Forever Yours (2 page)

Chapter Two

For a moment, John thought his heart had stopped beating. Standing before him was the one thing that had prevented him from returning home for so long. Not the woman—he still loved the woman—but the shame of what he had done to her and the certainty that no matter how much he tried to explain, she would never forgive him for hurting her the way he had.

Her pale skin flushed bright pink against her brown hair, which was just as long now as it was in the picture he still carried in his wallet. Four years hadn’t changed her at all.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She didn’t have that air of innocence surrounding her any longer, and rather than looking at him with love and never-ending affection, she looked horrified. And pissed.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine. I just had a little too much help through the door.” She looked over her shoulder to where Suzanna was standing with her hands covering her mouth. “I didn’t mean to crash your homecoming. I’m going to take off.”

“No,” Suzanna nearly shouted. “Stay. Eat. I made lasagna.”

“Suz.” Steven stopped when his wife shot him a sharp look.

“Look, it’s a family dinner,” Suzanna said. “Nothing more.”

Meg turned her back to John and faced Suzanna. If the tension in the air got any thicker, they’d all suffocate from it. It was clear from the look on Meg’s face when she looked up at him. She’d been just as shocked to see him as he had been when she came stumbling through the door.

“Steven.” Suzanna used a perky tone that was completely out of place given the situation. “Come help me get the plates on the table.”

“I’ll help,” Meg offered.

“Nope. No. You two just…take a minute to say hello.”

Meg watched the kitchen door until Steven rushed through it and let it swing closed behind him. It seemed like forever to John before she turned to him again. She looked as angry now as she had the last time he’d seen her—when he’d announced he had accepted a job in an emergency room in another state. And that taking it was something he had to do without her, even though they been together for two years.

John inhaled slowly, searching for courage. “I didn’t know you would be here.”

“Me either.” She forced a smile but it looked more like a grimace. “So. You’re back in town.”

“Yeah. Uh. Four years in New York was enough, thank you very much.”

“Hmm.”

“So, uh. How are you?”

“Good. You?”

He laughed softly as he lowered his face and ran his hand through his hair. “Uncomfortable as hell. I thought I’d have a bit more time before running into you.”

“I was actually the one who ran into you.”

He laughed uneasily. “Right. I can’t believe Suzanna did this. Then again, she’s been after me for years to…you know.”

Meg cocked her brows at him but he didn’t finish. Instead he looked down.

The silence became too much and he lifted his gaze. “Megan.” He wanted to spill it all right then, confess the cold hard truth that he hadn’t wanted to leave her, he was just too much of a coward to stay. He’d simply been too terrified of losing her. She’d moved in with him and things couldn’t have been better. Which had scared the hell out of him. As soon as an opportunity presented itself to escape from their happily ever after, he’d taken it.

“Look.” Her harsh tone put an end to his poor attempt at an apology. “This is not something I want to do tonight. Or ever, actually. Please tell Suzanna I’ll call her when I don’t want to kill her. Enjoy your lasagna.”

He reached out and put his hand on her arm to stop her from stepping around him. “I knew I was going to have to face you eventually. And I knew you’d be angry. Rightfully so.”

She pulled her arm from his gentle grip. “We’ll have to see each other from time to time. I don’t want it to be as uncomfortable as this, so at some point, we will have to deal with things. But I’m not ready for that right now. Okay?”

“Okay.” He followed her to the door and reached for her coat just as she did.

“I’ve got it.” She slipped her arms into the sleeves but didn’t bother buttoning it. “I’ve got it, John,” she stated again, much more firmly as he stepped toward the door to open it for her.

He slid his hands into his pockets and gave her a weak smile as she walked by him. “Good night.”

Her only response was to slam the door.

The kitchen door swung open and Suzanna happily sang, “Come and get it.” She stopped and looked around the room. “She left, didn’t she?”

John sighed and looked at the door again. No matter how poorly Suzanna’s plan had been executed, at least the hard part was over. He’d come face to face with Meg. Now he just had to figure out how to get her to forgive him.

Chapter Three

As much as she loved her sister, Meg wished Suzanna would stop meddling in her life. Just because Suzanna and Steven were happily married didn’t mean Suzanna had to push so hard for Meg to be as well.

Meg insisted repeatedly that she was perfectly happy. Perfectly content with her quiet evenings and weekends hanging out with what was left of her single friends. Which, if she admitted it, wasn’t as much fun as it used to be, but she
hadn’t
admitted that and damn Suzanna to hell for seeing through her.

Meg cursed when her mind wandered yet again. She hadn’t been able to sleep after leaving Suzanna’s in a huff. She kept replaying old memories of John over and over in her mind. Then she’d pictured his face as he tried to apologize
over and over
in her mind.

Why did he still have to look so good? And why did she have to land in
his
arms? Feel
his
embrace? Smell
his
cologne?

