade said. “Curious. But why would they do that? Can they be trusted?”

“Probably not,” Rucksack said. “But as far as I can figure they can be believed. For now, that will have to do. What they told us gave me hope. We can beat the Smiling Fire. Things are already on course to defeat him.”

“That’s incredible!” Jade said, elated. She hugged Rucksack, and Kailash too.
The ancient evil was no match for us,
she thought. Hope surged inside her.

Maybe Jay isn’t needed at all anymore.

It made sense. Maybe Rucksack and Kailash were the key. After all, they helped bring down the Smiling Fire before. And Rucksack hadn’t even been born yet.
Now he’s, well, he’s whatever he is,
Jade thought.
So Jay’s not needed after all. If he’s not, then maybe I’m not either. We could just leave. Go off together. Get to know each other, get to know what we have, what we want, what we can be.

“So, things are okay now?” she said. “Jay’s done what he needed to do?”

“Things are okay because Jay is staying in the city,” Rucksack replied.

Jade’s soaring hopes plummeted.

Even if Rucksack saw any sign of her sudden despair, he kept talking. “That’s the key to everything. As long as Jay is here when the eclipse happens, we can beat the Smiling Fire.” He reached into his pocket. “They gave me this. Said it was all they could do for now, and they asked me to keep it safe, just in case.”

He took out a small, dark-blue booklet.

“Just in case of what?” Jade said. “This is Jay’s passport. They claimed they needed to fix it. Did they?”

Rucksack bobbed his head. “Depends on what you believe ‘fixed’ means. Remember how Jay had told us all the places he’s been?”

“He talked about all the stamps, visas, and stickers in his passport, yeah.”

Rucksack held up the passport and opened it to the identification page. Jade saw Jay’s photo, place of birth, and other information. Then Rucksack flipped through the rest of the pages.

All were blank.

“They wiped out his passport?”