FRACTURED (32 page)

His lack of response was confirmation enough. His crushing embrace was overkill.

“We'll find a way to fix it, Ruby,” he whispered into my hair, rustling it softly with his erratic breathing. “I don't want to ask this, but when is Sean home? If anyone can sort this out, it'll be him.”

“He said he'd be back later today. He was supposed to be meeting Jay, Trey, and few other brothers in Boston later to regroup and debrief. I can call him.”

Cooper made that grimaced sucking sound through clenched teeth.

Bad news was headed my way.

“You're gonna need to use my phone for that,” he said sheepishly.

“Yours may or may not be in pieces on the living room rug.”

“Man, I'm going to have to start buying cheaper phones given the rate I go through them,” I lamented. “You can get me one tomorrow. Tell Chip, or Tad, or whatever his name is at Radio Shack that I say hi. I swear he knows my name by now.”

“I'm sorry. Take mine. Go to your room. Call him. Rest. We'll sort everything else out later.”

He placed his cell in my hand after retrieving the number and hitting “call” for me. I reached for his face and pulled him down to me, leaving a whisper of a kiss on his cheek before following the hallway wall down to my bedroom and shutting the door.

I sat on the bed just in time for Sean to pick up.

31

Cooper was right. I needed to tell Sean what was happening―but not over the phone. Some things need to be done in person, and that was one of them, so I did my best to play it casual and said I was going to stop by his place later that evening. I knew that breaking the news would hurt him terribly―he was a fixer, and as far as I could tell, there wasn't a way to fix my situation. I hoped he would shame me with an easy solution.

Cooper drove me over to Sean's apartment and offered to walk me up, but I declined. I wasn't completely debilitated. Not yet. Taking advantage of the little daylight that was left, I carefully made my way to the entrance of his building. Once inside, I started up the multiple flights of stairs as I counted them off―a habit I never quite lost after I gained my sight. It was just too ingrained in me not to.

Since I had called ahead, he was expecting me and awaited my arrival on the landing outside his apartment door as he often did. The blurry figure could have been anyone, really, but I knew it was him from his energy. It intensified with my every step.

“I was glad you wanted to come over tonight,” he announced, sounding every bit as pleased as he proclaimed to be. I loathed that I couldn't see the smile he was likely wearing.

“Yeah, well, my plans fell through so...here I am.”

He laughed heartily at my jab. Yet another thing I was sorry I couldn't fully witness.

I knew I was approaching the final step, but as I looked up to smile in his general direction, I caught my toe on the last one, falling toward him. In typical Sean fashion, he caught me without any effort and helped me into the apartment. He had no idea just how much I needed that help.

“Glad to see some things never change,” he joked, closing the door behind us. The apartment was dark, which did nothing to help me. What was it with him and lights, anyway?

“It seems like Scarlet was the more coordinated of us two, and, well, she's not really around to help out these days, so...”

“So it's the Ruby that I fell in love with. The one who could find danger in the most innocuous of places.”

“Guess so.”

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked, walking behind me toward the kitchen. He flipped on the industrial pendant light above the island, which was a godsend for me. The objects in the room were far more easily seen with that little bit of light, but I was still reluctant to move, so I hovered where I was―eight steps into the apartment.

“Um, I don't think I need any further impairment, thanks.”

He hesitated for a moment; he was no longer rummaging through the cupboard for his stash. I felt the sweat beading on my back. I did not want to have this conversation with him, but it was coming any way I sliced it.

“Something wrong, Ruby?” His figure approached me slowly. “Why are you just standing there?”

I prayed for a way to tell him delicately.

“I...I can't stay long, Sean. I just came over to tell you something, really.”

I could feel his guard go up, and for a moment, I was glad I couldn't see his beautiful but impassive face.

“What is it?” His tone was colder than I'd thought it would be.

“You see, the thing is,” I rambled, unable to just blurt out the truth.

“Cooper and I were talking and―”

“You and Cooper? I see,” he interrupted. “And am I going to like the conversation you had?”

