Fox Play (32 page)

"Yes she is," Elisabeth said.

"She's not responsible for entertaining me. I am perfectly able to do that myself."

"Are you? You told me yourself, you can't even go for a proper run, and a run isn't the exercise you crave anyway. Lara, were you listening to her when she told you why she loved her old job? It's because it got her outside every day, ranging far from home, and then when she comes home, it's just long enough to grab her kayak and slip it into the water for a few hours. She's been cooped up in her offices, trying to make you proud, instead of doing the things she loves. Things we wouldn't let her do if she asked."

Lara hung her head. "You're right, Elisabeth."

"She's not," I said.

"She is," Lara said. "And the worst part is, until we deal with Chicago, I don't have a solution."

"I've locked myself in my office," I admitted. "But it was my choice to get the diploma instead of just take the GED."

"You are still fox," Elisabeth said simply.

"Yeah," I said. "I am."

Lara reached out and pulled Elisabeth into a hug, and Elisabeth snagged me into it. Then they released me and both looked at me.

I hung my head. "If I start thinking about ditching my guards again, I promise I'll tell one of you with enough warning to offer distraction."

Lara took a breath. "Let's clean this place up, then I believe there is a game in progress that is missing an alpha."

"We'll take care of it, Lara."

* * * *

I need to back up in my story two days. Lara and I met with Vivien as we'd promised. With quite the retinue of enforcers, we drove to Vivien's home. The enforcers checked over the house then set up outside while Lara and I gathered in Vivien's office. Lara and I sat on the sofa, and Vivien took a comfortable chair facing us. She offered us coffee and tea, then said in a very professional fashion, "Let's get started."

I clutched at Lara's hand.

"There are some things I need to explain," Vivien said. "Psychology is not an exact science. To complicate it, the psychology of a human and a were can vary dramatically, between wolf and fox also dramatically. What we can learn in psychology books and university classes is about human psychology, and it's still a lot of guessing. There are only a half dozen were psychologists worldwide, that I know of, and they are all wolves."

"In other words, you don't have a clue how to cure me?"

Vivien smiled. "I wouldn't phrase it that way. But yes. However, there are some commonalities between human and wolf psychology, and I am cautiously going to assume that the same commonalities exist with fox. One of them, and the entire basis of psychology, is that allowing fears to fester in the mind is unhealthy. Both humans and wolves need to take those fears out and look them in the eye."

"So you want me to look all my fears in the eye, and I presume you want me to tell you about them." She nodded. "That's going to take a long, long time."

"Are you afraid often, Michaela?" Vivien asked me gently.

I stared at her. "Often? Often!" I turned away. "All the time. Nearly one hundred percent. Often? It never goes away."

"Are you afraid right now, Michaela?"

"Terrified."

"Honey," Lara said. "Why?"

"I am in a room with two wolves," I said. "Either one of them could decide to eat me on a moment's notice."

"Lara," Vivien said immediately. "Do not respond to that."

"Or Lara could find out just what a sniveling thing I am and grow bored of me and remove her protection. Or she could turn her back and you could decide to eat me without her. Or we could meet some wolves on the way out the door, and they could eat me. Or you could ask a question and Lara could become offended by my response and-" My voice broke.

I took a breath, shoving a panic attack back. "That's a sample, and it's on top of everything else that is always there."

"That's all ridiculous," Lara said.

"Is it?" I turned to her. "You listen to your family get torn to death by wolves and then tell me it's ridiculous. Wolves love, absolutely love to hunt. Don't they, Lara? Admit it. It's true, and we both know it."

"Yes, it's true."

"And I am the ultimate prey. Sure, not as tasty as a deer or as dangerous as a bear or a tiger, but I give the best chase, and wolves surely do love to chase. And it's not like I can fight back."

"All right," Vivien said. "Are there times you don't feel afraid, Michaela?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes when Lara holds me. Most of the time it pushes the fear down but not all the way out. But sometimes. Or sometimes when we make love."

"Only sometimes?" Lara asked.

