Forgiving Hearts: Duncurra 1-3 (8 page)

“Lady Katherine and I have decided ye need to have a family; ye need parents.”

“But I don’t know how to get a family.” Tomas sounded concerned.

“That’s all right, you don’t need to worry about that.” Katherine knelt beside him. “We thought maybe you would like for us to be your parents.”

“Really? Can I call you Mama?”

“Aye, sweetheart,” she said, and he flung himself into her arms, nearly knocking her over with his fierce hug. Then he looked shyly up at Niall and asked in another loud whisper, “What do I call the laird?”

“I think ‘Da’ will be fine.” Niall said and Tomas threw his arms around Niall’s legs.

Fingal laughed, saying, “Before ye ask, Tomas, ye can call me Uncle Fingal.”

With Edna’s help, Katherine slipped easily into life at Duncurra during the next several weeks. Her days fell into a comfortable rhythm. Although she was in the habit of waking very early, Niall generally arose before her. He had usually dressed and gone by the time she woke. He spent much of the day away from the keep, seeing to the needs of the clan and the training of his men, while she managed the keep.

Katherine looked forward to the evenings when they sat together by the hearth in the great hall before retiring. While no one could ever forget Niall was their laird, he seemed more relaxed and at his ease during this time. Fingal and Diarmad nearly always joined them, as did other guardsmen occasionally. Tomas also liked to stay with them at least long enough to hear several stories before Katherine put him to bed. During these relaxed evenings, she began to see the man she married more clearly.

When they did retire, she found joy with him she had never dared to hope for. One evening as they lay in each other’s arms, savoring the afterglow of their love-making, the gold ring on her left hand caught her eye. She smiled to herself as she remembered her thoughts about it on her wedding day. As each day passed she recognized that the stranger to whom the king had given her hand now very firmly held her heart.

Happier than she had been in many years, Katherine embraced her Highland clansmen and their culture without reserve. She found the women of her new clan more than willing to help her adjust. She hadn’t had a woman in her life to guide and help her since her mother’s death, and it pleased her when every matron in the clan, most particularly Bridie, treated her like a daughter. It was not uncommon to hear, “Och, lass, let me show ye now, if ye do that this way...,” She was genuinely happy to learn from them. She didn’t mind the familiarity. It also wasn’t uncommon to hear her say to an older woman, “Och, Ana, that is much too heavy for ye to lift. Let me get it.” Truthfully, she knew exactly how to run a castle and she worked as hard as her clanswomen did, which earned her their respect.

Learning how to live with the man she had married proved to be a bit more difficult. As laird, he ruled the clan without question. The words he said to her on her first evening at Duncurra,
Katherine, if I ask ye to do something, I want no argument. I expect ye to do it
, came back to her over and over again.

Katherine had no idea how difficult that seemingly simple request would be for her. It seemed odd in a way because her uncle had certainly been demanding. If he gave her a specific order, she followed it, or at least her interpretation of it. However, other than the things he needed to ensure his own personal comfort, he didn’t really care about much else. She found Niall much more demanding in many ways, and while he would never raise a hand to her, she managed to raise his ire frequently. More often than not this happened because she broke a rule she either didn’t know or didn’t understand. In some cases she didn’t quite realize something he said was an order.

On one of these occasions Katherine was working in one of the kitchens preparing an infusion of wych elm. When it came to preparing the plants and herbs she used in medicines, she preferred to complete the tasks herself to ensure the best results. Although time for the midday meal approached, she didn’t expect Niall back at Duncurra until evening. She planned to finish her task and, if necessary, give orders to serve the meal without her. One of the serving maids found her in the kitchen.

“Lady Katherine, the laird has just arrived.”

“He’s back already? I didn’t expect him until much later.”

“He said he is ready for the meal to be served.”

Intent on her work, Katherine said cheerily, “Oh, please begin without me, then.”

In a few minutes the maid was back, saying, “My lady, the laird asks ye to join him for the meal.”

“Well, please tell him I can’t leave just at the moment. I need to finish this. Go ahead and serve the meal, and I will be along in a bit.”

Moments later a white-faced Bridie found her and said, “Och, lass, the laird’s in a fine temper. I will finish this for ye. Go.”

“What is he in a temper over?” Katherine asked, thoroughly confused.

“Lass, did Seanna not just come and tell ye the laird wants ye to join him for the meal?”

“Aye, but—”

“If he wants ye to join him, ye’d best not keep him waiting,” she said, shooing her away from the kettle.

Exasperated, Katherine went into the hall. It was unusually quiet and the glare with which he pierced her as she entered would have put the fear of God into most people. When she reached the table, she said matter-of-factly “You’re angry.”

