Fox Mate (Madison Wolves) (30 page)

Lara was kneeling on the floor beside my chair, looking at me and holding my hand. My face was stained with tears. Scarlett was clinging to Angel, and Francesca had her arm around both of them.
They had both sobbed with me, and I saw some tears in Francesca's eyes. I reached for my lemonade, but Lara got to it first and handed it to me. I drank slowly.

I was cried out, at least for a while. "I've never grieved for my brother," I said. "Until this morning, I had forgotten I'd had a brother. I had forgotten all of that. Vivian, I forgot my own brother."

"But you remember now," she said kindly.

I nodded. "Yes. Was the story what you expected?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because as hard as I tried, I could never get you to recount anything from the summer you were twelve. I knew something bad must have happened, but I thought that was when, and you repressed everything leading up to it. I was expecting you to be twelve, not six."

I nodded. "I guess you were right, in a way. The summer I was twelve was when I killed..." I counted. "My eleventh and twelfth wolves. Ironic, isn't it, I was twelve the summer I killed my twelfth."

Lara squeezed my hand.

"I remember all of them. I don't want to tell them all today, Vivian. Do I have to?"

"No, not if you don't want to. What happened when you were twelve?"

I looked away.

"Honey," Lara said. "You don't have to tell us."

"Yes, I do," I said. "I'm not going to tell much. But it was my fault, too. That was the summer Jimmy Longtail and his family got killed."

"Oh god," said Angel. "Your first crush."

"My sister's fiancé. But yes, I had a crush on my sister's boyfriend.  I used to follow them. Well, I used to follow her when she would sneak over to see him. I would watch them, well. I would watch. I could be very quiet. I had such a crush on Jimmy. I kept wishing he would get tired of Jean and like me instead. I think he was six years older than I was, like an 18-year-old is going to like a 12-year-old. I would follow Jean, and watch. I'd been doing it for years, I guess. Two or three."

I looked around. "You don't want to hear this." I looked at the girls. "You don't have to stay."

"You can ask us to leave," Scarlett said. "But otherwise we're staying."

"I was in a tree," I said. "I liked trees. I liked them a whole lot. I was in a tree, watching Jean and Jimmy doing what, well, what kids that age do when they sneak away from their parents."

I looked at Lara. "Jimmy was trying to do some of the things you do to me, but he wasn't very good at them. What he lacked in technique, he more than made up for in determination. And he was doubly determined that day. So neither of them were paying attention, and I heard the wolves."

I sighed. "It's always wolves in my stories. I'm sorry."

"We're sorry," Lara said. "You haven't done anything wrong."

"I heard the wolves. They found Jimmy's trail from home to the little glen Jean and Jimmy liked to use. There were three of them. I heard them shortly before they found his trail. I began huffing, quietly, trying to get Jean's attention, but she was doing her own huffing. She didn't hear me or she didn't care."

"Jimmy's trail went right under the tree I was in. He used it a lot, which was foolish, but that's why I liked this particular tree. I could have yipped, but I was afraid. I was afraid the wolves would hear me. I could have climbed down and run to
Jean and Jimmy, but then it would have been my trail they found. I stayed in the tree, and I tried to warn them, but I didn't try hard enough."

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the memories. Lara squeezed my hand.

"Jimmy finally did something right. Jean made a noise, not a big noise, but a noise, and then she was still. I heard her panting, but Jimmy perked up; once he wasn't so focused on Jean, he had engaged his ears again."

"'Wolves!' he told Jean. It took seconds for them agree on their plan. Jean would run west. Jimmy would draw them east, into his family's traps."

I looked down. "I'm not going to tell it all, it would take too long. Jimmy ran straight back towards the wolves, right underneath my tree, and cut east. They smelled him, and I watched all three pass under my tree. But they never smelled me and they never smelled Jean, and she got free and went home, although I know she would have set ten miles of false trails first.

"Jimmy got one, sort of. It landed in a deadfall trap, but the spikes at the bottom weren't silver, and the wolf didn't die. His buddies pull him from the trap and left him there to recover while they followed Jimmy. But I had heard all of that, and I had already killed ten wolves by then. One disabled wolf, no problem.

"I knew where one of our nearby traps was, one with silver. I climbed from the tree and ran to it, shifted to human, pulled out one of the silvered spikes from the ground, and then shifted back to fox and picked up the spike by the dirty, safe end. I ran to the wounded wolf, shifted to human again, and then while he was still recovering, I killed him with the spike.

"That was number eleven.

"The other two wolves tracked Jimmy. I don't know what happened, I can only guess, but I know they caught him, and I know they caught his family. Then one of them came looking for their buddy. I had hoped they would, and I set a trail, clear as day, from the body of their buddy straight into one of the most wicked traps we had.

"That was number twelve."

I turned to Vivian. "I need to stop for a while."

She nodded. "Of course."

"May I please go for a run?" I looked at Lara. "I promise, I'm sane. I want to go for a run."

"In a minute," Vivian said. "If you can answer one question. Why did you say it was your fault?"

I stared at her. "I could have saved them."

"You tried to warn them. Is that true?"

"I could have tried harder."

"If you had, would
the wolves have caught you instead?"

"Yes, but what does that matter? I still feel guilty. I always will."

"Have you always remembered this story?"

"You said one question."

She smiled. "Never believe a shrink who says she has just one more question." I laughed nervously.

"No. I remembered it today."

"How long a run?"

"Twenty minutes," I said. "And I really, really want company. Think your old bones can keep up with one little fox?"

