Forever's Affection (Forever In Luck Series Book 3) (22 page)

 
“My hope,” she said with a laugh, “was that
she’d register me for school so I could get a lunch. Kids are supposed to go to
school to learn, I wanted to go so I could eat. But she didn’t register me,
ohhhh
no, that would’ve been responsible. When people
wondered why I wasn’t in school, she told them she was holding me back because
I was ‘slow.’ You’ve seen Junie, I wasn’t big by any means, but when I became
too tall for the lie to hold water, she left me at D.D.’s. I was eight.” Dani
felt herself becoming emotional and hated that she could still be hurt by this
woman.

Taking
a deep breath, she tried calming herself down before continuing. “I was baggage
at that point, and guess what, stupider than a box of rocks. I was stupid.
Several years behind other kids my age, couldn’t read, or write, or do math,
nothing. Couldn’t even spell my name, didn’t know the alphabet. I couldn’t
learn, they tried, I tried, we all tried, but other than some real basic
stuff…” She shook her head and looked off into the depth of the darkness. “I
was never good at it, too scared to pay attention, too afraid to ask
questions,”

Kris
took her hand and she started to cry. “Wade and Clint, they had a chance. They
were boys and there was always a ranch that needed cheap labor, so she’d farm
them out for the money. Fortunate for them, people would take pity on them and
feed them, give them hand me downs, make sure they got some schooling, and so
on.” She stopped having run out of steam.

Then
continuing, the sadness apparent in her voice, she said quietly, “So, yeah,
those were my early years, and I don’t remember much else other than I dreaded
the nighttime.” She closed her eyes, hating the memory. “
Ohhh
,
did I hate the nighttime,” she said with despair, feeling like she was choking
on razor blades. Hardening herself and clamping down on her memories, she said
plainly, “I don’t want to counsel and talk about it, I don’t want to remember.
I want to let it go, and if something should come up as a result of it, I’ll
deal with it at that point. Further, my decision to handle it in this way is
not up for discussion.”

Walking
to the swing, she sat and he sat next to her, putting his arm around her and
pushing them with his long legs. “I told you about D.D. and my time at the
ranch. Short of my learning issues, I made a lot of progress over the years,
watched and studied horses, practiced roping and cracking. D.D. was raised on a
ranch in Florida, and later moved to Wyoming to establish himself. He taught me
most of what I know about trick riding and roping. I immersed myself in it
because I was good at it, unlike the schooling bit where I was a miserable
failure. I ran for Miss Rodeo Wyoming because people urged me to. I never
expected to win and almost didn’t do it for the doubt and insecurity I held. I
was happy and proud of my accomplishments. Then my mother showed up, and then
Sugar—”

“Who’s
Sugar?”

It
was
spontaneous,
she gritted her teeth and growled.

CHAPTER 11

Her
answer was laced with venom.
“Deegan junior, D.D.’s son.
They call him Sugar D. Whatever you do, don’t ever call me sugar, ever. It
makes me angry to the point of violence.” She stopped and took a few deep
breaths before continuing.

“So
they both show up, my mother looking for any money she could get her hands on,
and Sugar wanting to cash in by promoting and marketing my endeavors, while he
took advantage of a few “benefits” for himself. Both of them were told, in no
uncertain terms, to leave by D.D., making for a tense family reunion. They
leave, time goes by, my reign is on the downswing and I’m preparing for Miss
Rodeo USA, except there are problems because there’s a written portion to the
program that contestants are judged on, and I can’t write, blah, blah, blah.

“Suddenly,
my mother shows up at the ranch. Walks up to me, hands me a baby, and a diaper
bag gifted by the hospital with three diapers and two little bottles of formula
in it, then she leaves without a word. It’d been damn near nine months to the
day, that she and Sugar had been at the ranch, and all I could think was that
this was probably his child. D.D. took one look, put two and two together, and
became violently angry.

“I’m
fairly certain she’s his, because she has his eye color and other minor
resemblances, as well as some mannerisms too. Anyways, it made no matter to me,
because I fell in love with her in an instant, and she was mine. I supported
her off my winnings and savings, with D.D. providing the basics. I no longer
cared about being Miss Rodeo USA and essentially threw the contest so I
wouldn’t win, which didn’t endear me to some who knew what I’d done.

“But
I didn’t care, because it was all about Junie for me. When she was almost two,
D.D. died, and I was essentially without support or a roof over my head even
though I was still at the ranch. D.D. would’ve provided for me, but people are
the way they are, and you never think your time will come to an end anytime
soon. So naturally, things get pushed back for another day.