“Aye. I’m angry.”

Glancing at the table, she saw Diarmad suddenly rubbing his brow, looking as if he was trying desperately not to laugh.

“Why?” she asked.

“Why?” he repeated incredulously. “Ye defied me.”

“Defied you?” She sounded astonished. “I’m terribly sorry. I certainly didn’t intend to defy you.”

“Ye didn’t intend—Katherine, sit down,” he growled and motioned for the meal to be served.

When the noise in the hall rose to normal levels, Katherine leaned over and said sweetly, “Niall, how did I defy you?”

Diarmad shook in silent laughter.

Now it was Niall who looked astonished. “Were ye not told that I wanted ye to join me l?”

“Aye.”

“And did ye not say me nay?”

“Not exactly, I didn’t realize it was a command, and I just couldn’t leave what I was doing at that moment.”

“Katherine, if I ask ye to do something, I expect ye to do it. I don’t care what else ye are doing at the time. I will not tolerate defiance. Don’t do it again.”

His anger seemed diffused and she ate in silence for a few minutes before asking, “Just so I understand, what do you mean by ‘defiance’?”

Looking even more astounded, he asked, “Do ye truly not understand what the word means?”

“Oh, nay,” Katherine said lightly, “I understand what it means. I am just wondering if it means the same thing to both of us.”

A muscle in Niall’s jaw twitched. “Defiance means willful disobedience. Do we understand each other?”

“Aye, I think we do. So you agree I didn’t defy you and your anger is misplaced.”

“Ye didn’t—I—what?”

“Well, I didn’t realize I had been given a command, thus I couldn’t have made a conscious or willful choice not to follow it. So based on your definition, I didn’t defy you; I was simply confused and you shouldn’t be angry.” She calmly turned her attention back to her trencher.

Niall stared blankly at her for a moment. He chuckled softly, but soon his chuckles evolved to uproarious laughter. When he finally had control of himself again he said, “My lady, I apologize. In the future I will try to make my wishes clearer.”

“It will certainly save you a tremendous amount of upset if you do,” she said imperiously, and he laughed again.

When he had stopped laughing and they were no longer the center of attention, she put her hand on his arm, leaned towards him again, and said in a voice only he could hear, “Niall, please don’t always assume the worst of me. It was a misunderstanding. I would never intentionally defy you.”

Katherine had no idea how difficult that simple request was for him.

Fingal had said Niall “protects his own,” but it took Katherine a while to really understand what that meant. She loved to go riding, but she had been so focused on the management of Duncurra, she hadn’t been on Eachann’s back since the day she arrived. On one late summer day, the open heath outside of Duncurra’s walls practically called to her. She needed to replenish some of her herbs, so she gathered the supplies required for collecting them and headed to the stables. When she asked a stable hand to saddle Eachann for her, he seemed confused and asked, “Are ye riding to the village?”

“I need to gather some medicinal herbs,” she answered by way of explanation.

“In the village?”

She laughed. “Nay, lad, there are not many herbs growing in the village.”

The boy looked uncomfortable and asked, “So ye are planning to ride outside the walls?”

She laughed again. “Aye, lad. I will need to if I want to gather herbs.”

“Then where is your escort, my lady?”

“My escort? I don’t need any help.”

Looking even more uncomfortable, he said, “My lady, ye can’t ride outside the walls of Duncurra without an escort. It wouldn’t be safe. The laird would never allow it. If ye will wait a bit, I will find the laird or Diarmad so an escort can be arranged.”

She smiled at him and said, “Nay, lad. Thank you, but I don’t wish to pull anyone away from more important work.”

Disappointed, she left the stables. It seemed silly to tie up manpower with an escort, especially since she didn’t really need to ride. She just wanted to for the enjoyment of it. She could gather much of what she required just beyond the village, so she strolled down the sloping crag through the crofts. When she reached the barbican, the watch there stopped her. “My lady, I can’t let ye pass.”

“Excuse me?” she asked, not quite believing what she heard. “I’m just going to gather some herbs in the heath beyond the village.”

“I’m sorry, my lady, if ye will just wait a moment, I will send for a guardsman to go with ye.”

“That really won’t be necessary,” said Katherine, feeling a bit irritated. “I’m not going far.”

“I’m sorry, my lady, but the laird would not want ye to go outside Duncurra’s walls without an escort. It will only take a few minutes to fetch one of the guardsmen,” he said, motioning to another of the men-at-arms to go and do just that.