She laughed. "My bones can try."

I looked at Lara. "You don't get to play. You can run, but you can't play. No taking my throat. None of that. Understand?"

She nodded.

"All right," I said. "I am going to shift in here with Angel and Scarlett. Everyone else can shift outside. Go."

They all got up and headed out the door. Once the door was closed again, I moved over to sit on the couch between my friends. "Will everything show? I don't want her to see yet."

"The piercings will," Angel said. "But they should be hidden in your fur."

"I need to know if they're going to catch on something. I'm going to shift, and I want you guys to check. And make sure nothing else shows."

Angel smiled. I loosened my clothes and shifted to fox, then stepped out of them. Angel and Scarlett got down on the floor with me and gave me a thorough check out.

"Your ear piercings are readily visible," Scarlett said. "And pretty." I licked her hand.

They
moved their hands along my chest, and they each found a piercing. They ran fingers back and forth, and nothing snagged. "If you drag your chest, I guess you could catch something," Angel said. "But you would really have to work at it."

I rolled over onto my back. Normally when I do that, I tuck my tail between my legs, hiding my more personal parts, but I lay there.

"Fully furry," Scarlett said immediately. "Nothing to see here."

I rolled back upright and licked both their hands, then waited while they each shifted. It took them a lot longer than it took me. They each gave me a lick, I huffed in annoyance, and we headed for the door. I let Scarlett open it, and we stepped through.

Everyone else was already furry. I bounced around, offering licks and receiving a few in return, then I headed towards the woods at an easy lope.

It felt good to be outside.

The wolves all bounded around me, running away and coming back, playing their own games. Scarlett pounced on Angel, and the two of them tussled. Angel rolled Scarlett onto her back, and I dashed in and wrapped my jaws over Scarlett's neck before Angel could, then danced away, chuffing in amusement.

The two of them both jumped up and immediately began chasing me around. I let them chase me around for a minute, the two of them getting better and better at working with each other, then I dropped to my belly and let them catch me.

I got a bunch of good-natured licks.

Vivian swished her tail at me, and I pounced on it. She wasn't expecting me to do that
, and she spun around, ready to swat me. I danced away, chuffing happily. She gave me a half-hearted chase, but it was just for the principle of the thing.

I didn't lead us very far, only a mile or so into the woods. I bumped Lara from time to time, and she licked me every time I did it. I did the same with Elisabeth and Francesca. Then I sat down and yawned.

They all sat down with me, but I walked over to Angel and nudged her towards the trees. Three nudges later, and she got the hint. She and Scarlett ran off into the woods, chasing each other around. They raced back into the clearing and bowled Francesca over before running off into the woods again. Francesca gave chase with Elisabeth lending a hand.

Or paw. Whatever.

Francesca couldn't have caught them, but Elisabeth helped, and when she returned to the little clearing, they were both following in Francesca's wake like a pair of errant pups brought home.

I turned my nose back to the compound. It was a short run, all I wanted. It let me clear my head and play a little. I felt good. I gave everyone a lick and headed home. They could follow if they wanted. They all followed.

I stopped and tried to nudge them all back to the woods, but they nudged me in the direction of the house, and so we all went home, the wolves circling around, Lara always by my side. Scarlett and Angel started a new game of pouncing on my tail, but I put a stop to that. They each got away with it once, but when Scarlett tried a second time, I leapt up, spinning in mid-air, and came down with all four paws on her head. She was so surprised she tripped on her own head and tumbled head over heels directly into Lara.

Lara chuffed but pinned Scarlett to the ground and took her time making Scarlett whimper. She did it that way to me all the time, so it was nice someone else
was getting the attention.

Then Lara looked at me pointedly. Hey, it wasn't my fault she couldn't control her tumble. I would never have let myself tumble into the alpha like that. At least not as an accident.

I chuffed at her, grinning.

We made it to the house. I walked straight in, and Lara tried to follow me, but I turned around and growled at her, snapping the air in front of her until she backed out. I closed the door, shifted, and pulled my clothes on as quickly as I could.

Then I opened the door and let anyone in who wanted to come in.

* * * *

We all gathered together again, once everyone was dressed, had used the bathroom, or retrieved the refreshments of their pleasure. I moved to the sofa and asked Lara to sit next to me.

Once we were all collected, "Is there more?" Vivian asked.

"There is a lot more," I said. "I don't know what else to tell you today."

"But you think there is more you need to tell all of us. Is that for yourself or for us?"

"I really want to get married today," I said. "But Lara needs to know I'm not crazy, and I was sure crazy last night. She needs to know it's not going to happen again."

"It's not going to happen again?" Vivian asked.

"I don't think so."

"That would be a remarkable recovery."

"I'm a fox, we heal fast."

They scoffed at that.

I grinned. "Who wants to make a wager on that?"

"Come on," Lara said. "Don't be silly. We've seen you heal."

"I know you have. So this should be an easy wager. Who is in?"

"I'm in," said Angel. "So is Scarlett."

"Don't encourage her!" Lara said.

I turned to Vivian. "Care to wager against me?"

She studied me. "You need to show us something, don't you?"

"Yes."

"I'm not wagering against you. Alpha, I recommend you let her show you what she wants to show you."

"This is stupid," she said. "Fine."

"Excellent," I said. "Am I still on suicide watch?"

"Yes," Lara growled.

"Fine. Whoever is wagering, make it big. Make it worth my while. Elisabeth, I want my house back."