Forevermore (22 page)

“Then you can just drink some milk, and I’ll tuck you in.” Annie wiped her eyes and scurried toward the table.

Burrowing close to her father, Emmy-Lou sighed. “Daddy, your tummy is growling like a bear.”

“Then maybe he ought to pull up a chair and have hisself some supper.”

While Annie put her niece to bed, Jakob silently shoveled his supper into his mouth. Boots grated up the back steps, and Phineas’s voice whispered through the open window. “It’s me.”

“Come in,” Jakob rumbled back in a subdued tone.

Hope quickly poured him a cup of coffee and refilled her boss’s mug. Phineas slouched down at his usual place at the table, and Hope wavered between sitting down and standing at the stove just so she’d have an excuse to keep moving. Jakob focused on her chair and nodded toward it, so she did as he wished.

The clock ticked.

Upstairs, Annie’s murmurings and Emmy-Lou’s sleep-slurred words blended into a lull.

Jakob set down his fork. “The glasses will help some, but we don’t know how long. Something’s wrong. My Emmy-Lou . . .” His Adam’s apple bobbed with the swallow he took to steel himself. “She could stay as she is, but in the future, she may be blind.”

“So,” Phineas said.

“No,” Hope moaned at the same time.

“The doctor said nothing can be done.” Jakob raked his hand through his hair. “I should have noticed it before now.”

“If nothing can be done,” Hope looked at him, “then why would it make any difference?”

“I would have been more careful with her. If I had known, she wouldn’t have been outside and fallen into that wellhole!”

“You cannot believe that.” Phineas drummed his fingers on the tabletop. “How many times have we praised the Lord for delivering her? Would you blame yourself now for something God used for His glory?”

Ignoring that, Jakob stared at the lantern. “My daughter doesn’t know the moon isn’t a star. She thinks there’s just one. She hasn’t seen the handiwork of heaven, and she never will. That’s just the beginning. She’ll miss out on countless things.”

“Hold on a second here.” Hope propped her elbows on the table and leaned forward. “Your little girl’s smart as a quip. She’ll catch on to plenty. As for the moon and stars—well, I can understand why that happened. Think on it. You’re Mr. Stauffer to me and Jakob to Phineas here and brother to Annie and Daddy to Emmy-Lou. I reckon if one person can have that many handles, it makes sense that she’d think
star
was just a different word for moon. Why, her song is ’bout a star. The Bible tells ’bout that one Christmas star. Plain as can be, she’s reasoned things out right smart.”

“What does that matter?” Mr. Stauffer shoved his plate away, the scraping sound amazingly loud in the otherwise silent room. “She can’t see them. She never will. How could God do this to my little girl? He took her mother and her baby brother. Now He takes her eyesight?”

“You said she might stay the way she is.” Phineas continued to drum his fingers on the table. “That is what we’ll pray for. God could let her stay like this. She does fine, and with the glasses—”

“I cannot count on that. Even with the eyeglasses, she still doesn’t see everything we do. Why? Why would God do this?”

Hope dared to reach across the table and curled her fingers around her boss’s thick wrist. “It’s dreadful hard to wrap my mind around this sorrowful thing. I don’t much understand it, but if ’n I have my druthers, it would be God understanding what’s goin’ on and me not know rather than the other way around.”

He jerked free and bolted to his feet. “I don’t want it either way.”

“None of us does.” Phineas rose. “Did you tell Annie yet?”

“Ja.” Jakob bit out the word. “Already her heart was so heavy. This broke her heart.”

Slow, heavy footsteps warned them Annie had started down the stairs. Hope cast a glance in that direction and squared her shoulders. “Mr. Stauffer, sir, we’re all gonna work together and pray real hard. There’s always hope.”

His ice blue eyes bore through her. “Is there?”

Eighteen

H
ow many stars do you see?”

Jakob stopped midstride and stared through the open window at Hope. What was she thinking, to ask Emmy-Lou such a question?

“One, two, three. I see three.”

“Yes, there are three.” Hope paused a moment, then asked again, “How many stars do you see now?”

“One, two, three. Three.”

“Them new eyeglasses of yours are helping you so much.

Now tell me. Are they the same stars you counted a minute ago?”

Jakob leaned closer and held his breath. What odd game was Hope playing with his little girl?

“No. These are different stars. The other ones were on red and green. These are on blue.”

“You’re such a clever little girl! Just ’cuz you can’t see them first stars, does that mean they ain’t there on the red and green pieces?”

