Fragged: A BWWM Military Romance (13 page)

“So it was the hug,” I said.

“I didn’t plan it or anything. You moved higher on me and my hand just landed on your card.”

“And you thought, ‘Oh, perfect. Finally some use for this woman.’”

“No,” Calix growled. I jerked back at the intensity of it.

“Don’t yell at me.”

“I’m not yelling. I…” He rubbed a hand hard up and down his face. “I just didn’t think there was any harm in it. What you do to me. What you did to me. It’s very real. It’s too real.”

He looked at me over his hand, bleary-eyed. I didn’t understand what he meant, but I could feel the raw regret behind it. Regret and something more.

“Are you lying?” I asked.

“I don’t lie very well.”

Did liars say stuff like that? Probably, but not in that exhausted tone. I wondered suddenly if it was the wound wearing him down or all that surrounded it.

“So you didn’t lie to me,” I said. “You told me the truth about how you were shot.”

He winced as if I’d kicked his wound. “That was a different lie,” he said. “It was necessary.”

“Necessary for what?”

He took a moment before answering. “Necessary to protect my family.”

“You have a family?!”

I’d never even asked him. Great, now I got to be a home wrecker, too.

“Just me and my father. I have a brother, too.”

“Oh, ok.” I nearly dissolved with relief, then immediately felt angry at how much better I felt.

“So that’s why,” he said.

“That’s why what? That’s why you had to use me? No, that doesn’t explain a thing. What are you protecting them from?”

He sighed. “Their idiocy.”

“That’s…not an answer.”

“Rosa, you don’t need to know.”

I grabbed my coffee and shot up. “If you’re not going to answer any questions, I’m going to-”

“Rosa, please.” Calix reached out for me, but I jerked away. He folded into the table. “Fine, just tell me what you want to know.”

“Are you a criminal or are you not?”

He stared off at the sky. His face had a serene look to it, as if he were reading an answer from somewhere beyond. Or maybe somewhere within.

I sat back down.

“This wound came from criminal activity,” he said. “My family is involved in a criminal organization. I was part of it until I joined the military. I got dragged back when I came home.”

He turned to me fiercely. “But I’m not going to let it happen again. We don’t agree on many things anymore. Plus, I have too much to lose.”

He waited, calm once more. Did he want forgiveness? All I could say was, “I see.”

“So you tell me,” he said. “Am I a criminal or not?”

“Well, you won’t tell me the details of what you did.”

“It’s drug related. They never dealt with drugs before. That’s why I’m done with them.”

“Yeah, well, I guess in that case, you were a criminal. What exactly else are you hoping to hear?

“That.” He smiled for no good reason. “That’s exactly what I told them before I walked out.”

“So what does that make you now?”

He shrugged. “What I am. A soldier.”

“So you stole that bullet to stay a soldier too,” I said. “Not just to protect your family.”

He shook his head heavily. “I don’t know why I did it. I got shot. That’s really all that happened. There’s no crime in being shot. I wasn’t at risk. I just didn’t want to take the chance it would blowback on anyone. I just took the opportunity to cover it up when I could.”

His eyes softened. “I didn’t think the blowback would end up falling on you.”

We were spinning in circles. I felt tired.

I also believed him. Either he was being real or he was a complete psychopath. We dealt with those once in a while at work. He didn’t fit the profile.

Which meant he must be being real about how he felt too…

No. I wasn’t going there.

“Why didn’t you just leave the card when you were done then?” I said.

“What?”

“My card. You could have just dropped it at the nurse’s station. That’s where I said I found it.”

“Oh yeah? That’s good. It makes a lot of sense.”

“No, it doesn’t. I’m just not a great liar.”

He gave me a dashing smile. “We’re not entirely different then.”

“You didn’t answer me.”

“I kept the card because I forgot. It’s as simple as that. I might have just been eager to get out. The whole thing wasn’t really planned.”

He hadn’t planned a damn thing apparently. He was just a leaf in the wind. But this leaf had done one last thing.

I had to know. I took a shuddering breath and asked.

“What about coming to my house? Was that planned? Did you plan to sleep with me?”

A couple walked out of the cafe behind him, laughing and nudging each other. The smell of butter and strawberries blew out sickly sweet over us.

I remembered something he’d been saying that night:

Do meds change who you are
?

“Was it the pills?” I said. “Is that what made you want to see me?”

He shook his head. “I thought they were. They might have been why I was so bold. But they weren’t the reason.”

My hands were quivering now. “No? Then what? Did you want to make me look like an idiot? Did you want to cover your tracks? Did you want to force my silence?”

“Rosa…” He spoke with such a soft voice.

“What?”

I blinked back tears. This was nowhere near the plan. I was supposed to be the one in charge, not crying like some jilted school girl. But this was the one thing that didn’t fit. If the whole thing was not planned, then what reason did he have to do that with me?

“I came to return the card cause I didn’t know how else to see you again,” he said.

“What?”

“I thought it was the pills. Even yesterday, I tried to convince myself that was it. But it’s not. They just set me free to want what I wanted. And I wanted you.”

They were the words I’d been aching to hear all along.

“So just say that, idiot.” I sniffled. “Why did you have to go through all this?”

He smiled. “It’s like you said. I’m an idiot.”

The sky had turned red. The sun was golden now and it lit him up like a bronze statue. All the edges of his gorgeous face stood out, sharp against the sun. I would melt if I kept looking at it.

