Four Days (Seven Series #4) (29 page)

He strolled to a set of elevators and disappeared. Ahead was another door I presumed led to someone’s personal residence. The front of the building felt more like a lobby, and I guessed the rest of the floors were not easily accessible. Someone had converted this large building into not just a home, but a fortress.

When I opened the door, I entered a lovely lounge with a wood floor and leather furniture. There were no windows, but someone with taste had decorated it. There was a bar on the right, a few fake plants, paintings, and a door halfway open that led to a bathroom. I approached a chair on my left and lifted the small pile of clothes.

“You can shift in here.”

The wolf sat down and tilted his head. I touched his snout and stared deep into his brown eyes while stroking his muzzle with my thumb. “Lorenzo, wake up. Shift back. If you don’t shift back, you’ll have to go outside. Please stay by my side. I don’t know if I can do this alone.” A chill ran up my spine.

In a fluid movement, the wolf changed into a man. Lorenzo stepped forward and cupped my cheek. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“It’s meant to be,” I said softly. “Whatever that means. I’m so scared.”

He bent down and locked eyes with mine. “Stay close. It might not be safe. We don’t know these people, and they might do anything to keep you from taking your child.”

Lorenzo quickly yanked on the black pants and dark sweatshirt, flipping his hair from beneath the collar. He stood barefoot, and when the door opened, the tension in the room snapped like electricity.

The tall Chitah entered the room and gave Lorenzo a critical stare with his golden eyes. He approached him and bowed. “This is the Cross home. And you are?”

“Lorenzo Church.”

When Lakota’s adoptive father glanced my way, I blinked, unable to hold his predatory gaze.

“Keep your eyes low,” Lorenzo said. “Don’t intimidate my woman with your stare.”

A blush rose to my cheek.
His
woman
?
I knew he was taking that position to protect me, but for a brief moment, the idea of him being mine warmed my heart.

The black-haired Mage appeared in the doorway and hesitated. Then I looked around and realized how frightening this would look to a little boy.

“Lorenzo, can you sit down?” I asked.

He glared at me with purposeful eyes. “Ivy…”

“Please,” I whispered.

After a deep and audible breath, Lorenzo strolled to the sofa on our left and took a seat, facing the door. I glanced back at him and nodded my thanks.

“This is an impressive home,” I said.

Mr. Cross languidly tilted his head to the side. “We have state-of-the-art security systems in place. No expense spared to protect our family.”

The Mage still hovered in the doorway. “Honey, can you sit down with our guests?”

Her mate reluctantly ambled toward the seating area and sat on the sofa facing Lorenzo. His posture was clearly dominant, his legs apart and chin held high. The two men simply stared at each other in silence.

“Nothing awkward about this at all,” she mumbled to herself before turning around and whispering in the hallway.

Butterflies tickled my stomach. I had to take a deep breath to keep from fainting.
Was this happening? Was I dreaming?
I was about to meet my son for the second time, and my right hand gripped my cane so tightly that the metal bit into my skin.

“Lakota, stop pushing the elevator buttons! I’m sorry, I’ll be right back.”

She vanished from the doorway and Mr. Cross chuckled, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “He’s a cunning little man who knows what he wants. We had to adjust the locks on our floor so he couldn’t get out into the hall. He used to visit one of his uncles and knock on his door.”

I smiled as the mischief played in my head like a short movie. “Why?”

He folded his hands on his lap. “Because my brother lets him snack on cheese puffs in front of the television. I’d rather he not become dependent on such trivial things as human entertainment when it’s not a way of life for us.” His eyes lowered and emotions played on his face, but he remained silent.

Little feet stamped in the hallway and I heard a short giggle.

When the young woman finally returned, she was holding the hand of a little boy. He had a mischievous grin on his face, his blue eyes sparkling with humor. His skin coloring was a little lighter than mine, but his long hair and dark eyebrows made up for that. His mother knelt down and straightened his shirt—black with green sleeves that went to his wrists.