Giggles spilled out of Emmy-Lou. The sound warmed Jakob’s heart, but so did her answer. “They are still on the blanket.

They’re on the other side, that’s all.”

“You’re right. Just ’cuz we don’t see something, that don’t mean it isn’t there. Now lookee here. I’m fixin’ to open up my quilt real big. You can find lots of stars on it, and we’ll count ’em later today.”

When he went inside, Jakob disciplined himself not to look toward the parlor. He didn’t want to notice the quilt he’d eavesdropped about. He corrected himself. He didn’t want to see Emmy-Lou struggle to see the stars. Instead he looked at Hope. “Phineas and I are leaving now.”

“Bound for the Smiths’ farm.” Hope lowered her voice.

“Yesternoon, whilst Annie was taking a catnap, I carried all the eggs over to the Smiths’ like you told me. Took ’em a few chickens, too.”

“Very good.”
In the middle of everything, Hope remembered that detail and saw to it.

Hope raised her voice slightly. “Before you and Phineas hie off, I made something for you to eat. It’ll stick to your ribs ’til lunchtime rolls around.” She lifted the overturned mixing bowl on the table to reveal food. “Fried ham ’n egg sandwiches.”

“Fine. About today. Emmy-Lou—” He cast a quick glance toward the parlor, where Emmy-Lou had one of her stubby fingers over a star on Hope’s quilt. “She should go to Forsaken with her aunt. It would be best.”

“But, Daddy, the babies go to Forsaken.” Emmy-Lou scrambled over and tugged on his pants leg. “I’m a big girl.

Big girls go—”

“Where their father tells them to.” The lenses of her glasses magnified the tears filling Emmy-Lou’s eyes. He couldn’t give in. He had to keep her safe. Things would change now. She was different and had to be protected.
Resilience. Children have resilience. She’ll learn to get used to things being different
.

Hope hunkered down—not a feminine pose in the least, but she balanced easily on her scuffed boots and tapped Emmy-Lou’s shoulder. “That daddy of yours is doin’ you a mighty big favor. Why, he’s lettin’ you go with your auntie. This way, you’ll know all about what’s gotta be done for a baby. You and me are gonna share the job of helpin’ your auntie when the time comes for her to have hers.”

“Yeah! I’m gonna be a big helper.”

“You shore are.” Hope stood up. “But for now, we need to let your daddy get goin’. Him and Phineas are gonna go do a bunch of man work.”

As he headed toward his neighbor’s farm, Jakob kept thinking of how Hope smoothed things over for Emmy-Lou. She’d twisted Emmy-Lou’s disappointment into delight. But Hope wouldn’t always be there to distract Emmy-Lou. The time would come—and soon—when they’d watch Hope leave.

He wouldn’t be able to shield his daughter from the sadness to come. Today was just the first of countless times and things she would have to give up.

Why, God? Why?

Men milled about the Smith barnyard, eating hard-boiled eggs and coffee cake. The good-natured conversation came to an abrupt halt when Jakob rode in. Daisy grabbed her husband’s hand, and Gramma called out, “Phineas asked us to pray for Emmy-Lou at church yesterday. How is she?”

Myriad answers shot through his mind. Jakob hadn’t yet thought about what to tell others. Emmy-Lou would need their help at times. He couldn’t let his pride stand in the way of that.

But the doctor warned about the crippling effects of pity. Jakob cleared his throat. “There’s a problem with her eyes. I bought her glasses, but my Emmy-Lou—she still cannot see as well as we do.”

Mr. Toomel tapped the arm of his own spectacles. “If it weren’t for these, I’d be blind as a bat.”

The chuckles lashed Jakob. “Blindness is not funny.” His voice shook with anger.

Gramma broke the uneasy silence. “Jakob, is Emmy-Lou going blind?”

“The doctor couldn’t say.”

“We’ll all keep an eye on your little girl today”—compassion filled Daisy’s voice—“and always.”

“I’m obliged, but Emmy-Lou is going to Forsaken with her aunt. It is best that way.”

As the day started out, and again at lunch, Smith prayed. He mentioned Emmy-Lou in his prayers. As lunch ended and the men headed back to the wheat field, a gaggle of little girls dashed up. Flipping a braid over her shoulder, Lottie Richardson said, “Will you bring Emmy-Lou to play with us tomorrow at my house?”

Before he could answer, Gramma sauntered by with an empty cake plate. “Of course he will. You girls let Mr. Stauffer get back to work and come help me. I baked a little cake special just for you, so you can all have a tea party.”

