Fragile Bonds (27 page)

“So, are we going to move your stuff into my place tonight or wait until the weekend?” Xavier inquires as we walk, hand-in-hand, down the road adjacent to the complex.

Maybe I should be hesitant to move in with Xavier, but I’m not. I can’t imagine spending another night apart from the two men in my life. We’ll have to talk to Tyler about getting out of my lease, but I’m hopeful that it’s one of those times when being best friends with the leasing manager will work in my favor. Otherwise, I’m going to be paying rent on an apartment I don’t live in until my lease is up.

“I can do most of it while you’re at work,” I say, tilting my head to rest on his shoulder. “And a lot of the stuff will be donated to Goodwill, so I’ll call and set up an appointment for them to pick up what I’m not keeping. No sense in having three households worth of furniture.”

I want to ask him what he wants to do with everything in storage, but I know that will spoil the moment. Some of it may have been our furniture at one point, but all of it is the past. It’s time for us to set a steady course into the future, burying the bad memories and everything associated with them.

“You’re not fighting me on moving in?” Xavier asks, genuinely surprised. I understand that feeling, but I think that we’re finally on the same page. There’s no more fighting what we feel for one another and personally, I can’t wait to dive into a future with the man I love.

“Nope. I intend on spending every night for the rest of my life sleeping next to you, so it’s pretty pointless for me to have a place of my own.” I look up into his sapphire eyes, satisfied to know that the fine lines at the corner are no longer caused by his overwhelming grief.

What we share might not be conventional and there will be people who criticize us for moving on together so soon after Alyssa’s passing, but we’ll be the ones who know the truth. If it hadn’t been for the wish of a dying woman, we might have both lacked the courage to ever fight for what we wanted.

I feel like the king of my castle as I watch Melanie putting the final touches on our first Thanksgiving dinner. I told her she didn’t have to go to all the trouble, that we could go out to eat, but she insisted on hosting her first holiday meal now that we’ve settled into our new home.

It wasn’t a month after Melanie moved into my apartment that we realized we needed to find something bigger. It’s not that we were cramped in the apartment, but it never felt like home to any of us. It was a stop-gap, a place she helped me find while I decided what course my life was going to take.

Alyssa always said everything in life happens for a reason. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been reminded of that over the course of the past year. Most recently, when I called my realtor and told her what Melanie put on her dream home wish
list. It turned out that they had just listed a home the day before that covered nearly every item on the list and is in the same school zone, so Jacob didn’t have to move to a new school a couple months after starting kindergarten.

“No running, young man,” I scold Jacob as I hear him thundering down the staircase. He still has days when he misses Alyssa, but for the most part, he’s doing remarkably well. And Melanie, bless her heart, encourages him to talk about Alyssa so he can hold onto the memories he has of her for as long as possible.

“Is it almost time to eat?” Jacob asks before offering to help Melanie put dinner on the table.

“Just about. Tyler’s hanging out in the living room, so we’re just waiting on your uncle to get here.” I lead Jacob into the front room so
he’s not under foot. I could just see him stepping in front of Melanie as she carries the turkey to the table, causing an epic meltdown. My normally level-headed girlfriend has been beyond high strung this week, wanting Thanksgiving to be perfect for Jacob. “Why don’t you sit and watch the parade with Ty?”

“Come on, little man,” Tyler says, patting the cushion next to him on the couch. “Let’s let them do all the hard work while we see which balloon is the coolest!”

I don’t snap when I see a petite woman bursting at the seams with attitude follow Braydon into the house. She looks as if she would rather be anywhere other than here and I had no clue she was coming. Xavier rushes up behind me, wrapping me in his arms before I can say something that will offend this woman.

“It’s okay, babe. It’s my fault, I forgot to tell you he said he might be bringing someone with him.” Xavier walks away from me so he can grab another chair out of the basement and set a place at the table for the unexpected guest.

“Mel, this is Erica. Erica, this is my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Melanie.” I reach out my hand to Erica and I’m surprised when she gives me a friendly hug.

“I wouldn’t go quite that far, Braydon,” I correct him. I swear, if Braydon had his way, Xavier and I would have been
on a plane to Vegas before the end of summer, but Xavier and I are content with where things are now.

“Uncle Braydon!” Jacob yells as he runs through the house. I narrow my eyes, giving him what Xavier has started referring to as “the mom look” but don’t say anything. “Is this your girlfriend? She’s really pretty!”

Braydon coughs and I see Erica’s cheeks flush. “Uh, no buddy. She’s just a friend. Her name is Erica.”

I feel bad for her because it’s obvious that she isn’t comfortable in the friends-zone. It seems strange that Braydon would bring a female friend to a family holiday, but he’s not a conventional guy.

“It’s good to meet you,” she says, seeming to relax a bit. I’ll have to ask Braydon what the badass act was when she first walked in because if she’s this hot and cold on a regular basis, I’m going to kick him in the backside. He needs a good, stable woman in his life. “Thank you for inviting me over today. My family is all out east, so I was going to sit at home with a frozen dinner, but Braydon wasn’t having that.”

“Oh, and how did the two of you meet?” I ask, curious because this is the first I’ve heard of there being a woman in his life.

Xavier clears his throat behind me, calling everyone to the dinner table. After he takes his place at the head, I sit to his right and Jacob sits across from me, leaving our guests to fill in the other seats.