She glanced at the end of his short pants and quickly stood up. “He grows like a beanstalk. I don’t normally dress him in clothes that are too small.”

“Don’t apologize for Lakota’s attire,” her mate said in a low voice.

Lakota looked up at her and she patted his head. “Mommy, why are we in here? I want to watch cartoons.”

“There’s someone I want you to meet.”

She searched my eyes, so I redirected my attention on Lakota.

“Would you like to see something really neat?” I asked him in a soft voice.

He shrugged.

I held my cane in front of me and twisted it around. Curiosity got the better of him and he walked over and looked at the silver wolf’s head.

“Neato. Can I touch it?”

I laughed. “Careful, he bites when he’s hungry.”

Lakota stroked the top of the wolf’s head and then poked at the teeth. “He doesn’t bite me because I’m not scared of him. What’s it for?”

“It’s my walking stick. I need it because I hurt my leg.”

“Why can’t you heal?”

“Honey,” his mother began.

I sat down in the chair to my right and watched Lakota with tenderness in my heart. Lakota held my cane and stood before me, still curious to hear my answer. I could see it in his inquisitive eyes. “I’m a Shifter. Do you know what that is?”

“Yeah, ’cause I’m one too. I can’t heal yet because I’m still a little man, but you’re a grown-up. My uncle showed me once how to heal when he burned his arm when we made some… uh… I don’t remember.”

“That’s right. But sometimes if you don’t shift right away, it’s harder to heal.”

“I know someone who can heal you. He’s good at fixing people.”

I smiled warmly. “It’s too late now. But that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with being different.”

“I know,” he said matter-of-factly, his eyes still fixated on the wolf’s face. “I’m not like everyone else too. Someday I’m going to be a wolf like this.” He spun the wolf’s head toward me and made a growling sound. “Rawr!”

“What’s your name?”

“Lakota.”

“My name’s Ivy. I came a long way to meet a special little boy I heard about all the way in Texas.”

“I know where that is. It’s big, but it’s not as big as Alaska.”

I reached out and swiftly brushed his hair away from his eyes. “That’s right, little one. You’re a bright young man. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“My daddy. All the time. He says I’m the smartest kid in the whole wide world. Are you a wolf too? Is that why you have one on your stick?”

“That’s right.” I sucked in a sharp breath and leaned forward, a ripple of excitement in my voice. “Would you like to meet her?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Cross said, standing up.

Lorenzo rose with him and stood between us. “You don’t trust her wolf with that child?”

“She doesn’t know him.”

“
I
know him,” I said. “We met once before in another lifetime. Would you like to meet her, Lakota?”

“I’m good with wolves,” he said proudly. “Someday I’m going to be a warrior and take out all the bad guys.”

I stood up and slowly walked toward his mother, clasping her hand. “Thank you,” I whispered privately. “I can see the love in your eyes—in his eyes. I don’t want to take that love away. But before I leave, I have a gift for Lakota. Would it be all right for me to give it to you?”

She touched a small set of round scars on her neck, her lips forming a grim line. Her mate eased up next to her and stroked her back. She nodded with worry in her eyes.

I reached in my purse and pulled out my dreamcatcher. After stroking one of the feathers, I placed a small kiss on the wood. “This is very special to me. My uncle made this before I was born to protect me, and I believe it has. It was blessed by a shaman and will keep him safe from bad spirits. Hang this over his bed or by the window, will you?”

When I placed it in her hand, I almost couldn’t let go. In that moment, I felt like a spirit walking into a world where I didn’t belong. I was letting go of my past and my future, and the dreamcatcher symbolized the trust I was placing in her hands.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, marveling the well-crafted design. “We’ll take good care of it.”

Mr. Cross stepped forward and Lorenzo made a strange move. He placed his hand over my stomach and pushed me back a little. I touched his arm, reassuring him it was okay. I didn’t have any concern about the Chitah harming me.