"Only sometimes," I said. "Most of the time I'm afraid you'll grow tired of me, and then all the safety you've offered me will evaporate. I'll be back where I was, except I'll be deep in wolf territory, and the entire pack has gotten a taste for chasing me in a friendly fashion. Why not do it for real?"

I was squeezing Lara's hand in both of mine, holding on so tightly, and I began looking for the exits, looking to run away.

"Do you want Lara to hold you now?" Vivien asked.

I looked at her. "I always want her to hold me."

She didn't need to be told twice. She pulled me into her arms, and I suddenly didn't care that Vivien was watching. I began crying quietly, burying my face against Lara's chest. "Tighter," was all I said.

They let me cry myself out. As crying jags go, it wasn't bad. Finally I pulled my face out of Lara's chest but stayed snuggled tightly against her.

"Vivien, there is nothing you can do about these fears. I understand some of them are far less likely than others. I don't think you want to hurt me. I don't think Lara does. They are both possibilities, but distant possibilities. I do not believe the wolves in the pack that I call friends would ever want to hurt me. But I absolutely know there are wolves in the pack that would love a fox hunt."

"No!" said Lara.

"Yes. You know there are, Lara. Not to mention Durian and Avery and the vast majority of other wolves I might encounter. I bet there are wolves on the council that have been involved in fox hunts in the past and remember them fondly. I know that I am safe from all those wolves only because you are protecting me, or if I can run, run, run away faster than they can find me."

Then I buried my face and began sobbing. "And someday you're going to grow tired of me."

I sobbed for a while, disgusted with myself, especially knowing that I was hastening that day when Lara sent me away to fend for myself. She spoke soothingly, attempting to reassure me, but she didn't know the future.

Vivien spoke once I had calmed down. "Michaela, I wonder if we can put some of these fears into perspective for at least a short while."

I turned to look at her.

"If you absolutely, all the way down to your soul, knew that Lara wasn't going to let you go today, would you feel safe today?"

"I don't know," I said. I looked up at her. "Safer. Not safe. She can't watch me every minute of the day. And something could still happen to her. Then there's tomorrow."

"Do you believe she loves you?"

"Yes," I said. "Today at least, she loves me."

Lara sighed.

"Lara," Vivien said. "She has had her entire life to be afraid, with very good cause. She is going to need time."

"I know," Lara said. "She isn't hurting me, I'm just so sad she hurts so much herself."

I looked up at her. "You make it better."

"Who else makes it better?" Vivien asked.

I looked at her. "You do, a little, but if Avery walked in here right now, I don't know if you would try to protect me. Lara would, I know that. Elisabeth would. I don't know if there are any other wolves that are able to protect me who actually would, knowing the risk to their own lives."

"Angel would protect you," Lara said. "So would Scarlett."

"I couldn't let them. They would die trying. If Avery came for me, I'd go with him before I let him kill them."

"It would break Angel's heart," Lara said.

"She would mend."

"Today," Vivien said. "You are safe. Lara won't let anything happen to you. Neither will I or Elisabeth or Angel or any of your other friends."

"What about tomorrow?"

"You'll be safe forever," Lara said. "I promise."

"You can't promise that," I said. "You don't know how you are going to feel next week or next month or next year. You don't know the council won't order you to find a real mate or that we won't have a huge fight and you'll want to be rid of me."

"I will love you forever, Michaela," Lara said firmly. "And the council knows if they ever order something like that, they better be ready to challenge me."

"The council isn't going to order that," Vivien said. "But let us try this. Michaela, do you know that right at this very moment, you are safe?"

I thought about it. "Yes."

"And tonight, at home with Lara. Safe?"

"Yes."

"And if Lara promises tomorrow that, for all of tomorrow, you are safe, will you believe her?"

I looked up into Lara's eyes. "I believe if she promises it, I will be as safe as she can make me."

"Good," Vivien said. "Lara, every morning, you know what promise to make. For that day, no matter what happens, even if you have a fight, you promise Michaela is safe."

