Authors: M J Rutter

Forget Me Never (27 page)

BOOK: Forget Me Never

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‘Forever yours, A.R.’

I folded the paper and placed back inside of the box, closed the lid and placed it into my bag. Mr Constantine said he would be back with some papers for everyone to sign and as he left, Emily came over to me,

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” I swallowed. “Are you?”

“I haven’t been okay since the day my baby brother was stolen from us,” her eyes filled with tears. “I have been a terrible sister-in-law to you, Grace and I can only apologise for being so selfish. You look so thin and pale and I know you are not looking after yourself. Just remember that baby didn’t ask for this and deserves the best chance. Please, I am begging you, start looking after yourself.”

“I am, it’s just I feel sick all of the time and with not sleeping…” I frowned. “Okay, I promise.” I nodded.

After everything was signed, Mr Constantine handed me a copy of the will, he said that as there was a personal message in it, I should at least have a copy. We all said our goodbyes and David said he would be at the car. After hugging Mark and Emily, Jake and Lance walked me down to the car. Lance opened the door and smiled slightly,

“Take care of yourself, Grace.”

“I will try,” I promised. “Listen, the house is quite lonely, so if either of you are at a loss as to what to do, please pop in, I’ll even make you a cuppa.”

“Of course,” Lance said and hugged me briefly.

“I’d be honoured.” Jake added.

I made a promise to myself to pull my act together and get on with living, just as Alec had told me to. It didn’t mean that I had forgotten about him, I just couldn’t go on living like an empty shell, a corpse. For the sake of our baby, I had to take better care and I had to get back to living.

At night I allowed myself to miss him, to let the walls I kept up during the day to fall and the pain of losing him to smother me once more. I don’t like to admit as each week passed, the pain became more bearable. I had returned to work and attended all of my appointments with the mid-wife. My bank balance was almost laughable, I had never had so much money, but I still worked and only spent my wages. Alec’s money sat in my account ready for when the baby arrived.

In early September I was almost four months pregnant and I woke early one Saturday after dreaming about Alec. We were in our meadow and he was pleading me to let him go, to let him have peace. I didn’t know what he meant in the dream, but as soon as I woke, I did.

I dressed and headed out to the car after packing a few things into a bag. I hadn’t driven a car in months and although I did get insurance on Alec’s Cayenne, I was a bit anxious in driving it.

I was on the motorway before six, so the roads were reasonably quiet. When I got to the services just outside of Oxford I phoned Emily and asked her to meet me at her parent’s grave.

I parked the car in front of the church and climbed out. Emily, dressed in a tracksuit, jammed her hands into her pocket as I approached with Alec’s ashes in my arms.

“Are you sure you are ready for this?” she asked.

“No, but I have to do it.” I replied. “It’s what Alec wanted.”

“Let’s go then.” She said and led me to the grave.

As soon as I got there it suddenly felt wrong, this is not what he wanted. “He doesn’t want this,” I frowned.

“How do you know?” she asked.

“I don’t know, I just do.” I turned around and looked back at the car. “I know where he wants to be.” I walked back towards the car, “Come on,” I said to her.

Driving a little further up the road my heart filled with pain, but memories of that amazing day filled my head and before I even stopped the car by the stile, my eyes were already filled with tears.

We climbed out and Emily lifted Alec’s ashes, bringing them to the edge of the meadow. The flowers were more like seed pods and the grass had turned yellow. But it was still our meadow and when the summer came again, the flowers would bloom and in them, Alec would bloom also.

“Are you sure, Grace?” she asked as we climbed over.

“This was his most favourite place in the world.” I nodded in certainty, “This is exactly where he’d want to be. Plus, when this little one gets here, I can bring her here and she can play with her cousins.”

“You’re having a girl?” she asked with tears in her eyes.

“I don’t know,” I shook my head. “It just feels like I am having a girl.”

“Well, Scarlett and Paige would be so happy if you did.”

We arrived at about the area where Alec and I sat down and he asked me to move in with him. I brushed away a tear as the light wind rustled the dry grass. Emily handed me the urn and I removed the lid.