“You have our deepest gratitude.” The Chitah bowed slowly. “He’ll grow up knowing who he is, and it would be an honor if you would like to be a part of that. He’s too young to understand, but when he’s older, we’d like you to speak with him about his family so he knows where he comes from. On my word as a Chitah, you will always have a place in his life.”

I took his hand in mine and realized this was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Letting my baby go the first time wasn’t my choice, but this was. “That would mean so much to me. I’m no longer with the Kizer pack. I live with the Weston pack in Austin, Texas. It shouldn’t be hard to reach me if you ever need anything. I’d love if you sent pictures.”

He smiled. “I think we can do better than that. My female is pretty handy with the video camera, and we have hours and hours of footage.”

She eased up beside him and lightly kicked him in the leg. “I’m not
that
bad with it.”

He quirked his brow and glanced down at her. “Oh? And why will our son need to reminisce over his first time to the mall? All
three
hours of footage.”

“We’ll talk about this later,” she said in a tone that promised that conversation would be resurrected.

I smiled when he winked at her. Smiled for the love I could see in their eyes, the love that thrived in this home.

“My wolf won’t hurt him,” I assured them. “But it’s a calling I can’t ignore. She’s never met Lakota, and part of his spirit comes from her. Please…”

This was crucial. It was custom for a mother to introduce her wolf to the infant right away. The shifting would not only restore her body and heal after childbirth, but it was equally important for the two spirits to bond. Wolves were highly protective of their human children and loved them just as much as the human side. If this couple refused me, I didn’t think I could manage to hold it together.

They looked between each other and finally nodded.

I gave them each a hug and kiss to the cheek. “I won’t be shifting back, so this is good-bye. Thank you for not turning me away.”

Cross reached out and touched my head. “A mother should know her child. And what of the father?” he growled.

I pushed thoughts of Fox away, but the Chitah dropped his arm and his expression altered.

“I can scent emotions better than most,” he said with a twitch of his nose. “Should you ever want to seek vengeance, I’m only a call away.”

“That problem’s taken care of,” I said, looking up at Lorenzo. “It’s why I’m here. The father made a threat, and I wanted to make sure Lakota was protected. We had someone locate your address to make sure nothing had happened. The father won’t be coming here, not ever.”

Blue light leaked from the Mage’s fingers and she drew back.

“Level it down,” Cross whispered. “He’s safe now. She’s telling the truth.”

They both held each other close when I turned around to face Lakota. I didn’t know when I’d see him again, but there was no more sorrow. It melted away while I watched him staring into the eyes of the silver wolf. Contentment filled me up knowing he’d be cared for, loved, and no longer a stranger to me.

Lorenzo helped me kneel, and Lakota set the cane on the chair.

“You got long hair like me,” he said, reaching out to touch my braid.

I clasped his hand and kissed the top. “Promise me you’ll grow up to be brave.”

“I promise.” His eyes glittered with curiosity, and he tilted his head.

“Promise me you’ll grow up to be kind.”

“I promise.”

I held his small hand and touched his face. “Someday your wolf will be free, but I can see his spirit in your eyes. He’s wise and strong, so you listen to him. Okay?”

Lakota nodded and reached out, touching my cheeks. “Your face is just like mine…”

Quicker than a heartbeat, I shifted. For just a few fleeting moments, I experienced joy and elation when my wolf met her spirit child for the first time. He giggled and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her snout as she licked his face.

“I want to keep her, Mommy,” was the last thing I heard him say.

The drive home to Austin didn’t seem to take as long as the one to Cognito.
We spoke little of what had happened, but as we began to get closer, Lorenzo pulled over into the parking lot of International House of Pancakes. It was two in the morning, and only four customers were inside eating. After the waitress took our order, she left a pot of hot coffee on the table.

“Isn’t it a little late for humans to be out?” I asked. The restaurant smelled like fresh bacon, and I ran my finger over a tear in the vinyl seat.

