Authors: Amber Lynn Natusch
“Let's just say it's my PC nickname for him,” I said, smiling at my play on words. “I'd much prefer Dead Son of a Bitch instead.”
“Me too, Ruby,” Ronnie sighed. “You have no idea.”
22
I left
Better With Age
in a hurry. Ronnie refused to give me any details on what she was planning or how the Underground fit into—I wasn't surprised; I knew she still didn't trust me. I
was
surprised by how rattled she looked though; her shooting hand flexed incessantly as spoke about him. Whatever he'd done to her personally to have her so agitated couldn't have been good. If she figured out how to take him down, she'd be sure to make it hurt. The thought put a smile on my face.
Hoping that Cooper would be in a better mood when I arrived, I walked briskly back to the apartment. It was hot and sunny out, and I was starting to feel the beads of sweat collecting on my neck. I'd left my hair down to cover the bandage on my neck that I'd hurriedly slapped on the night before, after my shenanigans with Cooper. Between both of the layers of insulation, it was getting hot in a hurry.
Even though I was only a couple of blocks from home, I couldn't tolerate the heat without some water. The local bakery was nearby, so I planned to pop in, grab a water, then head straight home to patch things up with Cooper. Once there, I decided that buying him an entire pie wouldn't hurt either.
On my way out, my flip-flop got caught on the threshold of the centuries old building, and I stumbled forward, slamming into an innocent bystander.
“I'm so sorry,” I said, trying to steady the pie box so I wouldn't drop it. “I tripped on the doorway and—"
“Ruby, should I expect this clumsiness every time I run into you, or you into me as the case may be?”
I looked up to see Alan Beauchamp smiling down at me. Before I could comment, a familiar voice spoke up from behind him.
“Alan, you know Ruby?” Kristy said as she rounded the side of her husband. “That's so crazy!
That's
who I was telling you about, the woman I met at the flea market.” She turned her smile on me as she helped grab the contents of my purse that had been strewn across the sidewalk, including my new phone.
“So
he's
your get out of jail free card, eh?” I asked, remembering the comment she'd made. “Too funny!”
“So how do you know Alan?” she asked, sounding casual. I couldn't help but feel like there was the slightest tension around her mouth when she asked.
“Well,” I started with a giggle, “this was a pretty good re-enactment of how we met, actually. I literally ran into him one day a few blocks over. I'm terribly oblivious sometimes.”
“She was distracted,” Officer Beauchamp said, looking down at his wife. “She saw the police tape from one of the murders when she was looking down the alley. I think it startled her.”
“Oh, no!” Kristy gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. “Was it near where you live?”
“Yes,” I replied with a sad smile.
“Did you know her?”
“No,” I started, not wanting to lie outright. “She was familiar though, like I'd seen her before. Maybe she'd been in the store some time.”
Seeming satisfied with the innocence of Alan and my relationship, she changed the subject.
“So when did you want to grab lunch?” she asked, her eyes hopeful.
“Well, the next few days are going to be killers for me,” I said, trying to buy myself time. “Maybe late next week?”
I felt bad knowing that I wouldn't follow up with her. She'd probably take it personally, questioning what she'd said or done, as I would have done in her position. She seemed like a sensitive person; her energy felt fragile, insecure. I forced a smile to sell my performance.
“Sounds good,” she said, looking perkier than before. “Just give me a call when things look a little less grim.”
Less grim indeed
.
“It's a date,” I agreed. “I hate to run off, but I have some things at home to deal with and they're kind of pressing in nature. Good to see you, Officer Alan. I'll try not to actually run into you next time.” That comment earned me a chuckle from the formidable man. “And I'll talk to you next week some time,” I said to Kristy, hating my inner liar as I did it.
“Bye, Ruby,” they said simultaneously, before turning to each other and laughing at their jinx. He looked at her with such admiration that even I could see that he clearly loved her. She had no reason to be insecure.
“See you soon,” I called out over my shoulder, wanting to get home before my facade crumbled.
I walked as quickly as I could in my flip-flop assassins, drinking my water, clutching my box of baked goods, and praying that my day was going to look up sooner than later. I wasn't excited about having to nurse Cooper's hurt feelings, but it needed to be done. Whatever issues he had, they needed to be put out on the table and dealt with. Closure was needed in as many things as I could before the Elders arrived, if they hadn't already. I wanted to face my death with as squeaky clean a conscience as possible. And it was time for some spring cleaning.
* * *
Crashing his room unannounced and unwelcome didn't seem to be appreciated, given the look he gave me when he popped his head up gopher-style on the far side of the bed.
“What are you doing?” I asked, confused.
“Cleaning. You should try it some time.”
“We need to talk.”
“No, apparently
you
need to talk.
I
need to find where my other sneaker wandered off to,” he said with a lot of attitude.
I stormed out of his room into mine and rifled through my closet until I found the blue and orange Puma in question. It somehow had landed in my laundry basket at some point and had taken up residence in my closet ever since. Stalking back into his room, I chucked the shoe at him under the bed.
“Mission accomplished,” I snapped, fisting my hands on my hips for emphasis. “Now we can talk, or at least you can
listen
.”
“What's got your panties in such a twist?” he asked, pushing himself off of the floor.
“What's got
your
panties in such a twist?” I deflected. He knew damn well what I was talking about. He wasn't getting out of it.
“You really want to know?” he asked, moving toward me.
“
No
, I just thought I'd ask for shits and giggles.”
