Forgetting August (Lost & Found) (20 page)

As soon as I opened the door, though, I nearly flew into a very surprised Brick, who had his hand up in the air preparing to knock. He righted me with one hand as I stumbled in my haste, bringing me upright to his curious gaze.

“I didn’t expect to find you here,” he said, balancing a drink carrier with his free hand.

“Really? This wasn’t your secret plan all along?” I sneered, hating myself for taking my anger out on Brick—but really hadn’t he orchestrated this all? Hadn’t he been the reason we were even seeing each other again in the first place?

If he hadn’t shown up at my apartment all those weeks ago, would I still be engaged?

Would I still be sitting in my warm, inviting little apartment planning out the rest of my years with Ryan?

Or would I have eventually ended up in this same position?

Somehow, I already knew the answer.

“You want to go for a walk?” he asked, holding up his drink carrier. “I was supposed to meet August here for a morning hike down to the beach, but I’m guessing he forgot. Plus, I think you could use this coffee a bit more right now.”

I eyed the paper cups in his hand and bit the corner of my lip reluctantly. “Okay, but only because you have coffee.”

“I always know how to charm the ladies,” he chuckled, handing me a piping hot cup of joe. He dropped the cardboard carrier on the table by the front door and we headed out into the brisk morning air. The fog that had settled overnight was slowly starting to clear. Bit by bit, the city was beginning to reveal herself to the world once again, like a mask slowly being stripped away.

The crunch of gravel was the only sound between us for a while as we slowly walked down the street and sipped from our cups. Between each house, I’d sneak a glance at the gray ocean as the fog slowly began to recede over the water.

“You haven’t asked what happened—between August and me,” I said.

“Considering it’s barely seven in the morning, I don’t really need to ask, do I?”

“No, I suppose not.” I straightened slightly but kept walking.

“You know, I may be old, but I’m not that old,” he laughed.

I just shook my head, trying to hide the slight smirk he’d managed to get out of me. “Your jokes aren’t making this any better Brick,” I said, giving him a playful shove.

“Jokes always make everything better,” he argued, “Besides, who’s to say things need to be better than they already are? What if they’re already great now?”

I just shook my head in disbelief. “You really are as crazy as August said you were. Life is not great, Brick. It’s complicating and confusing and—”

“Real?”

“What?” I asked.

“Everyone’s life is complicated and confusing, Everly. It’s what keeps us breathing and not falling over dead of boredom. It’s the chaos that makes life worth it. Don’t deny what you’re feeling because it’s not simple or easy. Deny something because it doesn’t feel right, not because it’s complicated.”

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” I said as we passed another block. I took my last sip of coffee.

“Nah, what would I know? I’m just a country boy from the Midwest,” he winked.

“I’m just scared I’m falling down the rabbit hole again—bound to make the same mistakes with the same man over and over again.”

“But he’s not the same man, is he?” he reminded me.

“No, he’s not—but he could be.”

“Yes—he could and that’s a risk you have to decide if you’re willing to take. Because loving August as he is now doesn’t always mean that he’ll love you the same way back.”

And there it was—my deep, underlying fear. The one that kept me running from him time after time.

If I gave my heart over to a man who then turned into my worst nightmare…?

Who would be there to pick up the broken pieces?

No one, because there would be nothing left to find.

H
er scent was everywhere.

The sweet strawberry scent of her hair clung to the sheets, the air…hell, I think she’d permanently graphed it to my fucking nostrils. It was the first thing I noticed when I awoke, and damn if it didn’t make me want to reach out for her and feel her naked skin against mine again.

But she wasn’t here. She wasn’t anywhere.

After realizing her scent was the only thing she’d left in the bed, I quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed a pair of boxers, then headed downstairs in search of her.

Her clothes, keys…all gone.

I’d known this would happen. I’d even told her I expected it.

So why did it hurt so damn much?

Because even though I’d expected it, a small part of me—the hopeful, naive part—wanted her to choose me. To decide I was worth the risk.

But she’d chosen him.

She’d always choose him.

At least now I knew what it felt like to have her skin against mine, to taste her lips and feel her breath quicken as I moved inside her. No longer memories of a former forgotten life, these were mine now and I’d carry them to my grave.

Wandering into the kitchen I paused, seeing the bag of coffee grounds still open on the counter. Fingering the bag, I tried picturing how she’d looked the other day, moving around with ease from one corner to the next as if she owned the place.

“Hi.” Her voice nearly had me jumping, and I rotated around to see her standing in the doorway.

“Hi,” I answered, looking curiously at the blanket draped over her shoulders.

“I went for a walk—with Brick,” she explained, holding up a paper coffee cup.

“Shit!” I exclaimed, remembering the morning hike we’d planned. She just shrugged and kicked off her shoes, tossing the cup in the trash as she moved about the kitchen. I watched as she took over the coffee making once again, and a piece of my heart eased.

“It’s okay—it was good to see him. I needed a therapy session.” She gave me a weak smile.

I nodded, leaning against the counter as we waited for the coffee to percolate.