Lorenzo lifted a small bottle of syrup and gave it a glance. “Humans work different shifts, just as we do. On the weekends, drunks come straight from the bar to sober up on coffee.”

“This doesn’t seem like your kind of place.”

He poured a cup of piping-hot coffee from the silver pot. “Sometimes I like to eat without the pack watching my every move. Being around humans is a way to become invisible for a while. They don’t notice me as an alpha or Packmaster.” He took a sip of his coffee and added more sugar.

“I thought Thunder liked attention.”

Lorenzo filled my cup and his brows sloped down. “Privacy is underrated.”

I could see that. Lorenzo had all the confidence an alpha could carry, but he was also introspective and often quiet. Packmasters were rarely left alone in Breed bars. Other Packmasters would approach them, sometimes wolves looking to join a new pack, and most definitely women looking for a mate. I glanced at two young men eating pancakes and an older man reading a book. Around humans, Lorenzo could simply enjoy the little things that most of us took for granted.

Like anonymity.

It was nice to share silence with him, just as much as it was having deep conversations. When the waitress brought our plates, he sat up straight and eyed his meal like a hawk.

“Careful not to inhale too deeply,” I said with a short laugh.

He peppered his eggs and folded his napkin across his lap, but Lorenzo didn’t eat. He poked at his food, sipped his drink, and even arranged the syrup bottles in their holders. All while stealing glimpses of me.

Was he waiting for me to eat first?

I got my answer when I took a bite of my turkey sandwich and he finally dug in.

“I think your wolf likes me,” I blurted out.

Lorenzo choked on his sausage. After several strained coughs, he took a sip of orange juice and looked up at me with glazed eyes.

“Is everything okay?” the waitress asked in a concerned voice.

“He’s fine,” I said. “He’s just choking on his pride.”

Her thin, painted-on eyebrows arched. “Well, if you need anything, holler.”

Lorenzo resumed eating and furrowed his brow. “You forget that I have control in wolf form.”

I swallowed my bite and set the sandwich down. “No, I didn’t forget. But I can also tell when you’re asleep and your wolf is the only one in charge. He’s less afraid to show his affection in public than you are.”

“You’re mistaken. My wolf doesn’t warm up to others. My pack has spoken of his behavior, and most of them keep their distance.”

I leaned in close. “Maybe they stay away because they think
you’re
in control, and they’re trying hard not to say or do anything that would offend you. He likes me. Just accept it.”

Lorenzo sawed into his meat and took a large bite. “He doesn’t like you; he tolerates you as he does everyone else.”

“Thunder nuzzles against me and licks my belly. If that’s what he does with people he tolerates, I’d love to see how he behaves around those he likes.”

Lorenzo froze mid-bite, his neck turning a dark shade of red. Then he gave me a private look I couldn’t discern.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t know if it’s my place.”

“As long as your tongue is still attached to your head, feel free to use it.”

Lorenzo smirked and stroked his bristly jaw. He’d skipped shaving that morning, even though we’d stopped off at a hotel to rest along the way. “Why didn’t you claim your son?”

“Because he’s loved.”

“You don’t think you could offer him more love? The love only a real mother can give her son?”

“What’s ‘real’ mean? What I saw in that room was as real as it gets. You can’t deny the fierce devotion in his father’s eyes and the love in his mother’s heart.”

Lorenzo slowly threaded his hair away from his face, doing it in such a way that would get me to notice every gesture he made. “He belongs in a pack.”

“Lakota has the chance to live in a diverse environment, and they’ll be his pack. There’s a Shifter living with them who’ll teach him what he needs to know when the time comes. He won’t grow up with prejudice; he’ll be a freethinker and do great things. How many children have that opportunity?”

“You don’t want him?”

“
Of course
I want him!” I shouted, slamming my hand against the table.

I quieted my voice when the older man lowered his book and looked up at me. My chest tightened, and Lorenzo picked up a bottle that had tipped over.