Lara lifted my chin. "Today, little fox, you are safe. And tomorrow you will be safe, too. And I will tell you that, every day of our lives until we are old and grey."

"Speak for yourself," I said. "You're already grey."

She smiled and kissed me on the nose.

After that, Lara and Vivien agreed to a schedule for my visits. I sat there quietly, agreeing when they asked me if the schedule was fine with me.

We got up and I slipped from Lara's arms and stood in front of Vivien, looking up into her eyes. "Vivien, I know you're not supposed to have a personal relationship with your clients, that because we interact in other settings, you should have referred me elsewhere."

"Yes," she said. "But there is no elsewhere, and pack doesn't always follow human rules."

"As long as we're breaking the rules, can we break one more? Will you hug me?"

She pulled me into her arms and held me for a moment. "Thank you," I told her.

Then I stepped away, back into Lara's warmth.

* * * *

Later in bed, Lara told me quietly, "I will keep you safe forever, Michaela."

"I know you believe that, Lara. For now, you keep me safe tonight."

"Yes. And tomorrow."

Friday morning, before we climbed out of bed, she pulled me into her arms and promised me, "Today I will keep you safe. No matter what happens, you are safe with me."

And every morning thereafter, she pulled me into her arms and promised me, "Today you are safe, and tomorrow too. You are safe with me."

* * * *

I spent my days working on my high school diploma or teaching the kids. I assembled a completed curriculum, and Lara offered her approval. The parents were satisfied, and the kids were ecstatic.

We recognized there were certain difficulties in beginning the implementation. Trips to Bayfield for kayaking were too large an extravaganza, but if the Chicago threat were dealt with, we would have significantly more freedom.

I finished the ninth grade science curriculum, and later I checked my transcript and found another A recorded. It felt nice to see that. I told Francesca that I wanted to work on the ninth grade English in conjunction with the tenth grade math and science. It would give me some variety to study. She told me I was free to study how I felt would work best for me.

The math was easy. I needed to study a few of the chapters from the book. Francesca administered the test in my kitchen like she had last time, again with distractions in the room, and I believe she engineered an artificial rush to complete, but I took my time. When she returned the exam, I had made one small mistake, but the paper was otherwise void of angry red marks. The kids all congratulated me.

* * * *

We played poker again on Wednesday. I lost, and suddenly I didn't have enough cash for next week's buy in, and I had gotten my last paycheck from my old job.

I was quiet on the way home. "I don't have a buy in now," I said. "And if I can't stop giving myself away, it won't matter."

"Good thing payday is Friday," she said. "And Vivien and I won't be playing. I'll be there for moral support only. Several other council members are invited."

"Payday?"

"You know, for your teaching job. You realize you get a paycheck, don't you?"

I laughed. "It doesn't matter. Janice and I will fleece them then she'll take it all away from me."

"I am going to sit next to you and signal to you when you are giving away your tell. You'll learn to control it."

"You know, the first game was what it was, but we don't necessarily need a second game. Or Janice could play instead of me."

"We're sticking with the plan for now," Lara said.

Underground War

The following Monday afternoon, we met at the command center that used to be David's old house. As he had in the weeks past, Greg was there to provide the briefing. Greg appeared to be all business.

"Let's start with this man," Greg said, and a photo of one of Durian's enforcers appeared on the computer screen. "Lawrence Hale. He was last seen entering Durian's compound at 8:52 Saturday evening." There was a photo. "In the company of these two wolves, James Friesen and Greg Halloway." Two more photos appeared. We saw a series of photos of the men climbing out of a car and entering a house I knew was Durian's. "None of them have been seen since."

"Should we be worried?" I immediately asked. Lara appeared calm. I was wondering if they were on their way here to cause trouble.

"My belief," Greg said, "is that Mr. Hale went in search of a promotion, backed up by Misters Friesen and Halloway. I believe his request for a promotion was met with a resounding no. I find it unlikely we will find the bodies."

"I presume we will still be on the watch for these men, in case your theory should prove to be faulty?"