“That sucks,” Lance said, dropping back on the couch. “He can’t even have a fun vacation with just you.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet, baby,” his mom cooed. “Don’t worry; your dad is a big boy and will get over it.”
“Mom, you’re making me nauseous,” Lance droned.
His mom laughed. “Well, call us if you need us. We’re just getting up and are going to try surfing today.”
“Now that I want pictures of,” Lance laughed, picturing his parents on surfboards.
“Be nice, sweetie, and we love you.”
“Love you too, Mom, and you and Dad hug each other for me. Bye,” Lance said, hanging up the phone.
Lance pulled out a game and loaded it up then sat there playing Call of Duty until Ian came in without his cellphone. “Douche, you could’ve waited,” he said, dropping down on the couch and picking up his controller.
“I’m only playing the computer, dweeb,” Lance said, stopping the game. “Your parents tell you they are coming home early?”
“Yeah,” Ian groaned. “Allie’s still talking to them.”
“Well, Mr. Oliver gets a reprieve,” Lance said as Ian turned on his remote. Mr. Oliver was the old man that lived between Ian’s and Lance’s houses. He and his wife were over the HOA for the neighborhood and kept making rules about kids playing and what they could do. There was a large botanical garden and park in the middle of the subdivision that was now off limits to all kids unless they were accompanied by an adult.
“We can still do it,” Ian offered.
“It will take us all Saturday night just to herd the goats to the woods behind the park. Then, we would have to let them in the park Sunday night because they will report them missing at the farm Monday, the day our parents get back,” Lance said. There was a farm full of goats a mile from the subdivision, and they had come up with a plan to put the goats in the park and Mr. Oliver’s yard to eat the plants and manicured grass.
“Damn, it was a good plan,” Ian said, pressing the button to join X-box Live.
“Oh, we are still doing it but later this year, like a day before we go to the cabin one time,” Lance said. “I haven’t seen Doug’s car home. Have you?”
“No,” Ian said, leaning back on the couch. Doug was the last close friend of the families in the neighborhood, and they called him Uncle Doug. He owned a security company and lived several houses down and across the street from them. When the families went on vacation, hunting, or camping, Doug always went with them. “Dad said Uncle Doug had personal business to take care of and couldn’t go with them to Hawaii.”
“I think I might join the military like our dads did,” Lance said as Ian searched for a group to play with online.
“You’re not going to be a doctor like your dad?”
“Hell no,” Lance said, stretching out. “He’s married to my mom and his job. When I leave work, I want to leave work and not have to worry about being called back at all hours of the night.”
“Yeah, that does suck big donkey dicks,” Ian said, choosing a group and grabbing his headset. “Well, you can do like he did and become a doctor after the Army.”
“Nope, I will be a computer programmer after the military,” Lance said, and they both put on their headsets.
Ian adjusted his mic until it was in front of his mouth. “You think our parents are worried about the stuff going on in some of the cities?”
“Why? We live in a small town,” Lance said, getting ready to play.
“A small town twenty miles from the city limits of Nashville,” Ian said as the game started.
“Twenty miles is a long ways,” Lance said. “Stay together, and let’s kick some ass,” he said and hollered, shooting two people across the screen.
Chapter 3
March 11
Like only the young could do after staying up till three a.m., the two jumped up off the couch at seven as Ms. Penny came in the front door. “Hey boys, did you have fun last night?” she asked, closing the door and hanging her purse on the coat rack.
Lance grinned. “Oh man did we. We beat up a team from Brazil for three hours.”
Not understanding and knowing it had something to do with the “internet,” Ms. Penny nodded. “That’s good, dears. Go get cleaned up, and bring down your clothes so I can wash them.”
The boys came back down with their dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket then turned to see Allie already at the counter eating waffles. “When did you get up?” Ian asked, walking over to sit beside her.
“When Ms. Penny came in,” she smiled with syrup on her face.
Grabbing a rag, Lance went over and wiped her face. “You need to get the syrup in your mouth and not your face, ladybug.” He grinned and sat down at the counter.
“Thank you.” Allie grinned up at him as Ms. Penny carried the laundry basket down to the basement. When she was gone, Allie leaned over to Ian. “Ian, you need to watch what you yell playing your games.”
“I wasn’t that loud,” Ian said, loading waffles on his plate.
“Carrie heard you next door,” Allie said. “I don’t know what, ‘Motherfucker, shank me again, and I’ll kill your cat,’ means, but I’m sure Momma would ground you if she heard it.”
With his eyes bulging out, Lance’s mouth dropped open upon hearing those words come out of little Allie’s mouth. “I don’t care what we say, but you don’t say it,” Lance told her, fighting the urge to grab a bar of soap.
“You said some bad words too, Lance, so don’t threaten me,” she said then shoved a piece of waffle in her mouth that was too big. The two just stared at her as she chewed up her food and swallowed. Grabbing a glass of milk, she continued, “You kept yelling, ‘You slimy cocksucker that butt fucks his own momma.’”
“Allie, we are sorry, but you need to quit saying what we say,” Ian said, looking over at the bottle of dish soap by the sink.