“Before we dig in, I was hoping we could take a moment to share something we’re thankful for this year,” Xavier announces as his brother reaches for the platter of turkey. Braydon places his hands in his lap, grumbling about feeling like he’s a little kid again, but he gives Xavier a wink to let him know he’s kidding.

“It’s been one hell of a year, to say the least,” Xavier begins. His Adam’s apple dips as he swallows hard. “It would be so easy for me to say I have nothing to be thankful for, but the truth is, I have
everything
to be thankful for this year. Although she’s no longer with us, I will be eternally grateful to Alyssa for giving me the best gift a man could ever ask for.” He cups the back of Jacob’s head, planting a kiss on the crown of his hair.

“And there are no words to express what I feel for you, Melanie. You were there in the darkest times of our lives. Most people in your position would have run the other direction, but you refused to let the past keep you from giving Alyssa the care she deserved. I love you and that will never change.” By the time he finishes speaking, tears are streaming down my face and I consider saying that I’m thankful for whoever invented waterproof mascara because today is bound to be an emotional roller coaster.

I look at Erica, who seems a bit lost by Xavier’s comments. I offer her a polite smile before Xavier pokes me in the shoulder, urging me to speak up.

“Wow, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to follow that. I’m thankful that I have my family with me today. It might not be the way I imagined getting to this point, but Xavier, you are the man I always pictured as my other half. And Jacob, you might not have come from my belly, but you are the best son any mommy could ever ask for. I love you so, so much. And like you, Xavier, I’m thankful for Alyssa. None of us would be here like this if it wa
sn’t for her seeing what you and I were unwilling to acknowledge about the past and admit to possibilities in the future. I only wish that I had a lifetime to get to know her better because she’s one of the most genuine people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.”

Jacob pushes his chair back from the table, running around to jump into my lap. Xavier looks like he’s about to say
something, but I shake my head. “Jacob, what are you thankful for?”

“I’m thankful that Uncle Braydon told Daddy to quit his job so he’s home every night. And for our new
house with the big backyard. And most of all, I’m thankful that I have two mommies who love me.”

He looks up at me with his gap-toothed grin and I can’t help but laugh. My heart melts every time he calls me Mama
Melly because he is my son, no matter who gave birth to him.

It turns out that Erica is one of the girls from Artemis. Her cool demeanor when they first arrived is because she worried I was going to be a judgmental prude who didn’t approve of her working as a cocktail waitress. The last of her tension disappeared after I informed her that I had once been exactly where she is now.

She helped me clean up after dinner while the men flopped onto the couch to watch football. After watching her start to say something several times and cut herself short, I finally let her off the hook by talking about Alyssa, Xavier and everything that’s happened in the year since I walked through the door on Tamarac Lane.

Now, she’s helping me unwrap Christmas ornaments while the guys set up the artificial tree. I would have preferred a real tree, but Xavier insisted that with the way Jacob and Brody run around, it would be a recipe for disaster.

“Oh, crap! I have to go get something,” I tell Erica, using the arm of the couch to push myself off the ground. My back is killing me, but I’m not going to mention it for fear Xavier will tell me that we’ll do this another day. I want to start making family memories with Xavier and Jacob, the first being that we will decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving night. It was Alyssa’s favorite holiday after she had a family of her own, and now I can see why. It’s totally different when you’re surrounded by those you love.

I pull a box off the top shelf
of the hall closet. I walk over to Xavier so I can whisper in his ear. “I have something for you and Jacob. Do you want me to give it to you now or wait until everyone leaves?”

He looks down at the box and then into my eyes. “Is it from her?” he asks, a trace of sadness washing over his face. I nod. “Might as well do it now. Jacob might fall asleep before this bunch gives us any peace and quiet.”

I call Jacob over to where we’re standing in front of the tree. I pull the white and ivory angel out of the box.

“Jacob, your mommy gave me this last Christmas and asked me to bring it to you this year,” I tell him, fighting the tears as I remember the anguish she felt after making me promise to spend Christmas with “her guys” this year. “She knew she wouldn’t be here, but she wanted you to know that she’s still here with you in your heart.”

“Can I hold her?” Jacob asks, holding out his hands. I’m hesitant, only because most of the angel is made out of porcelain and he’ll never forgive himself if anything happens. “I promise I’ll be careful. Please!”

“Okay, but you have to sit on the floor.” Once he’s seated, I join him on the plush carpet, handing him one of the last gifts his mother left for him.

“Mama Melly, there’s something inside of her!” He reaches into the opening at the bottom of the angel and pulls out a folded piece of paper. I look up at Xavier whose wide eyes mirror my own. I have no clue what this is. “Can you read what it says?”

I swear my heart stops when I see Jacob’s name on the front of the paper. I unfold it and see that it’s a note from Alyssa. “Maybe we should wait until bedtime for this, buddy,” I urge him, not wanting to
put everyone through the pain of whatever message Alyssa left for her son.

“No, now!” Jacob whines. I look to Xavier, who shrugs. If he doesn’t see an issue with it, I suppose I have no choice but to suck it up. I pull Jacob onto my lap, wanting to hold him as close as I possibly can as I read the letter out loud. The room around me is silent as all of the adults stop what they’re doing so they can listen.

Jacob,

My sweet baby boy, I love you so much! I wish I could be there with you this Christmas and every other day, but that’s not possible. At least, it’s not possible for you to see me, but I promise you, I’m with you wherever you go.