I shot up and said, “I need to go.”

I started walking before anything could stop me.

“Rosa.” His chair went shuffling somewhere behind me.

“It’s fine,” I yelled back. “I won’t tell anyone your secret. I can take care of myself.”

I reached the street and hailed a cab. Calix limped up next to me. I winced at the look on his face and realized that he couldn’t chase me at all.

“I’m sorry, Rosa,” he said. “Don’t leave like this.”

A cab was pulling up to me already. It was practically an Atlanta miracle. I glanced up at the heaving soldier at my side. A bead of sweat ran the length of his jaw and dripped off the hard end of it.

“Fine,” I said. “How do you want me to leave?”

He placed an arm around my neck. “Don’t.”

I took his hand meaning to throw it off, but he squeezed my fingers. I felt all that strength, just barely restrained.

Had he been lying to me about what happened to him? Yes. But he hadn’t been lying about how he felt about what happened to me.

He hadn’t been lying on how he felt about me.

Wasn’t that really what I came here to find?

“I have to leave,” I said. “The cab is right here.”

“It can fit more than one.”

He gripped my shoulders and turned me to him.

“I can’t fix what happened,” he said. “But let me make it up to you.”

Oh god, Rosa
. My foundations were crumbling under his touch, under his ice water gaze.

“Fine,” I said, breathing out my last puff of resistance.

He brushed a dark hair out of my face and leaned in.

His kiss tasted like salt and sweat. It hadn’t come easy, but it tasted all the sweeter for it. We took our time on the curb, tasting each other’s lips as if they were a measure of our words to each other. He hugged me to him, his fingers tracing my face like he was blind until now.

The taxi driver honked. Calix smacked the window. I laughed and opened the rear door before the guy could drive away.

I gave him the address and helped Calix in. We held each other and nuzzled quietly in the backseat all the way home.

The house was empty, but I knew it wouldn’t stay that way. Not for as long as I needed him to prove himself to me. I led him up to my room. The bed was a frilly mess and I had clothes and shoes scattered everywhere, but he carried me in.

He kissed his way down my body, peeling it off layer by layer. I did the same to him. We took all the time in the world, savoring every inch of each other’s skin, breaking to return for a brush of the lips. It was the sweetest start I’d ever had to an evening.

But it was just the opening. I spread my legs for him, and he rumbled to life like a train and sped down into me. All his pain seemed to vanish as he bent my legs up and rammed into me over and over. His wide arms ran under me and cuddled me into him, even as he split me in half. His full strength bore into me, pushing me tighter into his grip.

His lips fell on my face. There was nowhere to escape to. Nowhere that he had not already secured.

I sang out, feeling like a bird cozy in its nest high above.

Finally we came crashing down together. We lay on our sides and I kissed him through the sweat and tears, and he kissed back. Soon his mouth landed on my breasts and, then, I was sighing and he was hard and in me again. He wrapped around my chest like a safety belt and bent into me from the side. I chewed his fingers and his hand and came until I was hoarse.

We weren’t done. Far from it.

He set upon his apology it with a soldier’s dedication.

I believed every inch.

CHAPTER TEN

Calix

I came awake aware of exactly where I was. For the first time in days, I felt no confusion, just calm comfort.

Rosa’s room glowed white through the open blinds. Across from me, the mirror atop the dresser reflected my image.

We hadn’t slept more than five hours, but I looked bright and rested.

Past my own reflection was a larger swell under the blanket. It didn’t move in the mirror, but I could hear the swish of her breath.

I turned and looked at Rosa. I had never let myself admire her before, not with just my eyes. She was facing the other way. Her round shoulders lay completely bare. In the morning, her skin was the color of bark from a young tree. The brown lay soft and shimmering.

I traced a finger along her curves. She rustled, but didn’t wake up, just as I had hoped. If she rose, I wouldn’t be able to hold myself away.

I lifted the blankets and peered in at her plump little butt. Just the sight of that thick heart shape had me hard. My attention had fallen there all of last night. First my bite, then my fingers and finally all of my hardness as I entered her. It had been a miraculous sight, seeing my light flesh penetrate her to the brim.

I might just be a butt-man. I had never considered the possibility. Maybe I just had never been confronted with a piece of art that demanded it.

I smiled in the morning calm. That was something new to hold onto. I had no idea what defined me anymore other than this girl.

I eased out of bed and stood at her window. If their neighbors saw me it was fine. Let the world see me for what I was, imperfections and all.

The sky was actually covered in rolling clouds. They might darken to a storm or they might just pass and let the sun through. I had dreamed of days like this during scorching afternoons on patrol. Days where you didn’t have to cover up to survive.

I had done a lot of things over there that I never expected. I had taken orders from men of all colors, and commanded men of all stripes, too. I had seen good soldiers fragmented by IEDs and shed tears over their broken bodies. Blood red was the only color I did not allow myself to abide.

The whole time, I had promised to stay true to my larger mission: Do well, rise up and come home to serve the cause.

I had promised myself even as I found myself changing into something else. I found pleasure in keeping women the color of clay safe from violence. I had held little Afghan boys and girls and smiled as they ate for the first time in days. I had watched with stern pride as young Afghan men learned to take up arms to defend their families.

All this I had justified. I had been in their land, helping them create a place for their people. It might just teach me the skills to help me create one for my own race.

But it was all a lie I told myself to hide the changes that were already dawning on me. It took a gunshot and gorgeous woman to make me confront them.