Silence.

“No.” I could feel the tears welling up in my failing eyes. They were so not helping.

“No?” he asked, his tone taking that businesslike edge that I dreaded. “Then I suggest you just get it over with and tell me what it is so I can know exactly what it is that I'm not going to like.”

He moved closer to me, blocking out the kitchen light. I cracked under the pressure and tried to move away. Stepping to the right of him, I thought I was aiming toward the couch. I should have had a clear path.

Apparently, he'd gone shopping since I was last there. In my escape attempt, I caught my toe on the edge of a rug that had never been there before and crashed to the floor.

“Dammit!” I screamed, hating the helpless feeling I had.

“What's wrong with you tonight?” He tried to help me up, but I was too frustrated to accept his help.

“Don't!” I snapped, knocking his hand away. “I can do it myself.”

“I'm sure you can, Ruby. That's not the point.”

“But it
is
the point, Sean. It's completely the point.”

“Are you trying to pick a fight with me to avoid telling me the bad news?”

“No, I'm picking a fight with you
to
tell you the bad news.”

“What? You're not making any sense.”

“Great! Then I'm acting congruently with everything else that's going on in my life.”

“Would you please just tell me what you're talking about?”

It wasn't a request. It was an order wrapped up with a question mark for etiquette. When I didn't reply, he tried another. “Would you at least look at me?”

“I can't,” I whispered.

“You mean you won't,” he replied, the tension palpable in his voice.

“No! I mean I
can't
, Sean,” I snapped. “You want to know why? I'm going blind, Sean. That's why I can't look at you and that's what I came to tell you―what Cooper and I were talking about that you wouldn't like.”

I felt the tears overflow and flood down my face. They pissed me off even more.

“What?” he whispered, completely motionless.

“I'm going blind. I didn't realize what was going on at first. I thought I was just tired and it made things a bit fuzzy, but yesterday...it escalated. I can only make out the general shapes of objects around me,” I informed him, slowly feeling my anger drain away to dejection. “I can't even see your face.”

I slumped back down to the rug that had exposed me, pulling my knees up into my chest. Growing up blind had never made me feel small and helpless. Losing my sight again did.

“Ruby—” He couldn't even finish his thought. I tried to block his energy, but it was impossible. It coated me, penetrating as he slowly approached. Where I would normally find it comforting, it only served to make me feel worse.

“Please don't,” I said, putting my hands up defensively.

I felt the floor give way the slightest amount as he knelt before me, taking my wrists gently in his hands.

“Let me see.” His voice was soft and sorrowful, but it was an order nonetheless. Not wanting to fight him, I slowly lifted my head from my knees to face him―eyes closed. He lowered my hands to the floor then cupped my face in his hands so reverently. “Open them.
Please
.”

With a deep breath, I did just that. It only saddened me further when, instead of seeing his angelic face in front of me, I saw a blurred mess. It was not how I wanted to remember him.

He ran his palm gently up my face, resting it just over my eyes. He muttered something unintelligible, and I felt his energy shift immediately. It was intense, dark―ancient.

Unfortunately for me, my problem wasn't one that his magic could mend.

I heard the growl growing in his throat as he pulled his hand away.

“I can't do anything to help you,” he said. He sounded like he wanted to tear the room apart, his frustration ever-mounting.

“I know,” I sniffled. “I didn't come here thinking you could.”

He said nothing, only pulled my face towards his slowly. My eyes closed in response. I felt his breath light on my face as he leaned in to gently kiss my eyelids, hovering over each one when he finished. Maybe he thought his love could fix them.

I opened them to see if it had.

“Still nothing,” I joked, not feeling especially humorous.

“I'm sorry, Ruby.” His voice carried a weight that threatened to break him.

“It's not your fault,” I replied, reaching for him. I found his face and did my own exploring, tracing all the glorious angles it held. One last tear escaped as I did.

“We have to get her back―
Scarlet
. We have to find out what's happening to her.”

I sighed.

