Forgiven: One Man's Journey from Self-Glorification to Sanctification (43 page)

Vince brought up the idea of personally descending from atop the arena in an effort to demonstrate that the stunt, which cost Owen his life only seven days earlier was indeed safe.

In his defense, not only was Vince not thinking straight, but as he heard the words come out of his own mouth he realized what he had 310

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said, and said no more. And let me also add that on several occasions prior to Owen’s death, I personally witnessed Vince attempt “stunts” before asking the talent to perform them — to make sure they were safe. Hours before the Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels Iron Man Match at WrestleMania xii, Vince actually did the Heartbreak Kid’s Superman entrance, via rip cord, from the top of the arena to the floor. I can also remember an instance where Road Dog had to talk Vince out of being wheeled off the stage to the floor in a Dempsey Dumpster prior to Dog doing it.

As I sit here and write this, many years later, I think I know why Vince suggested repeating Owen’s descent. Knowing Vince, I’m sure he felt horribly guilty that he hadn’t tried it first. But again, none of us viewed the stunt as dangerous. It had been done many times before, and professionals were always involved in making it safe.

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Chapter 53

MR. INVISIBLE

We were on top. Over a period of two years we had increased the ratings by well over five points. In the cable industry, that is unheard of. I was the golden boy
inside
Titan Tower. Those in the know were saying I was the person who’d saved the World Wrestling Federation. Vince, the Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Chyna were all becoming media darlings. And Eric Bischoff? He was looking for a new line of work.

Throughout it all, I felt as if I was Vince McMahon’s best-kept secret. I was Mr. Invisible. One part of me understood, but the other part was po’d. As a business man, Vince didn’t dare let my contributions as a writer for the wwf be known, perhaps because there would then be some interest in me outside of wrestling. It was about this time that Kevin Dunn invited me to a brainstorming meeting with a bunch of programming execs who represented Studios usa, the syndication division of the usa Network. Among those present were Steve Rosenberg, the president of the division, and Richard Dominick, the 312

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executive producer of the
Jerry Springer Show
.

With that kind of audience, I knew that I almost had to get up on the table and do an Irish jig. And, I practically did. Rosenberg was from Long Island, so we hit it off immediately. Many times he would shush his own people so he could hear what I had to say. At the time, Studios usa was looking for a way to do syndicated shows with the wwf. They wanted ideas — and I fired them out almost quicker than my mouth could move. Man, I wooed them. When the meeting broke up they had to be saying, “Who is this guy — and where did he come from?” I saw that meeting as an opportunity to showcase my talents.

About a week later, I asked Kevin Dunn when we were going to meet with the Studios usa people again. Kevin said to me, “Don’t worry about it — you don’t need to be attending those meetings anymore.”

What did you want me to think? I knew that Vince didn’t want anyone to know about me. Another clue? The company was about to go public, so the pr department had a prospectus printed up showcasing the company and those who made it tick. “Key people in the organization,” I think they called it. And there he was, in all his glory —

Jim Ross. I even think he had his cowboy hat on. If Jim Ross was more valuable to Titan Sports than I was, then Michael Jordan was more valuable to the Chicago White Sox then he was to the Bulls.

Ross and I weren’t even on the same playing field — where he played the role of yes-man, I made a difference. You may be saying to yourself, “It sounds like part of this can be attributed to Russo’s ego.” You know what? You’re probably right. But it was also about much more than that — it was about principle.

I’ve got to mention this. Just recently Vince did a pr tour of Australia where my name came up. In reference to my stint in wcw, Vince said something to the effect of “Vince Russo failed in wcw because he let his ego get in the way.”

I want to comment on this. For starters, Vince has no idea what happened when I was with wcw. He doesn’t have the first clue. If he wants to believe stories, from a fossil who has recently rejoined his 313

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organization — then he can knock himself out. But does Vince McMahon actually want to talk about somebody else’s ego?

This is coming from the same guy who broadcast to the entire world that he, singlehandedly, was going to take down the National Football League with a little somethin’–somethin’ by the name of the xfl; the same guy who seriously thought the American people would sit on the edge of their Lay-Z Boys every night while he gave his views on global issues; the same guy who has a
monstrous
self-portrait of himself hanging in his home in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Vince Russo has an ego?

Wow.

Looking back now — Vince wasn’t the only one guilty of having an ego. . . .

There I go again — talking about Vince having an ego and not me. Wait a minute . . . I have my
Webster’s
right here — let me look it up.

Ego. 1: the individual as aware of himself. 2: conceit. 3: the part of the psyche which governs action rationally.

Wait . . . was number two “conceit”? Am I claiming not to have been

“conceited”? Wasn’t it all about me?
I did this, I did that?
Did I thank anyone else,
ever?

You see, that’s the beauty of Jesus. Once you accept him into your heart, it’s no longer about you. If the next guy wants to take all the credit, let him. If it makes him feel good, give it to him. Why? Because once you are saved, there is only one person to please — the guy upstairs who made it all possible.

Man, every magazine with a picture of Vince made me want to vomit.

The guy was taking credit for everything. And I was nowhere to be found — not even as a footnote. At first it wasn’t a big deal — as long as Vince paid me. But the better we did and the more Vince talked about himself, the more despondent I became. Vince the genius —

yeah, right. This was the guy that gave the go-ahead for Who’s tag-team partner, What.

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While a part of me was feeling slighted, another part was experiencing a sense of great self-satisfaction. Everything I had set out to do, I’d accomplished. I should have been on the high of my life, yet I was becoming more and more miserable, and it wasn’t just about not getting the props. For starters, I no longer had a life. I had put so much energy into my job that my own family had become strangers.