She’d almost have rather landed square on her tush than have fallen against his muscular chest. While it had been horrible feeling his arms around her—and she was determined that it had been horrible—it would have been worse to have his first image of her in four years be her sitting on the ground with a bruised ass and ego.

Her phone rang. It was the third time Suzanna had called this morning, and Meg refused to answer. She pushed a button to ignore the call and went back to not focusing on her work.

She had houses on the market that weren’t moving. She needed to find out why and get them sold before her clients went to the competition. Her thoughts were again distracted, this time by a text message.

Call me
, Suzanna’s message demanded.

Meg shook her head and turned her attention to her listings again. She very nearly was able to concentrate when the bell above the door jingled.

“Damn it.” She pushed herself up and put a bright smile on her face as she stepped out into the lobby of her real estate office. The smile fell as soon as she saw John brushing snow off his shoulders.

He gave her an uncertain smile. “I hear you’re the best real estate agent in town.”

“Oh. And where did you hear this?”

“My best friend’s wife. She’s quite the fan, apparently.”

“Look, John—”

“I’m looking for a three bedroom, two bath, finished basement—”

“John.”

“Big yard. I’ve spent the last four years in the city. I want to see green. And I’m thinking about getting a dog so I’d prefer if it were fenced.”

“
Stop!
”

He looked at her as if he were hurt that she didn’t want to play his stupid game, and her heart melted. He always could make her swoon with just a glance.

She pulled her puddle of a heart back and put a wall up to protect it. “There are two other agencies in town. Use one of them, okay?”

If he was trying to hide his disappointment, he wasn’t doing a very good job. “Okay. But, um. If you aren’t busy, do you think we could…”

He left the rest of his statement unspoken. She wanted to scream at him. He always did that. He always left things unsaid and she’d say them for him and he somehow thought that counted. It didn’t count. Unspoken words didn’t count. Not anymore.

“What?” She refused to even consider budging until he said what he meant.

“Talk. About us. How things ended. Where we go from here.”

“I’m at work.”

“Maybe I can steal you away for an early lunch? Or a coffee break?”

She wanted to refuse him. She should refuse him. But if she didn’t settle this now, she was never going to get anything done.

“There’s a new coffee shop right up the street. Let me just grab my things and close up.”

She left him standing by the door as she retrieved her purse from her desk drawer. She dropped her phone in her bag, slid into her coat, and swallowed her dread.

She didn’t say anything as they left the warmth of her office. She locked the door behind them and tucked her keys in her pocket. Again, she was not wearing the right shoes, and her ankles immediately reminded her of just how inappropriate it was to wear heels in winter.

John matched her rushed stride. “A lot has changed since I left. Some of the places I loved are gone. Like that old café on Charles Street, it’s a shoe store now.”

“Yes, I know.”

“But the town still feels the same, like nothing has changed at all. It’s strange. Like living in some alternate universe.”

She smiled slightly, but didn’t respond. Nothing that came to her mind was nice. Maybe if he hadn’t left, he would have been here when the café had closed and the shoe store opened. Maybe if he hadn’t left, he wouldn’t feel so strange being here now. Silence fell between them as they walked. His discomfort was as obvious as her anger.

He cleared his throat. “It’s great that Suzanna and Steven are finally having a baby, huh?”

She smiled a genuine smile for the first time since he’d suddenly appeared back in her life. “Yes. It’s wonderful.”

He reached for the coffee shop door and held it open for her. She felt dread find her again once they were inside. Her gaze settled on several familiar faces, and they all froze as John moved to her side.

Oh, the gossip that this is going to start.
She looked at John and was certain the same thought crossed his mind.

Becky Charles rushed up to the former couple. “Oh, my. If it isn’t
Doctor
John Howard. How are you?”

“I’m good, Becky. You?”

“Just great. Never thought I’d see you two together again.”

“We’re just having coffee,” Meg clarified.

Becky smiled like she’d just gotten the greatest news ever. “Well, it’s the perfect day for a hot cup of coffee.”

“Indeed. Have a good day, Becky.” Meg moved around the woman and effectively dismissed her.

John chuckled. “The entire town will hear about this before we even leave.” He stopped when Meg shot him a displeased glance.

She rattled off her order to the barista and reached into her purse.

“I’m buying,” John announced.

Meg wanted to protest, but Becky was staring at them, so Meg smiled and thanked him instead. He ordered what he always had ordered at coffee shops—a large black coffee—then he dumped two creams and a packet of sugar in it while she waited for her mocha.

When they each had their drink, they settled into a table in the corner and Meg did her best to ignore Becky.

John took a few minutes to situate and look around before he finally seemed to work up the courage speak. “I’ve wanted to apologize to you. For a long time. I just…I guess I was too much of a coward. But I am
so
sorry. For the way I left.”