“Sean, I think she's dying, or fading away. Something like that,” I said, rehashing the conclusion that Cooper and I had come to. “I'm going to be what I was before she showed up.” I choked on the words I spoke, and the ones I needed to say. “Will that...? Will you...?” Another sigh escaped me before I could force the words out. “Will you still be able to love me, if it's just
me
? No Scarlet. No supernatural anything. Just me, blind and everything?”

“Nothing could make me stop, Ruby.
Nothing
.”

He said no more, scooping me up silently into his arms and carrying me off toward his bedroom. Laying me down softly on top of his bed, he slid down beside me, immediately tucking me in close to him. Though his words failed him, his emotions did not. For once, they served him well.

In the darkness, he showed me exactly what I meant to him, and I felt every ounce of it. He tangled his hands in my hair and never let go, kissing me softly and slowly, like nothing else in the world mattered―like the drama could be postponed for another day. But I could feel that he had withdrawn somewhere deep within himself―there, but not―as if his mind had escaped to a place that made him more capable of dealing with the implications of my blindness.

I kissed him back, trying to reach him, to assure him through my touch that everything was going to be all right. Judging by his reaction, he didn't buy my false comforts any more than I did. Our pace started slow, his kisses lingering, but as we proceeded, it hastened, both of us feeling a need to have more, faster. Desperation and fear fed us.

With growing concern, our bodies twisted closer and tighter, clinging to one another like it was pertinent to our survival. Maybe it was. He was so often my lifeline; it made sense that he would be yet again. He whispered soft and foreign words, his breath tickling my lips, causing my body to shudder. They temporarily lulled me, sweetly releasing my fears while I succumbed to the only thing that mattered in that moment―him.

His foreign mutterings picked up intensity and urgency when he finally unlocked his hands from my curls to explore my body, claiming everything he touched. My hands mirrored his, frantically clawing at his clothing, which I suddenly found offensive. Our mouths were still entangled, each trying to consume more of the other with every growing second.

After finagling his shirt off with some effort, I captured the back of his head in my hands, fisting his hair tightly to leverage my body closer to his. The vibration that coursed through me from his chest tightened every part of me in the most glorious of ways. Sean still had, and always would have, an effect on me that was unparalleled.

I scrambled in response, needing to have his bare skin on mine, but he clasped my spastic hands in his, holding them gently down at my sides. With me somewhat immobilized, he continued his mission, unhindered by my rising desire to be whole with him. He pressed down against me, letting me feel the full weight of his body before sliding up along me to put his lips to my ear.

I held my breath, expecting him to say something profound as he always did, but instead he just brushed the lobe ever so lightly with his mouth. Every hair on my body stood at attention. He worked his way down my neck painfully slowly, angering yet pleasuring me the entire way. On occasion he would whisper the same indecipherable phrase over and over against my skin, delighting my nervous system with every melodic syllable.

My shirt strayed upward as his hands traced ghost-like patterns along my sides, my stomach―my chest. I shivered beneath him, willing him to speed up, the wait nearly torturous. When his lips came down upon the hollow of my neck, I heaved up against him, begging him for the contact I wanted―needed―most. To be one with him and him alone.

Sensing my distress, he gently pulled my top over my head, his body never drifting far. His bare skin on mine felt like heaven, and it was more than enough to keep me focused on the now and block out the uncertainty of tomorrow. Tomorrow could wait.

His fingers continued their balletic dance across my body, memorizing it through touch as I had memorized his face only minutes earlier. I felt as though he was trying to understand how I would live in a world of shadows and unknowns. It was his way of empathizing with what I stood to lose.

Every pass drew the lightest hint of sorrow from him, his foreign words coming more frequently―a confession, a purging of remorse for a loss he couldn't quite understand. I reached for him, trying to pull him back to me, but he evaded me like only he could. I tried to tell him what he needed to hear, but he shushed me quickly, resting his lightly calloused thumb on my mouth. It then brushed a path back and forth across my lips, and they parted with the contact as I inhaled deeply.