“Did you get what you needed?” I asked, not really sure how to phrase what I really wanted to ask.

“I think so,” she answered vaguely, eyeing me from across the room.

“Okay.”

I didn’t know what else to say, but I was afraid to stop talking. Afraid that if there was a long enough lull, she would leave again. And if she left, would that be the end? Would she ever come back?

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, tapping her nails against the counter. “You’re waiting for me to run—to make a mad dash out those doors and never come back.”

“Well, it is what you’ve done in the past,” I reminded her.

“I know—and look where it brought us.” She let out a long sigh as her eyes met mine. “I’ve made a mess of things, trying to come to terms with what I’m feeling. You would think after years of therapy I would have a better grasp over my own mind, but it turns out I’m just as lost and confused as I was then. I don’t want to run anymore, August.”

“Then don’t,” I simply said, taking a step forward.

“This scares me,” she whispered.

“It scares me, too.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget the past.”

“You shouldn’t,” I urged. “Never forget the man I became, Everly. I don’t ever want to become him again.”

“I’m not making any promises,” she said, her voice soft and low as she closed the last remaining gap between us.

“I’m not asking for any. I just want a chance.”

As badly as I wanted to touch her and taste her all over again, I needed her to make the first move. I’d given her no choice in the matter last night when I’d kissed her, but now—now, I needed to know she wanted this as much as I did.

I needed to know she wanted me.

It felt like a slow eternity in hell as I watched her eyes roam my skin, moving over the hollow of my neck, until they lingered on my bare chest. I held my breath as I watched her fingers reach out, barely skimming my torso as she began to explore me with her timid touch.

I was on fire, yet frozen in place, and for the first time since I’d opened my eyes for the first time in the hospital, I felt alive again.

There was no anger, no hatred or ulterior motive between us this time as I reached for her. I’d remember every memory I had with Everly in this new life, but I had a feeling these were the ones I’d dream about.

I lifted her into my arms and carried her carefully back upstairs, remembering her words from the night before. Avoiding the master bedroom, I walked toward the guest room. If that room made her more comfortable, I’d move everything I owned in there just to make her happy.

I set her gently down on the bed. Her vivid blue eyes never left mine. They fluttered closed as I silently dragged my fingers up her bare arm, across the hollow of her neck and down the valley between her breasts. Her hips rose, and her back arched as I slowly lifted her shirt, throwing it to the floor.

There were so many things I’d missed in my haste the night before. I’d been so angry—driven by pure instinct—that I’d failed to stop and appreciate what I had in front of me.

Everly was pure perfection before my eyes.

From the tiny freckles scattered over her creamy skin to the surprising tattoo on her beautiful shoulder, I couldn’t have dreamed a more perfect woman if I tried.

Kissing a path down from her belly button, I began unbuttoning her jeans and she helped me slide them off her hips. Her legs went on for days, and I had plans to be buried between them for just as long.

I slid up her body, cradling it beneath mine as my lips left a trail of kisses along the way.

“August,” she said softly.

My eyes met hers.

“I need to know, before this goes any further. I can’t allow anyone else to get hurt because of us. So I need to know—are you still seeing Magnolia?”

My head dropped to her chest and I shook it back and forth.

“No,” I answered. “I tried. Believe me, I did.”

“It was the name, wasn’t it?” she joked, a slight rumble in her ribcage bringing my head up again. I smirked slightly.

“No, it was you. It was always you,” I said, remembering the night I’d gone to Magnolia’s after Everly left. Barely thirty minutes and two drinks in, I’d apologized and ended it. For good.

There was only one woman I wanted to be with.

“I don’t know why or how, but it’s only ever been you since the moment I woke up.”

She pulled me closer until our lips met and no other words were needed. My mouth moved with hers, devouring her sweet softness. Touching her tenderly, I wove my fingers into the coppery strands of her hair as our kiss deepened. Her hands seemed to be everywhere at once, as she gently caressed the corded muscles of my stomach, sliding her fingers up my chest as she gripped my shoulders and wrapped her knees around my waist.

A complete contrast from the night before: we didn’t rush a thing. Every move, every touch was carried out as if we had an entire lifetime to spend in this bed.

And if I had my way, we would. I never wanted to leave.

When the last of our clothing was shed, I took my time kissing her skin, teasing the tender peaks of her nipples with my tongue until she begged me to stop. I gladly complied, pulling the pink bud into my mouth and giving it a hard suck. Everly screamed out my name and I nearly came just from the sound alone.

My hands were shaking as I grabbed a condom from the nearby table.

No more games.

The next time she screamed out my name, it would be with me inside her.

Her eyes never left me as she watched me slowly unroll the condom over my shaft. Whatever feelings of guilt or remorse she may have been feeling earlier, she’d put them aside for now and was solely focused on me. Only me.

That look made me feel like I could take on the entire world.

It gave me a glimpse of the man I wanted to be.

I bent back down and felt shivers race up my spine at the feeling of our warm bodies rejoining. We were like two halves of puzzle interlocking seamlessly. She was my other half—I just needed to convince her of that. And every second she was here in my arms, I’d fight like hell to prove it to her.