“You said them, so I can,” she said, stabbing a waffle. “I was just saying so you won’t get in trouble in case Mr. Oliver or Carrie’s mom and dad heard you.”
As Ms. Penny came back, the two started eating, wanting Allie to never cuss again. When they were done, they ran upstairs and changed then ran out back, jumping into the heated pool. It had been unseasonably warm the last few weeks, so the boys started hitting the pool whenever they could before the swim meets started in a month. After they raced several times around the pool above and below the water, they moved to the side as Ms. Penny came outside.
“Boys, I’m going over to Lance’s to make sure the house is straight. Allie’s over at Carrie’s, so don’t run off till I get back because Jason is still asleep,” she said, digging in her purse and pulling out a set of keys. They both waved as Ms. Penny backed out from the driveway beside the garage where Jason’s car was parked. Ian’s mom and dad’s cars were the only ones allowed in the garage.
“If Allie says those words again, I’m washing her mouth out,” Lance said, looking over at Ian.
“I’ll hold her.”
Wiping water off his face, Lance asked, “You think we should watch our mouths?”
“Hell no. We’re thirteen; she’s eight,” Ian said, waving his hand out. “We have earned the right.”
“We’ve only been teenagers less than a month,” Lance chuckled.
“So,” Ian huffed. “I turned thirteen February the sixteenth and you the twenty-fourth. We’re not youngsters anymore.”
They hung on the side of the pool, just listening to the birds and resting when Lance turned to Ian. “You hear any kids?”
“No, but I’m sure they are just sleeping late since this is normally a school day,” Ian said, pushing away from the wall. “One end to the other under water. Ready?”
Pushing off and swimming to the shallow end, Lance laughed, “Sure if you’re ready to lose.”
“You’re a little girl, Lance. You can’t beat a manly man like me,” Ian said, swimming after him. The two raced three times with Ian taking the title for the day. Then, they climbed out, and Ian grabbed a towel. “Basketball?”
“Sure, twenty-one or horse?”
“Twenty-one first; then, I’ll beat you at horse,” Ian laughed.
“In your dreams,” Lance said, running over and pushing Ian back into the pool and took off running to the house.
Ian came up spitting out water. “Oh man, for that, I’m taking your tampons away!”
Lance skidded to a halt and turned around. “You don’t even know what a tampon is used for, dweeb.”
Getting out of the water and walking over taking Lance’s towel because his was soaked, Ian chuckled, “Yes I do.”
“Okay, then what’s it used for?”
Wiping his face off, Ian said, “I’m not telling you because you don’t know.”
“Yes I do.”
“Okay, then what’s it used for?” Ian challenged, wiping his chest off.
Lance grabbed the door handle. “I’m not telling you because you don’t know. You can’t lie for shit,” he said. “You don’t look someone in the eye when you’re lying like you’re doing now.”
“Just like you walk away when you don’t know. You love telling people what you know.”
“I know,” Lance lied and walked in, and then a shiver ran up his body as the air-conditioned air chilled his damp skin. Feeling like his swimming trunks were about to become a block of ice, Lance took off running upstairs.
When they were both in shorts in Ian’s room, Lance turned to his buddy. “Never knew my pecker could crawl inside me.”
“Shit, I thought I lost mine when I took off my shorts,” Ian said, walking over to his closet to pull out his basketball.
“Maybe that’s what a tampon’s used for; tie the string to your pecker and pull it out?” Lance offered.
“Then why does my mom use them?”
Shrugging one shoulder, Lance admitted, “Haven’t figured that one out. But that could be one use for them.”
“Happens again, and I’m willing to try it,” Ian laughed.
They ran downstairs and out the front door as Ms. Penny pulled back in the driveway. They waved at her and ran around the other side of the house toward Mr. Oliver’s, where the basketball net was set up behind the awning for the RV.
They were in their third game, the tie breaker, when they heard, “You boys are making enough racket to wake the dead!”
They turned to see an elderly man, Mr. Oliver, standing next to the white picket fence that surrounded his entire yard. The fence was put there to keep the boys from using his yard to go back and forth to each other’s houses. “We’re just playing basketball, Mr. Oliver,” Lance sighed, wiping sweat off his face.
“You’re just bouncing the ball to disturb me and the missus,” he growled. “I ought to call the police!”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Ian mumbled, bouncing the ball loudly and catching it.
“No respect, you little heathens. We need to get all you kids out of this neighborhood!”
Cutting his eyes at Ian, Lance grinned. “Then who would you yell at, Mr. Oliver?”
“Why you little punk, I ought to get a belt on your bottom!”
“I’m being polite, Mr. Oliver, but if you threaten me, I promise you won’t like it,” Lance said, taking the ball from Ian.
“You threatening me, boy?”
“No sir,” Lance said as he dribbled the ball, “just stating fact, sir.”
“Lawrence, you leave those boys alone before I come over that fence and beat you to death!” they heard bellowed from behind them. They turned to see Ms. Penny storming out of the house. “Their basketball goal is over a hundred yards from your house, you old coot. You can only hear them when you come outside, and even then, I have my doubts!”