He
pushed the swing and rubbed her arm. Resting her head on his shoulder, she
looked up at the stars. “Near broke, I went to social services and received
help completing the forms for assistance. About that time, my mother got wind
about D.D. and showed up thinking for sure there’d be a big payout for me, but
there wasn’t. It all went to Sugar D. Anyways, while all this was working
itself out and the will waiting to be read, the county caught up with me and my
mother, child protective services in tow, and my mother in a ton of hot water
because she’d been collecting welfare checks for near two years on a child she
wasn’t caring for.

“She
was pissed, the story of which I’ll spare you. The county stepped in and took
Junie when it was revealed I had no roof over my head, so to speak, and they
were investigating my mother. Of course during all this, Sugar was being a pain
in the ass. He’d always had a thing for me, but as he and D.D. never got along,
he was never around the ranch, thank God.

“When
I became Queen Lexy, he really put the pressure on. Being a rodeo organizer and
promoter, and given my status and skill, I was a goldmine for him. He did
everything he could to manipulate me, telling me he would help me get Junie
back, provide a place for us, but with ‘conditions’ as he called it, and became
angry when I wouldn’t submit to his ‘I’ve got an itch only you can scratch,
I’ll make it so good for you baby you’ll never want to leave.’ What a load of
bullshit.”

She
turned more and laid her head in Kris’s lap staring up at the stars as they
went back and forth. “With D.D. gone, my mother MIA, and Junie in protective
services, I left. I was damn near broke because I’d been off the circuit caring
for Junie, and had spent virtually everything I’d saved raising her. So there
was a night here, and a night there, and so on, while I tried getting Junie
back.

“I
needed money bad. I went over Sugar’s head, to his boss, because I knew Sugar
would be a pain in the ass. I secured a couple trick riding gigs and was able
to get them to front me some gas money to get me to the first show. Sugar
must’ve heard first thing from his boss, because when I went back to the ranch
to get my horses and gear, he headed over in a hurry, telling me my mother had
gotten Junie back and showed up at the ranch leaving her there and that she was
upstairs sleeping.

“He
wasn’t dumb, he knew my weakness. I ran to the house and up the stairs, and he
was behind me the whole way. When I got up there, he tackled me, and the rest
is history. He was pissed. I fought him and tried, but in the end he got his way
and won. But I guarantee
you,
he was walking funny for
sure and had enough marks on him that needed explanation.

“Me,
I was at the hospital and on the run, needing to be on the road to make money
to get Junie back. I burned out weeks later, somewhere between Cheyenne and
Casper, near sick to death having found out that Junie had been returned to my
mother and I knew not where she’d been taken. A brief stint in the hospital for
exhaustion, along with the assistance of a social worker, and I was in a women’s
shelter receiving counseling and therapy.”

Kris
stopped her by taking her hand and kissing it. “I’m not criticizing, I’m just
wondering, why didn’t you press charges against him?”

Pausing,
she took a deep breath.
“For several reasons.
One, because it’s my business and I get to choose what to do with
it.
Two, because I don’t want anyone to know.
Right now, people in Wyoming think that Sugar and I don’t get along because of
something to do with the distribution of D.D.’s assets, and that’s how I want
it. Three, because the way it is right now, I have more control over Sugar than
he has over me, which works out better for us. The
fourth,
and most important reason is that I never want Junie to find out and feel blame
or guilt for what happened.”

Rubbing
her ear as he smothered her hair behind it, he asked, “What kind of control do
you have over him?”

“I
have evidence of what he did, hospital records, pictures,
sample
and test results. It’s locked in, and he knows it. I did not look good after it
was over, and the pictures tell the story. And that doesn’t include what I
could do to him if he is revealed to be Junie’s father. He’s screwed and I can
take him down within a matter of a few phone calls. So, I served him with a
restraining order that is reiterated in every contract I sign via my attorney,
and he behaves and stays away from me and Junie. My skill not being in
question, the pay for trick riding needs to be prepaid to a third party account
ahead of the show, where it is held till the job is done, that way I don’t get
cheated out of my earnings and I don’t have to talk to him to collect my pay.
If it’s not there within twenty four hours of show time, I don’t ride.”

Sliding
his hand under her head, he picked her up as he leaned down and kissed her.
“Good girl, I’m proud of you.” Then he kissed her again, before continuing,
“So, at the hospital for exhaustion and on to the women’s shelter, then what
happened?”

She
took a deep breath. “They connected me with the man who is now my attorney. He
helps women such as me, and he took me on pro bono at the time. We fought for
Junie and lost. It takes a hell of a lot to have a parent deemed unfit and for
the courts to remove a child from their care. Believe it or not, shitty care is
care in the eyes of the court system.”