Katherine put her hand up to stop him. “Nay, thank you, but it isn’t necessary.” She turned to walk back through the village and up the hill to the keep.
This is completely ridiculous
. How was she supposed to gather the supplies she needed? She certainly had no intention of arguing with a stable boy or men-at-arms when they only followed orders, but she would have a discussion about it with Niall as soon as she could be alone with him.

The discussion didn’t wait that long. Katherine had barely swallowed her first bite of the evening meal when Niall asked, “Where were ye going today that ye didn’t want an escort?”

His voice sounded very nonchalant, but when she looked at him she could see the displeasure written plainly on his face. She wanted to tell him how she felt about being little more than a prisoner in her home. Instead she said, “Niall, can we talk about this later, when we are alone?”

“I asked ye a question, Katherine, and I want an answer,” he pressed, his annoyance now clearly expressed in his tone.

“I wanted to go to the heath to gather some herbs I need for medicines.” She hoped that answer would do for now.

“Why couldn’t you do that with an escort?”

“It wasn’t that I couldn’t gather herbs with an escort; I didn’t think it was necessary to pull someone away from their work for something as ridiculous as watching me gather herbs.” Now Katherine was getting angry, too. “Please, can we discuss this later?”

“There is nothing more to discuss. If ye need to leave the walls of Duncurra, ye will have an escort.” Niall said this loudly enough that those sitting closest to them stared.

Katherine nodded but said nothing. There was more to discuss but she wouldn’t do it here. She shifted her attention back to her trencher.

“Do ye understand me?”

Raising her head slowly, she leveled a glare at him and said very quietly, “Neither my hearing nor my intellect are impaired. I understand you perfectly.”

“Are ye angry with me?” he asked, sounding surprised.

She pulled the reins of her temper back in and adopted an unconcerned expression, before saying calmly, “It doesn’t matter. I understand there is nothing more to discuss.”

“Ye disagree?” Again he seemed astounded.

Of course, she disagreed, she thought angrily. She would not have asked to discuss it later if she felt there was nothing to discuss. She wanted to yell that at him but to do so would only raise his ire further and make everyone around them painfully uncomfortable. “I would never disagree with you in public.”

This seemed to appease him and soon Diarmad drew him into conversation. She picked at the meal in front of her, but she had no appetite left for it. When a sufficient amount of time had passed and Tomas had finished eating, she excused herself to take him for a bath and ready him for bed.

Generally only the laird and the lady or their honored guests had a bath prepared for them in an upstairs chamber. Most everyone else bathed behind a screened area in one of the kitchens, where they could heat the water and fill the bath with much less effort. Katherine sent Fineen, one of Duncurra’s chamber maids, to get a fresh
léine
for Tomas while she led him to the kitchen. Never happy about having to stop playing and wash, Tomas grumbled and complained through the entire bath.

She felt hot and tired, not to mention still very angry, by the time she finally had him tucked in bed. The last thing she wanted to do was go back down to the great hall. She retired to their chamber to spend the rest of the evening alone, sewing.

~ * ~

After the meal, Niall sat brooding by the hearth with Diarmad and Fingal.

“What ails ye, brother?” Fingal asked.

Niall shook his head, took a long pull of ale from his tankard, and didn’t answer.

“If I had to guess,” offered Diarmad, “I would say it was the argument he had with his wee wife at the table.”

“That isn’t your concern.”

“Nay, Laird, it probably isn’t. But then I am not the one who brought the issue up during the meal for all to hear, am I?”

Niall just glared.

“What issue?” asked Fingal, who hadn’t heard the discussion.

“According to the watch, Lady Katherine wanted to go walking beyond the village this afternoon, but did not seem to think she needed an escort. She wouldn’t let him call one for her and she returned to the keep.”

“Why would she do that?” asked Fingal.

“That’s what I asked her,” growled Niall.

“What did she say?”

Niall shook his head again, and took another drink from his tankard.

“She said she would prefer to talk about it privately,” answered Diarmad.

“Then go talk to her,” said Fingal reasonably. “Surely the lad is in bed by now.”

“Now, ye see, Fingal, that is where the problem started,” said Diarmad.

“There is nothing to discuss. There is no reason for her to leave the walls alone and I told her that,” said Niall angrily. “Why would she want to?” The suspicion in his tone was clear.

Fingal sighed. “It always comes back to that, Niall. She isn’t mother…or Ceana”

Niall gave Fingal a murderous glare, but his brother was not dissuaded. “Can’t ye see ye married a guileless lass? Do ye truly believe Katherine set out to deceive ye?”

“Why would she shun an escort otherwise?” Niall demanded.

“I don’t know. Perhaps she doesn’t understand why she needs one. Did ye ask her why?”