“You can’t talk to me like that, Penny!”
With her face red, Penny blew past the boys, charging the fence in a fast walk. “I can talk to you any way I wish, Lawrence. You aren’t a cop anymore and were never any good when you were one!”
“I should call the police on you, Penny. That’s a threat!”
“You can call all you want, but everyone in town knows you’re just an old fart that wants to feel important,” Penny bellowed, stopping in front of him and putting her hands on her hips.
Not taking his eyes off the two, Ian leaned over to Lance. “He hits Ms. Penny, we take him. We’ll think up an excuse later,” Ian said, and Lance nodded as he dropped the basketball, ready to charge Mr. Oliver.
“The police come every time I call. I was their captain!” Mr. Oliver shouted. “You want me to call Anita out here?”
“I beat her to a pulp every year from first grade to twelfth. Call the wench out, and I’ll do it again if she wants more!”
Impressed, Lance nodded. “I think Ms. Penny has a side we need to find out about.”
“You touch her, and I’ll have you locked up!”
“You’re just mad I knocked you out at the senior prom, Lawrence! These are two good boys that you are tormenting. If you get the kids out of here, who will take over the area when you die?”
“You caught me with a lucky punch,” Mr. Oliver huffed, dropping his hands to his side.
“Want to bet?” Ms. Penny said, dropping her hand and balling her fist.
Shocked, Mr. Oliver stepped back. “You’re threatening me.”
“Damn straight,” Ms. Penny growled. “If I come over this fence, you aren’t leaving the hospital for a month.”
“We’ll see about that,” Mr. Oliver stuttered, backing away, then turned feebly and trotted to his house.
When he was inside, Ms. Penny turned around and ran her hands over her silver hair, smoothing it down. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to the boys, who were staring at her in awe with open mouths. “Boys, let’s keep that between us,” she said, stopping and patting both on the cheek.
They both nodded as she stepped around them. “Lawrence was always a bully; that’s why he became a cop—so he could do it legally—but he didn’t always have his badge on, and many around here caught up with him,” she said, walking away.
When Ms. Penny walked inside, the boys looked at each other. “That was so cool,” Lance said, shaking his head and grinning.
“I loved her before, but now, I’m in love with her,” Ian said, grabbing the basketball. “Think he’ll call the cops?”
“He does every weekend, so why should this one be different?” Lance said. “They quit coming out a year ago, but he always calls.”
“Man, I wish we could get the goats,” Ian said, taking a shot at the basket.
“The only day the goats wouldn’t be missed is Sunday after the farmhands leave Saturday afternoon. That’s why we have to move them Saturday night,” Lance pointed out, moving over to get the ball then took a shot.
“I know; I wish the farmhands would just take a three-day weekend.”
As Ian caught the ball when it dropped through the net, Lance moved under the basket and said, “You would think after all the times we’ve rolled his house and other things, he would get the point and leave us alone.”
“I liked it when we rigged his lawn mower to take off full speed when he climbed on and started it,” Ian laughed as he shot the basketball, hitting nothing but net.
Catching the ball, Lance laughed, “That old fart was cussing everyone and their mother as he shot down the street. I bet he was doing twenty miles an hour till he hit that mailbox.”
As Lance shot the ball, Ian followed it with his eyes and caught it when it sailed through the net. “I really thought our parents were going to start torturing us to get us to admit we did it,” Ian said, dribbling the ball back as Lance moved under the net.
“Yeah, Mom kept at me for three hours straight till she finally gave up,” Lance said as Ian shot the ball. “It still wasn’t as bad as the time we put the beehive in the school cafeteria.”
Watching his shot sail through the hoop, Ian huffed, “You’re damn right on that. I thought I was going to get beat with a tire iron.”
“Mom said it was too much of a coincidence that we were getting our garden merit badge working at the honeybee farm and suddenly a wild colony shows up in the school cafeteria,” Lance said, catching the basketball.
Ian laughed as he walked over to the basketball goal. “Man, you remember those cafeteria workers running out screaming.” Lance dribbled out and spun around, took a shot, and hit the backboard, and the ball dropped through the net.
“It was morning, and the bees weren’t even active yet.” Lance shrugged, walking over to the goal as Ian dribbled out. “We should’ve waited longer before we did that though. We were really the only suspects that could pull that off.”
Spinning around and hooking a shot, Ian watched his ball sail through the net. “This from the person who hacked the school computer and had nine hundred numbers call all the teachers wanting dirty talk.”
“Hey, I got all my computer merit badges a year before that,” Lance said, catching the ball, and he dribbled out then stopped and looked around. With the exception of a few adults working on lawns, the neighborhood was empty. “Where is everybody?”
Ian looked around and had to admit it was weird that kids weren’t running around and riding bikes along the road. Mr. Oliver convinced the HOA to ban bikes from riding on the sidewalk or on grass even if it was your own. “Yeah, maybe everyone is in town since it is a three-day weekend for us,” Ian offered, but even he didn’t believe it.