Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three) (11 page)

“What I wouldn’t give to have a proper dance with you.” He trailed kisses down to her cleavage. She had lost a considerable amount of weight, but her chest was still plump and ample, much like her ass, which he just so happened to have a hand on. “You are so fucking sexy, my love,” he groaned as he placed more kisses along her chest.

“Gunther…,” Quinn whispered. “Please…” He pulled her up. His cool breath sent chills down her body while he swayed her back and forth, tantalizing her just a little more. “Please stop,” she finally choked out.

“Why?” Gunther was in shock.

“Because…”

He ran his hand up her side, pausing at her breast. “What else is there to do, love?” He felt her resistance, but his body ached to be in hers. Quinn took a step back. “What’s wrong?” She stared at him, her hands on her hips.

“I don’t want to have sex for the sake of having sex. I want it to be meaningful.”

“But it is to me,” he muttered in confusion. “Every moment with you is meaningful. Every kiss, every thrust, every moan…all meaningful.”

“Are you just with me because I give into your needs?”

Gunther’s face dropped. “What?! No! God, no! Why would you even think that?” His eyes wore his concern. “I love you. If all I wanted from you was sex, I wouldn’t be staying with you. I wouldn’t even want to talk to you.”

“Sometimes, I feel like all you want is sex and blood.”

“Love, that’s far from the truth. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. I love you with everything I have. If anything happened to you, I couldn’t carry on. Plain and simple. I can’t imagine not having you on my arm. I am
so
proud to have you.” As Gunther poured his heart out to her, it made her smile. Relief swept over him. He grabbed her and pulled her close, holding her tight. “Christ, don’t scare me like that. My life would be meaningless without you…which is exactly why I want you to be my wife.”

Those words surprised him as much as they did Quinn. His eyes popped open and her body went as rigid as his cock. Standing in shock, she just blinked at him. Several moments passed, but Quinn continued to just stare at him.

“Say something, love,” Gunther whispered.

Tears formed in her eyes. “I…I…I don’t know
what
to say.”

“Shit. I shouldn’t have said that. It just came out. I’m putting too much pressure on you.” Turning away, pissed at himself, he scrubbed his face as he barked out a few expletives. He fucked up in a major way.

“Gunther…” She grabbed his arm, making him turn around to face her. Tears streamed down her face. “I just want you to understand that I need more.”

“I know. I’m trying.”

“I know you are. You have come a long way. I just don’t want you to get lost and travel down a path I’m not willing to be on.”

“I understand,” he said, even though he was clueless. Heart racing, he kissed her forehead.

What the fuck does she mean?

Does she not want to be my wife?

Is she talking about the sex thing?

Gunther needed to change the subject before he drove himself even more mental than he already was. “How about we head to the library and see if there is anything interesting?”

“Sounds good. Maybe Cora will allow us to take the kids.” He broke out in a grin. She knew he would like that idea.

Once the hungry rumble revved up in my stomach, I decided to get my sorry ass out of bed. Being hungry was a good sign…I hoped.

Stumbling to the loo, I grabbed the hand towel. Match in hand, the unimpaired scratch and the sulfur stench filled the undersized, dark space. Holding it to the wick of the candle, I caught a brief glimpse of myself in the mirror. I brought the match to my lips and blew it out.

After pouring a little water on the dingy towel, I stood straight and stared in the mirror. What stared back at me gave me the shock of my life. Placing the candle on the basin, I could see more. I didn’t want to, but I had to face reality.

I swallowed hard, noting the dark circles, puffy cheeks, bearded jaw and upper lip, chapped lips, and out of control hair.

I was a motherfucking wreck.

I rubbed my eyes to make sure they were functioning correctly. Pulling my hand away, I realized I was still a motherfucking wreck.

That was the first time I saw myself clearly in ages. No wonder Elaina was running away from me. Closing my eyes, I gripped the edges of the sink.

I fought bloody hard not to get emotional, to no avail. I was fucking crying again. I was the only one who didn’t see what I had become. Sheer courage allowed me to open my eyes and stare at myself once again.

After a swipe at the tears running down my face, there was a flicker of hope what was reflecting back at me wasn’t the truth.

I splashed water on my face, then grabbed the can of shaving gel and a razor. Lathered face, the razor in my tremoring hand, I pressed it to my cheek, exhaling, trying to ease my emotions. The last thing I needed was to tear the shit out of my face.

Once I was able to steady my hand, I began the mind-numbing process of taking down the sketchy beard that was taking over—shaving twice in order to get rid of it all.

I rinsed my face, brushed my teeth, and tried to tame my hair with water and a brush, but was unsuccessful. I needed to find a trimmer and take it down a level or twelve. I stripped down, and scrubbed my body. I couldn’t scrub away the abuse, but I could at least look clean for my Elaina.

My Elaina
… What a fucking joke that was. I couldn’t believe I thought she would still be mine.