Jakob watched them all skip away. Gramma overstepped herself by determining where Emmy-Lou would go tomorrow.

Emmy-Lou needed to be watched carefully. But Jakob couldn’t help but ask himself,
Then why am I upset that Emmy-Lou isn’t here to enjoy the tea party?

Chattering like a magpie, Emmy-Lou wiggled into her chair at the supper table. “Babies cry lots and lots. Mrs. Sanderson’s little girl crawls really fast. I chased her today, Daddy. I did. I caught her before she went up the stairs, didn’t I, Auntie?”

“Ja. It was a good thing you did.”

“I take it things went well?” Jakob looked at his sister but tilted his head toward Emmy-Lou.

“Ja.” Annie slid her napkin in her lap as if the question and answer were nothing more than mere polite conversation.

Frustrated, Jakob didn’t feel like praying. “Phineas, ask the blessing.”

As Annie passed the platter with the bierocks to him, Phineas told her, “Marcella made her prune cake today again, and I hope she does every day. Volkner used to take a big wedge of your peach pie, but now he’s eating Marcella’s cake and leaving more for me.”

“Does she remember his name is Leopold now instead of Peter?” Annie took a meager spoonful of peas.

“Merciful heavens, yes.” Hope served Emmy-Lou, then herself before passing the platter to Jakob. “Everything she says starts with ‘Leopold.’ If it weren’t so much fun to see them courtin’, it might grate on a body’s nerves. Can’t hold it against her, though. The gal’s pert near aglow with love.”

“She’d better get her fill of him now.” Jakob cut into the meat-filled cabbage leaves. “Tomorrow and Wednesday, we’ll harvest her father’s wheat, then Leopold will have to move on.

His family needs the money.”

“Betcha he stays with the Richardsons as long as folks in this township are harvestin’.” Hope moved Emmy-Lou’s cup.

Jakob stared at the cup. How many times had Hope moved it? Almost every single meal since she’d come. And before then, if no one else was fast enough to catch it, she spilled her milk.

I was such an idiot not to determine she couldn’t see
.

Phineas raised his fork but stopped short of taking the bite. “Patterson was wondering if Richardson’s so-called nephews will stay awhile longer, or if we’ll be back down to two reapers when we go on to his spread.”

“Lena asked while us gals were eatin’ lunch. One of the boys’ll go back to his pa’s farm, and the other one’s gonna finish up this township. I’m a-feared that poor Linette’s gonna get her heart broke. She was hoping the one who ain’t spoken for Kathleen would ask for her. I spied him smilin’ at one of the other gals, though.”

“Life doesn’t always give you what you want.”

Ignoring the surly edge in his tone and Annie’s gasp, Hope said, “Well, I’m wantin’ a dash of salt. Do y’all think I can get that?”

Embarrassed by his outburst, Jakob reached for the saltshaker.
“Here.”

As Hope sprinkled salt on her rice, she changed the subject.

“Annie did some sewin’ today on Sydney Creighton’s newfangled sewing machine. It bottles the mind to think anyone can get that much stitchin’ done in such short order.”

“Boggles, not bottles.” As soon as he said that, Jakob regretted correcting Hope.
I oughtta keep my mouth shut
.

“When you bottle somethin’, you seal it up tight so nothin’ more can get in. What happens when you boggle something?”

“Ja, Daddy. What happens?”

It would be rude not to answer—even if he’d just decided to stay silent. “Boggle is another word for confuse or jumble something up.”
Messing up sayings isn’t just a quirk Hope has. If Emmy-Lou can’t read, she’ll probably mess up on sayings
.

“Boggle. Shore sounds close to gobble. Only I wouldn’t want anythin’ to gobble my mind, so I reckon I’ll ’member me the difference. Emmy-Lou, lemme show you a trick.” Hope covered Emmy-Lou’s hand and pressed the fork down on the rice. “This’ll make the rice stick together better. Now use your bread like a wall so’s the fork will scoop up the rice and make it to your mouth. There.”

“I did it!”

“Yup.”

Emmy-Lou finished that bite and started pressing down the rest of her rice. “Phineas, I’m learning to count up-up-up high.

Hope’s special quilt has lotsa stars. Me and her and Auntie Annie didn’t unfold all of it yet, so I don’t know how many more there are. I found eighteen so far.”

“Eighteen.” Phineas nodded gravely.

“God made lotsa stars in the sky. We can’t see all of them, either. I counted the blankets for Aunt Annie’s baby. She gots seven now, only she won’t use all of them on the baby at the same time.”