Straightening
her bent legs, she hung her feet over the end of the swing. Staring up at the
stars some more, she continued. “My mother, that horrid, ungrateful woman, told
them I was lying, that she had indeed cared for Junie, and that I was a “has been”
on the rodeo circuit, burning through my winnings, drinking and partying,
sleeping around, living with an older man, and now with his death, penniless,
needing money, and angry with her because she wouldn’t let me live with her,
blah, blah, blah. D.D. being gone, I had no one to corroborate my end of
things. Let me say it again, I hate my mother. She has never cared one iota for
me, and when I get down and depressed about things, I have to remind myself
that in life, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional, and so I do my
best to forget where I came from.”

Taking
his hand in hers, she laced her fingers with his. “I left Wyoming not able to
stay and see what I had not been able to stop, and because other than my time
with D.D., and my late teen years on the circuit, Wyoming is nothing but pain
and sorrow for me.
So there.
You know it all. No more
secrets that I know of. Well, except that my mother is most likely still
collecting money for Junie, and I have nothing of hers paperwork wise to be
able to receive assistance here. So I have to pay for everything myself, or
risk social services, and lord knows who else, getting involved and making
things worse for the two of us.

“I
fully expect on any given day, I will open my door to find the authorities coming
to take Junie away. So fair warning, when it happens, it will absolutely kill
me. Other than my cell phone and the general vicinity of Minneapolis, my mother
knows not where I am, and I keep my phone only because of Junie. My hope is
that six months will go by without a word from her,
then
I’ll petition the courts to declare me Junie’s parent via de facto and
abandonment. So that’s it, all of it. I love Junie more than you could ever
imagine, and I’ve done everything I can to protect her. I’m sorry to have
brought you into this
mess,
I tried to push you away.
I told you I came with baggage, and I understand if you can’t be a part of
this.”

His grip on her tightened.
“Meaning what?”

Sensing
his tension, she explained, “I need to be realistic. I don’t expect any man or
woman to want to be a part of this mess.”

“You’re
not getting rid of me,” he bit out firmly.

Sitting
up, she looked at him in the starlight. “I don’t want to get rid of you, but
you’re a good person with a nice life, and this is ugly, and I in no way expect
you to jeopardize all you’ve worked for, for us.”

His
anger simmered below the surface, the heat palpable in the cool breeze. “Let’s
get something straight, you and me,” he growled low. “I’m not letting you go.
I’m not, and I’m not letting Junie go either. You two are my girls.”

Man,
had she ever hit the jackpot with this one, too bad she couldn’t keep him. He
was such a good man, her heart wept for him. “Oh Kris, I—”

“Don’t
say it, don’t. Please don’t. You have to believe in this.”

She
could hear the pain and anguish in his voice and she could only imagine the
scene Linnie had described of him standing on the porch of his first true love
and her rejection of him. Taking strength from the injustice of it all and
sitting up further, she took his face in her hand and looked up at him in the
light of the moon.

“Kris,
I won’t lie, I refuse to lead you on. I came here because Junie was taken from
me and I needed to move on without her. But now that we’re back together, we’re
a package, and I’ll have to be where she is. I hate to say it, but I’ll most
likely get dragged back to Wyoming because of this whole mess. Then what? You
can’t leave here, and I might be stuck there. I refuse to give you false hope,
it’s not fair, and I don’t want to let you down. You deserve better than that.
I can’t make any commitments till this thing with Junie is settled. I’m sorry.”

*****

Not
again! Oh the pain. He sat staring down at her, and wanted to kick something,
break something. Hell, he wanted to yell, holler, and refuse to accept her
answer, but she was right, Junie needed her. His little koala bear needed her.
“If you could, would you?”

She
closed her eyes, and dropped her head. He heard the distance in her voice.
“Kr—”

“Just
answer me!” he snapped. His anger bursting forth like sparks from a welder’s
arc, and her head jerked back. Gentling his demand for an answer as they looked
towards one another, he said, “Would you if you could?”

“Yes,”
she said softly.

“I’ll
wait for you—”

“No,
you can’t, no waiting,” she said, shaking her head.

He
snapped again. “Hey, you don’t get to tell me what to do here—he rapped on his
chest, the area over his heart with his fist—I decide, not you. I’m waiting
because there will never be another to compare with you.” Wrapping her hand in
his, he put it to his heart and held it there. “It’s you, or its nothing.”

“I
don’t want that for you. There are lots of women out there that are as good, if
not better, than me. You said you wanted it
all,
marriage, kids, memories, and I want you to have that. You deserve that.”

“If
you want that for me, than say you’ll marry me, because I’m telling you, it’s
the only way it’ll happen.”

“Kris…”

He
shook his head, and dug in his heels. “No, I’m serious. I’m not going anywhere,
and it’s you I want. I know we’ve only known each other a short time, and I
wanted to give you a little more time, but there may be none to be had. Dani,
by nature, I’m not an affectionate man, but with you and Junie, it’s all that I
am.