“How could she possibly think she doesn’t need one? And aye, I did ask her why, but her answer didn’t make any sense,” Niall said dismissively.

“She said she didn’t think it was necessary to pull someone away from other duties,” Diarmad explained.

Fingal laughed. “Niall, she doesn’t understand.”

“How could she not understand? She is a noblewoman. Surely she has been guarded her whole life. Why would she think it different here?” Niall’s anger was rising. He yelled, “What does she think I have a guard for anyway, if not to protect what is important to me?”

Fingal asked, “Is it possible her loving uncle did not assure she was guarded, and so she doesn’t expect to be guarded here?”

“That is ridiculous.”

“Is it?” asked Fingal. “We are talking about the lass who looked like a servant when you first met her, are we not? The same one whose uncle not only laid her back open with a whip, but happily married her to an impoverished stranger for his own gain? Ambrose Ruthven had absolutely nothing to lose by risking her life.”

Diarmad swore and said, “It’s a wonder she lived long enough for the king to marry her off. There should be a special place in hell for beasts like Ruthven.”

“Aye, and I would love to be the one to send him there,” Niall growled.

“Go talk to her, Niall,” Fingal urged.

Niall shook head in exasperation, rose, and walked toward the entrance to the tower.

Just before leaving the hall he overheard Diarmad say to Fingal, “Do you suppose he will ever learn all women are not apples from the same tree?” He ignored the comment and climbed the stairs to his chamber. Entering, he found Katherine sitting in a chair, sewing by the light of a candle. She was a vision with her cloud of hair floating softly around her shoulders, wearing only a shift. She didn’t look up as he entered the room. He took off his plaid then sat in the other chair before speaking.

“Katherine, how many men did your uncle set to guard ye at Cotharach?”

“I required no guard at Cotharach,” she said in a slightly defensive tone.

Niall arched an eyebrow, “Ye have never had guards charged with your safety?”

“Not since I was a little girl.”

“Just exactly when did ye stop needing protection?”

“I don’t know. After my father died, I guess, when the Ruthven holdings became mine.”

“Why would ye stop needing protection then?”

“Because—it was my home, they were my people.”

“So when your father was alive, he travelled around his lands with no guard?”

Katherine thought for a moment. “I don’t remember. Nay, I think he was usually accompanied by at least one of his men.”

“Katherine, ye were four and ten when your father died. If he never traveled around his holdings alone, why would it be safe for ye to?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t go very far and there were more important things for the guards to do.”

“Sweetling, what could possibly be more important than the safety of their lady?”

She looked at him as if she was trying to come up with a logical answer but couldn’t.

“Come here,” he said.

She lay her sewing aside with a frustrated sigh and crossed to where he sat. He pulled her gently onto his lap and put his arms around her. “I can only guess at why your uncle didn’t ensure your protection, and it is probably only by the grace of God ye came to no harm. The country abounds with thieves and banished clansmen. I suspect your uncle has his share of enemies, too. I’m sure your father knew the dangers, because he secured your safety as well as his own. Why would ye expect me to do less than that?”

“That’s not what I—you misunderstood—I—I can’t waste your guards’ time just to gather herbs,” she said, as if it made perfect sense to her.

“What do ye suppose my guards do, if not protect what I value?”

“But what harm could come to me just beyond the village?”

“I don’t ever want to find out,” he said, kissing her head. “And I won’t because ye won’t leave the walls without an escort,” he said firmly. Before she could argue more, he added, “Katherine, guarding ye is an honor, not a chore, and nothing the members of my guard do is more important.”

Still sounding miffed, Katherine asked, “If I wasn’t allowed outside of the walls without an escort, why did you not tell me that?”

“I didn’t think I had to.”

“But you had to tell your men.”

“Nay, I didn’t. Sweetling, like your father, I rarely leave Duncurra alone. My men know the dangers and would certainly not let ye venture out without a guard, whether I had given an order or not.”

She sighed and after a moment said, “I guess I can’t stay angry with you, then.”

“Nay, ye cannot. I won’t allow it.” He buried his face in her neck, kissing her until she giggled. Then he captured her lips in a kiss intended to make her forget she was ever angry in the first place.

He carried her gently to the bed, and made slow tender love to her. Later, as she lay sleeping in his arms, he marveled once again at his good fortune in gaining such a sweet bride. The thought of what might have happened to her in the years under her uncle’s control made him shudder. The thought of losing her now chilled his very soul. He finally admitted to himself it was neither admiration nor gratitude giving rise to these feelings. He was fond of her. Perhaps he was more than fond.