“Are you ready?” Emily checked.

“I think so,” I admitted.

I turned the urn on its side and watched as grey ash began to fall and scatter over the ground. Some of the ash caught in the wind and wisped away, dancing across the meadow. As I emptied the urn, with tears streaming down my face, I felt a little bit lighter, the burden lifting from my soul. As if holding Alec in that urn was crushing me from within. Alec was finally free to rest in the afterlife and all I could do now was live my life to the fullest. I owed him at least that.

Epilogue

It’s a sunny fifth of July, I arrive at our meadow with Emily, Mark, Scarlett and Paige. Holding my hand as we cross the bright, green grass, dotted with flowers and butterflies, is our daughter Izabelle. She is almost two and the spit of her father. She has his curly, blonde hair and huge, brown eyes, his contagious laugh and his heart melting smile. She is my life now, she is all I need and I am happy being her mother because that’s all I want to be.

Camilla and Brian married earlier in the summer and they are sat on a picnic blanket waiting for us. Jake and his wife Crystal are setting out food and Lance is playing football with Miles and his son. My mum and dad are here for a few days and Elisa and Warren have made the three thousand mile trip to be here.

Now fourteen and a lot taller, Scarlett carries the cake she made for her Uncle Alec whom she misses every day, we all do. Each in our own way. Emily stopped smoking and Mark is now a school governor, they are doing okay. Now when she gets upset about the loss of her family, she comes here, the Maria’s Meadow.

It took a lot for me to sell Alec’s house and move to Abingdon, but I am happier living near his family, feeling as though I have more of a purpose in life has helped me and I thank God every day for my life. Yes, my heart has been broken, nothing and no one will ever replace the love that Alec showed me and right now, I am happy with that. I lost Alec, but from it I got a new kind of love and our little girl brings me so much joy.

Today, Alec would have been thirty, it seems such a waste that he was taken and I will never forgive Gerald for the damage he caused us. His life sentence will never be enough to atone for what he did.

As we each hold a blue balloon in a circle, we stand silently, remembering Alec and how he touched our lives. He is missed and he is loved still as much, I just pray that he is at peace and with his parents. That’s all I can hope for now.

Alec showed me how to love and be loved, he taught me how to take a chance on love and then, as our perfect, happy ever after was snatched away from us, I have to believe that the reason Alec came into my life was to show me, that love is good, love can heal and love will survive anything.

Paige and Scarlet count to three and we let the balloons go, they float up to a cloudless sky. I watch them until they disappear. Emily hugs me and mum insists we come and eat. Izabelle squeals at the sight of the balloons all flying off together and claps her hands. It makes us all chuckle, Alec would have adored his daughter, in fact, I feel he does.

I take a deep breath and allow the sun to warm my face, on the breeze I swear that I hear the words,

“I love you, Grace.”

“I love you too,” I mutter, “I always will.”

I was asked a few months after his death, had I known what would have happened, would I have still had the relationship with him. Would I have still loved him, married him and then lost him? And I answered in all certainty, too bloody right I would.

Alec did so much for me in the few months we were together. Not only did he show me a love greater than I could have ever imagined, he left me with the most precious gift in the world, our daughter, to love, cherish and to nurture for the rest of my life.

I still miss him so much, but Izabelle smiles and the pain dissipates, for in her smile and her eyes, I see Alec, and those are the parts of him I truly loved the most, who wouldn’t want that?

The End

About the Author

Melissa J Rutter lives on the south coast of England in the quay side town of Poole. She grew up nearby in the beach resort town of Bournemouth and after spending a year as a nanny in New Hampshire where she studied at the New Hampshire Institute of Art, she returned to her home and met her husband Francis. They have been happily married for fifteen years and have two wonderful children.

For more information on Melissa by visiting her website, melissajrutterauthor.webs or by visiting her Facebook page, Author Melissa J Rutter. You can follow her on Twitter @MelissaJRutter. She is always happy to hear from her readers.

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Lunar Ryce, Soul Collector, Lunar Ryce, Soul Searcher and Lunar Ryce, Soul Savior

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