“You're
unbelievable
sometimes, you know that?” he shouted, pushing past me and out of his room. I chased him to the kitchen. “You know what you are? You're
selfish
.”
“Selfish?” I cried.
“Yes. S-E-L-F-I-S-H, selfish. Would you like the definition? To be excessively or exclusively concerned with oneself. Selfish,” he mocked, his face turning a light shade of red. “I could use it in a different sentence for you if that would help.”
“No, I know what it means. I just have no clue why you think that's me.”
“Really? You have
no
clue?” he asked, his hands white-knuckling the countertops. “Or
maybe
you just haven't put much thought into it...probably because you're self absorbed and self-serving at the moment. That's weird...that sounds like the definition of selfish.”
“Oh, I'm
so
sorry that I'm absorbed with the PC trying to frame/kill me and crazy rogue wolves with bizarre agendas planting visions in my head,” I snarled, cocking my head to the side condescendingly. “I can't believe that I've been so blind. Please, tell me, how has your day been?”
“You can be such a bitch,” he said, pushing past me yet again. Our apartment wasn't big enough to get much space from one another. The bathroom was the best place to lock yourself in for privacy and that was exactly where he was headed. I got my foot in the door before he slammed it shut, but it cost me. The sharp pain shot up through my leg and took my breath away for a moment before I let out a shriek.
“Fine.
I'm
a bitch," I conceded, hoping to move things along more quickly. "But
you're the one
acting
like a bitch. Do you have your period? Is your vagina hurting? Seriously, what's your deal?” I asked, pushing the door open. My yelp had prompted him to stop closing it, but he hadn't apologized.
“Is this payback?” he asked me seriously. “I thought you said you weren't mad at me for what happened with the drugs and all that, but it sure feels like you're trying to stick it to me in every way that you can right now.”
I was at a loss and felt blindsided, never having seen that outburst coming. I stopped and thought about the last week to see where he could be coming from, but I kept coming up with nothing—I just didn't get it.
I opted to try a different approach.
“Cooper, I have
no
idea what you're talking about,” I said with a yearning to understand him. “Please. Talk to me. I don't like seeing you like this.”
“How can you not see it, Ruby?”
“I don't know, Coop, but I want to. Please, tell me why you're hurting so much.”
His brow furrowed heavily as he looked down at the floor, head hanging slightly as though defeated. I stepped up to him trying to hijack his line of sight, tipping my head slightly to the side and reaching it forward, just beneath his. When his gaze met mine, I smiled tentatively at him. I took his face in my hand gently and lifted his head up to the horizon again.
“Please?” I whispered softly, still holding his face in my hand.
“This isn't' easy,” he said, pulling my hand away. “I didn't think this would happen.”
“What, Cooper? What happened?”
He looked down at me with soft, saddened eyes.
“You. You happened.”
I looked at him dumbfounded. His statement was vague and enigmatic, and I needed some serious clarification before I started to make more of what he'd said than I should.
“Meaning?” I asked, hoping to lead him to tell me more.
“Meaning you're a force of nature, Ruby. Anything in your path gets caught up in your energy and taken for a ride,” he explained weakly. “Sometimes it's not an easy storm to weather.”
“Yep. Still lost over here,” I said with a dash of sarcasm and a healthy helping of truth. “You're going to have to just lay it out there, Cooper. I'm well aware that anywhere I go there are casualties of war. I don't need a reminder of that. I'm up to my eyeballs in it on a regular basis. More than you can know.”
“But that's the thing, Ruby. I want to know...I
need
to know,” he said, pleading with me. “The more you're in danger, the less I sleep. The less you tell me, the more frustrated and obsessed I become. It's different now, ever since Greg—”
He stopped himself with the mere mention of his name. I could see in his eyes that the trauma he'd suffered the night I was nearly eviscerated was still fresh. He looked away quickly, but I grabbed his face and turned it to me. I wanted to see his pain.
I needed to.
I needed to recognize it so it wouldn't go unnoticed again. The pain I felt coming off of him, accompanying his expression was piercing—right through my heart. Right where
he
was feeling it.
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I pressed my cheek to his chest. “I'm fine, Cooper. He's gone. He can't hurt me anymore.”
“No,” he snapped, pushing me away and holding me at arm’s length to look me in the eyes. “
He
can't, but so many others can, Ruby. And the thought of it makes me
crazy
.”
“I'm not helpless, Coop,” I whispered, trying to alleviate his anxiety.
“I know that,” he said, softening his grip. “Scarlet is your saving grace, but she's unpredictable, and you know as well as I do that she's been caught with her pants down before. Your vulnerability and lack of survival instincts could be your undoing, Rubes,
regardless
of Scarlet's presence. Until you two are fully integrated, I will always be afraid for you.”
“You can't always be there to keep me safe, Cooper.”
“I know,” he replied with distaste, “I'm
all
too aware of that.”
“You're starting to sound like Sean,” I said with a whisper of a laugh.
“Ha,” he scoffed, “maybe that would earn me some favor then.”
“Favor?” I queried. “Is that what this is really about? Is your nose out of joint because you think you're playing second fiddle?”
“No, Ruby. I don't think I'm playing second fiddle—I
know
it,” he growled, eyes flashing contempt. “I was just thinking that reminding you of him may help lessen the gap.”
“But
why
is that so important to you?” I asked, fearing where the conversation was headed.
“Because you
love
him, Ruby.”
“And I love you too!” I cried in response, before the reality of what he meant settled in on me. My face gave me away yet again.