Glancing down at my swollen belly, a sigh escaped me. Pathetic. I poked my finger at it, wondering if the paunch would go away with a little gym time. I had grown too lazy to spend time lifting and training. My fitness program right now focused on 750ml presses. I was sure Elaina was no longer attracted to the mess in the mirror.

I cursed and palmed my deodorant, trying to freshen up the sickness oozing from my pores. After draining the five drops of fluid banging around in my bladder, I headed back into the room to hunt out a semi-clean outfit to wear—jeans and a gray tee.

Once I neatened everything up on the shelves, I stepped back, feeling dissatisfied with the results…as per usual. After careful examination, I tugged and pulled at the corners of the fabrics, made sure the personal products were in perfect, descending rows, realigning everything again. I took another step back, and it was still a little off. Three more adjustments later, I headed out, albeit slowly, to the cafeteria. No need to rush to the critical gazes and whispered words.

I leaned against the doorway for a moment, watching the action I had been missing out on. Gunther, Quinn, Kate, and Silas were seated at one table, reading through a stack of books. Silas hopped on Gunther’s lap just as he grabbed a book from the stack.

Hanging out on the side of the room with her back to the door, Elaina watched the scene. As I walked up behind her, she glanced over her shoulder. “Very sweet, isn’t it?” she asked.

“Yes.” I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin in her head, hoping she wouldn’t reject me.

“You look good, Henry. More like yourself.”

“Thank you,” I murmured.

Her focus returned to the kids. “It kind of makes me want a child of my own but, after seeing what happened with Claire, I’m too afraid.”

“Not that we’ve been taking any precautions,” I muttered, wondering if she would ever allow me the privilege of making love to her again.

I sighed, noticing the new crew was staring in our direction.

“His name is Ben. Maybe we should introduce you. Are you feeling well enough?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m also feeling well enough to eat a little something.”

“Good.” She smiled at me. Christ, that made me feel a little better about our situation. Maybe I was just being too paranoid. “After I introduce you, I’ll get you something to eat.”

“I’ll take a double order of fish and chips.”

“Wishful thinking,” Elaina mumbled, and I laughed. She gazed over her shoulder at me with that brilliant smile. “I’ve missed your laugh, Henry.”

“I’ve missed it, too.” I pursed my lips and glanced away from her eyes, unable to handle her pain.

We made our way over to the new arrivals. When Ben stood, Elaina stepped aside, allowing us to greet one another.

“Hello.” He held out his hand.

Narrowing my eyes at him, I got an instant bad vibe. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something about that bloke that chapped my ass. Looking down at his hand for just a moment, Elaina glanced at me and read my tension true.

At the same time, we both noticed one of the women from the group was looking me up and down. Her posture stiffening, Elaina was just as jacked up and ready for a fight as I was. “I swear I will shank that bitch if she has one dirty thought,” she mumbled under her breath through a mocked smile.

“I’m sorry?” Ben asked, not hearing what she said.

“Oh, nothing. This is Henry. He’s our leader and
my
fiancé,” she said with overly expressed interest in an effort to drive the point home. She softened her exterior, hoping the twinkling in her eyes would calm me down. Yeah, not the case. I was wound up like a clock spring, slipping into program mode. “Can you excuse us for just a sec?” Elaina asked with a slick, grandiose smile.

“Yes, certainly,” Ben drawled, eying us with vast curiosity.

Elaina grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me aside. “Snap out of it,” she growled.

“Touché. I’m worried.” Nothing good ever came out of the program monotone.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Gunther was watching us. He handed Silas over to Quinn after seeing the interaction between Ben and I. He was upon us in three strides. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Elaina sighed. “I was introducing Henry to them, and he’s slipping into program mode.”

“Right. Look, I understand that you’re worried, but I have it handled. Just play nice, even if you don’t mean it.” I nodded once at Gunther like I was taking orders from a captain, exactly how I was trained.

I broke away from Elaina’s grip and stalked off toward Ben. Accepting his hand, he introduced his family. Elaina and Gunther watched from a short distance away.

“Why is he acting like that?” she whispered.

“He’s just on high alert,” Gunther explained. “It’s fine. He won’t do anything.”

“How do you know? He has that look in his eyes.”

“He’s playing the alpha male role. Look… He’s standing tall, strong, and firm. His chin is up, and he’s barely speaking, but commanding.”

“We aren’t a pack of dogs, Gunther.”

“I know. But if he plays this role, they will be less likely to challenge him on his own turf. You understand?”

“I think so. I’m not sure if I completely understand, but if you aren’t going to be worried, I shouldn’t be, either. I’m going to get him some food.”

“I’ll keep an eye on them.” She thanked him and headed toward the pantry, as he listened to the conversation.

“Thank you for allowing my family to stay here.” I nodded. “As you can see, Lauren is pregnant. The walking and running thing wasn’t working for her anymore. She was slowing us down.”

The vision of Claire’s and Willow’s dead bodies crept into my thoughts. My whole body shivered. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as I faced Lauren. “How far along are you?” I asked.