Amy and I were just so distant — and I felt like I couldn’t fix it. It’s almost as if I was embarrassed for choosing my profession over my wife, my only true love, and my three kids . . . my flesh and blood.

And, I don’t know, I was always thinking about Owen Hart. I thought about the way he dedicated himself to the wrestling business — all those days he spent on the road — and then one day, it was all over.

No warning, no nothing.

What should have been the pinnacle of my career was turning into the lowest point of my life. I was tired, depressed and physically, mentally and emotionally worn-out. Vince had taken everything I had, and he was about to ask for more. Expect it, demand it.

There’s something you really need to know to understand my mindset at that time. You see, outside of the ring I had other responsibilities — you know, weekly duties that are just part of everyday life.

Cutting the lawn, going to the bank, helping my kids with their homework, getting the oil changed in my car — the things that just don’t go away. My point is — when you’re working 80 hours a week you still have to find the time to get all that other stuff done. That’s something Vince can’t relate to. He doesn’t go to the bank. Doesn’t go to Jiffy Lube. He has no idea which is more durable — the Snapper or the Lawn Boy — and he probably thinks Briggs & Stratton was an ecw tag team!

When Vince had down time it was just that — down time. I can remember one time during the holidays, Vince had a maintenance guy from Titan come to his house to put up his Christmas tree. Well, after putting up the tree, Maintenance Joe forgot to fold up the ladder and take it down. When I came back to Vince’s house the 315

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following week the ladder was still in the same spot. Vince never even moved it.

God bless him, but when you make that kind of money you just don’t live the same life everybody else does.

And even though I was making good coin myself, I never wanted to lose sight of who I was or where I came from. I wanted to be the same guy who used to sling textbooks for a whopping $14,500 a year.

For some reason, I never wanted the money to change my life…. And it never did.

Looking back now, it was simply because the money never really mattered. Even though, at times, I felt like I’d become a prisoner to it, at the end of the day it was just never that important to me. I don’t know…. Now that I had it… it just seemed like I didn’t want it.

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Chapter 54

SMACKDOWN

When the execs at tbs made the decision to add a two-hour wrestling show to their schedule on Wednesday nights, we were far from delighted. We knew that four hours of wrestling programming a week would kill not only the talent, but the product as well. It was
clearly
overkill, for everybody involved. But at the time, wcw was on a roll

— and Turner wanted more, more, more. Now it was Vince’s turn to want more, more, more.

I knew it was a mistake to add
Smackdown
to our programming schedule. It would just water down the product. But Vince — being Vince — didn’t want to hear any of that. As I said earlier — nothing is ever enough for Vince. The guy just can’t be happy and content.

He’s got to push all the time, and in the process, drive everybody working with him straight into the ground. Unfortunately, I was never asked my opinion. I was just told to write another show.

So, suddenly my workload doubled. Sure, I had Ed writing with 317

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me — but four hours of tv a week? Do you know how many writers it took to write a half-hour of
Friends
every week? And those writers weren’t dealing with injuries. And I’m sure Jennifer Aniston never asked, “How is losing this match going to help
me?”
I was now writing nonstop, 22 segments a week. Think about that.

Think about
Frasier
as a four-hour marathon — every week. If I thought there was pressure before — what was this? To come up with a better show, not once a week now — but now twice —
!@#$% me!

Like a match in a drizzle I was still burning, but barely. Man, I was on the verge of snapping. I can remember getting home at about nine o’clock one night, and just standing at the kitchen table cutting a promo (one-person dialogue) on everything and everybody. I was babbling — I didn’t even know what I was saying. I remember ending the promo in a laughing rage — I was losing my mind.

Worse, I knew that there was no place left to go. We had already peaked. We had brought the ratings into the sevens — what else was there to prove? All that remained to be answered was how much more money could I make for Vince. This was bs — I was going to have a nervous breakdown or a heart attack. I needed a change. I needed something — I just wasn’t sure what that something was.

Then came an offer I couldn’t refuse.

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Chapter 55

HOLLYWOOD

I’m bad with dates, but it was some time in the early summer of 1999

when Ed Ferrara introduced me to his friend, Theresa Edy. She was an executive vice-president for a production studio in Los Angeles by the name of Greenblatt-Janollari. An attractive, take-charge woman, Theresa had been speaking to Ed about developing a show based on professional wrestling. Ed was a little hesitant, but after telling me about the idea, I told him he should at least meet with her to see what she had to say. At the time, coming as a television writer from La-La Land, Ed was done with the town. Hollywood was just a memory as he looked to move on in his life. Me? I was coming from a totally different place. I always had a dream of being a cog in the Tinseltown wheel, and there is no doubt in my mind that if I hadn’t been married at 22 — I would have been. Maybe this was my second chance.

Ed and I met with Theresa and her husband following a show we had at the Anaheim Pond. Theresa told us that at the time, sports 319

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entertainment was
it
in Hollywood. With the current success of the wwf, everybody was looking to hop on the bandwagon. Theresa then made her pitch to Ed, “Who better to write a pilot about professional wrestling than you and Vince?” Ed told Theresa he would think about it and let her know. I knew I was already in.

After the meeting, Ed and I went back to Stamford and worked on a treatment between writing
Raw
and
Smackdown
. Ed did most of the work. Being experienced in “real” tv, he knew what needed to be done. I pitched in where I could, just trying to learn every step of the way. After the treatment was finished, Ed began to get cold feet. Not only did he really not want to get involved in Hollywood again — he was also afraid of losing the job that had got him
out
of Hollywood.

After various discussions, Ed made the decision to skip out on the project — but I was still determined to go spaldings-to-the-wall. So I called Theresa and told her I was going it alone. My chances of selling a pilot were now diminished because I no longer had Ed’s Hollywood name and reputation — but I was still determined to give it a shot.