Her gaze never left mine as I moved, and I felt the trust she gave with every powerful jolt of my hips. I felt humbled, honored and weighted by the enormous responsibility of it all. How my former self had neglected such a precious treasure, I’d never understand. But now that I had a second chance, I’d give everything to right my wrongs.

Even if I didn’t remember them.

“I know you’re scared,” I breathed, lavishing her neck with long, smoldering kisses. “But I can’t ignore how right this feels when we’re together.”

She answered by arching her back, as her fingers dug into mine, pulling me closer, deeper. Our lips met in a frenzy—tongues mating as our bodies crested over the edge of delirium. Sweat dripped from our skin as I worshiped her, bringing her to the peak of ecstasy. She writhed and moaned, wrapping her legs tightly around my waist. Running my hand down her leg, I pushed on her thigh, freeing it from its viselike grip around my waist, edging it closer to her chest.

“Oh God!” she cried as I deepened the angle of each thrust.

“Let go,” I said, kissing her lips once again until I felt her body tighten around me. “That’s it,” I whispered.

“August!” she screamed, wave after wave of release sweeping over her beautiful body. I couldn’t stop myself from claiming her lips again, needing to taste her as she came apart. Feeling my own climax was imminent, I never slowed the pace of our lovemaking, prolonging her orgasm in spades. She gripped my shoulders and moaned between kisses as I came.

I swear I saw fucking stars.

I’m sure my former self had had more sexual encounters that he could count, but for me—practically newborn, barely alive a few months, I could count them on one hand—the waitress and Everly.

Neither of those encounters had ever brought me to my knees like this. Collapsing next to her, I was sure I’d never move another muscle in my life.

She’d destroyed me.

I only hoped it was permanent, because I never wanted to go back.

“So is this what you do with your spare time then?” Everly asked as I set the sparsely filled tray down on the bed before her.

Laughing, I answered, “Well, besides photography, watching shitty movies, and taking you to bed, yeah I guess,” I answered with a shrug.

“It’s just…” She looked curiously at the different types of food. “So weird.”

I chuckled and nodded. “I know, but okay…hear me out.” She gave me a look that said she was just humoring me as I held out my hands in defense. “Just one minute.”

“Okay.” A slight grin tugged at the corner of her lip.

“You go to an ice cream shop and look at the various types of sundaes. Each have several different ingredients and based on that, you make your selection, right?” Biting her lip to keep from laughing, she nodded. I ignored her, shaking my head, and continued with my explanation.

“Over your life, you’ve tried everything on that menu—maybe individually or with something else, but you’ve made a conscious decision whether you like it. Me? I’m starting from scratch. Looking at a menu like that? I truly don’t have a clue if I like caramel or cherries or even whipped cream.”

“So, you’ve decided to do it this way?” she asked, motioning to the tray again.

“Okay, I know…it’s weird. But I’m a guy. We’re simple creatures. One thing at a time seemed like a good idea when I started and I just haven’t been able to graduate to anything else,” I admitted. I looked down at my pathetic excuse for a meal, which consisted of plain eggs, sliced cheese, and coffee.

“So,” she smirked, “when you discovered you liked eggs and cheese, you never had the idea to…I don’t know, combine them?”

“That requires cooking.”

“Oh my god,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re pathetic—like a toddler.”

“Yes. Yes I am. You came just in time to save me.”

Her hand paused midway as she reached for a piece of cheese. “What am I going to tell Ryan?” she asked, her face falling as the realization of own situation hit her. Laughing over eggs and cheese had suddenly become a serious matter as she came face to face with real life again.

“Why do you need to tell him anything? He left you,” I reminded her gently, grabbing a piece of cheese for myself.

“It’s not that simple,” she answered. “I’ll have to go back there. I have to find a place to live.”

“Live here,” I said, the words leaving my mouth as quickly as my heart leapt at the idea of having her forever.

Her eyes met mine, as fear and doubt seemed to swipe away her features.

“You’re even crazier than I thought,” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Yes, I am. When I’m around you, I feel crazy, delirious, and for the first time since I woke up, I feel truly alive. What I feel for you doesn’t make any sense, Everly. None of this does, but if we’re going to do this—then let’s do it. If there’s anything I’ve learned about life in this little do-over I’ve been given, it’s that there’s no time for half-assing your way through things.”

Her eyes filled with worry as she busily bit down on her bottom lip, obviously contemplating my words.

Feverishly shaking her head back and forth, she said, “I can’t depend on someone. Not again. I can’t be that person.”

“But I don’t want you to be anywhere else.”

“So charge me,” she suggested. “Make me pay rent.”

My eyes widened in shock. “Now you’re the one out of your mind! Why would I do that? I am the last person on earth who needs more money, Everly.”

“And I am the last person on earth who needs to be dependent on another man. Please, August. Let me do this. I should have never moved in with Ryan, and let him handle the majority of the rent. It gave him power—power he never used, but still it puts me at a disadvantage. I can’t ask him to leave and now I’m left without a home. I can’t jump from feeling powerless with one man to doing the same with another. Especially—”