“I can’t be selfish about this, Lorenzo. It’s not about me and what I want anymore; it never was. I’ve given the ultimate gift of life and put that into the universe. Our spirits will always be connected, and I know someday our lives will intersect again,” I said, overcome with emotion. “But I sometimes wonder if he would have been that happy—that protected—had he stayed with me. My pack was rough, and he would have been influenced by those men. Even now, taking him would only cause him pain and confusion. I have to be selfless and think what’s best for Lakota. If anyone uses my decision as a measure for how much or how little I love my son, then that’s a person I don’t want to know. This is harder than you can imagine, but I’m at peace. This was not a life I was meant to have. Fate stepped in, and he’s right where he needs to be. There’s a greater purpose for my son, and someday I’ll be witness to the remarkable man he becomes. He has more than I could have given him, and what a blessing for that childless couple.”

He lightly shook his head. “You should be sainted.”

“I’m not perfect,” I quickly said. “Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I have fears and doubts in my head, but right now, it feels like the right thing to do. Stealing him away from the only family he’s ever known would devastate him. I have to follow my heart, and my wolf seems content with my decision.”

Lorenzo laughed and sat back. “Your wolf put on quite the show in front of Lakota.”

“Surely it wasn’t that bad,” I said, brushing away a tear.

Lorenzo ate more of his scrambled eggs. “I have no doubt you’ll be seeing the video. The mother recorded it on her phone. I made sure to give her Austin’s information so she could send it to him.”

“So now I need to ask you a question.”

His jaw continued working as he searched my eyes. After chewing his food, Lorenzo set his fork down, folded his hands on the table, and gave me his undivided attention. “And what question is that?”

“The question that’s been on both of our minds but neither of us has addressed. What place do I have in your life? Where does a woman like me fit? Now that you’ve seen my child and have already judged me for leaving him—”

“In what way did I judge you?”

“Don’t patronize me,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re not a man who thinks with his heart, so how can I expect you to understand the choices I make?”

The heavy smell of pancakes filled the air as the waitress briskly walked by with someone’s order. Lorenzo refilled his coffee cup and stirred in some sugar. “I don’t understand your decision and that’s why I asked about it.”

“I appreciate your honesty.”

After another few bites of my sandwich, I felt compelled to explain it to him. I didn’t know if he would understand, because I myself didn’t. “If I took Lakota back, it would bring bad karma and loose evil spirits. My love for him is infinite, and my heart will always be divided. One half will mourn for his absence, and the other will soar for his happiness. I will always question if what I did was right, but someday I’ll find the answer when he’s a grown man and we can sit down at a table like this over a cup of coffee and talk about it. Lakota is the only one who can judge me, and whatever sentencing he imposes is what I deserve. But I will not accept that sentence from any other man.”

Lorenzo pressed his finger against the table. “And
this
is why I protect the young women of my pack—the ones who are reaching the age of maturity. Soon they’ll leave the pack to join another family, but I still keep an eye on them even though I trust the men in my house.”

“Do
they?
”

He frowned. “Do they what?”

“Do the women in your pack trust those men? My father trusted Fox with his eyes closed, but early on, I can remember Fox saying and doing things that made me uncomfortable. You don’t have a mate to lead the household and keep that kind of balance, so perhaps you should talk to those women. I don’t know that they’d open up to a Packmaster about thoughts of that nature like they would to another woman. It’s important that you make sure their needs are heard, because they are half your home. Your reluctance to mate could hurt your pack in the long run.”

He chuckled and lifted his fork again. “You seem concerned about finding me a mate.”

I sat back and sighed. “I’ll be honest with you, Lorenzo. I don’t want to be courted. The kind of man I desire is one who knows his heart and doesn’t doubt it.”

“And yours?”

“I know what I want.”

He tilted his head to the side and licked the corner of his mouth. “And yet you don’t reveal it.”