Meg focused on the foam cup in her hand, turned it slightly, turned it back, and turned it again.

“I know I hurt you. A lot. And I know you were angry.”

She finally looked at him. “Yeah. That and, um, humiliated. Devastated. Crushed. Confused. That’s a good one. I was extremely
confused
because I had no idea that you had even applied for a position in New York, let alone planned to take it if it was offered. Maybe a little offended that I was so easily tossed aside. Yeah. I was, um, I was a lot of things, John.”

“And now?”

“Now? I don’t know. I do my best not to think about you because I don’t like feeling so bitter…and…insignificant. You were supposed to love me and you just…walked way. Like I didn’t even matter to you.”

He exhaled slowly. “For the last four years I have been trying to find the courage to tell you, to explain.”

“You don’t have to explain.”

“Yes, Meg, I do. I don’t want you to think that it was you—” He stopped speaking when she laughed quietly and sat back.

She looked at him, and a realization hit her so strong it brought tears to her eyes. “I never thought it was me, John. I knew exactly what it was. It was you. It was your doom and gloom outlook on life, your self-fulfilled prophecy that we were going to crash and burn. You walked out on me before I could walk out on you. But you never listened, you never heard me when I said I wasn’t going to walk out on you.

“I knew,” Meg continued. “I knew, as soon as we moved in together, that I was going to lose you. I knew you’d find some way to sabotage it. I knew you were going to hurt me. I just convinced myself that we were stronger than your fears. Clearly, we weren’t.” She sighed, hating the deep-seated disappointment she still had over a relationship that failed four years ago.

John took a sip of his coffee. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“I don’t need you to say anything. I loved you with all my heart. It took a long time to recover after you left, but it’s over now so let’s just stop talking about it. I don’t want to keep revisiting that time, and I’m sure you don’t either.”

“Not particularly.”

“We are going to have to get along so we can be there for Suz and Steven when the baby is born, but don’t expect anything more than that from me. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” She looked around.

Becky was watching as she talked on the phone. Meg returned her attention to John who was still looking at Becky.

“She has like four kids now,” Meg said. “You’d think she’d have better things to do than talk about us.”

“It’s going to be good chatter for a while,” John said. “You and me in the same room together. But it’ll pass.”

“She loved it, you know? When you left. She talked about it for years. How you chose your career over me.”

The guilt on his face was so much it almost made
her
feel guilty for telling him. Not quite, though. It was true. Becky and her cohorts in gossip had bled their break-up dry and then tried to bleed it some more every time one of Meg’s relationships failed.

“That’s not what happened.”

“Hmm.” Meg moaned in response. “Well, that’s how they saw it.”

“You know that’s not true. I…I was…”

“Scared. You’ve always been so scared. It must be exhausting to be you.” She exhaled when he looked down.
Damn it.
“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“No. No, it’s not. I deserve whatever you dish out.”

“Look, I know you have…
issues
. What your mom did, the way she just left you, it wasn’t right. But she left you with people who took great care of you, and while it isn’t something you just get over, you have to find a way to move on, John. You can’t let it impact the rest of your life.”

“I know.” His voice held a great amount of determination. “I finally get it, Meg. Being in New York, seeing the things I did, I realized that I was lucky. Mom didn’t have to find a place to ditch me. She could have just disappeared and left me to fend for myself. Parents do that with alarming frequency, I’ve learned. She may have left, but I wasn’t abandoned. It took a long time to see that. Now that I do, I really am trying to move on, I just…I have to figure out how.”

Meg swallowed when the urge to wrap her arms around him and make him feel better hit her with the force of a jackhammer. That was her problem. She was an enabler where he was concerned. She had never, not once in their years together, practiced any kind of tough love. He’d been hurt and she wanted to make him better, even when she knew she was sacrificing her own heart in her attempt to do so.

She closed her eyes and sighed. “Can you answer one thing? Honestly?”

“I’ll try.”

“Why are you back?”

She looked at him when he was silent for a long time. Finally, he gave her a sad excuse for a smile.

“Because I want to be here. With my family. Which is Steve and Suzanna. The baby. You. Even though you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you. I hate what you did. I hate the way you think. But I don’t hate
you
.”

He nodded slowly. “I hate those things too. I know I walked out on you, but you are and always have been amazing. I left because I was terrified of losing you.”

Meg scoffed. “Yeah? Well, how’d that work for you?”

“Pretty damned miserably.”

Despite her determination to hold on to it for the sake of self-preservation, she let go of some of the anger that had plagued her for the last four years. She wanted to be angry to protect herself but sitting here, seeing him struggling so hard to even look at her, took some of the sting out of her suffering.

She couldn’t ever forget, but maybe Suzanna was right, maybe it was time to at least try to forgive. “So. Three bedrooms, two baths, finished basement, and a big yard? I’m sure we can find something.”