“I can’t give one piece of myself to a man who doubts me. You’re a two-sided coin, Lorenzo. One half admires me and the other half questions himself. I don’t want a man who hesitates, who withdraws from showing his feelings in a public way, or who will act as my judge and jury. Love is irrelevant among mated couples if they don’t respect each other. Love shouldn’t come with conditions. Show me all you have to offer, and I will tell you what my heart feels or doesn’t feel.”

“Now? Here in the International House of Pancakes?” He sat back with a look of disdain.

“I’d rather finish my sandwich and get some sleep. We’re almost home. I don’t want you to say anything on a whim, and I’m certain that once you return to your pack, your mind will begin to analyze why I don’t fit into your life. I’m not judging you, but I want you to be honest with yourself so you can be honest with others. Now eat your eggs.”

“I’ll eat my eggs when I’m hungry.”

I shrugged lightly and continued eating. “Then let them get cold.”

He rubbed his eye in frustration and grabbed his fork. “You are a cantankerous woman sometimes.”

“If you say so, Thunder.”

His eyes flashed up to mine and humor danced in them. We shared a moment together, and I let go of all the tangled emotions between us. For some couples, maybe their relationship was easy and effortless—no complicated histories or other things to consider. I had fallen for Lorenzo and he owned almost all of my heart. But he would soon begin to doubt, as he’d always done throughout his life. A Packmaster had too much at stake, and I was a woman who had a child—one she had given away. I had a disability. These were heavy burdens for a Shifter to take on. Love? Maybe I’d never be so lucky to have an emotion like that reciprocated, but I wanted to search a man’s eyes and see a glimmer of it reflected back at me. There were tender feelings between us, and maybe those four beautiful nights I’d spent in his bed would simply become a memory. Maybe I wasn’t meant to have a happy ending, so it only sweetened those moments that would live in my heart.

Love is not a shining star. Love is not the warm glow of the sun. Love is a river. Sometimes it’s shallow and other times a mile deep. It flows toward some and away from others. It’s rocky, slippery, and you can drown in it if you’re not careful. It creates ripples in the lives around us, and all we can hope for is to be a part of that river, no matter where it leads or how short the journey may be.

I hoped one day to be deep in the waters of a river that flowed back to me, one that spanned such a distance that I couldn’t see the shore.

But I knew in my heart I would always be the one standing on the outside, watching others fall into the deep end.

***

Lorenzo made sure Ivy finished her turkey sandwich. She refused the pickle, but he urged her to take three bites of it. It might have seemed like a strange compulsion, but a protective feeling prickled within him and overrode all logic.

Ivy was right. He needed to go home and clear his head after what had happened in Cognito. It left him uncertain if
any
woman could ever have room in her heart to love a man like him.

Was he really thinking about love?

For the first time in his life, he was. He’d always imagined himself settling for the sake of children, for his pack’s respect—careful not to choose a woman he would have feelings for. Lorenzo had denied himself that level of intimacy for years, as he was certain it would lead to ruin. And now, despite all he had convinced himself of before, he realized he could never mate with a woman unless she loved him.

Suddenly, love mattered. Not respect, obedience, or even perfection.

Ivy was an expressive spirit who spoke freely, but not when it came to her heart. Now he understood why she kept it so guarded—she needed to know that a man could accept her as an equal partner. But what needled him was that he didn’t get the feeling she thought herself deserving of love. Ivy was willing to trade love for respect, deciding the two could never be a package deal for a woman like her. In another life, that’s exactly what he would have wanted. But she had uncovered a side of him he’d long suppressed, and new feelings were awakening within him that he’d never experienced.

“Is she asleep?” Austin asked, holding the front door open.

“Lead me to her room,” Lorenzo said, clutching Ivy tightly in his arms.

Soon after they’d left the restaurant, Ivy had fallen fast asleep in his truck. It was close to dawn but still dark, and the emotions and long trip had taken their toll on her. Not wanting to rouse her for the sake of good-byes, he’d gently pulled her into his arms and carried her up to the house. She smelled like lavender, and he discreetly drew in a deep breath.